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I have faith that you can do it! Good luck. If you have a specific chapter you would like me to take a look at, I will certainly do so. (When I have the time - I am writing my own things as well.)

I own a sand and gravel company. I haven't been a student in well over 20 years. I can't leech off anyone, both my parents have passed into a new realm. I run a business and go surfing most days. Beyond that I think up things to do with vampires.

My first one Vivienne did pretty well I think. I just started Sylvie this week, so it will take time to pick up. I use slice of life, modern, romance. It also has to do with added tags. The importannt part is just having fun.

Since I write a bunch of romance and erotica, I stick to lots of R&B. I mean you gotta set the mood to moan and grind right?

I saw this thread and decided to take a look at Chapter 1 of your story. I have a few things to point out. First is that you have a few places of mixed tense. Overall, you stick to present tense, but in some of the thoughts you move to past tense. This is just one little part. Before and...

I went ahead and took a look at the story as well. It took me a little time to formulate what I wanted to say, so here is my 2 cents worth of feedback. I read Chapter 1, 3 and 11 to mirror the chicks. (Consistency to help!) Synopsis: This is a huge thing. If I hadn't read this, I wouldn't...

Thanks for taking a chance on the chicks. Hopefully they will be hungry!

Hey there Kraken1! Although I am not one of the chicks, I was told by a little chick that you wanted a bit of feedback on your story. So with that in mind I thought I would add in my 2 cents. First, I read chapters 1-4 mainly because I had the story on my reading list to begin with. Second...

This would go a long way to solving problems. As you transition him through the stages of his wake-up/recovery - I think there is less of a chance to repeat things. You also show some progression through the chapter. Wonderful decision! I looked it up after the reference was posted above...

Hi there! I saw the thread and decided to take a look at your story and see what exactly was going on. With that in mind I looked over Chapter 1. Unfortunately the problems for me started with the opening sequence of computer events: “The Dao that can be spoken is not the eternal Dao.” I...

Thank you for the insight. I've rewritten things before, so I know where you are coming from. I've been at a point where I had written over 100 pages of story, just to go back and edit it and find that 80 of the old didn't fit anymore. So good luck.

I'm not sure tearing you apart was the point. I've read the same chapters myself. I see what the chicks brought up and that's pretty solid as I can tell. My reading, I wanted to get the gist of the story as well. So I have a few questions/thoughts. What was the point to setting up all of...

Cool! I get to watch the chicks in action again. It's been over a week since I have seen them feed. Assuming they take on the story! Good Luck!

Don't feel silly. I wish I could tell you that the idea was mine. I had a friend tell me to do the same thing. :s_smile: You are more than welcome. Anytime, I will happily answer any questions you might have.

You could always split the chapters into "parts". Leave the main doc the same. That's what I typically do. So it will read like : Chaper 1: The Experiment - part 1. You get the gist. Hope this helps :)

I completely agree with the chicks here. Myself, I've read chapters 1,2 and 3 - I got sleepy or I would have done chapter 4. There are moments of brilliance. By far my favorite section was in chapter 2, and out of no where a description of a TV buzzing and such... Immediately made me think if...

Sounds like you want them to :)

Thank you for letting me hangout and comment from time to time :)

I don't think the chicks will demolish your story. They are usually easy going.... I've said that before up there somewhere... So now I'm repeating myself...that upsets them, lol