The Art of Creative Insults: A Thread

[Juia_Darkcrest]

Two wrongs don't make a right, but by gosh, you sure as hell tried to prove them wrong.

 

[AnEmberOfSundown]

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

Cap it off with "Anyway...goodbye,"

 

[Our_Lady_in_Twilight]

‘Percy, far from being a fit consort for a Prince of the Realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot. You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly and the part of you that can’t be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the court, wouldn’t be worth mentioning even if it could be. If you put on a floppy hat and a funny codpiece, you might just get by as a fool, but since you wouldn’t know a joke if it got up and gave you a haircut, I doubt it.’

***


Blackadder: ‘Baldrick, I would like to say how much I will miss your honest, friendly companionship.’

Baldrick: ‘Thank you, Mr B.’

Blackadder: ‘But, as we both know, it would be an utter lie. I will therefore confine myself to saying simply, “Sod off and if I ever meet you again, it will be twenty billion years too soon.”‘

 

[AliceMoonvale]

"Take you me for a sponge?" - Hamlet

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Edmund Rostand did a brilliant scene of these in the play Cyrano de Bergerac (which I was surprised to learn was based on a real guy - the big nose was only slightly exaggerated, and some mythical traits were added to him - but he also was a creator of something approaching science fiction before it's real genesis in the 1800s), where a noble TRIES to insult Cyrano, and does it so badly, Cyrano rattles off a list of more effective ways the man COULD have insulted him... that winds up with the man challenging him to a duel, which Cyrano manages to compose a ballad while fighting, with a few more insults inserted.

 

[AliceMoonvale]

Edmund Rostand did a brilliant scene of these in the play Cyrano de Bergerac (which I was surprised to learn was based on a real guy - the big nose was only slightly exaggerated, and some mythical traits were added to him - but he also was a creator of something approaching science fiction before it's real genesis in the 1800s), where a noble TRIES to insult Cyrano, and does it so badly, Cyrano rattles off a list of more effective ways the man COULD have insulted him... that winds up with the man challenging him to a duel, which Cyrano manages to compose a ballad while fighting, with a few more insults inserted.

That's cool, but this thread is for posting creative insults.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

That's cool, but this thread is for posting creative insults.

There are too many in that scene to copy and too many good ones to pick and choose.

 

[MFontana]

A personal favorite:
"Your visage is so hideous, the last time you had a portrait made it needed neither hammer nor nail, as it hung itself."

 

[Iamnotatop]

Give me your worst insult here

 

[AliceMoonvale]

"You're ugly when you lie."

- I'm not lying.

"Then why are you so ugly?"

~ felt like quoting Invader Zim


"You would be out of your depth in a parking lot puddle"

 

[corruption]

There will be no legit attacking people here~

. . . But what if I volunteer for it?
Please show me what you have.

Some minor insults from me:

I would call some people here fucked in the head, except there was never anything there.
I would insult you, but nature has beaten me to it.
Do I think you ae attractive? Well, you seem to be able generate your own gravity well.
When I read some of the insults here, I ask myself if little children made them, then I realize kids can be more viscous and imaginative!
Please give me a nice hard challenge. That is only thing that's hard some of you can give anyone.

 

[AliceMoonvale]

'They've reached rock bottom and shown signs of starting to dig"

 

[ElijahRyne]

For the sake of your future prosperity, please sleep with the fishes instead.

 

[corruption]

For the sake of your future prosperity, please sleep with the fishes instead.

But the fishes have restraining orders against him for sexual harassment!