RepresentingCaution

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  RepresentingCaution

• Jun 27, 2025

Child, pelting me with paper balls from a magazine we told him he could rip apart: Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction.

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  RepresentingCaution

• Jun 26, 2025

Child: Shut your mouth. Shut your fucking mouth.
Dada: That's not nice.
Child: Go play with a toy, Dada!
Us: *laughs*
Dada: That's nice.
Child: Go play with your penis, Dada!
Us: *stifled laughs*
Child: Go play with your penis, Mama!
Us: *uncontrollable laughter*

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  RepresentingCaution

• Jun 23, 2025

Child: Where is my saw and screwdriver?
Me: Where did you put them?
Child: Nowhere.
Me: Then they must be nowhere.

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  RepresentingCaution

• Jun 22, 2025

Child: Blow up this balloon as big as our house.
Me: It will break if I blow it up too big.
Child: OK, then blow it up as big as your bobs.

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  RepresentingCaution

• Jun 21, 2025

Child: *climbs in kitchen cabinet, talks*
Me: Gabby's Dollhouse is too loud, I can't hear you.
Child: Come save me!
Me: Gabby's Dollhouse is too loud, I can't hear you.
Child: Turn it down!
Me: Gabby's Dollhouse is too loud, I can't hear you.
Child: Turn it down!
Me: Gabby's Dollhouse is too loud, I can't hear you.
Child: Turn it down!
Me: Gabby's Dollhouse is too loud, I can't hear you.
Child: Turn it down!

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  RepresentingCaution

• Jun 13, 2025

I showed him how to do a crayon rubbing. Now he's doing it on everything including me.

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  RepresentingCaution

• Jun 12, 2025

I thought I could wear three shirts. To wear three shirts, I will need three underwears and three pantses.

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  RepresentingCaution

• Jun 7, 2025

Child: *takes out measuring spoons.* I have an idea. Let's put these here and here and here, and then the fly will decide to get on one and we will kill it! That's why I'm leaving them all around the room, all around the place!

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  RepresentingCaution

• Jun 7, 2025

Me: You can have your weapons back after I floss and brush your teeth.
Child: Weapons! Weapons! Weapons!

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  RepresentingCaution

• Jun 7, 2025

Kid: I think my friend needs to be in the trash because I don't like him anymore. *Tosses in worn-out mousepad that I told him he could throw away an hour ago but he decided to play with first.*

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  RepresentingCaution

• Jun 7, 2025

Kid: I want whipped cream on mushrooms.
Me: You'll have to prepare the mushrooms first.
Kid: *Washes two mushrooms, cooks them, tells me to eat the small one, eats the big one, forgets about whipped cream, dumps crackers on me as I'm typing* Oh no, not a cracker shower!

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  RepresentingCaution

• Jun 5, 2025

Kid: I want a sandwich that has bread and whipped cream and nothing else.
Me: Finish your mayonnaise and applesauce sandwich first.

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  RepresentingCaution

• Jun 5, 2025

Mama, I programmed this toilet paper roll to be a cool robot that could go on water or on land, and he also has swim mode!

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  Agentt

• Jun 1, 2025

>.>
i got scared

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  RepresentingCaution

• May 30, 2025

Husband: *caresses my shoulder* You can help me break in the new bed.
Kid: *scratches my other shoulder* You can break MY bed!

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  RepresentingCaution

• May 29, 2025

The child is sitting on the toilet honking his rubber chicken and scolding it for not being quiet in the library . . . "I think my chicken friend farted."

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  RepresentingCaution

• May 27, 2025

I seem to have grown another butt.

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  RepresentingCaution

• May 27, 2025

Husband: There's water everywhere.
Me: Just be thankful our toddler has a self-cleaning mode.
Toddler: No I don't. I only have a wash mode.

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  RepresentingCaution

• May 21, 2025

Please give me ideas to convince my kid to taste hummus.

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  RepresentingCaution

• May 20, 2025

This cardboard chair is better for the planet Earth, so we will live forever.