Me: Go to your dada.
Kid: I don't like the nipples of him!
Kid: I don't like the nipples of him!
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Mama, it's not poop; it's just brownies. I just rolled it with my hand.
Kid climbs onto kitchen counter, washes bowl, puts bowl in dishwasher to dry, grabs huge kitchen knife, starts washing it, sings, "I'm being careful, I'm being careful!"
someone said I have stinky feet.
*bows*
I have never posted a cat picture on your profile. Let me correct that with a grumpy cat.
You missed out on the exploits of the one star bandit, someone who had the same dreams of one stars just like you
"I just activated my climb on countertop mode, and then I started to pee-pee, so I paused it."
Me: Sunny day, chasin' the farts away
Kid: No!!!!!
Me: Ride on the magic fartbus
Kid: No!!!!!
Me: Barney is a fartisaur
Kid: No!!!!!
Me: Farthouse detectives
Kid: No!!!!!
Me: Fart, and another fart is
Kid: No!!!!!
Me: Fart, dog, fart dog
Kid: No! You are being a goofball.
Kid playing with his new doctor toy set: "And now I'm going to give you a shot for being a good, healthy human."
do you think your child will grow up to be an author.
I'd like Netflix to have a feature that allows my child to watch only content that I've approved. Alternatively, I'd like to block things before they are released. Please submit a feature request to Netflix if you agree and can spare a few minutes.
Threenager: Leave me alone! *slams door, pushes against door to prevent me from opening it*
Me: I have nipples for you. Would you like me to bring my nipples into the bedroom?
Threenager: Yeah. *moves away from door so I can open it*
Me: *farts*
Kid: You should give me a very big fart to blow me to the bathroom.
Kid: *starts playing with toilet paper*
Me: How much money do you want to spend on toilet paper?
Kid: Forty cents
Me: OK, I'll take that out of your allowance. -
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