Fairy Feedback v2

Rhaps

Evil to the very Core
Joined
May 5, 2022
Messages
1,553
Points
153
Hello hello, one and all. Since feedback season is back I might as well join the wagon.

The standards are slightly raised so this time its 5/5 instead of the previous 4/4. The same as last time, I'll read 5 chapters and give my thoughts, but for any story below 5 chapters I won't give out an overall score (except for certain situations and oneshots)

The category is the same as last time:

Cover&Title: how informative it is.

Synopsis: how much information it gives out.

Chapter: I'll read the first five chapters or however many you cook for the first meal.
 

HellsPerfectSpawn

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 29, 2024
Messages
118
Points
83
Me also. Don't restrain yourself. Much obliged by the way.
 

xuduxixi

a sloth that wants to be great
Joined
May 28, 2024
Messages
133
Points
63
Hello hello, one and all. Since feedback season is back I might as well join the wagon.

The standards are slightly raised so this time its 5/5 instead of the previous 4/4. The same as last time, I'll read 5 chapters and give my thoughts, but for any story below 5 chapters I won't give out an overall score (except for certain situations and oneshots)

The category is the same as last time:

Cover&Title: how informative it is.

Synopsis: how much information it gives out.

Chapter: I'll read the first five chapters or however many you cook for the first meal.




Thanks!
 

LoneQuack

Active member
Joined
Jun 16, 2024
Messages
120
Points
43

I bet you won't be finding the Title and the Synopsis informative at all, since its close to the end of the first volume (which is not out yet) that you get the idea of what they mean for the story itself. Regardless, I still want your opinion on them, so I have to thank you in advance. (I feel like I should add this but the first volume won't be big, it's not like I keep you in mystery regarding what the actual story is about. That would be counterintuitive.)
 

AdOtherwise

Owl Who Reads · Hoot Hoot
Joined
Apr 8, 2023
Messages
120
Points
83
Hello hello, one and all. Since feedback season is back I might as well join the wagon.

The standards are slightly raised so this time its 5/5 instead of the previous 4/4. The same as last time, I'll read 5 chapters and give my thoughts, but for any story below 5 chapters I won't give out an overall score (except for certain situations and oneshots)

The category is the same as last time:

Cover&Title: how informative it is.

Synopsis: how much information it gives out.

Chapter: I'll read the first five chapters or however many you cook for the first meal.
 

Rhaps

Evil to the very Core
Joined
May 5, 2022
Messages
1,553
Points
153
I reviewed yours already, your story is great and you can cook.
Cover&Title: the cover itself is good looking, but I don't feel any connection to the story (maybe because I only read 5 chapters), and the title introduces the outline of the MC and what would happen (4/5)

Synopsis: it outline the first 3 chapters, and gives off a sense of a storm coming. For drama enjoyers it is a great hook but it was not a drama at all, instead it was the storm before the calm, flipping expectation. I haven't had such good whiplash in a while (5/5)

Chapters: the pacing doesn't feel tedious at all, which is one of your strong point. Like the synopsis, you gives a plot twist to what seem like a total disaster into something somewhat wholesome. You captured the nature of a child really well with the MC, and the characters around her feel alive, all have their backstory and I can feel how and why they act like that.

Conclusion: you can cook and you are way too underrated

P.S, can I recommend your stories?
 
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Kureous

What's Yagami backwards?
Joined
Apr 24, 2023
Messages
209
Points
133
It seems I'm early again! (sort of). My story can be found in my signature. :blob_cookie:
 

Rhaps

Evil to the very Core
Joined
May 5, 2022
Messages
1,553
Points
153
Me also. Don't restrain yourself. Much obliged by the way.
Cover&Title: the title spoke of who the story is about, giving it a religious context. The cover also do the same as the tutle, the posing reminds me of \[T]/ though the MC look not quite femboy, but not quite feminine either, kinda a weird mix between both (4/5)

Synopsis: it is short but tells the reader enough context for what the main plotline is about, though in my opinion you could do without the note saying its a generic fantasy story since I disagreed with this notion after reading, there is something unique about this one, not really generic. (3/5)

Chapter: the pacing is fast, a little bit too fast for my liking, and some parts of the story seem to just fly pass without giving more context and description than other parts, which confused me for some bit of the story. For good things, you has a good grasp on medieval society structure and good with dialogues, both internal and conversations. (3/5)

Conclusion: you can cook but you need to polish your writing more, and remember to proofread to see if what you wrote made sense.
 

PBJ_Time

It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
Joined
Jun 7, 2023
Messages
261
Points
103
I haven't finished chapter 5 yet, but I hope I will once you get to my Google Docs draft. It's somewhat of a unique take on litRPGs due to being inspired by the roguelike genre like Vampire Survivors.
P.S. The latest chapter is bound to be incomplete because I don't have a tight writing schedule.
 
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LesserCodex

A milf enjoyer who lives in your walls.
Joined
Sep 8, 2022
Messages
217
Points
103
I'll happily take your review if you have the time.
 

Verdant

Active member
Joined
Jun 6, 2024
Messages
90
Points
33
I like to think my writing style has sort of improved since chapter 1. It has robots and stuff. Also in (probably) a few days, I’ll draw the cover art again, hopefully being decent.
Actually, got some good feedback several days ago regarding my inconsist tenses, so I’ll try to fix this now. (First five chapters are edited, again)
 
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Rookieqw

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 15, 2021
Messages
236
Points
103
I reviewed yours already, your story is great and you can cook.

Cover&Title: the cover itself is good looking, but I don't feel any connection to the story (maybe because I only read 5 chapters), and the title introduces the outline of the MC and what would happen (4/5)

Synopsis: it outline the first 3 chapters, and gives off a sense of a storm coming. For drama enjoyers it is a great hook but it was not a drama at all, instead it was the storm before the calm, flipping expectation. I haven't had such good whiplash in a while (5/5)

Chapters: the pacing doesn't feel tedious at all, which is one of your strong point. Like the synopsis, you gives a plot twist to what seem like a total disaster into something somewhat wholesome. You captured the nature of a child really well with the MC, and the characters around her feel alive, all have their backstory and I can feel how and why they act like that.

Conclusion: you can cook and you are way too underrated

P.S, can I recommend your stories?
Thank you for your feedback!

Yes, of course you can.
 

Rhaps

Evil to the very Core
Joined
May 5, 2022
Messages
1,553
Points
153




Thanks!
Cover&Title: cover made by Hans is always a welcome, although I'm not sure why its a cat man when the story is about a cat, which make readers curious about what will happen next. The title itself is simple and coveys what the general plotline is about. (5/5)

Synopsis: similar to the title, the description is simple and covey enough information, a reincarnation story. However, I think you can introduce a bit about the world the MC was reincarnated in, giving the readers another hook for the story (5/5)

Chapter: the plot has a nice pacing, although the second chapter went to another 1st POV which confused me for a bit, you should keep the MC's POV as the only first POV to make it easy to understand. Against about your pacing, it has a nice build up and set out the course for when the two characters meet, but you should build up more on the cat before the fateful meeting imo. (5/5)

Conclusion: you can cook, even if there are some rough edges, you have the potential for a good story.

I bet you won't be finding the Title and the Synopsis informative at all, since its close to the end of the first volume (which is not out yet) that you get the idea of what they mean for the story itself. Regardless, I still want your opinion on them, so I have to thank you in advance. (I feel like I should add this but the first volume won't be big, it's not like I keep you in mystery regarding what the actual story is about. That would be counterintuitive.)
Cover&Title: the cover show who the MC would be, though I can't quite tell who the MC with just 5 chapters since all the introduced characters have potential to be the MC. Like you said, the title isn't informative at all, most people would think "huh, cool title" and move on, a bit generic imo. (3/5)

Synopsis: the description is usually the main hook for readers, which inform readers of what the story is about. Yours is more like a rambling or poem about Fate more than telling about the actual story, plus, it is too long and most people don't want to read a poem that tell them nothing much. (2/5)

Chapter: I think the prologue could use some work, you wanted to introduce the world as a conversation between two characters but you ran into the problem of info dumping giving out too much information in one go, most readers won't remember it. Instead, spread the information out as the story progress, or give a little bit about the world as a note before each chapter, having children as the ones who ask is a great way to do it, but not in one go. Now, the pacing is good but I think you need to show more in some aspect of the story, like show more on how Apollyon is liked by everyone, having people greet him and expresses their fondness. (4/5)

Conclusion: you can cook but you need more revisions to express more character, and spread your information out in digestible bites instead of shoving down the reader's throat.
 
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Rhaps

Evil to the very Core
Joined
May 5, 2022
Messages
1,553
Points
153
:blob_sir: Another feedback thread, gosh darn it! There are so many people to tear me up anew! Unsure if you are already full but well, I submit~

The Shadows Within

Or

The Gate of Shadows
I intended review both, but from reading both synopsis alone, and the tags, you are an angst writer, and I can only handle so much angst in a day despite loving angst stories. So I'll only review The Shadows Within.

Cover&Title: beautiful demon man make me feel like an otome isekai novel cover, the korean ones, and I just love them, really brings back memories. The title spokes of inner darkness and angst, making the reader intrigued about what trauma and drama the MC is going through. (5/5)

Synopsis: it is short and concise, but it gives enough information about the main plotline, and you have no idea about the angst energy it gives a veteran otome enjoyer despite being so short. It really pull me in. (5/5)

Chapter: double suicide is a start and a half, jumping right into the action is a good way to hook readers, it'll grab everyone. And the pace is slow enough to savor the angst, you are good at conveying the MC's emotions through her speech and the flashbacks to her past is a nice touch, showing why she act this way. (5/5)

Conclusion: you can cook and keep the angst train going. I look forward to your writings.
 

KoyukiMegumi

Kitty
Joined
Jun 11, 2021
Messages
1,201
Points
153
I intended review both, but from reading both synopsis alone, and the tags, you are an angst writer, and I can only handle so much angst in a day despite loving angst stories. So I'll only review The Shadows Within.

Cover&Title: beautiful demon man make me feel like an otome isekai novel cover, the korean ones, and I just love them, really brings back memories. The title spokes of inner darkness and angst, making the reader intrigued about what trauma and drama the MC is going through. (5/5)

Synopsis: it is short and concise, but it gives enough information about the main plotline, and you have no idea about the angst energy it gives a veteran otome enjoyer despite being so short. It really pull me in. (5/5)

Chapter: double suicide is a start and a half, jumping right into the action is a good way to hook readers, it'll grab everyone. And the pace is slow enough to savor the angst, you are good at conveying the MC's emotions through her speech and the flashbacks to her past is a nice touch, showing why she act this way. (5/5)

Conclusion: you can cook and keep the angst train going. I look forward to your writings.
Thank you so much! :blob_melt:
 

RayVer

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 17, 2021
Messages
22
Points
53
Hello hello, one and all. Since feedback season is back I might as well join the wagon.

The standards are slightly raised so this time its 5/5 instead of the previous 4/4. The same as last time, I'll read 5 chapters and give my thoughts, but for any story below 5 chapters I won't give out an overall score (except for certain situations and oneshots)

The category is the same as last time:

Cover&Title: how informative it is.

Synopsis: how much information it gives out.

Chapter: I'll read the first five chapters or however many you cook for the first meal.
I haven't wrote in a while but I'd appreciate if you'd check out a story I've decided to continue. https://www.scribblehub.com/series/539775/my-teacher-is-an-sss-legend/
 

Rhaps

Evil to the very Core
Joined
May 5, 2022
Messages
1,553
Points
153
It seems I'm early again! (sort of). My story can be found in my signature. :blob_cookie:
Cover&Title: the cover is a classic anime girl cover, but it shows what kind of setting the isekai is. The title coveys that this is about reincarnating into a game, while making readers curious why it is unbeatable (5/5)

Synopsis: the synopsis is more like a summary of the prologue, but it does introduces the MC's previous name and the beginning of the plotline. It feels a bit generic, but it works (5/5)

Chapter: the pacing is slow but spread out into digestible bites so it doesn't feel tedious to read. I recommend breaking the walls of text up more, as it is an eyesore to most and the story needs to be spread out evenly. The only other gripe I have is the Game the MC was reincarnated in, it might just be me but range weapons, including bow and arrow, is my worst nightmare as the players can attack the Y axis, and sniping at a greater distance than most classes. (4/5)

Conclusion: you can cook but you need to remember that all roads lead to Stealth Archer.
 
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