Targeted Story Feedback Thread (READ THE NOTE)

[blackcrowcrowd]

Greetings, fellow procrastinator but doesnt want to be called lazy so we end up doing every other things in the forum except continue writing our own story so we can lie to ourself and say i was productive at the end of the day.
Please give a taste of this happy mushroom called Building World Peace

Sincerely, me.

Attached:
Building World Peace with my Bloodthirsty Demon Army
Feedback type: How enjoyable is this?
Expected length: Normal

Link:
Building World Peace with my Bloodthirsty Demon Army

Alright... I'm still considering whether to review the guy above you or just skip to yours. I read your first chapter's first few lines, it was pretty hilarious not gonna lie haha

 

[Eldoria]

A bit of a disclaimer, I don't understand what the second and fourth point is, so I will just write according to what I understand from googling those terms.

REVIEW 2
Name: Blood Rose Princess Vol. 2 (sub-arc - Captain Reynard)
Description: A review on how the author handles sensitive content, alongside three other points (How do I feel after reading/closing the chapter, thematic depth, and characterization of a specific character)

Point 1) Well, after reading your chapter... let's just say it wasn't exactly an amazing experience. While reading the chapter, it doesn't really feel intense, but the information contained within are not fun at all. I could already see red flags appearing all over the place while reading the part where the Reynard dude married Safira and the few scenes after, so I already knew it would suck. And it did. Damn it sucks. Personally, during reading and after reading it, I felt terrible. Not the emo sadness kind, but the heart wrenching pain + the realization that this kind of stuff happens in real life too, which is double the terribleness. So... overall, I felt absolutely depressed reading this (bold for emphasis).

Thanks for your honest feedback, dude. Did you feel depressed after finishing the chapter?!

Sorry, but I'm both happy and sympathetic to you. If you felt sad, then this chapter was a successful emotional immersion.
Again, I appreciate your honesty.

Regards.

 

[blackcrowcrowd]

Thanks for your honest feedback, dude. Did you feel depressed after finishing the chapter?!

Sorry, but I'm both happy and sympathetic to you. If you felt sad, then this chapter was a successful emotional immersion.
Again, I appreciate your honesty.

Regards.

You sound awfully enthusiastic... -_-

 

[Bimbanana]

Alright... I'm still considering whether to review the guy above you or just skip to yours. I read your first chapter's first few lines, it was pretty hilarious not gonna lie haha

Please do enjoy your visit, kind sir.

 

[blackcrowcrowd]

Fellow daoist
Please enlighten me of the flaws and gaps in the my ways of literary Dao
Do test this poison as it is my first attempt at writing such scriptures before I start on my original stories

Ps.its a demon slayer fanfiction with an oc
Id like help and reviews on the pacing, clarity and anything else you feel the need to address


Story : demon slayer the jin-esis
Feedback type: writing style and character impressions
Expected length :normal

Demon slayer the jin-esis

A man wakes up in the body that may get sued for copywrite , only to discover he is 100 years before memes and apparently there are demons running around and a temu Jackson as final boss? Its a demon slayer fanfiction In case it wasnt noticed Disclaimer : I dont own anything...

www.scribblehub.com

REVIEW 4
Name: Demon Slayer the Jin-esis
Description: Review on writing style and character impressions

Writing style? Is there even a writing style? If ChatGPT counts as writing style than that's it. As for character impressions... I only read the first chapter, so there's only that Kanae girl and the other dude. Not much can be taken from current observation, all I can say is that the other dude is quite the sarcastic man

Greetings, fellow procrastinator but doesnt want to be called lazy so we end up doing every other things in the forum except continue writing our own story so we can lie to ourself and say i was productive at the end of the day.
Please give a taste of this happy mushroom called Building World Peace

Sincerely, me.

Attached:
Building World Peace with my Bloodthirsty Demon Army
Feedback type: How enjoyable is this?
Expected length: Normal

Link:
Building World Peace with my Bloodthirsty Demon Army

REVIEW 5
Name: Building World Peace with My Bloodthirsty Demon Army
Description: An overall review on how enjoyable the story is
Reviewed Chapter(s): Chapters 1–4

Yes. Absolutely yes.

For me personally, I liked it very much. I had a lot of laughs reading it, and the other non-comedic aspects are good too. This kind of feels like an after-the-end kind of story, where the MC is already a strong entity that is quite possibly not going to ever lose, but is still enjoyable due to how unique it feels, and that's an absolute praise from me. I am someone who have encountered possibly hundreds of story ideas (I read them, but didn't finish all of them), and this one is actually quite a breath of fresh air.

First of all, his reincanation idea is really unique. Usually people would just use truck-kun normally and be done with it since they're too focused on what comes after reincarnation, but yours, although is only slightly different, is actually funny to read. Second, demons turning into modern day humans is kinda unique ig, I don't think I've ever read any story where the demon race became basically modern earth society.

+ He already has a wife which is POG

 

[Lazytruly]

REVIEW 4
Name: Demon Slayer the Jin-esis
Description: Review on writing style and character impressions

Writing style? Is there even a writing style? If ChatGPT counts as writing style than that's it. As for character impressions... I only read the first chapter, so there's only that Kanae girl and the other dude. Not much can be taken from current observation, all I can say is that the other dude is quite the sarcastic man


REVIEW 5
Name: Building World Peace with My Bloodthirsty Demon Army
Description: An overall review on how enjoyable the story is
Reviewed Chapter(s): Chapters 1–4

Yes. Absolutely yes.

For me personally, I liked it very much. I had a lot of laughs reading it, and the other non-comedic aspects are good too. This kind of feels like an after-the-end kind of story, where the MC is already a strong entity that is quite possibly not going to ever lose, but is still enjoyable due to how unique it feels, and that's an absolute praise from me. I am someone who have encountered possibly hundreds of story ideas (I read them, but didn't finish all of them), and this one is actually quite a breath of fresh air.

First of all, his reincanation idea is really unique. Usually people would just use truck-kun normally and be done with it since they're too focused on what comes after reincarnation, but yours, although is only slightly different, is actually funny to read. Second, demons turning into modern day humans is kinda unique ig, I don't think I've ever read any story where the demon race became basically modern earth society.

+ He already has a wife which is POG

Thanks for the review , as for chatgpt I really dont use it apart from grammar coz im not a fan of ai slop myself but I got 0 experience in writing and cant point out the issues myself either
The idea was to experiment with ffs before I try some of my original ones if at try it

 

[Bimbanana]

REVIEW 4
Name: Demon Slayer the Jin-esis
Description: Review on writing style and character impressions

Writing style? Is there even a writing style? If ChatGPT counts as writing style than that's it. As for character impressions... I only read the first chapter, so there's only that Kanae girl and the other dude. Not much can be taken from current observation, all I can say is that the other dude is quite the sarcastic man


REVIEW 5
Name: Building World Peace with My Bloodthirsty Demon Army
Description: An overall review on how enjoyable the story is
Reviewed Chapter(s): Chapters 1–4

Yes. Absolutely yes.

For me personally, I liked it very much. I had a lot of laughs reading it, and the other non-comedic aspects are good too. This kind of feels like an after-the-end kind of story, where the MC is already a strong entity that is quite possibly not going to ever lose, but is still enjoyable due to how unique it feels, and that's an absolute praise from me. I am someone who have encountered possibly hundreds of story ideas (I read them, but didn't finish all of them), and this one is actually quite a breath of fresh air.

First of all, his reincanation idea is really unique. Usually people would just use truck-kun normally and be done with it since they're too focused on what comes after reincarnation, but yours, although is only slightly different, is actually funny to read. Second, demons turning into modern day humans is kinda unique ig, I don't think I've ever read any story where the demon race became basically modern earth society.

+ He already has a wife which is POG

Thank you so much!!

Its really a good way to start my day by reading this

 

[Eldoria]

Thank you so much!!

Its really a good way to start my day by reading this

Personally, I also enjoyed your narration (the narrator's voice is hilarious). It felt like a stand-up comedian telling jokes in front of me. You have a good comedic foundation.

However, if you narrated the comedy scenes more immersively, readers might be even more entertained. They might not just feel like they're watching a comedian on stage but rather like they're watching a 4K cinematic comedy film in front of them.

But even without the immersive quality of the narration, your narration is quite entertaining. Your narrator is truly the voice of a comedian.

 

[Bimbanana]

However, if you narrated the comedy scenes more immersively, readers might be even more entertained. They might not just feel like they're watching a comedian on stage but rather like they're watching a 4K cinematic comedy film in front of them.

This!

This is something that i really wanted to be. Sigh... although i realize its still a long way for me to reach this.
I'll keep learning to perfecting my craft and hopefully i reach this level of cultivation one day.

 

[blackcrowcrowd]

Thanks for the review , as for chatgpt I really dont use it apart from grammar coz im not a fan of ai slop myself but I got 0 experience in writing and cant point out the issues myself either
The idea was to experiment with ffs before I try some of my original ones if at try it

Oh… I see. IMO you probably shouldnt rely too much on chatgpt though, grammarly or other spellcheckers are better

 

[Lazytruly]

Oh… I see. IMO you probably shouldnt rely too much on chatgpt though, grammarly or other spellcheckers are better

Nah, besides as i said the idea is to improve writing so using ai apart from grammar defeats the purpose for me
But never really written before the only things close to are essays for exams that to mainly science focused thats why it looks closer to chatgpt than human I guess?

 

[blackcrowcrowd]

Nah, besides as i said the idea is to improve writing so using ai apart from grammar defeats the purpose for me
But never really written before the only things close to are essays for exams that to mainly science focused thats why it looks closer to chatgpt than human I guess?

...what?

Hold on, you're implying that you actually wrote those, and not ChatGPT? Also, that's what I was saying, you shouldn't use AI for writing other than grammar, which, doesn't need generative ai anyways

 

[Lazytruly]

...what?

Hold on, you're implying that you actually wrote those, and not ChatGPT? Also, that's what I was saying, you shouldn't use AI for writing other than grammar, which, doesn't need generative ai anyways

Im not kidding, you should feel the difference in the successive chapters as i tried to be less descriptive and write more monologue and dialogues