Competitive straightforward biased blunt reviewer here

[Nolff]

@Playerkartik

About your oh-so-great MC.

Let's start off with how you depicted him.

Boy raised in a village orphanage? Passable. In a fantasy world? Nevermind. Gets something that would leap his power to beyond the skies in later chaps? Literally every single fantasy creeps manhwa. Pacing? Dull as Sheffield. Tone? What the fuck is that? Gerald? Speaks like a non-person, apparently. Every single characters? Speaks in the same way the MC speaks. As in, 'So. So. So.', and a lot more of fucking 'so'.

I'm off the f*cking novel, and won't return. It's dull and unintriguing. So unintriguing, I find watching the paint of my neighbor's recently painted wall dry is somehow more intriguing than this... So-called art. Yeah no, thank-fuck you.

 

[Playerkartik]

He already admitted defeat. Though, you can wait here and prepare some popcorn. I'm currently reading through this corny ass boy's story for the purpose of telling him that I am different from his MC.

Sorry, this is butchering thread. Lmao.

@Playerkartik

About your oh-so-great MC.

Let's start off with how you depicted him.

Boy raised in a village orphanage? Passable. In a fantasy world? Nevermind. Gets something that would leap his power to beyond the skies in later chaps? Literally every single fantasy creeps manhwa. Pacing? Dull as Sheffield. Tone? What the fuck is that? Gerald? Speaks like a non-person, apparently. Every single characters? Speaks in the same way the MC speaks. As in, 'So. So. So.', and a lot more of fucking 'so'.

I'm off the f*cking novel, and won't return. It's dull and unintriguing. So unintriguing, I find watching the paint of my neighbor's recently painted wall dry is somehow more intriguing than this... So-called art. Yeah no, thank-fuck you.

Thank you for telling the truth...I hope you enjoy looking at the wall...If you want i could paint you a better wall...

 

[Nolff]

@Jaymi

To be honest, I was expecting a lot of self-insert at first.

But no, you hooked me. I don't know why, but this more-dialogue style somehow fits your narrative. Seriously.
My brain somehow able to play the scene imaginarily. Your words evident, making me easy to see what they're doing and their reactions.
I got not much to say, except for the JPLN style of writing.

It was nice. Not much grammar mistakes too. 8.2/10.

I'll be keeping my eye on you.

Thank you for telling the truth...I hope you enjoy looking at the wall...If you want i could paint you a better wall...

No, f*ck you.

Paint the MC's wall, not my neighbor's!

 

[Playerkartik]

@Jaymi

To be honest, I was expecting a lot of self-insert at first.

But no, you hooked me. I don't know why, but this more-dialogue style somehow fits your narrative. Seriously.
My brain somehow able to play the scene imaginarily. Your words evident, making me easy to see what they're doing and their reactions.
I got not much to say, except for the JPLN style of writing.

It was nice. Not much grammar mistakes too. 8.2/10.

I'll be keeping my eye on you.

No, f*ck you.

Paint the MC's wall, not my neighbor's!

You read the description right??
I'll tell you the main part(It's AI-ASSISTED)
And you get ragebaited too easily broo...control...learn that from my MC
but now I don't know what to do someone told gave me reviwiew that I hould write my own piece of work..without AI
It's not got an author's narrative she says..So I had started rewirting it ...Now i don't know what to do.

 

[Nolff]

You read the description right??
I'll tell you the main part(It's AI-ASSISTED)
And you get ragebaited too easily broo...control...learn that from my MC

...

I said...

Where is the character tone? The one that makes each character at least a little distinct?

Are you even serious at writing this?

I take it you don't.

You read the description right??
I'll tell you the main part(It's AI-ASSISTED)
And you get ragebaited too easily broo...control...learn that from my MC
but now I don't know what to do someone told gave me reviwiew that I hould write my own piece of work..without AI
It's not got an author's narrative she says..So I had started rewirting it ...Now i don't know what to do.

...

You're as miserable as the Backstreets of The City.

You know what? Unleashing at you now feels like a waste of energy and time.

I'll help.

One, learn the language you're using to f*cking write. Two, learn the grammar, you dipshit. Three, learn how to type, caveman. Four, use AI as spellcheckers, not a tool to shape your characters, Mr. Tech-Craftsman. Five, be f*cking serious when writing a story. At least, put your full heart in it.

 

[Nevafrost]

Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something? Or, are you forgetting about my novel-nya?

 

[Jaymi]

@Jaymi

To be honest, I was expecting a lot of self-insert at first.

But no, you hooked me. I don't know why, but this more-dialogue style somehow fits your narrative. Seriously.
My brain somehow able to play the scene imaginarily. Your words evident, making me easy to see what they're doing and their reactions.
I got not much to say, except for the JPLN style of writing.

It was nice. Not much grammar mistakes too. 8.2/10.

I'll be keeping my eye on you.

No, f*ck you.

Paint the MC's wall, not my neighbor's!

ah... probably because JPLN are the only books ive actually ever read in my life, lol. So I'm actually kind of honored you say that

 

[Nolff]

ah... probably because JPLN are the only books ive actually ever read in my life, lol. So I'm actually kind of honored you say that

You handled the dialogues real well, I'm surprised. Seriously, good job. I dig into the way your characters talk to each other. Felt so natural, I started thinking that you might have already done this before.

Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something? Or, are you forgetting about my novel-nya?

The truth novel? Wait, hold on, let me check my list.
@Nevafrost

Uhmm... Excuse me, but where in the funnio jungle are the chaps?

 

[Jaymi]

You handled the dialogues real well, I'm surprised. Seriously, good job. I dig into the way your characters talk to each other. Felt so natural, I started thinking that you might have already done this before.

The truth novel? Wait, hold on, let me check my list.

only writing I've been actively doing in recent years is my role as lead writer for my friend's indie game project. Does that count as having done it before?

 

[Nevafrost]

You handled the dialogues real well, I'm surprised. Seriously, good job. I dig into the way your characters talk to each other. Felt so natural, I started thinking that you might have already done this before.

The truth novel? Wait, hold on, let me check my list.
@Nevafrost

Uhmm... Excuse me, but where in the funnio jungle are the chaps?

I have been waiting for a day to pull this joke-nya.
"I forgot something, oops, looks like I forgot my chapters."

 

[Nolff]

@Peagree

only writing I've been actively doing in recent years is my role as lead writer for my friend's indie game project. Does that count as having done it before?

Absolutely! What's the game?

@Peagreene

Both of these are short stories?

...

Incredible.

Short stories are different from novels. They don't serve endings or clarity, they serve meaning. And you, my friend, have become my favorite short-stories author. 8.5/10. The first story, I don't really understand, but I feel like I missed something, and I'm going back for it. The second one? Realistic, decent, but good enough. 7.9/10

I have been waiting for a day to pull this joke-nya.
"I forgot something, oops, looks like I forgot my chapters."

You cheeky bastard.
@AliceMoonvale

The first page is nice. Quite nice, actually. A girl in the world of zombie apocalypse, my gut is saying. For now, I don't have much to say, as I only read the first page of it. But yeah, I can say that I'll be engrossed in this whenever I'm free. 7.5/10.

 

[Jaymi]

@Peagree

Absolutely! What's the game?

@Peagreene

Both of these are short stories?

...

Incredible.

Short stories are different from novels. They don't serve endings or clarity, they serve meaning. And you, my friend, have become my favorite short-stories author. 8.5/10. The first story, I don't really understand, but I feel like I missed something, and I'm going back for it. The second one? Realistic, decent, but good enough. 7.9/10

You cheeky bastard.
@AliceMoonvale

The first page is nice. Quite nice, actually. A girl in the world of zombie apocalypse, my gut is saying. For now, I don't have much to say, as I only read the first page of it. But yeah, I can say that I'll be engrossed in this whenever I'm free. 7.5/10.

Currently has no official name as its still in early development. But it'll be a game quite similar to Nier;Automata (on a much lower budget of course), don't know if you know that one.

 

[Nolff]

@Roeyachi

Good start, nice pacing. Easy to differentiate which is which. Nice. I can't comment further, because I haven't looked past chapter 1, so you only get this much. Though, I must say, there's not much interesting thing going on with the writing. It's just... Felt like I've seen it multiple times somewhere else. As if it's a modified imitation. As long as there's something interesting happening in the novel, I'll bite once in a while. 6.9/10.

Currently has no official name as its still in early development. But it'll be a game quite similar to Nier;Automata (on a much lower budget of course), don't know if you know that one.

Alrighty!
Oh yeah, for @Playerkartik. You survived my Unleash because I don't think you're worth the energy. It is only pity gaze I'm giving you from now on, as I see you made of a boy who dived head first into the sea of literacy.

 

[AliceMoonvale]

@AliceMoonvale

The first page is nice. Quite nice, actually. A girl in the world of zombie apocalypse, my gut is saying. For now, I don't have much to say, as I only read the first page of it. But yeah, I can say that I'll be engrossed in this whenever I'm free. 7.5/10.

It gets better and fuckier.
As a meme queen, I can guarantee it. Thanks for checking it out~

 

[Conqueror_Quack]

I have been waiting for a day to pull this joke-nya.
"I forgot something, oops, looks like I forgot my chapters."

Do you see how he doesn't even respond to your complaints and reviews works made by men. It's not because he is misogynistic and hates women but because he likes men.
Also I don't consider alice moonvale as a woman but as an enemy due to the things she posts.

 

[Nolff]

Do you see how he doesn't even respond to your complaints and reviews works made by men. It's not because he is misogynistic and hates women but because he likes men.
Also I don't consider alice moonvale as a woman but as an enemy due to the things she posts.

The quack is quacking. Quick! Someone give him a goose to fight with!
@Fairemont

About your novel.

I have only finished one chap of yours. All I could say is: Put a warning that recommend reader who doesn't want their immersion to be broken to look away. The glossary part is fine, helps clearing any confusion that might happened. But the blabbering of yours at the end there? I suggest put something on it so I don't need to read it and get spoiled. I know you'll focus on the magical girls part, but having you spurt your story outline is just feels like peeping into the concert's backstage. 7/10.
For @LastMinami and @c37, wait till I wake up the next morning. It's dead in the night in my side, and I'm sleepy as fuck.

 

[AliceMoonvale]

Do you see how he doesn't even respond to your complaints and reviews works made by men. It's not because he is misogynistic and hates women but because he likes men.
Also I don't consider alice moonvale as a woman but as an enemy due to the things she posts.

Don't consider me one, huh?

Would be a shame if you suddenly stopped breathing while deepthroating a severely thick and prickly golden ball cactus.
(I have a spare one you can use)
You can join the dragon in the flaming misogyny dumpster fire. I might consider lighting one up for the homies.

 

[Nolff]

Don't consider me one, huh?

Would be a shame if you suddenly stopped breathing while deepthroating a severely thick and prickly golden ball cactus.
(I have a spare one you can use)
You can join the dragon in the flaming misogyny dumpster fire. I might consider lighting one up for the homies.

Yeah, no thanks. My head's a clock, you see.

 

[AliceMoonvale]

Yeah, no thanks. My head's a clock, you see.

Ahhh I was confused. I didn't see the Fat L in there.
But no, it's there, in case of an emergency.

Wear that clock, king.

 

[Conqueror_Quack]

Don't consider me one, huh?

Would be a shame if you suddenly stopped breathing while deepthroating a severely thick and prickly golden ball cactus.
(I have a spare one you can use)
You can join the dragon in the flaming misogyny dumpster fire. I might consider lighting one up for the homies.

Misogyny? Anyone who posts those kirby ass pics aren't even human to begin with much less even women.