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L1aei

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Hi, posting Ultraviolence here, and I don't got too much feedback from it so far. Would love to see more! If you want.


Alright, I read over a bit and I also will say that there's a number of comments in this thread that already point out what I saw. But I'll suggest something else: imply what Jackie is feeling, don't explain it. The reason is because we want to relate with characters we read. If the character simply tells us what they felt, then all we have is a label. But if we hear implications, then some of us can tap into those senses from our own experiences and become aware of what that might mean. With context, we can be smart enough to figure out what's going on, okay? :blob_okay:
 

OtherSlater

I Play Marvel Rivals
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Jan 5, 2022
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It's working. More people actually read the story now because of the drama. Dramas are good for exposure!
I DONT WANT THAT THO LMAO
I just wanna write and look at pretty art lol. I don't want people who don't like me attacking my art with no evidence! I want opinions and feedback is all. Maybe discussions on the content if I'm lucky! UV took me a whole year to craft, and I don't want drama to be the thing to give it attention.
Alright, I read over a bit and I also will say that there's a number of comments in this thread that already point out what I saw. But I'll suggest something else: imply what Jackie is feeling, don't explain it. The reason is because we want to relate with characters we read. If the character simply tells us what they felt, then all we have is a label. But if we hear implications, then some of us can tap into those senses from our own experiences and become aware of what that might mean. With context, we can be smart enough to figure out what's going on, okay? :blob_okay:
Thank you! The first chapter is a bit heavy-handed, maybe because I wanted to explain who Jackie is in a calm setting like therapy. Maybe I can rewrite it later!
You guys been engaging in forum drama a lot I can create an entire new season of SH Lore.

I just need more time to recover and finish school paperworks
I got fans following me to see my downfall many many men
 

Tempokai

The Overworked One
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Nov 16, 2021
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Meh, all I see is cringe use of rhetorical techniques that are overused in those "REVENGE KILL EVERYONE WAAAGH" stories. Overuse of short sentences that overdramatize instead of letting the story do its thing, mushing sentences together into one indecipherable block of text, and overall breathlessness of a pacing doesn't make a good first impressions for me at least. Meh.
 

Alski

Stray cat
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I got fans following me to see my downfall many many men

uv.png
 

Akkizakura

Honorary SEA member
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Meh, all I see is cringe use of rhetorical techniques that are overused in those "REVENGE KILL EVERYONE WAAAGH" stories. Overuse of short sentences that overdramatize instead of letting the story do its thing, mushing sentences together into one indecipherable block of text, and overall breathlessness of a pacing doesn't make a good first impressions for me at least. Meh.
No wonder some people think it's AI. AI don't know moderation it overuses them a lot.

Anyway, don't write like AI is a valid feedback. It tells you what to avoid so your readers don't run away after seeing the synopsis and the opening of your first chapters. Because in this age, readers have short attention span.

Not all feedbacks are positive. You should be prepared to get negative feedbacks too.

Grow thicker skin. This is the internet.

You shouldn't take everything as an attack. There are people who have no filters and say everything in a mean way because they don't know how to be nice.
 

OtherSlater

I Play Marvel Rivals
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Meh, all I see is cringe use of rhetorical techniques that are overused in those "REVENGE KILL EVERYONE WAAAGH" stories. Overuse of short sentences that overdramatize instead of letting the story do its thing, mushing sentences together into one indecipherable block of text, and overall breathlessness of a pacing doesn't make a good first impressions for me at least. Meh.
Google docs and here kinda makes formatting here weird. I'd tried to clean it up in editing, with too many spaces n all that. The rest, sure. I understand where you're coming from. But I promise it isn't a revenge story. Not in a typical sense anyway. Thank you for your feedback!
No wonder some people think it's AI. AI don't know moderation it overuses them a lot.

Anyway, don't write like AI is a valid feedback. It tells you what to avoid so your readers don't run away after seeing the synopsis and the opening of your first chapters. Because in this age, readers have short attention span.

Not all feedbacks are positive. You should be prepared to get negative feedbacks too.

Grow thicker skin. This is the internet.

You shouldn't take everything as an attack. There are people who have no filters and say everything in a mean way because they don't know how to be nice.
People want me to be this hurt little snow flake but I am chilling bro lmao. I am getting DM'd rn of people picking apart my work. I went to college where people said worse to my face! I just don't like being accused of something I didn't do. I think that's normal, no?
 

Akkizakura

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People want me to be this hurt little snow flake but I am chilling bro lmao. I am getting DM'd rn of people picking apart my work. I went to college where people said worse to my face! I just don't like being accused of something I didn't do. I think that's normal, no?
That's normal. But like Eldoria said in the other thread, you need to work on your conversational skills so you can explain your thoughts better without sounding antagonistic. It will make the stories you write more enjoyable to read too because the way an author talk reflect the way they narrates in the story.
 

OtherSlater

I Play Marvel Rivals
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That's normal. But like Eldoria said in the other thread, you need to work on your conversational skills so you can explain your thoughts better without sounding antagonistic. It will make the stories you write more enjoyable to read too because the way an author talk reflect the way they narrates in the story.
I don't insult anybody. I've been called entitled, hostile, etc, yet I don't call anyone out their name. I only match energies. I'm nice if you talk to me nice. I'm not just gonna take the catty remarks and disrespect without say something back. Eldoria needs to listen to their own advice. This isn't hostile, I don't think
 

Akkizakura

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I don't insult anybody. I've been called entitled, hostile, etc, yet I don't call anyone out their name. I only match energies. I'm nice if you talk to me nice. I'm not just gonna take the catty remarks and disrespect without say something back. Eldoria needs to listen to their own advice. This isn't hostile, I don't think
If all you did was match energies, then you are talking at the wrong place. SHF is a wild place. One doesn't simply come here for positive vibes. At least it's not as bad as RR.
 

OtherSlater

I Play Marvel Rivals
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If all you did was match energies, then you are talking at the wrong place. SHF is a wild place. One doesn't simply come here for positive vibes. At least it's not as bad as RR.
As you can see I love to rub in some mud lol. I'm chillin tho!
You don't care that someone is calling you out for trying to victimize yourself after lying about your own behavior? Yeah, that tracks.
This is literally me btw
 

Macha

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Feb 6, 2021
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As you can see I love to rub in some mud lol. I'm chillin tho!
I'm glad you are enjoying this as much as us. AI accusations are inevitable. They will come, like it or not. You get your first time from me, isn't that cute?

If it's not from me, someone else like A2 will do that. You have proven yourself to be a better person than most authors asking feedback here by not disappearing after feedbacks are given and responding to them.

Have fun with the feedbacks. I hope you learned from them and wish you all the best for your story.
 

Akkizakura

Honorary SEA member
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Messages
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I'm glad you are enjoying this as much as us. AI accusations are inevitable. They will come, like it or not. You get your first time from me, isn't that cute?

If it's not from me, someone else like A2 will do that. You have proven yourself to be a better person than most authors asking feedback here by not disappearing after feedbacks are given and responding to them.

Have fun with the feedbacks. I hope you learned from them and wish you all the best for your story.
You have been very polite and reasonable. I am disappointed. Must be Eldoria's influence. Try to be ruder next time. Where is the Macha I know?
 
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