Why polite people are so disliked?

[RepresentingWrath]

Just a warning.

I will heed your warning. I don't want to be called a duck.

 

[RepresentingDesire]

As a polite person I can say that I'm only polite so that I won't get problems.
I like far more being blunt.

 

[Sylver]

Speaking from experience, politeness is welcomed in smaller towns or villages but seen as highly suspect in larger cities. When I moved into a bigger city, I was surprised with how forward and confrontational people would be. There was this mean bunch of girls who called me a fake and tried to spread rumors that I was only being nice because I wanted something out of others. I say try because people ignored them for the most part.

I don't know, it's a funny thing to be complimented on when people say they're surprised because of how nice or polite I am. I just laugh in return and tell them I appreciate that. Really, it's strange to think that some people treat politeness with hostility. I don't have the energy or drive to stay paranoid or crossed with someone for a short time, let alone a long time. Strong emotions take a lot of energy from me and I would rather spend that energy and effort being nice with people instead of being a cross bitch all the time

 

[melchi]

wonders how many duck calls are being said after phone calls are ended.

 

[Deleted member 76176]

I suppose the reason people do not appreciate 'politeness' is because the definition is so intermingled with a lot of mixed behaviors.

Personally, I pay attention to how somebody treats others regardless of status. Though, I do prefer a more straightforward approach.

The definition, I feel, is pretty straightforward, and both mine and Kenjona's explanations are adequate in this regard, I think. The behavior, however, is entirely dependent on the human element. One's judgement in a social situation is subjective, but there is always a polite way to say or do it.

All of this sounds complicated, but it's actually more intuitive. People are supposed to learn this stuff as they age naturally.

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

The definition, I feel, is pretty straightforward, and both mine and Kenjona's explanations are adequate in this regard, I think. The behavior, however, is entirely dependent on the human element. One's judgement in a social situation is subjective, but there is always a polite way to say or do it.

All of this sounds complicated, but it's actually more intuitive. People are supposed to learn this stuff as they age naturally.

I guess I just don't know how I feel/think about this. Sorry for wasting your time.

 

[Deleted member 76176]

I guess I just don't know how I feel/think about this. Sorry for wasting your time.

You are fine, dragon guy!

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

You are fine, dragon guy!

Would I be correct to say that this thread was a politely disguised rant?

 

[BearlyAlive]

Being polite is alright, now the peeps that are both polite, sarcastic and/or downright rude, are fine company to keep around. Nothing better than dissing people right in their face, but it's hidden behind a polite smile and some flowery words.

And with this, I wish you a good day, single-cell organisms.

 

[Deleted member 76176]

Would I be correct to say that this thread was a politely disguised rant?

You aren't wrong, but this is also a genuine question that bothers me. The example I gave earlier is actually real. His reason to why he treats people who writes what he deems to be bad code with such toxicity was bunch of nonesense regarding political correctness, all the while forgetting that telling people to kill themselves because they aren't a genius like him is basic human decency.

Some people in the comments seem to think he is being 'real.'

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

You aren't wrong, but this is also a genuine question that bothers me. The example I gave earlier is actually real. His reason to why he treats people who writes what he deems to be bad code with such toxicity was bunch of nonesense regarding political correctness, all the while forgetting that telling people not to kill themselves because they aren't a genius like him is basic human decency.

Some people in the comments seem to think he is being 'real.'

Ah, I think I understand. The issue here is that there has been an end to civility, thus politeness has lost its use.

 

[MisterEnigmatic]

I'm not polite. I'm a rude person.

You know, I couldn't tell.

Next thing I know you'll be saying that you're vampire or something.
I think that there have been so many people who have been victims of faux politeness and kindness that they tell tales of their plight to others, such such ideas and concepts of being wary of those behaviours become normalised.

Simple put, it's because of fake-ass bitches and bastards.

 

[SternenklarenRitter]

From a linguist`s standpoint, there are several parameters involved in different speech and behavior styles, including polite speech. Two parameters of particular importance to polite speech are status and solidarity. Think about how you talk to your parent, this is someone who holds high status and high solidarity with you. Someone with high status but low solidarity might be your boss, your dentist, or a police officer. Someone with low status but high solidarity could be a longtime friend, your adult child, or a fellow member of your work union. Lastly, most people you meet for the first time have low status and low solidarity.
Polite speech and behavior can be loosely defined as communications that elevate the status of the addressee. However, modes of speech for someone high status usually also communicate low solidarity. Because of this, being overly reliant on polite speech can signal instead that you have no interest or desire to be friends with the addressee, or even that you don't want to be involved with them at all. Polite speech can also emphasize that you are not a 'group member,' and may even be perceived as insulting among communities who value solidarity more than status.
Conversely, some people may try to increase their solidarity by lowering the status of the addressee. This is seen across diverse cultures, for example the ritual "roasting your friends" in the U.S., or how 'delinquents' in anime call each other with -chan.

 

[melchi]

You aren't wrong, but this is also a genuine question that bothers me. The example I gave earlier is actually real. His reason to why he treats people who writes what he deems to be bad code with such toxicity was bunch of nonesense regarding political correctness, all the while forgetting that telling people to kill themselves because they aren't a genius like him is basic human decency.

Some people in the comments seem to think he is being 'real.'

IDK, I think there is a difference between.

A.) Treating people that need teaching like people that need to be taught.

B.) Treating people like like code bugs that need to be squashed. Even if the bugs are coming from certain people.

 

[Deleted member 76176]

Polite speech and behavior can be loosely defined as communications that elevate the status of the addressee. However, modes of speech for someone high status usually also communicate low solidarity. Because of this, being overly reliant on polite speech can signal instead that you have no interest or desire to be friends with the addressee, or even that you don't want to be involved with them at all. Polite speech can also emphasize that you are not a 'group member,' and may even be perceived as insulting among communities who value solidarity more than status.

Typically, I use highly polite and formal tone when I want to give away the indication that I want nothing to do with them, if ever. And it is something I rarely use unless I'm pushed beyond my limit.

Polite speech could be also helpful to maintain a personal space and let others know how far you are comfortable with them. Most problems, though, arise when they can't read the room, as I've mentioned in the replies.

IDK, I think there is a difference between.

A.) Treating people that need teaching like people that need to be taught.

B.) Treating people like like code bugs that need to be squashed. Even if the bugs are coming from certain people.

I'm not certain what you mean, but I didn't mean to imply that the problem was him not teaching them or even giving constructive criticism. It is that he is telling people how they haven't starved to death, coming from an authority figure.

 

[Tsuru]

I've come across this sentiment echoed so many times, and although I don't think dislike is quite the right term to use here, it is still a topic that bothers me.

The main argument behind this seems to be that if a person is behaving polite at all times, one can't reasonably be certain of their wording and mannerisms. A huge gap may exist between the crevices of what they think and say, and for this reason, polite people—by their own nature—are hard to trust. So to speak, they aren't being 'real.'

I understand the concern; it hurts a lot more if a person who is nice to you talks terrible things behind you back, but upon closer inspection, had they been really polite on principle? There may be some social circumstances involved, but it is not inherently impolite to voice distaste, concern or raise disagreement regarding things. If the person living above my floor is making noise at night, I could file a complaint without being an ass about it. Not to mention, there are different levels of politeness for one's social circle. In general, the rule of politeness assumes:

1. People deserve respect and courtesy (common decency, really) befitting being a rationale human.
2. The person is acting on their own goodwill and not with malicious intent until proven otherwise.

Of course, when the goodwill runs out, the result may sometimes be a lot less desirable and drastic (depends on the person) than coming down at hands. However, I do believe it to be a lot more productive and civil than verbally abusing someone as part of being 'real.'
Nice words doesn't always mean nice things; the person can always be real nasty behind it. In most cases, however, they are identifiable with corresponding qualities, mostly arrogance with cases I've seen.

Conclusion: I don't believe it is the end of the world if somebody asked how are you while not expecting a real answer. They can be real. Superficial politeness isn't bad as long as the person isn't an ass. A good person is a good person no matter if they are polite or unafraid of speaking their mind. It is a problem that people nowadays are far apart than ever, but blaming people who are reserved isn't the answer.

[In an evil world, being good is a sin]



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Now in 2024 compared to 1900ish
People now learned that "kind face" is often a facade used by villains
And it is now kinda a prejudice
So when someone do a kind action, its the "modern" NORM to doubt it.

To cite an example.
There is this video i saw 3days ago.
Dude goes : My neighbor think i'm a creep
: I was driving my car and saw my neighbor (kid) and said to him "do you want a drive?"
: he then stayed silent and goes "nope"
: he then turned around, walked to the corner and DASHED
(Comments laughing that what he said was indeed SUS)

If it was long far in the past, it would be happily accepted. But its all this "news" kidnapping cases "do you need a drive" that now people
are warned about strangers.

Basically, its now a stereotype, that any kind act, have a trap in it.
Also Its like "free games" = people think there is gonna be monetization (Holocure is a exception and ACCLAIMED FOR IT)
Comedy in cartoons/animes where the mean wife give a gift to husband : Husband goes "Did you do something wrong?"
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In school fightings or in drama-in-comments in general.
HOW MANY TIMES did someone/outsider helped the person correct?
In like X years, i never saw ONE person help. AT. ALL
For school fighting, now its a meta trope, that everyone spectate and only bother to "stop it" when it turn physical. Do they care? Nope. They simply fear the repercussions that would splash on them when it turn physical.

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Also, not sure if people knows, but IT SEEMS VERY COMMON, when helping, the helper suffer often.

In a certain place, a few days ago on internet. There was someone giving good opinions and bashed by 2 people. So i bashed the toxics ones / exposed they are bad. And sided with the dude that he is correct and even wishing a good day.
RESULT ?
A outsider-user pop up and say sarcastic things.
And the helped : I feel uncomfortable about this and him fanning the flames
I then ask/talk : Should i have not helped ?
He : Not helpful if you are liability [Which is bs btw as i wasnt]
tdlr : Imagine a anime scene, where there are bullies in school, this classmate is bullied, someone help him. The bullies goes away. And the bullied dislike and mock the person that helped him, saying he didnt need the help.
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Just 30min ago
Saw a nice post saying : Internet is an error, people shouldnt have had access to this gigantic information hub. It fucked everything.

Finally i conclude with a chinese internet saying/novel-quote : A evil person that keep nonstop having evil thought but only did kind acts his whole life until death, is a good person. But a kind person that act on a evil thought once, is a villain.

Or like in chinese MHA fanfic : Why does it matter if heroes are paid for saving ? For the victim, they dont care if their helper is paid it, they only care that their lives are saved at that moment.

 

[tiaf]

Politeness is defined by every individual subjectively.

Some cultures have politeness norms that are uncommon/over the top/under the threshold. I work in service and I’m exhausted by what they expect. I’m more exhausted by my coworkers fake politeness.

I’m blunt, don’t pretend to be polite when you don’t mean it. I don’t need it.

I don’t dislike polite people, but when it affect efficiency or restrict communication, then no. Just say what your problem is.

Idk if I’m just a cynical person, but I always switch POV with the person I deal with. 90% of the cases I wouldn’t stand to be polite. Being polite often brings disadvantages, sadly.

Politness also is often associated with meekness or pushover stereotypes. Ngl, the super polite jp characters do tick me off. To be polite they have to be super duper humble. Can not brag, do something OP but deny it is a big thing. It makes people uncomfortable?

Ofc irl don’t do OP stuff all the time, but as a person who got brainwashed into never taking other’s offers, I struggle to believe others polite offers.

1. People deserve respect and courtesy (common decency, really) befitting being a rationale human.
2. The person is acting on their own goodwill and not with malicious intent until proven otherwise.

1. Give up, most people don’t have this ability. Therefore, people who have seem to be fake. Rude people can’t comprehend. (Wow, I realised again that I’m a rude ass)
2. Sorry, rude fish that skipped dinner can’t comprehend this sentence. What goodwill?

 

[Lloyd]

I like polite people. I wish more people were polite.

 

[Representing_Tromba]

And here I thought I was well liked.

 

[Aaqil]

And here I thought I was well liked.