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I just read the synopsis and skimmed through chapter 1. My impression is that the synopsis is excellent. You transformed a (boring) plot summary into the promise of an (engaging) emotional experience for (potential) readers. I immediately felt emotionally connected and knew where the story was...

A good story is a story that makes you forget you are reading a story. :blob_melt:

This thread should be placed in the feedback section. @Zinless You have a new patient who needs to be moved to another room. Sorry for the inconvenience. :blob_melt:

Please try mine, dude. Thanks :blob_melt: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1728661/silver-prince-who-only-knows-being-loved/

I've read it briefly.

I have hundreds of fantasy fiction lists (both wholesome and dark fantasy) on NU. Unfortunately, I'm not currently actively reading any fiction on SH.

Today the world breathes a sigh of relief after weeks of heavy smoke. The next two weeks will determine the course of world peace.

You can use the following synopsis formula (typically used in commercial novels): I've explained this formula too many times. The point is to transform your synopsis from a plot summary into the emotional experience promised in your story. This way, your synopsis will serve as a hook to make...

Subtext: talk less, mean more...

Narrating emotions in a varied way is one of the advanced skills in showing. It's quite complex because the author needs to understand human psychology. If you read about psychological theories, you'll find many schools of thought, such as behaviorism, cognitive psychology, humanism...

The problem isn't your sentence structure, but rather the narrator's voice. The way the information is conveyed is more expository/telling. Saying "Aren was curious" is telling. This pulls your readers out of the scene, making them passive listeners. Remember, in showing, the reader acts as the...

Dude... I'll be honest with you. Your chapter feels like a choppy cinematic film. As a reader, I had no trouble imagining the scenes in the chapter. But the pacing isn't smooth; it's choppy. Because every time you narrate a scene through action, dialogue, and atmosphere... you insert a...

I've read three of your chapters. My general impression is that your chapters tend to be expository (telling) with the narrator delivering worldbuilding, characterization, plot, and conflict rather than letting the scenes speak for themselves (immersion though showing). In the prologue, your...

Dude... I wanted to hold back. But sorry... this time, I can't. I agree with @greyblob his feedback on her fiction. His feedback is quite detailed and constructive. I hope you and the author @Cookiez_N_Potionz of this fiction read it. I appreciate his constructive feedback... because it will...

I'm going to try adapting some mother's song (from various countries) as lullabies for her child in my chapters. One of them is this one... what do you think?

I also use a multiple POV approach. You're not alone.

It needs to evaluate POV based on its characteristics. In a first POV, information should be framed according to the subjective experience of the "I" character. In an objective third POV, information should be framed according to the narrative of a cinematic scene. By understanding the...