People often say that you shouldn't act like your shit doesn't stink, but I think it's equally true that some people's shit just stinks worse than others', so I think it's okay to feel superior to them
-
We can all agree that, for the most part, killing people whose opinions we disagree with is wrong
Why don't we then settle on a compromise where we just beat them up instead?
microwaving really does take the soul out of food
My brother is absolutely fumbling the conversation with the Uber driver
Lying for no reason, creating misunderstandings, contradicting himself
He still got it.
Which side you on?
I can't believe just how bald LeBron's gotten now. My goat is washed
I think that instead of restaurants we should just have stoves and ovens everywhere. You know, like fire hydrants but they're stoves and ovens and maybe freezers where people keep the ingredients they don't use or stuff they donate. I'd chip in a shallot or two to get things going for my community
I love watching people destroy themselves physically, mentally, and socially to chase an unachievable ideal. Such drama
I feel like a lot of "greatest opening lines in literature" are just "the opening lines of classic novels"
"When he was nearly thirteen my brother Jem got his arm broken badly at the elbow" is not one of the greatest opening lines in literature
Keep your virus to yourself
DB Cooper was the Zodiac Killer, but most aren't ready for this conversation
Wish we could get big city infrastructure without the big city "everything is far away"-ness
Wingstop cashier mispronounced my name and then laughed at it
I officially no longer support the working class. I am now a diehard capitalist
Water is not a human right. Busting unions > busting nuts. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps or die.
Shromp Rule #
Couples who wear matching clothes will receive unfavorable reincarnations
Hanging out with women and they try something on at a store so that one is forced to repeat "It's giving..." followed by a random noun, verb, celebrity, visual aesthetic, book genre, mineral, time period, etc. until they deem your answer satisfactory
Walked into a restaurant that I'd been curious about for a while only to find out it's way more expensive than I thought
I can sense the waitress judging me for being an out of place brokie
Reverse 1999 designs so good they almost manipulated me into installing a gacha game
Not today Mammon
I hope time isn't linear because I want to be reincarnated as a Steppe Nomad robbing fools on the Silk Road
If I ever had shrimp babies, they'd have to be with a woman whose ethnicity is almost comically different from mine. I aim to create a never-before-seen ethnicity -
Loading…
-
Loading…
-
Loading…
