Want feedbacks from an amateur?

[Yuin]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1547361/fire-and-fools/

GO NUTS ?

edit: The cover right now is generated by ChatGPT. I’ve got an artist from Fiverr working on turning it into a proper human-made drawing before the story’s finished. I've seen other people approach the cover creation policy with a similar philosophy but I realize it's still a real turn off for some people. Just wanted to give the heads up.

Hi the link is unavailable and I can’t access it. Feel free to resend so I can do yours.

 

[Breakin]

break

 

[Senx1l]

Dump your links here and I’ll give you a wonderful bs review! (With sincerity! Straight from the heart!)

(I’m an inexperienced, unprofessional author/reader so take my words lightly. I’m doing this for fun because I’m bored. Feel free to disagree with my opinions, I just want to see how people write their stories)

I have no requirements. I read everything and anything (but I’m more familiar with BL lol)

And you can roast mine: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1161828/return-to-you-who-is-lost-bl/

Dunno if your still doing this cuz I’m lwk 2 months late but here’s my story if you are :)

A New Life

[TW: Mentions of suicide] Amara ended her life, broken by the weight of trauma she was never meant to carry. But instead of peace, she wakes up in a new world—reborn as a baby named Aerea in a medieval omegaverse society. For a while, things seem calm. Her new...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Yuin]

My first project is wrapping up with uploads in a few days. It’s a good ten-hour binge (maybe I’m highballing it, but the word count is 60,000 or so) but I’m curious to see what you think. The link is in my signature.

Hi, I just read your novel and here are my thoughts:

- I didn’t binge-read lol—mostly because I don’t personally enjoy reading books—but I read up to Chapter 3 for standard practice.
- The foreword does sound like a thesis, but I’m grateful for the info! It’s interesting that you want to dive into these themes, and I liked learning about your inspirations behind the story. (It kind of felt like a warning too btw, also, is this a fanfic or your original take?)
- The prologue starts off with a conversation between the MC and an authoritative voice (which I could tell immediately from the contrast in their language). The one-word sentences were a nice touch—I was mentally rapping them as I read.
- Chapter 1 was an unexpected start because it shifted into third person and quickly glossed over the worldbuilding, jumping straight into an arc. The writing feels very mature and complex, but thanks to the generous paragraphing and dialogue, it doesn’t feel like a wall of text. That said, Chapter 1 is a bit longer than Chapter 2, which might overwhelm some readers (plus, a major character death happening that early—wow, things move fast).
- The later chapters were easier to read and felt more controlled, giving backstories to characters and introducing relationships.
- Okay, I didn’t read every detail, but I have a vague idea of what’s happening—which is pretty standard for this genre, as readers usually follow the MC throughout their journey. It’s actually different from what I expected. I thought it’d be some harem-style monster girl collecting lmao, but reading the main story helped the last few paragraphs of the foreword make more sense.
- You did a great job establishing the grim tone of war and possibly the exploration of humanity’s twisted nature—but I feel like the foreword and prologue are a little misleading.
- At first, I thought this was going to be an isekai where someone reincarnates as Edvard because of the prologue—but I didn’t see that element at all in the first three chapters. You might want to revisit that, because the main story comes on very strong from the start, and readers like me (who start from foreword), may feel caught off guard by the switch.
- Otherwise, the language really carries the essence of the work’s themes. It’s definitely niche though, since it takes focus to catch all the subtle details.

 

[Yuin]

Hey, what's up? I've been floating around on here for a bit and earned a bad name, but still hunting for feedback, so let me have it. Do your worst lol

Angelic Protection Unit: The Awakening - Chapter 11 (The Encounter Part 2) | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

Hi, I just read your novel and here are my thoughts:

- The synopsis are in sentence fragments. While I understand the general plot of the story, the choppy sentences just cause confusion and disrupt the tone of the story.
- Well, chapter 1 language was decent, so why not do the same for the synopsis?
- Anyways, these should be in past tense “the demon snarls”, “Admins whisper”
- There are illustrations in the story which is helpful to visualise the scenes happening in chapter 1. Unlike other stories where they start off slow, you hit the readers with a small climax and delivered what you promised in the synopsis: smth about his father and the demon.
- I kinda know what you mean by “earned a bad name” but if it’s about AI art, I don’t really mind if you use it to better express your storyline (I closed one eye)
- Some of the descriptive paragraphs are kinda long, you can break them into smaller segments.
- I think the premise of the story isn’t bad. It keeps the reader interested because of the foreshadowing in chapter 1 about demons and a specialise organisation APU, but it got dismissed as a dream and my guy continued his school life
- Chapter 3 was a bit messy. The backstory was sudden (it should’ve been a side story or a separate chapter) and dense too. There was a whole info dump about the behaviour change and I know you’re trying to show the turning point of their relationship but it was summarised in one paragraph.
- There are too many things going on in chapter 3, so it should’ve cut off before the story flashback.
- Other than the present tense popping up here and there, the story isn’t bad and the storyline is solid. The occasional AI art is at least consistent I guess. Anyways, keep doing what you do

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/121764/schwarz--der-wille-zur-macht/

 

[FirnielMahalayati]

The Cold Between Stars

How many skeletons are in your closet? Such would be the question asked when a foreigner dies in a land beyond the grasp of death. Let the darkness be your guide as the deathless immortals of the Abyss confront the horrors of such a predicament. Through both threats from without...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Deleted member 166465]

Jesus crist on a motor bike... so many recomendations... well, here, have some more.
Hydra Project | Scribble Hub
Kingdom of Fire and Shadows I: Useless magic and II Salamanders | Scribble Hub
I am evil... I know.

 

[RivCA]

Hi, I just read your novel and here are my thoughts:

- I didn’t binge-read lol—mostly because I don’t personally enjoy reading books—but I read up to Chapter 3 for standard practice.
- The foreword does sound like a thesis, but I’m grateful for the info! It’s interesting that you want to dive into these themes, and I liked learning about your inspirations behind the story. (It kind of felt like a warning too btw, also, is this a fanfic or your original take?)
- The prologue starts off with a conversation between the MC and an authoritative voice (which I could tell immediately from the contrast in their language). The one-word sentences were a nice touch—I was mentally rapping them as I read.
- Chapter 1 was an unexpected start because it shifted into third person and quickly glossed over the worldbuilding, jumping straight into an arc. The writing feels very mature and complex, but thanks to the generous paragraphing and dialogue, it doesn’t feel like a wall of text. That said, Chapter 1 is a bit longer than Chapter 2, which might overwhelm some readers (plus, a major character death happening that early—wow, things move fast).
- The later chapters were easier to read and felt more controlled, giving backstories to characters and introducing relationships.
- Okay, I didn’t read every detail, but I have a vague idea of what’s happening—which is pretty standard for this genre, as readers usually follow the MC throughout their journey. It’s actually different from what I expected. I thought it’d be some harem-style monster girl collecting lmao, but reading the main story helped the last few paragraphs of the foreword make more sense.
- You did a great job establishing the grim tone of war and possibly the exploration of humanity’s twisted nature—but I feel like the foreword and prologue are a little misleading.
- At first, I thought this was going to be an isekai where someone reincarnates as Edvard because of the prologue—but I didn’t see that element at all in the first three chapters. You might want to revisit that, because the main story comes on very strong from the start, and readers like me (who start from foreword), may feel caught off guard by the switch.
- Otherwise, the language really carries the essence of the work’s themes. It’s definitely niche though, since it takes focus to catch all the subtle details.

Man, this is fantastic feedback. I have considered changing that, but in the end, I decided to keep my intro. Still, I'm having a whale of a time trying to upload the cover art. Is there a size restriction I don't know about?

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Jesus crist on a motor bike... so many recomendations... well, here, have some more.
Hydra Project | Scribble Hub
Kingdom of Fire and Shadows I: Useless magic and II Salamanders | Scribble Hub
I am evil... I know.

Are you allergic to numbering chapters?

 

[A_veil_of_red_ink]

Hey, I’m back! How are you, brother? I hope all is well.
I know this is my third time reaching out, but I don’t care!

You’re the reason I continued this series. I was actually thinking of stopping after the first two chapters, so thank you for that! I'm not here to ask for feedback; I just wanted to express my gratitude. However, if you’re interested in reading where this is going, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks again, and I hope you are well!

The Pristine

In a world torn apart by war and shrouded in fog, Arkam, a seasoned supersoldier, descends into an abandoned bunker to complete a mission. Haunted by visions of a violent past, his biting sarcasm conceals a tired heart.

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Aphel]

Hello, I just recently found out even scribble hub has forum, and place for this kind of stuff, but if you are up for reviewing honestly I would be gratefull if you could give mine a look.
Be honest please

 

[Yuin]

Hi, what do you think about this?

Hi! I just read your story up to chapter 3, and here are my thoughts:

- The language is beautiful. I can tell that your control of the language is well mastered, and the way you reveal the characters’ names at the end of each chapter is a good writing technique.
- The synopsis is short and simple. However, I find it lacking in substance, it’s so general that I don’t know what to look forward to. There’s no hook to set a certain mindset or help me brace for what’s coming in the first chapter.
- Hence, when I read the first chapter, I was confused by the story starting from a female perspective.
- Aside from the visual descriptions, I feel that it was a bit overwhelming at the start. There’s too much focus on the female’s appearance, and it would’ve been easier to space those details out like giving the reader clues throughout the story instead of dumping them all at once and repeating it again in the second half of chapter 1.
- That said, the description of the male lead was vivid enough for me to understand that the savior was him in chapter 3 (the green eyes!).
- One major issue I have is that the sequence of events is very disorienting. Each chapter feels like a standalone memory fragment, where different people meet the male lead in separate situations. While this style engages the reader in learning his backstory without directly telling it, it may cause some confusion as to why the readers need to know this right now.
- There should be something to support the reason why the narrative jumps back to his teenage years rather than cutting to that scene right after building the romance hype between the male and female leads.
- Perhaps you could add a few extra lines in chapter 1, after he talks to the lady. You could simply say that when he returned to his residency, he looked back to where it all started and what inspired him to take on the journey.
- Other than that, much of the content feels like filler. I’m not saying the male lead is a shallow character. You did establish the principles he follows but so what? What’s the direction of the story, beyond all these sub-points?
- I’m pretty sure you might expand on that in later chapters, but it should be made clearer from the start. Otherwise, it just leaves the reader with momentary suspense that’s left unaddressed before jumping to another part of the backstory.
- While the technique of gatekeeping the main character’s name by using pronouns for half the story is interesting, I don’t think it should be repeated for three chapters in a row.
- That said, you did an exceptional job in the romance scene. I could really feel the tension between them! The front part was heavy, so I lost interest a bit, but the later part pulled me back in.
- I took a glance at chapter 4 and it seems to return to the track set in chapter 1 so that’s great.
- Anyway, I would suggest you to revise on the starting of your story and give the reader an immediate hook, a punch of action, that keep them going and follow through that before bringing in other events to support the male lead’s character development!

 

[Deleted member 166465]

Are you allergic to numbering chapters?

I fixed that. Thanks.

 

[Yuin]

Hey, I’m back! How are you, brother? I hope all is well.
I know this is my third time reaching out, but I don’t care!

You’re the reason I continued this series. I was actually thinking of stopping after the first two chapters, so thank you for that! I'm not here to ask for feedback; I just wanted to express my gratitude. However, if you’re interested in reading where this is going, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks again, and I hope you are well!

The Pristine

In a world torn apart by war and shrouded in fog, Arkam, a seasoned supersoldier, descends into an abandoned bunker to complete a mission. Haunted by visions of a violent past, his biting sarcasm conceals a tired heart.

www.scribblehub.com

Hi! I‘m glad that you’re continuing your work! Having someone’s reassurance is different from validation. I hope you write for yourself and interests so continue to keep it up I will do a feedback for you once I clear up the requests.

 

[LeeYooNa]

Hello, I'm new writer. I'd love some feedback if you still have time to read my work.
The Weeping Moon.
Thank you in advance.

 

[Roney]

I literally just began writing and would love an honest review. I want to know if there is too much dialogue and if it's paced decently.

Strongest Mage in History

 

[Yuin]

If you're still doing this, id REALLY appreciate some feedback. Iv got a lot more to write but its difficult doing so without knowing if people like the story so far at all. Thanks a lot!

Children of the Void

Hi! I read up to chapter 3 and here are my thoughts:

- I enjoyed the quotes you added in some parts of the chapters. They’re meaningful and poetic as you read the story!
- The storyline is not bad. I could follow the plot, and based on what you promised in your synopsis about cosmic horror, I can definitely visualise the abnormalities in the story.
- The dialogues were a great break from the narrative and gave the characters more of a human feel than just being 2D characters.
However, there are some issues I’d like to address:
- The prologue started off clustered with world-building, and then the writing suddenly shifted into one-liners, with every 2 to 10 words ending in full stops. While it does create a certain tone while reading, it gets tiring when repeated throughout the story.
- Writing techniques like “Her face. Her voice. Her eyes.” are usually used to pull in the reader with simplicity and rawness. But when this style is overused, it disrupts the reading flow and ends up feeling more like sentence fragments than smooth transitions into scenes or actions.
- Sometimes it feels like you’re avoiding punctuation like commas and dashes. I understand that writing descriptions takes brainpower, but doing something like: “Hesitant. Confused. His eyes scanned her body: shoulders, ribs, hands. Where was the wound? The one he was sure had torn her open. There was nothing. No bandage. No blood. No sign of the pain that haunted him.” This comes across as lazy and lacklustre.
- You’re not engaging the readers here; you’re telling them what should be shown through description that builds an emotional connection to the MC’s inner monologue.
- The sequence of events is also a big issue. World-building is important, yes, but here it feels like you’re just lore-dumping in the middle of the narrative. That info could be introduced more naturally, like through scenarios the MC experiences or remembers. The information has to feel alive, not just dead walls of text the reader has to trudge through. That kind of info belongs in a glossary. Introducing terms and concepts should be part of the storytelling.
- Chapter 1 was hard to get through. The storyline jumps back and forth between the past and the present without smooth transitions. It feels more like reading memory entries than a complete chapter. There’s little relation between them. You could summarise some of the backstory as assumptions the MC is making or as supporting details behind his decisions. The paragraph about the dialogues of killing off the MC feels redundant, you can imply that intention in the paragraph where he feels the blood.
- Chapter 2 is better than Chapter 1 and the prologue. I can finally see the use of commas, and the sentences are more than just 10 words.
- For example: “Hungrier. Ritzo could barely breathe.” This sounds disjointed, I would suggest rephrasing it as:
“Hungry and tired, Ritzo could barely breathe in the darkness.”
- Another example: “Now, a chill ran through him. Not across the skin, but through him. Like someone had opened a door inside his soul.” It feels repetitive. You don’t need to split it into 3 sentences. It can still be impactful if merged with a good friend called the comma.
- There’s also a lot of repetition in writing format. Like in Chapter 2, the demon description felt repeated back-to-back.
- Okay, but Chapter 3 finally regains momentum! It’s so much better. There aren’t a lot of sentence fragments or two-word lines. It feels more in line with the writing style from the first two paragraphs I enjoyed in the prologue.
- I also skipped to the newest chapter and yea it’s so much better. Chapter 5 and 6 got the world building dump again but I guess you have shifted away from that.
- I’m glad to say I could see a gradual improvement. You’re starting to grasp and define your writing style.
- You might want to look back at the older chapters and see if you can revise them so they flow better. After all, the first two chapters are the most important in hooking readers.You have the potential to grow!

 

[MindFudge]

Hi! I read up to chapter 3 and here are my thoughts:

- I enjoyed the quotes you added in some parts of the chapters. They’re meaningful and poetic as you read the story!
- The storyline is not bad. I could follow the plot, and based on what you promised in your synopsis about cosmic horror, I can definitely visualise the abnormalities in the story.
- The dialogues were a great break from the narrative and gave the characters more of a human feel than just being 2D characters.
However, there are some issues I’d like to address:
- The prologue started off clustered with world-building, and then the writing suddenly shifted into one-liners, with every 2 to 10 words ending in full stops. While it does create a certain tone while reading, it gets tiring when repeated throughout the story.
- Writing techniques like “Her face. Her voice. Her eyes.” are usually used to pull in the reader with simplicity and rawness. But when this style is overused, it disrupts the reading flow and ends up feeling more like sentence fragments than smooth transitions into scenes or actions.
- Sometimes it feels like you’re avoiding punctuation like commas and dashes. I understand that writing descriptions takes brainpower, but doing something like: “Hesitant. Confused. His eyes scanned her body: shoulders, ribs, hands. Where was the wound? The one he was sure had torn her open. There was nothing. No bandage. No blood. No sign of the pain that haunted him.” This comes across as lazy and lacklustre.
- You’re not engaging the readers here; you’re telling them what should be shown through description that builds an emotional connection to the MC’s inner monologue.
- The sequence of events is also a big issue. World-building is important, yes, but here it feels like you’re just lore-dumping in the middle of the narrative. That info could be introduced more naturally, like through scenarios the MC experiences or remembers. The information has to feel alive, not just dead walls of text the reader has to trudge through. That kind of info belongs in a glossary. Introducing terms and concepts should be part of the storytelling.
- Chapter 1 was hard to get through. The storyline jumps back and forth between the past and the present without smooth transitions. It feels more like reading memory entries than a complete chapter. There’s little relation between them. You could summarise some of the backstory as assumptions the MC is making or as supporting details behind his decisions. The paragraph about the dialogues of killing off the MC feels redundant, you can imply that intention in the paragraph where he feels the blood.
- Chapter 2 is better than Chapter 1 and the prologue. I can finally see the use of commas, and the sentences are more than just 10 words.
- For example: “Hungrier. Ritzo could barely breathe.” This sounds disjointed, I would suggest rephrasing it as:
“Hungry and tired, Ritzo could barely breathe in the darkness.”
- Another example: “Now, a chill ran through him. Not across the skin, but through him. Like someone had opened a door inside his soul.” It feels repetitive. You don’t need to split it into 3 sentences. It can still be impactful if merged with a good friend called the comma.
- There’s also a lot of repetition in writing format. Like in Chapter 2, the demon description felt repeated back-to-back.
- Okay, but Chapter 3 finally regains momentum! It’s so much better. There aren’t a lot of sentence fragments or two-word lines. It feels more in line with the writing style from the first two paragraphs I enjoyed in the prologue.
- I also skipped to the newest chapter and yea it’s so much better. Chapter 5 and 6 got the world building dump again but I guess you have shifted away from that.
- I’m glad to say I could see a gradual improvement. You’re starting to grasp and define your writing style.
- You might want to look back at the older chapters and see if you can revise them so they flow better. After all, the first two chapters are the most important in hooking readers.You have the potential to grow!

Perfect. First, thanks for taking the time to read through my work! I really needed this.

You're right about my writing style early on. I had no idea what I was doing lmao. I've considered going through earlier chapters, but I figured I'd leave them raw. But with what u have said, that's a bad idea. I have a big drop of in viewer retention from the prologue to chapter 1, so I'll work on them and try to revise them before i release my next.

Im also very glad u noticed my improvement! I am trying to be more fluid and descriptive, just enough to keep my style of show dont tell. Storytelling is my strong suit. Writing...not so much.

The lore dumping is something iv tried to avoid by placing them after events. Theres just so.Much.Lore. The codex is also a larger part of the narrative, and is actually needed for the lore. So ill try to reduce the amount of codex fragments and use your suggestion here and there, as an attempt to educe the breaks.


Thanks again!



⁽ᴵ ʷᵃᶦᵗᵉᵈ ᵃ ᵐᵒⁿᵗʰ ᵇᵘᵗ ᶦᵗ ʷᵃˢ ʷᵒʳᵗʰ ᶦᵗ⁾

 

[Yuin]

Perfect. First, thanks for taking the time to read through my work! I really needed this.

You're right about my writing style early on. I had no idea what I was doing lmao. I've considered going through earlier chapters, but I figured I'd leave them raw. But with what u have said, that's a bad idea. I have a big drop of in viewer retention from the prologue to chapter 1, so I'll work on them and try to revise them before i release my next.

Im also very glad u noticed my improvement! I am trying to be more fluid and descriptive, just enough to keep my style of show dont tell. Storytelling is my strong suit. Writing...not so much.

The lore dumping is something iv tried to avoid by placing them after events. Theres just so.Much.Lore. The codex is also a larger part of the narrative, and is actually needed for the lore. So ill try to reduce the amount of codex fragments and use your suggestion here and there, as an attempt to educe the breaks.


Thanks again!



⁽ᴵ ʷᵃᶦᵗᵉᵈ ᵃ ᵐᵒⁿᵗʰ ᵇᵘᵗ ᶦᵗ ʷᵃˢ ʷᵒʳᵗʰ ᶦᵗ⁾

Don’t worry, the codex is actually easy to understand. Just use preexisting terms to get your point across. Like the agent ranking thing is similar to esper/rankers system. The exam system also, it’s just the usual thing so you can quickly summaries it into longer sentences! You don’t have to include all the details of the exam, leave some in the glossary. Only write the condition that is applicable and relevant to the MC’s current concern and continue to reveal more details of it in later chapters, like how MC would experience and discover the purpose behind each trials.

⁽ᴬʷ ᵗʰˣ ᶠᵒʳ ᵇᵉᶦⁿᵍ ᵖᵃᵗᶦᵉⁿᵗ. ᴵ’ᵐ ᶜᵒⁿˢᶦᵈᵉʳᶦⁿᵍ ˢᵏᶦᵖᵖᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵒˢᵉ ᶦⁿᵃᶜᵗᶦᵛᵉ ᵃᶜᶜᵒᵘⁿᵗˢ’ ˢᵗᵒʳᶦᵉˢ…⁾