Webnovel Feedback Roasts For the Fearless

[PersianPrince6969]

Hey! Would love to get some feedback on this novel. It is my first original, and since at first I was sucked into this whole novel mess by the xianxia genre, I decided to make it my first baby. The entire idea came from realising that in this cut-throat setting all the transmigrators, reincarnators, and isekai'd folks are usually either regular students or complete failures who after first stepping into the new world change their whole personalities 180 degrees, which in my opinion is hard to believe, since if they had even an ounce of such resolve in real world they would have been the US economy size wealthy and divinely successful, to the point of starting new religions that would rival Christianity, Islam, Judaism, and Buddhism combined.

So, I decided to put a cut-throat sociopath from our world into xianxia and see how he would fare.

Another point of interest of mine was to create a sort of body-horror xianxia, cause in my opinion, this area is under-explored.

Will appreciate any and all feedback. I have some hypotheses about the downsides of this one, but I am not really sure, and have little to none IRL people with whom I can share this side of my hobbies...

So, this is the story: Heaven is not Merciful

 

[Jax.A.River]

Might as well take the plunge and hope I am selected for impalement and rotation over an open fire.
BDSM

 

[Worthy39]

I salute all of you who are brave enough to get roasted for our entertainment. I will never join your ranks. ?

 

[FRWriter]

I wonder why people are still not learning that they can't win here, at least not with a half-baked story. This is painful to read.

 

[Worthy39]

I wonder why people are still not learning that they can't win here, at least not with a half-baked story. This is painful to read.

You don't win, you just might not end up in tears if you're good enough.

 

[FRWriter]

You don't win, you just might not end up in tears if you're good enough.

I think people who request a review are either too lazy to check out his earlier reviews or are simply masochists.

Maybe one day someone else will review Tempokai's own works and put him in his place

 

[Worthy39]

I think people who request a review are either too lazy to check out his earlier reviews or are simply masochists.

Maybe one day someone else will review Tempokai's own works and put him in his place

You do NOT disrespect the roast master! He is leagues ahead of all those pathetic mortals who dare tread upon his thread with the nerve to ask for his opinion. His roasts are better written than any story posted here!

 

[FRWriter]

You do NOT disrespect the roast master! He is leagues ahead of all those pathetic mortals who dare tread upon his thread with the nerve to ask for his opinion. His roasts are better written than any story posted here!

Well, it seems like you are "unworthy," but maybe someone with the required skills will step up and turn up the heat for a real dark brown roast.

 

[Anonjohn20]

I wonder why people are still not learning that they can't win here, at least not with a half-baked story. This is painful to read.

It's not about winning; Tempokai has provided objective feedback to bad stories and nitpicked decent stories for fun. Anyone who wants to make art should be able to endure criticism, whether constructive or entirely subjective.

 

[Akkizakura]

It's not about winning; Tempokai has provided objective feedback to bad stories and nitpicked decent stories for fun. Anyone who wants to make art should be able to endure criticism, whether constructive or entirely subjective.

Especially if they are the ones who asked for it.

 

[FRWriter]

I am just joking here... everyone who is asking for feedback at this point should know that he or she is about to get roasted.

Still, it would be hilarious if someone turned the tables on him.

 

[Racosharko]

.

I am just joking here

Oh no... thats unfortunate, I have accept it as a fact that you are 100% serious and no amount of " jk lol" can change my mind.

I have already entered it in to your character history and everything.

 

[FRWriter]

.
Oh no... thats unfortunate, I have accept it as a fact that you are 100% serious and no amount of " jk lol" can change my mind.

I have already entered it in to your character history and everything.

I think I can deal with that ;)

At least wrap it up in nice wrapping paper and gift it to me for Christmas.

 

[myririad]

kind of interested but i'm too scared...
maybe when i grow a spine

 

[cxHeavenlyDemonxD]

The Twin Swordmasters | Scribble Hub My very first time writing a light novel I uploaded a prologue and 1st chapter don't hold back tell me how i need to improve

 

[Shigoku]

Are you one of those brave souls who believe your manuscript is teetering on perfection but still wake up at 3 a.m. knowing deep down it’s a disaster? Good. You’re my favorite kind of writer. I’m here to roast your work—scorch it until the ashes look usable. Think of me as the Gordon Ramsay of prose, minus the condescension and fake praise. If your story’s dialogue sounds like two malfunctioning robots reciting a phrasebook, or your pacing moves like a snail overdosed on melatonin, I’ll say so. And you’ll thank me. (Eventually.)

I won’t pat your ego or whisper empty affirmations about how your “raw passion” is shining through. I’ll wield my critiques like a rusty spork and perform open-heart surgery on your prose—messy, necessary, and unforgettable. Don’t worry; you’ll survive. Growth always hurts. But so does realizing your novel reads like someone fell asleep on a keyboard.

If you think your manuscript is ready for tough love, I’ll give it to you straight—no sugar, no spoon. You’ll cry, sure, but you’ll also crawl out of the wreckage stronger. Because what doesn’t kill your manuscript will absolutely make it publishable.

Think you can handle it? Drop your link below. Let’s fix your words before they become tomorrow’s filler on this website.

Go for it - https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2026092/bloody-ball/

 

[Anonjohn20]

So many people asking for good feedback, but the legendary roaster has been busy playing the horse gacha game and RimWorld.

 

[TheSystemlessOne]

Are you one of those brave souls who believe your manuscript is teetering on perfection but still wake up at 3 a.m. knowing deep down it’s a disaster? Good. You’re my favorite kind of writer. I’m here to roast your work—scorch it until the ashes look usable. Think of me as the Gordon Ramsay of prose, minus the condescension and fake praise. If your story’s dialogue sounds like two malfunctioning robots reciting a phrasebook, or your pacing moves like a snail overdosed on melatonin, I’ll say so. And you’ll thank me. (Eventually.)

I won’t pat your ego or whisper empty affirmations about how your “raw passion” is shining through. I’ll wield my critiques like a rusty spork and perform open-heart surgery on your prose—messy, necessary, and unforgettable. Don’t worry; you’ll survive. Growth always hurts. But so does realizing your novel reads like someone fell asleep on a keyboard.

If you think your manuscript is ready for tough love, I’ll give it to you straight—no sugar, no spoon. You’ll cry, sure, but you’ll also crawl out of the wreckage stronger. Because what doesn’t kill your manuscript will absolutely make it publishable.

Think you can handle it? Drop your link below. Let’s fix your words before they become tomorrow’s filler on this website.

Immortals Conflict

Zack grew up believing his parents died in a tragic accident. However, a chance encounter with an acquaintance of his father's turns everything upside down. The so-called ‘accident’ was, in fact, no accident at all. His identity had been altered, his records rewritten, and someone wanted him...

www.scribblehub.com

I just hope u like LitRPG ... It may seem somewhat familiar in the beginning but it definitely finds its own identity as it goes on.
And also its my first original fiction.

 

[Shadowless3]

Could u give mine a try too. I am ready for anything. It's my first time writing and would love some feedback.

Beneath the Crown

Born of royal blood but raised in shadows, she lives among the streets. A bright, reckless spirit with a hidden past and a secret only her sister knows. Careless, curious, and untamed, she has no interest in kingdoms, crowns, or fate. A streetwise troublemaker with a secret past, she hides...

www.scribblehub.com

I am waiting

 

[StenDuring]

Roast on

Questingtank and Healer

Tired of corporate life, Johan Welander buys a ticket and moves to fantasyland, where he hopes to become a spellsword, the legendary swashbucklers, who can jump between rooftops and duel in the air. Life, however, isn't as accomodating.

www.scribblehub.com