Targeted Story Feedback Thread (READ THE NOTE)

blackcrowcrowd

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Greetings, fellow procrastinator but doesnt want to be called lazy so we end up doing every other things in the forum except continue writing our own story so we can lie to ourself and say i was productive at the end of the day.
Please give a taste of this happy mushroom called Building World Peace

Sincerely, me.

Attached:
Building World Peace with my Bloodthirsty Demon Army
Feedback type: How enjoyable is this?
Expected length: Normal

Link:
Building World Peace with my Bloodthirsty Demon Army
Alright... I'm still considering whether to review the guy above you or just skip to yours. I read your first chapter's first few lines, it was pretty hilarious not gonna lie haha
 

Eldoria

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A bit of a disclaimer, I don't understand what the second and fourth point is, so I will just write according to what I understand from googling those terms.

REVIEW 2
Name: Blood Rose Princess Vol. 2 (sub-arc - Captain Reynard)
Description: A review on how the author handles sensitive content, alongside three other points (How do I feel after reading/closing the chapter, thematic depth, and characterization of a specific character)

Point 1) Well, after reading your chapter... let's just say it wasn't exactly an amazing experience. While reading the chapter, it doesn't really feel intense, but the information contained within are not fun at all. I could already see red flags appearing all over the place while reading the part where the Reynard dude married Safira and the few scenes after, so I already knew it would suck. And it did. Damn it sucks. Personally, during reading and after reading it, I felt terrible. Not the emo sadness kind, but the heart wrenching pain + the realization that this kind of stuff happens in real life too, which is double the terribleness. So... overall, I felt absolutely depressed reading this (bold for emphasis).
Thanks for your honest feedback, dude. Did you feel depressed after finishing the chapter?! :blob_aww:

Sorry, but I'm both happy and sympathetic to you. If you felt sad, then this chapter was a successful emotional immersion.
Again, I appreciate your honesty. :blob_salute:

Regards.
 

blackcrowcrowd

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Messages
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Thanks for your honest feedback, dude. Did you feel depressed after finishing the chapter?! :blob_aww:

Sorry, but I'm both happy and sympathetic to you. If you felt sad, then this chapter was a successful emotional immersion.
Again, I appreciate your honesty. :blob_salute:

Regards.
You sound awfully enthusiastic... -_-
 

blackcrowcrowd

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Messages
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Fellow daoist
Please enlighten me of the flaws and gaps in the my ways of literary Dao
Do test this poison as it is my first attempt at writing such scriptures before I start on my original stories

Ps.its a demon slayer fanfiction with an oc
Id like help and reviews on the pacing, clarity and anything else you feel the need to address


Story : demon slayer the jin-esis
Feedback type: writing style and character impressions
Expected length :normal

REVIEW 4
Name: Demon Slayer the Jin-esis
Description: Review on writing style and character impressions

Writing style? Is there even a writing style? If ChatGPT counts as writing style than that's it. As for character impressions... I only read the first chapter, so there's only that Kanae girl and the other dude. Not much can be taken from current observation, all I can say is that the other dude is quite the sarcastic man

Greetings, fellow procrastinator but doesnt want to be called lazy so we end up doing every other things in the forum except continue writing our own story so we can lie to ourself and say i was productive at the end of the day.
Please give a taste of this happy mushroom called Building World Peace

Sincerely, me.

Attached:
Building World Peace with my Bloodthirsty Demon Army
Feedback type: How enjoyable is this?
Expected length: Normal

Link:
Building World Peace with my Bloodthirsty Demon Army
REVIEW 5
Name: Building World Peace with My Bloodthirsty Demon Army
Description: An overall review on how enjoyable the story is
Reviewed Chapter(s): Chapters 1–4

Yes. Absolutely yes.

For me personally, I liked it very much. I had a lot of laughs reading it, and the other non-comedic aspects are good too. This kind of feels like an after-the-end kind of story, where the MC is already a strong entity that is quite possibly not going to ever lose, but is still enjoyable due to how unique it feels, and that's an absolute praise from me. I am someone who have encountered possibly hundreds of story ideas (I read them, but didn't finish all of them), and this one is actually quite a breath of fresh air.

First of all, his reincanation idea is really unique. Usually people would just use truck-kun normally and be done with it since they're too focused on what comes after reincarnation, but yours, although is only slightly different, is actually funny to read. Second, demons turning into modern day humans is kinda unique ig, I don't think I've ever read any story where the demon race became basically modern earth society.

+ He already has a wife which is POG
 

Lazytruly

New member
Joined
Mar 13, 2026
Messages
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3
REVIEW 4
Name: Demon Slayer the Jin-esis
Description: Review on writing style and character impressions

Writing style? Is there even a writing style? If ChatGPT counts as writing style than that's it. As for character impressions... I only read the first chapter, so there's only that Kanae girl and the other dude. Not much can be taken from current observation, all I can say is that the other dude is quite the sarcastic man


REVIEW 5
Name: Building World Peace with My Bloodthirsty Demon Army
Description: An overall review on how enjoyable the story is
Reviewed Chapter(s): Chapters 1–4

Yes. Absolutely yes.

For me personally, I liked it very much. I had a lot of laughs reading it, and the other non-comedic aspects are good too. This kind of feels like an after-the-end kind of story, where the MC is already a strong entity that is quite possibly not going to ever lose, but is still enjoyable due to how unique it feels, and that's an absolute praise from me. I am someone who have encountered possibly hundreds of story ideas (I read them, but didn't finish all of them), and this one is actually quite a breath of fresh air.

First of all, his reincanation idea is really unique. Usually people would just use truck-kun normally and be done with it since they're too focused on what comes after reincarnation, but yours, although is only slightly different, is actually funny to read. Second, demons turning into modern day humans is kinda unique ig, I don't think I've ever read any story where the demon race became basically modern earth society.

+ He already has a wife which is POG
Thanks for the review , as for chatgpt I really dont use it apart from grammar coz im not a fan of ai slop myself but I got 0 experience in writing and cant point out the issues myself either
The idea was to experiment with ffs before I try some of my original ones if at try it
 

Bimbanana

Dismembered member
Joined
Oct 8, 2025
Messages
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Points
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REVIEW 4
Name: Demon Slayer the Jin-esis
Description: Review on writing style and character impressions

Writing style? Is there even a writing style? If ChatGPT counts as writing style than that's it. As for character impressions... I only read the first chapter, so there's only that Kanae girl and the other dude. Not much can be taken from current observation, all I can say is that the other dude is quite the sarcastic man


REVIEW 5
Name: Building World Peace with My Bloodthirsty Demon Army
Description: An overall review on how enjoyable the story is
Reviewed Chapter(s): Chapters 1–4

Yes. Absolutely yes.

For me personally, I liked it very much. I had a lot of laughs reading it, and the other non-comedic aspects are good too. This kind of feels like an after-the-end kind of story, where the MC is already a strong entity that is quite possibly not going to ever lose, but is still enjoyable due to how unique it feels, and that's an absolute praise from me. I am someone who have encountered possibly hundreds of story ideas (I read them, but didn't finish all of them), and this one is actually quite a breath of fresh air.

First of all, his reincanation idea is really unique. Usually people would just use truck-kun normally and be done with it since they're too focused on what comes after reincarnation, but yours, although is only slightly different, is actually funny to read. Second, demons turning into modern day humans is kinda unique ig, I don't think I've ever read any story where the demon race became basically modern earth society.

+ He already has a wife which is POG
Thank you so much!!

Its really a good way to start my day by reading this
 

Eldoria

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Messages
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Thank you so much!!

Its really a good way to start my day by reading this
Personally, I also enjoyed your narration (the narrator's voice is hilarious). It felt like a stand-up comedian telling jokes in front of me. You have a good comedic foundation.

However, if you narrated the comedy scenes more immersively, readers might be even more entertained. They might not just feel like they're watching a comedian on stage but rather like they're watching a 4K cinematic comedy film in front of them.

But even without the immersive quality of the narration, your narration is quite entertaining. Your narrator is truly the voice of a comedian.
 

Bimbanana

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However, if you narrated the comedy scenes more immersively, readers might be even more entertained. They might not just feel like they're watching a comedian on stage but rather like they're watching a 4K cinematic comedy film in front of them.
This!

This is something that i really wanted to be. Sigh... although i realize its still a long way for me to reach this.
I'll keep learning to perfecting my craft and hopefully i reach this level of cultivation one day.
 

blackcrowcrowd

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Messages
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Thanks for the review , as for chatgpt I really dont use it apart from grammar coz im not a fan of ai slop myself but I got 0 experience in writing and cant point out the issues myself either
The idea was to experiment with ffs before I try some of my original ones if at try it
Oh… I see. IMO you probably shouldnt rely too much on chatgpt though, grammarly or other spellcheckers are better
 

Lazytruly

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Mar 13, 2026
Messages
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Oh… I see. IMO you probably shouldnt rely too much on chatgpt though, grammarly or other spellcheckers are better
Nah, besides as i said the idea is to improve writing so using ai apart from grammar defeats the purpose for me
But never really written before the only things close to are essays for exams that to mainly science focused thats why it looks closer to chatgpt than human I guess?
 

blackcrowcrowd

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Messages
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Nah, besides as i said the idea is to improve writing so using ai apart from grammar defeats the purpose for me
But never really written before the only things close to are essays for exams that to mainly science focused thats why it looks closer to chatgpt than human I guess?
...what?

Hold on, you're implying that you actually wrote those, and not ChatGPT? Also, that's what I was saying, you shouldn't use AI for writing other than grammar, which, doesn't need generative ai anyways
 

Lazytruly

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...what?

Hold on, you're implying that you actually wrote those, and not ChatGPT? Also, that's what I was saying, you shouldn't use AI for writing other than grammar, which, doesn't need generative ai anyways
Im not kidding, you should feel the difference in the successive chapters as i tried to be less descriptive and write more monologue and dialogues
 

Nevafrost

A stupid and foolish daughter
Joined
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Take my cordial greetings, dude. This amateur author hasn’t published her work yet (actually I'm rewriting) and wants to know if her writing is enjoyable. Jk.
What I want to know is: Is my narrative good enough? Are all the characters overwhelming? Thanks in advance!

Fire. Screams.

"You shall perish in the deepest of hells!"

"These rat-bloods!"

"Disgrace to the magical society!"

Black mist. Everything went blank for some time.


"What"s happening?"

Iris woke up with a start, sweating. The skin around where her pendant was touching burned. Another weird dream, she thought to herself. But soon she shook it off and went to wash up. It was a long day ahead.

Iris went to the dining hall in her regular corset to find everyone except for Harlin, who was obviously busy doing her makeup.

Iris sat down beside Elina and nudged her with her elbow.

"I will ask Mother and Father now, okay?" Eli nodded. Aylin looked at Iris from the other side of the dining table in a meaningful way and nodded.

"Mother, Father, are you aware that we are going on an expedition tomorrow?"Iris said. Queen Eleeza slightly frowned her eyebrows.

"I think not. Where are you going?"

"We are visiting Raczil to look at what the war has left behind."

"I see you are interested in war, my dear," King Franks said, his reddish eyes sparkling.

"I'm so proud of you." Iris nodded and smiled. Harlin had entered the dining hall by then. She looked frantically at the others and bowed deeply, "I apologize for delaying my arrival."

Elina mocked her, "No need to be so polite, Late Queen. We know your makeup takes more time than your breakfast."

"That"s normal though." They kept bickering.

After breakfast,

All four of them were walking down the hall towards their classroom.

"Don"t you think they will find out?"asked Harlin, slightly frowning.

"Well, we gotta risk it, girl. We just have to act well enough for them not to find out," said Elina, slowing down to match her pace.

"It"s not just acting though. If Mr. Rupert tells Mrs. Eleejah, we are doomed. We have to make sure our plan works out," Aylin said, looking kind of worried.

"Iris?"Aylin said as she pulled Iris by her arm, "Is there anything on your mind?"

"Yes, you have been really silent," Elina mocked her.

"Actually, yes. I had this weird dream this morning and I can"t just forget what happened."

"Haven’t you been having way too many nightmares lately?" Aylin looked worried.

"Did I tell you it was a nightmare?"

"I can tell," she smiled warmly, "now, tell us what you dreamt about."

"It felt as if I had seen that dream before. Or, more like, I was there myself. It felt very tangible."

"Was it the same thing you saw last time?"

"Nope. Last time, I couldn’t exactly remember what I saw; it was vague. But it was really clear this time. I saw that some people were being burnt in the city plaza. The crowd was chanting insults at them. And everything was covered in black mist. I felt as if I were present in that dream."

"That"s spooky. Maybe you should consult the psychologist," Harlin suggested.

"Hey, I'm not going insane. I don’t need a psychologist."

They arrived at their classroom. They walked into the classroom. Wind blew in through the floor to ceiling windows and the chirping of birds filled the air with a nice vibe.

There were not many students as usual. Well, it was normal because, of course, the princesses of four of the most powerful kingdoms wouldn’t sit in the same classroom as others. They attend special magic classes meant only for them. They learn how to hone their basic magic skills; for example, they learn to talk to birds, how to fly, and how to teleport. But all of them have a long way to go before they can become experts like their parents.

"Hey, Irees. Have you read that book yet?"asked Alison walking up to them.

"Yes, I have. It was so good. I loved the details about the war. It"s interesting."

"I knew you would love it," Alison warmly smiled at her.

Eleena rolled her eyes, "There he goes again with his sweet tongue." Harleen smirked, "Or are you jealous that he doesn’t use that sweet tongue while speaking to you?" Elina cursed at her, "I would rather have a dog lick me in the face than be jealous of him. Ew,"she crinkled her nose, "I guess you should work a little harder on your makeup though."

Harlin grinned as she sat at her desk, "Even though I wouldn’t mind if he admires me, personally my standard is way too high." Elina rolled her eyes. Irees continued her chatter with Alison as Ayleen sat between Elina and Harlin.

"Will you two stop your dogfighting?"Aylin said, brushing a strand of hair from her face.

"Oh, mother! Please forgive us for such brusqueness. We shall never disappoint you again." Elina said, mockingly pleading to Aylin. Aylin pursed her lips.

"I'm not your mother."

"But you sure don"t let me feel the absence of my mother." Harlin burst out laughing. But just then Mr. Rupert entered the classroom.

"Okay, everyone, sit down. Mr. Alison, why are you standing at Ms. Iris"s desk?"

Alison hurried away.

"So, today we are going to learn about the history of the fall of the wizard kingdom."

...

.
 
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