Fairy Feedback v2

[Niro972]

Hey there. If you don't mind reviewing single chapters, then this one's a dark fantasy.

House of Fun

Join the adventure as three high school teammates rally to rescue a young girl from an underground dungeon. Together, they face off against an evil that has crept beneath the local amusement park, where things are about to take an eerie turn. To their aid come colorful characters and mystical...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[SuperMushroom]

Can You Conquer The World With Martial Arts?

In a world not unlike our own, the rapid progress of martial arts had empowered a small group of rebels with supernatural abilities and fostered an unprecedented uprising. The long lived Emperor Taizong's vast army had...

www.scribblehub.com

Please take a look when you have the chance!!! The first chapter is really long so read as much or as little of it as you like!

 

[Rhaps]

Hey there. If you don't mind reviewing single chapters, then this one's a dark fantasy.

House of Fun

Join the adventure as three high school teammates rally to rescue a young girl from an underground dungeon. Together, they face off against an evil that has crept beneath the local amusement park, where things are about to take an eerie turn. To their aid come colorful characters and mystical...

www.scribblehub.com

Cover&Title: I love the cover, it reminds me so much of GTA artstyle, and the light composition is amazing, probably the best one out of the ones I've review, especially with the environmental that just scream horror story. The title also focuses in the horror vibe, which I really like for something so simple and direct, telling pretty much the whole premise of the story. (5/5)

Synopsis: the description is easy to understand, giving a clear plotline to follow. But I don't like how you reveal the twist of the dungeon right from the get go, I think you should replace the part of "D&D" with something else, like "something far more complex than creepy clowns", people are familiar with dnd so they know what to expect next, so I think it is best to conceal and hook the reader, keep them guessing until the reveal. (4.6/5)

Chapter: I like how you establish from the get go who is the brain, the muscle, the skeptic, and the technician for this team. With the knowledge that this is a horror story going in, there is an air of anticipation of when shit hit the fan, and chapter 2 shows that shit is about to hit the fan, great storytelling from what I can see, and I feel like I don't need to worry much about pacing. Another thing I enjoy is the banter between the characters, it really feels like a group of friends, with Sarah leading and other trying to catch up to her, establishing the hierachry real fast with character expressions.

Conclusion: you can cook and I think you are off to a great track.

 

[Niro972]

Cover&Title: I love the cover, it reminds me so much of GTA artstyle, and the light composition is amazing, probably the best one out of the ones I've review, especially with the environmental that just scream horror story. The title also focuses in the horror vibe, which I really like for something so simple and direct, telling pretty much the whole premise of the story. (5/5)

Synopsis: the description is easy to understand, giving a clear plotline to follow. But I don't like how you reveal the twist of the dungeon right from the get go, I think you should replace the part of "D&D" with something else, like "something far more complex than creepy clowns", people are familiar with dnd so they know what to expect next, so I think it is best to conceal and hook the reader, keep them guessing until the reveal. (4.6/5)

Chapter: I like how you establish from the get go who is the brain, the muscle, the skeptic, and the technician for this team. With the knowledge that this is a horror story going in, there is an air of anticipation of when shit hit the fan, and chapter 2 shows that shit is about to hit the fan, great storytelling from what I can see, and I feel like I don't need to worry much about pacing. Another thing I enjoy is the banter between the characters, it really feels like a group of friends, with Sarah leading and other trying to catch up to her, establishing the hierachry real fast with character expressions.

Conclusion: you can cook and I think you are off to a great track.

Thanks for your genuine feedback. I found it pleasantly constructive and made some notes about the synopsis. If there's anything else you think could improve the story, please feel free to share it :-)

Also, If you have the time to spare, I'd appreciate your honest opinion on these as well:

Stones of the Cipher

Since dawn of time, mankind tirelessly sought to harness the colossal power of nature for its benefit. Only after millennials of toil did humanity finally unlock the enigmatic nature of light, embedding it within minerals and crystals. These became instruments for channeling an energy of immense...

www.scribblehub.com

Year of the Harvest

Our hero Chris finds himself trapped in a strange world with no memory of what happened before. He meets a variety of people in his quest to find answers, of which one is the most crucial: How will he ever go back?

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Rhaps]

Can You Conquer The World With Martial Arts?

In a world not unlike our own, the rapid progress of martial arts had empowered a small group of rebels with supernatural abilities and fostered an unprecedented uprising. The long lived Emperor Taizong's vast army had...

www.scribblehub.com

Please take a look when you have the chance!!! The first chapter is really long so read as much or as little of it as you like!

First of, I unfortunately wasn't able to read up to 5 chapters. Secondly, FINALLY someone tackle proper Wuxia!

Cover&Title: the cover despite being very simple it captures the vibe of old chinese books with the composition of the title. As for the title, ngl I'm not a big fan of it, I have a bias against titles pose as a question even if its good, like it is challenging me in some weird way, and I begrudingly admit that it is good, like this is going into a martial art instruction, and the way it pose as a question seem so casual in a "who the fuck start a conversation like that?!" type of way. (5/5)

Synopsis: the vibe of the synopsis feel like the opening to the Three Kingdoms, giving a run down on the history and what lead up to this point, it feels very cinematic. It notes what point of interest the reader should keep an eye on, like the emperor, the warlords, and the martial society structure. I find this to be very complete, like a retelling of an epic in legends that capture my heart as a history lover (5/5)

Chapter: I've only read the first chapter but I feel like its enough to review your writing. Perfect execution is all I can say. The introduction of the MC is good, first impression is always the most important impression, I can tell that she is pretty crazy with her interactions, her non-chalant nature reminds me of Acrueid from Tsukihime with her initial personality, like she just accepts things at face value. The pacing is perfect, with some minor issues like some parts got drag on for a little bit. What get me the most is the portrayal of the MC, like a distant etheral being, but also show that's she's a bit of a musclehead, rush in and out. And who doesn't love a morally questionable MC. But my favorite character is Cui Shen, from his introduction as the Desolator of Life, a berserker nothing to lose type of guy is one of my favorite tropes, and the transition from an enemy to an ally is pretty in line with Wuxia, when he's not an enemy I find that he's pretty chill. (5/5)

Conclusion: you can cook and is a masterchef, keeping going at it!

 

[SuperMushroom]

First of, I unfortunately wasn't able to read up to 5 chapters. Secondly, FINALLY someone tackle proper Wuxia!

Cover&Title: the cover despite being very simple it captures the vibe of old chinese books with the composition of the title. As for the title, ngl I'm not a big fan of it, I have a bias against titles pose as a question even if its good, like it is challenging me in some weird way, and I begrudingly admit that it is good, like this is going into a martial art instruction, and the way it pose as a question seem so casual in a "who the fuck start a conversation like that?!" type of way. (5/5)

Synopsis: the vibe of the synopsis feel like the opening to the Three Kingdoms, giving a run down on the history and what lead up to this point, it feels very cinematic. It notes what point of interest the reader should keep an eye on, like the emperor, the warlords, and the martial society structure. I find this to be very complete, like a retelling of an epic in legends that capture my heart as a history lover (5/5)

Chapter: I've only read the first chapter but I feel like its enough to review your writing. Perfect execution is all I can say. The introduction of the MC is good, first impression is always the most important impression, I can tell that she is pretty crazy with her interactions, her non-chalant nature reminds me of Acrueid from Tsukihime with her initial personality, like she just accepts things at face value. The pacing is perfect, with some minor issues like some parts got drag on for a little bit. What get me the most is the portrayal of the MC, like a distant etheral being, but also show that's she's a bit of a musclehead, rush in and out. And who doesn't love a morally questionable MC. But my favorite character is Cui Shen, from his introduction as the Desolator of Life, a berserker nothing to lose type of guy is one of my favorite tropes, and the transition from an enemy to an ally is pretty in line with Wuxia, when he's not an enemy I find that he's pretty chill. (5/5)

Conclusion: you can cook and is a masterchef, keeping going at it!

Thank you!!!

 

[Verdant]

This thread has literally been here since I made this outline and a few chapters lol.

Venturous Vermilion (Cancelled)

Highly intelligent animals who work and wear clothes live in a futuristic cold country named Wintant. Ever since a plasma beam struck Earth in 1924, animals have been able to internally harness plasma that acts like magic and incorporate it into their society and against threats like malicious...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Rhaps]

Thanks for your genuine feedback. I found it pleasantly constructive and made some notes about the synopsis. If there's anything else you think could improve the story, please feel free to share it :-)

Also, If you have the time to spare, I'd appreciate your honest opinion on these as well:

Stones of the Cipher

Since dawn of time, mankind tirelessly sought to harness the colossal power of nature for its benefit. Only after millennials of toil did humanity finally unlock the enigmatic nature of light, embedding it within minerals and crystals. These became instruments for channeling an energy of immense...

www.scribblehub.com

Year of the Harvest

Our hero Chris finds himself trapped in a strange world with no memory of what happened before. He meets a variety of people in his quest to find answers, of which one is the most crucial: How will he ever go back?

www.scribblehub.com

Stones of the Cipher
Cover&Title: the cover is nice, it focuses on the importance of the stone and overall a sense of mystery. The title is simple and straight to the point, conveying that the story will revolves around the stones and how they effect the world, not too direct and focus the spotlight on the stones like the cover. (5/5)

Synopsis: I feel like this synopsis is pretty unnecessary, you could've done something better. It tells of a forgotten history before the story's beginning, and you just reveal it. From this synopsis, the story is clearly about a long time after the apocalypse, to the point nobody remember it, this could've been use as an interesting revelation in the future, giving this away in the synopsis seem counterintuative to the story. Big revelations like you are living in the post-apocalypse should be in the story, not in the synopsis of the story. Another thing is that you didn't do is introduce the MC, or give anything to allude to the MC. The MC is the focal point of any story, its the person readers live through in the story, experiencing the story through, and the MC is what make a reader latched onto the story. (1/5)

Chapter: It is really terrible, the story feel like a nothing burger since there is no protagonist, just dropped into the middle the story with little to no context on how things work. None of the character feel like the MC, and like I said above, the MC is important percisely because they are the person readers experience a story, without them nothing seem interesting. Not introducing the MC from the get-go is always a bad decision. And secondly, the format is awful, lines stick together making the entire chapter a fucking massive wall of text. Having separations give the story space to breathe, which is important as it make the story longer and give the reader a chance to process information. And its a fucking dyslexia simulator, I didn't get any enjoyment out of this.

Conclusion: this is god-awful, never have I seen someone fumble the bag this hard

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For Year of the Harvest, I don't need to give this one a review because there is nothing to say about it except its bare to the bone, to the point the thousands of generic isekai novels is way more interesting than this, how tf did you even do it?