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Good, the rewritten version is better than the previous one. However, unfortunately, this POV leak occurs not only in battles but also in previous chapters. In the prologue, for example, the narrator provides exposition related to worldbuilding. This narrative would be more organic if you...

You can always rewrite the early chapters, dude. Treat your fiction as a product that will be continually revised until there are no more gaps to critique. And most authors revise their early chapters periodically as their narrative skills develop.

Isekai is oversaturated. There are hundreds of thousands to millions isekai fictions floating around (check out syosetu and other mainstream publishing sites). In a saturated market, readers tend to get bored (especially experienced readers). They might only read the synopsis and the first...

Try the legendary book, Save the Cat! This book is more about how to craft scenes that will make readers/viewers fall in love with your characters. It started as a practical guide to writing a film script, but now it also has a format for novel. Of course, even legendary book is not immune to...

Well, I've read three of your chapters, dude. I've also read reviews of your work from other reviewers, both positive and negative. My impression is that, overall, you have a good ability to narrate the atmosphere of the story. You can draw me, the reader, into your world through sensory...

The gist of your story is about this: Why are you spinning around in worldbuilding? Giving a synopsis with worldbuilding is the best way to alienate potential readers. Your readers are human beings who want to relax after a tiring day of activities. They don't come to read world history...

Let me see your fiction first... oh, it's only a month old. It's too early to conclude engagement from such a young fiction. Keep up the good work. :blob_melt:

It's irrational if you look at it from the perspective of a magical girl with thousands of years of age without any development. :blob_melt:

As a white magical girl... I should be riding a broomstick, crossing the land at subsonic speed, dancing in the sky with the birds. But I DON'T WANT TO. I'm afraid of heights. My legs tremble when I look down. I'd rather travel by land transportation than cross the land on a broomstick. I'll...

I don't understand how the conclusion about stiff writing can jump to writing assisted by other writer to writing assisted by AI comes from? But I will say... don't take other people's advice too seriously to the point of underestimating yourself. If you're writing just for fun, just write what...

Sorry, dude. I'll pass on this fiction. Besides, she already got the detailed constructive feedback from him @MFontana

Thank you for your review. I appreciate it. As for the sweet mother-daughter scene... well, that's actually been in the previous chapters. The chapter above does focus on the main lore. So, the mother-daughter interaction is reduced (not the main focus of the chapter). Also, regarding...

Well, I've read three of your chapters in one sitting as a casual reader. My opinion here represents my reading experience. So you can consider it or not. Overall, I think you have an ambitious idea by trying to take on five protagonists simultaneously in isekai. When reading the first three...

Wow... I'm honored to have my name used. :blob_melt:

Please try mine, dude. I'd love to hear a causal reader's opinion. This is a nobledark fiction with a motherhood core (the relationship between a mother and her little daughter) set in a post-apocalyptic world of amnesia. The chapter above is the core lore of this fiction. However, if you...

My record for the most chapters I've read in SH is 90 chapters marathon. I read @Zinless his fiction before I became an author for my series. Now, I rarely read other fiction. When I do read other fiction, it's mostly for a feedback request, with a maximum of 5 chapters. But I just read an...

I'm not going to criticize you for using AI or writing with a pencil or anything. But consider the reading experience. Saying 'this is my writing style' is the easiest way to shut yourself off from improvement and alienate a segment of potential readers (well, if you don't want criticism, this...

Dude... sorry, you seem a bit paranoid about starting something. If you demand perfection from the start, you shouldn't learn. Humans learn from mistakes. Don't be afraid to start. Don't worry about your work looking amateurish. Every writer starts with a scratch of black ink. Just write the...