Something that is written very elegantly.

[Eldoria]

He got back up. After cleaning his sword, he checked the room again. It was empty. The dungeon was not that dangerous.

This narrative structure is poor, not because of the use of passive voice, but because of the use of exposition to explain the situation. Saying, *it (the room) was empty; the dungeon wasn't dangerous* is telling. It's the narrator's voice to summarize the scene.

It's fine if the author writes it at the end of the scene as a summary. But if the narration is written while the scene is happening, it becomes noise.

It breaks the reader's immersion by creating a cold distance where the reader is removed from the scene (who is supposed to experience the scene—interpreting the narrative) and becomes a passive observer outside the scene (who receives the final information from the narrator).

 

[Lysander_Works]

For example:

Actually, yours doesn't seem all that bad. I peeked at it, enough to add to reading list and try it soon.

Death Inverted 1-1 - Nowhere Stars

phase 1: what grows in the seedbed of sorrow ~~~ Nothing that makes us human is physical. Everyone knows that, but it’s very little comfort to my soul (...)

www.royalroad.com

This looks like a really good example; again, just skimming to see it, but I'm adding it. Thanks.

I had books that qualified, but no one read them, so I took them down. Now I'm reposting at AO3.

Share the links with me if you don't mind, once they are re-posted.

Amaranthine

Cait just got hit by a truck. The truck didn't make it. Yesterday, she was just a (more or less) regular girl who had never had a problem that wasn't her own fault. Now she might be the toughest thing on the planet, but in a world that seems like...

www.scribblehub.com

I'm the greatest author who ever lived, proof is above.

Cocky, but worth a look... and don't take that phrase out of context.

I can recommend you some published novels if thats somrthing youre interested in

You mean the ones on paid platforms? It's not that stuff on KDP is off limits for me, but I am broke af, and that means, when I do get to those listings, it will be when I'm truly out of content to absorb.

This narrative structure is poor, not because of the use of passive voice, but because of the use of exposition to explain the situation. Saying, *it (the room) was empty; the dungeon wasn't dangerous* is telling. It's the narrator's voice to summarize the scene.

It's fine if the author writes it at the end of the scene as a summary. But if the narration is written while the scene is happening, it becomes noise.

It breaks the reader's immersion by creating a cold distance where the reader is removed from the scene (who is supposed to experience the scene—interpreting the narrative) and becomes a passive observer outside the scene (who receives the final information from the narrator).

TLDR; weak writing is still weak writing. Miscategorized or not, call it what you will, the immersion break like this is something I see a little too often. Lots of people actually have decent plots and just need to brush up the structure.

 

[greyblob]

You mean the ones on paid platforms? It's not that stuff on KDP is off limits for me, but I am broke af, and that means, when I do get to those listings, it will be when I'm truly out of content to absorb.

no i mean paperback novels

 

[greyblob]

you dont need to read shakespeare for this. just regular novels that are also entertaining.

 

[SG32]

I'll throw my hat into the ring. Or, well... novel? Story? Whatever you want to call it. I'm not saying it'll be hard to understand, but I like to think I trust my readers to pay attention and pick up on things and that I have a decent vocabulary / control over my writing.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2258405/an-empire-of-dragons-the-sleeping-flame/

 

[aspa201]

I'm in need of something to read at night. Keep finding things that have very passive diction (which is a strong turn off for me).
I don't care much about the genre, long as it is written well, like, I want to struggle understanding the vocabulary.

Examples of what I'm NOT looking for:

I'm not sure It'll be as elegant as you want but you can try mine, the main character is a scientist so there is also some scientific vocabulary, here is the link :https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2303196/the-sweet-venom/

 

[worldismyne]

The Deathless | Scribble Hub

Isekai/Fantasy

Ex: "She had missed her first shot. The thought of leaving without her prey brought hot shame to her face, but she was managing to keep it at bay, for now. Following a hurt game into the White Death and coming back out with its carcass was necessary for any Nagra that wished to step into adulthood still a hunter. It was Kaye’s first attempt, and she had gone out of her way to choose a date where she would be alone so there could be no suspicion of help."

-----

Of course I'd be foolish not to recommend my own work. (link in the signature)

Fantasy/Coming of Age

Ex: "Ever since the first witch cursed the primordial gods with mortality, the world as humans knew it began. To go from unknown infinite power to being a thing with a name was quite traumatic. The first Inevitable, Yvaine, had been particularly revolted to go from being the concept of the end of all things to experiencing death for herself slowly over the course of hundreds of years. Morai had more or less become accustomed to the idea. Though, when she gazed up at the night sky with its dwindling stars, it was as if she found her own bloated corpse bobbing to the surface every night. It was a part of her, and yet, she felt no connection to it."