Power System Rating

[MakBow]

[Power System: Cultivation]
In the bodies of all living things exists Meridians, which can be used to circulate mana throughout the entire body, allowing one to awaken as a hunter and depending on their talent, it determines what they awaken as and how strong they can become
Methods

• Mana Channels / Meridians: Pathways in the body where Mana flows. Cultivators open and strengthen these to circulate Mana efficiently
• Mana Absorption: Mana can be absorbed from nature, space, food, meditation, or combat. Some layers increase a person’s capacity to hold Mana
• Mana Refinement: Turning raw Mana into usable energy for attacks, defense, or improving physical/mental abilities
• Spiritual Insight / Dao Understanding: At higher cores, cultivators not only grow stronger physically, but also understand the deeper mysteries of the world

Dual Cultivation
Mystical or martial arts practice where two individuals cultivate spiritual, magical, or life energy together, often increasing their power, longevity, or magical ability faster than they could alone

• At its heart, it’s about energy exchange and harmony—balancing yin and yang, or complementary forces. Typically:
  • One partner embodies yin (feminine, receptive, moon/earth energy).
  • The other embodies yang (masculine, active, sun/fire energy).

Mechanisms of Dual Cultivation

1. Energy Exchange

• The two partners share or trade life-force, spiritual energy, or magical essence
• Done via physical proximity, touch, meditation, or ritual

1. Ritualistic / Magical Tools

• Some worlds include artifacts, talismans, or spiritual formulas that guide or enhance energy fusion
• This makes the process safer and can introduce plot elements like forbidden techniques or secret manuals.

[Cores & Layers]
— First Core / Mortal Core —
F Rank — Ordinary humans with no awakened core, cannot sense mana, bodies are fragile, lifespan unchanged
E Rank/Awakened Mortal — Roughly 50% of humanity awakens here, enhanced physique (peak human reflexes, stamina, perception), can barely sense mana but cannot manipulate it, no techniques, only instinctive enhancement
D Rank/Enhanced Mortal — Body partially adapted to mana flow, can reinforce muscles, senses, or organs, early techniques (body hardening, burst movement, resistance), lifespan slightly increased Failure here results in permanent bodily damage or stagnation
— Second Core / Middle Core —
C Rank/True Awakener — Considered elite among humans, mana circulation established, can use basic elemental or conceptual techniques, those who awaken here are prodigies, those who ascend here possess long-term potential
B Rank/High Adept — Only 20% of awakeners ever reach this stage, advanced techniques, sustained mana usage, can fight armies alone, can imprint personal traits into techniques (style, emotion, belief)
A Rank/Apex Mortal — Only 10% ever reach or awaken here, techniques become semi-autonomous, can influence weather, terrain, and large-scale battles, national-level assets or threats
— Third Core / High Core —
S Rank — Only ~2% ever reach this realm, can annihilate cities or reshape geography, mana control approaches perfection, existence itself resists their presence
Epic — Must survive an Outer’s Tribulation Confrontation with a Heart Demon (fear, desire, identity, guilt), failure results in madness, death, or loss of cultivation, mana begins transforming into proto-law, starting to being able to comprehend mana in its truest form
Legendary — Fundamental understanding of mana, techniques no longer rely purely on energy, can reshape reality within limited parameters
— Fourth Core / Immortal Core —
Soul — Soul manifests independently of the body, possession, soul combat, spirit travel, physical death ≠ true death, lifespan vastly increased, failure permanently cripples future growth
Phantasmal — Soul and body fused with Dao, no natural aging or death, bound by Heavenly Laws, bear-indestructibility, memory persists across reincarnations
Celestial — Begins true Dao comprehension, techniques gain Laws (Time, Fire, Death, Fate, Space, etc.), power depends entirely on insight, not energy reserves, two cultivators at this level may differ drastically in strength
— Fifth Core / Transcendent Core —
Transcendent — Mortal emotions, karma, or attachments are severed, massive psychological strain, many lose identity, empathy, or sanity, cultivation becomes dangerous without anchors
Mythical — Authority over a Law, can create worlds, races, techniques, still subject to Heaven’s will
Domain — Personal reality where the cultivator has absolute control, laws inside the domain override external ones, domains can clash; stronger will dominates
— Fifth Core / Stellar Core —
Star Forger — Condenses a star within their domain & star determines cultivation nature (fire, gravity, life, entropy)
Black Hole — Domain collapses into singularity, absorbs matter, energy, laws, extremely dangerous even to allies
Gamma Burst — Controls multiple nebulas, can release universe-scorching attacks, power comes with instability
Quasar — Active galactic nucleus core, supermassive black hole + immense radiance, power output rivals' creation events
— Sixth Core / Galaxy Core —
Milky Way — Allows one to create a vast number of stars and create entire solar systems
Vast Way — Allows one to create entire galaxies
World Sea — Hundreds of galaxies form a universe & cultivator governs cosmological balance
— Sixth Core / Dimension Core —
True Universe — Can create, modify, or erase universes at will & laws are written, not followed
Dao Sovereign – No longer bound by Heaven, can shatter realms and divine systems, & feared by gods and concepts alike
Transcendent Void – Exists outside reality cultivation becomes conceptual, identity may dissolve into archetypes, & almost mythical; existence is debated

[Other Laws]
Abnological Fadic — A form of undeniable truth and authority that is birthed from the combination of Laws, Daos, and concepts. A Abnological Fadic cannot be circumvented or stopped by anything, with the only possibility of deniability lying with another Fadic. Along with this, any Abnological Fadic grants its user a smoother pathway towards Reality, granting them an increase in the speed of their Realm Progression

New System:
[Power System: Cultivation]
Within the bodies of all living things exists Meridians, which are used to circulate the mana from space into a cultivator’s body, allowing one to become an Ascended mortal, the first stage of cultivation
[Mana Sphere]
A mysterious and enigmatic spherical space located inside the body around the stomach's area. Due to it being ethereal it does not occupy physical space such as an internal organ would. The mana sphere is endlessly huge, yet at the same time infinitely small
Methods of Training

• Mana Channels / Meridians: Pathways in the body where Mana flows. Cultivators open and strengthen these to circulate Mana efficiently
• Mana Absorption: Mana can be absorbed from nature, space, food, meditation, or combat. Some layers increase a person’s capacity to hold Mana
• Mana Refinement: Turning raw Mana into usable energy for attacks, defense, or improving physical/mental abilities

Dual Cultivation
Mystical or martial arts practice where two individuals cultivate spiritual, magical, or life energy together, often increasing their power, longevity, or magical ability faster than they could alone

• At its heart, it’s about energy exchange and harmony—balancing yin and yang, or complementary forces. Typically:
  • One partner embodies yin (feminine, receptive, moon/earth energy).
  • The other embodies yang (masculine, active, sun/fire energy).

Mechanisms of Dual Cultivation

1. Energy Exchange

• The two partners share or trade life-force, spiritual energy, or magical essence
• Done via physical proximity, touch, meditation, or ritual

1. Ritualistic / Magical Tools

• Some worlds include artifacts, talismans, or spiritual formulas that guide or enhance energy fusion
• This makes the process safer and can introduce plot elements like forbidden spells or secret manuals

[Mana Cores]
Mana Cores are the essence of the universe itself, stars form space that have crashed onto Earth, their forms varying as they can be anything or anyone, whether an animal, humans, dragon, or an object
Traits
They will never be malicious, for they do not have such feelings, being extremely neutral as they often roam without destination and when they meet something, they will offer a Vow, which is a contract between the mana core and something else, and when they happens, they offer an infinite amount of something, either being laws, daos, and other things, followed is a connection to your mana sphere but this will weaken the core as it gives its entire being to you
Refinement
Such things can be refined by feeding it, which can make them even stronger, but it all depends on what they desire, so they may want mana or artifacts, or herbs, etc.
(Note: What they request may not match what you are given, so you may need to pay very little for someone so beneficial, or pay too much, for something not so useful all the time)
Downsides
If you cannot fulfill their conditions, depending on what it was, it will take your lifespan as compensation or other things like your techniques, traits, physiques and if they request you give them something a specific way, you must do it that way or else they will take interested, taking more than the vow requested
Mana Core Master Ranks
Rank 1 Master — Everyone starts at this level when they do not have a mana core in a vow, having their Mana Sphere opened
Rank 2 Master — You have made a vow with a Mana Core, and it has been weakened, its entire being inside your Mana Sphere, as such, you must now refine it, or it may kill you
Rank 3 Master — You have reached a stage where the relationship goes beyond mere mutual benefits, able to have their mana core attack and defend
Rank 4 Master — Those who reach this rank have helped the mana core regain have of their power through continuous refinement
Rank 5 Master — Masters in this rank have nearly helped them Mana Core reach their peak once again, but they stay at a bottleneck until they break through along with their Mana Core, requiring Dual Cultivation
Rank Immortal Master — To become an immortal, four things are required: Dual Cultivation, the alignment of a trait, physique, mana circuit, style, & technique, the complete destruction of your mana sphere, merging yourself with reality and existence, and last, the passing of a Reality Tribulation
[Mana Circuits]
Mana circuits are the pseudo-bloodlines of the soul, a hereditary power carried in someone’s circuits, usually tied to ancient beasts or gods, legendary clans, and/or heavenly or demonic origins
Mana Circuits Awakening & Evolution
Mana circuits aren’t always static. They can:

• Awaken under stress or near death
• Evolve after absorbing essence, blood, or relics
• Purify over generations or via special spells

Downsides
Mana circuits aren’t pure blessings:

• Strong Mana circuits attract enemies
• Eldritch beings may suppress or curse you
• Mana circuits purity can degrade Clan politics get nasty
• Restricts your spell capability and magic, not allowing diversity depending on the bloodline

[Traits]
Traits are innate characteristics of the soul, mind, or body that shape how someone cultivates
Affect

• Learning speed
• Mental stability
• Combat instincts
• Compatibility with techniques
• Dao comprehension
• Resistance to corruption, madness, or tribulations

Types
Physical Traits — Physical capabilities changed
Mental Traits — Mental capabilities changed
Soul Traits —- Spiritual capabilities changed
Dao Traits — Connection to concepts changed
Evolution

• Sharpen under pressure
• Merge into higher traits
• Mutate due to dao enlightenment
• Be partially copied or imprinted (rare)

Downsides

• Obsessive traits lead to madness
• Emotional suppression can damage relationships
• Extreme adaptability may erode identity
• Some traits block other daos

[Physiques]
A physique is a fundamental bodily framework designed to interact with mana, laws, or the world in a specific way
Affect

• Mana absorption efficiency
• Endurance against heavenly tribulations
• Compatibility with realms and techniques
• Physical dominance vs spiritual dominance
• Survivability when things go wrong (which they always do)

Types
Elemental Physiques
Supreme Physiques
Dao Physiques
God Physiques
Sealed Physiques
Awakening

• Awakened via extreme environments
• Refined through body-tempering realms
• Stabilized with rare treasures
• Evolved by merging energies or laws

Downsides

• Body may reject mana without constant tempering
• Physique can overpower the soul
• Higher tribulations than normal
• Attracts harvesting, kidnapping, experimentation

[Styles]
Styles are the ways that one uses a weapon, their body, their mind, or anything, flexible or not and able to be changed freely, and these styles can overcome various talents, physiques, traits if used right or if made right
Types
Physical Styles
Spiritual Styles
Elemental Styles
Magical Styles
Spirit Beast Styles
Monster Styles
Demonic Styles
Space Styles
Dao Styles
[Techniques/Spells]
A technique is how the power is used instead of the mana itself, which can be very versatile
Types
Cultivation Techniques — How qi is circulated, how attacks are formed, how laws are invoked, efficiency vs waste, whether you fight smart or loud
Combat Techniques/Spells — Spell techniques (fire, lightning, formations) & domain techniques (area control)
Secret Techniques/Spells — Burn lifespan, damage soul or meridians, & require sacrifices
Dao Techniques/Spells — Techniques that control a law instead of usual mana
Auxiliary Techniques/Spells — Non-combatant techniques, meant for survival rather than combat like movement techniques, concealment arts, & soul defense methods
Grades

• Mortal
• Earth
• Heaven
• Emperor
• Dao / Immortal

[Other Laws]
Sovereign Edict — A form of undeniable truth and authority that is birthed from the combination of Laws, Daos, and concepts. A Sovereign Edict cannot be circumvented or stopped by anything, with the only possibility of deniability lying with another Edict. Along with this, any Sovereign Edict grants its user a smoother pathway towards Reality, granting them an increase in the speed of their Realm Progression
Transcendent Halos — It is a powerful artifact forged by the complete comprehension of Doa, the universe, and the realms of creation, granting the title of Reality Overseer, unique with the harmonious connection of all daos, constantly stimulates the refinement of the True Blood

 

[CheertheSecond]

I will say 5/10

No matter how good a system is, I will always rate it 5/10 until I see your story makes intensive use of the system and your characters interacts with the system.

 

[FRWriter]

Way too many stages. This might be suitable for a 2k chapter novel, but are you really going for that?

Aside from that, this is beautifully unbalanced, exactly like a Cultivation novel should be, so I don't see any problem. To be perfectly honest, though, it isn't really unique or adds anything new either. Pretty generic, but perfectly fine power system.

This system will most likely not ruin your story or drag you down, but maybe you can add something truly unique to it? I mean just one twist that's truly unique. Not a special MC ability, but something unique about the system.

 

[MakBow]

Way too many stages. This might be suitable for a 2k chapter novel, but are you really going for that?

Aside from that, this is beautifully unbalanced, exactly like a Cultivation novel should be, so I don't see any problem. To be perfectly honest, though, it isn't really unique or adds anything new either. Pretty generic, but perfectly fine power system.

This system will most likely not ruin your story or drag you down, but maybe you can add something truly unique to it? I mean just one twist that's truly unique. Not a special MC ability, but something unique about the system.

I barely understand cultivation systems to make some truly unique, and yes, I am trying to go for that many chapters, I need the money.
If you have any ideas, I have no problems going for it.

 

[FRWriter]

I barely understand cultivation systems to make some truly unique, and yes, I am trying to go for that many chapters, I need the money.
If you have any ideas, I have no problems going for it.

Usually, these stories always have unique things. I know one that is focused on Fishing and every Cultivator is actually a fisherman with a unique soul fish.

It can be anything... also, cores are usually the name of an early/middle stage. You starting out with cores is a little too simplistic.

Good cultivation novels also have different varieties/outcomes for each stage that set each other apart.

Yours is rather simplistic, merely a "level up".

If you really want to go for a 2k chapter story, I'd advise you to read at least 3 to 4 2k chapter Cultivation stories from start to finish before even attempting to create one yourself.

Cultivation enthusiasts are VERY strict, especially about the mechanics.

As for something unique. Pets are commonly used (soul pets or something like that). Bloodlines as well.

Why don't you go for a cultivation organ that you need to infuse with the bloodline of hunted beasts, or a spirit gem that you need to supply with magical gemstones, along with Spirit Stones?

Or go for a Soul plant that everyone gets that slowly needs to grow to reach the next stage.

Also, if your main motivation is money, cultivation is the WRONG genre. Especially for English language readers.

There are way more profitable genres. I think LITRPGs are the uncontested No. 1.

 

[MFontana]

[Power System: Cultivation]
In the bodies of all living things exists Meridians, which can be used to circulate mana throughout the entire body, allowing one to awaken as a hunter and depending on their talent, it determines what they awaken as and how strong they can become
Methods

• Mana Channels / Meridians: Pathways in the body where Mana flows. Cultivators open and strengthen these to circulate Mana efficiently
• Mana Absorption: Mana can be absorbed from nature, space, food, meditation, or combat. Some layers increase a person’s capacity to hold Mana
• Mana Refinement: Turning raw Mana into usable energy for attacks, defense, or improving physical/mental abilities
• Spiritual Insight / Dao Understanding: At higher cores, cultivators not only grow stronger physically, but also understand the deeper mysteries of the world

Dual Cultivation
Mystical or martial arts practice where two individuals cultivate spiritual, magical, or life energy together, often increasing their power, longevity, or magical ability faster than they could alone

• At its heart, it’s about energy exchange and harmony—balancing yin and yang, or complementary forces. Typically:
  • One partner embodies yin (feminine, receptive, moon/earth energy).
  • The other embodies yang (masculine, active, sun/fire energy).

Mechanisms of Dual Cultivation

1. Energy Exchange

• The two partners share or trade life-force, spiritual energy, or magical essence
• Done via physical proximity, touch, meditation, or ritual

1. Ritualistic / Magical Tools

• Some worlds include artifacts, talismans, or spiritual formulas that guide or enhance energy fusion
• This makes the process safer and can introduce plot elements like forbidden techniques or secret manuals.

[Cores & Layers]
— First Core / Mortal Core —
F Rank — Ordinary humans with no awakened core, cannot sense mana, bodies are fragile, lifespan unchanged
E Rank/Awakened Mortal — Roughly 50% of humanity awakens here, enhanced physique (peak human reflexes, stamina, perception), can barely sense mana but cannot manipulate it, no techniques, only instinctive enhancement
D Rank/Enhanced Mortal — Body partially adapted to mana flow, can reinforce muscles, senses, or organs, early techniques (body hardening, burst movement, resistance), lifespan slightly increased Failure here results in permanent bodily damage or stagnation
— Second Core / Middle Core —
C Rank/True Awakener — Considered elite among humans, mana circulation established, can use basic elemental or conceptual techniques, those who awaken here are prodigies, those who ascend here possess long-term potential
B Rank/High Adept — Only 20% of awakeners ever reach this stage, advanced techniques, sustained mana usage, can fight armies alone, can imprint personal traits into techniques (style, emotion, belief)
A Rank/Apex Mortal — Only 10% ever reach or awaken here, techniques become semi-autonomous, can influence weather, terrain, and large-scale battles, national-level assets or threats
— Third Core / High Core —
S Rank — Only ~2% ever reach this realm, can annihilate cities or reshape geography, mana control approaches perfection, existence itself resists their presence
Epic — Must survive an Outer’s Tribulation Confrontation with a Heart Demon (fear, desire, identity, guilt), failure results in madness, death, or loss of cultivation, mana begins transforming into proto-law, starting to being able to comprehend mana in its truest form
Legendary — Fundamental understanding of mana, techniques no longer rely purely on energy, can reshape reality within limited parameters
— Fourth Core / Immortal Core —
Soul — Soul manifests independently of the body, possession, soul combat, spirit travel, physical death ≠ true death, lifespan vastly increased, failure permanently cripples future growth
Phantasmal — Soul and body fused with Dao, no natural aging or death, bound by Heavenly Laws, bear-indestructibility, memory persists across reincarnations
Celestial — Begins true Dao comprehension, techniques gain Laws (Time, Fire, Death, Fate, Space, etc.), power depends entirely on insight, not energy reserves, two cultivators at this level may differ drastically in strength
— Fifth Core / Transcendent Core —
Transcendent — Mortal emotions, karma, or attachments are severed, massive psychological strain, many lose identity, empathy, or sanity, cultivation becomes dangerous without anchors
Mythical — Authority over a Law, can create worlds, races, techniques, still subject to Heaven’s will
Domain — Personal reality where the cultivator has absolute control, laws inside the domain override external ones, domains can clash; stronger will dominates
— Fifth Core / Stellar Core —
Star Forger — Condenses a star within their domain & star determines cultivation nature (fire, gravity, life, entropy)
Black Hole — Domain collapses into singularity, absorbs matter, energy, laws, extremely dangerous even to allies
Gamma Burst — Controls multiple nebulas, can release universe-scorching attacks, power comes with instability
Quasar — Active galactic nucleus core, supermassive black hole + immense radiance, power output rivals' creation events
— Sixth Core / Galaxy Core —
Milky Way — Allows one to create a vast number of stars and create entire solar systems
Vast Way — Allows one to create entire galaxies
World Sea — Hundreds of galaxies form a universe & cultivator governs cosmological balance
— Sixth Core / Dimension Core —
True Universe — Can create, modify, or erase universes at will & laws are written, not followed
Dao Sovereign – No longer bound by Heaven, can shatter realms and divine systems, & feared by gods and concepts alike
Transcendent Void – Exists outside reality cultivation becomes conceptual, identity may dissolve into archetypes, & almost mythical; existence is debated

[Other Laws]
Abnological Fadic — A form of undeniable truth and authority that is birthed from the combination of Laws, Daos, and concepts. A Abnological Fadic cannot be circumvented or stopped by anything, with the only possibility of deniability lying with another Fadic. Along with this, any Abnological Fadic grants its user a smoother pathway towards Reality, granting them an increase in the speed of their Realm Progression

I'll give you this much; it feels reasonably well thought-out, but isn't effectually clear in its intended purpose or scope (to me anyway).
That said; this also, from what I can guess, isn't intended as a LitRPG system, which in-and-of itself makes it less compatible with my interests, and expertise. So take everything that I'm saying here with a grain of salt, as I'm coming from a LitRPG-based systemic expertise built upon approximately 15 years of experience designing RPG systemic elements and system features to be used in my TTRPG campaigns and campaign setting.

So I'll keep my questions here general and narratively aligned.
Does it fit within the narrative, or does the narrative exist to support the system?
How does this relate to the main conflict in narrative?
What purpose does it serve for the narrative?
How or Why would characters seek to improve or grow in rank or ability?
What are the costs of doing so at each distinct level or tier?
How, exactly, do characters attain each new rank/tier/level/etc?

Personally, I get the distinct impression that this structure was built to justify, or enable, an OP protagonist and their pursuit of greater power and abilities (which really isn't how a system like this should function within the genre that I write in, but may very well be the standard of your chosen genre) and it really doesn't fit with my personal experiences or preferences either. That aside, I'm sure there are folks out there who would absolutely love this kind of thing, so don't let me discourage you here. If this is the norm for your genre, by all means do it, but don't be afraid to break the mold and do something new.

Systemically speaking, one of the major things that appears like it's lacking to me is the progression structure. Specifically what is needed to ascend from one rank or level to the next. This kind of thing is a veritable necessity for the LitRPG genre, so I can't help but look for it.
Additionally, the costs involved and functional limits or systemic features of what must be pursued or attained by a character (within reason) in order to attain any given rank are exceedingly vague and spread out thinly, so you may want to consider fleshing out those details in your own way, and in a way most appropriate for your chosen genre.

The simplest explanation and equivalency (from the LitRPG perspective) is the level-up process.
A character requires "X" experience points / XP in order to gain a level.
When they gain the requisite XP, they gain a level.
When they gain or reach the appropriate level, they get new perks and abilities.

So if we equate the levels in a LitRPG system to the Ranks in your proposed system here;
The questions for you become "How does your system function to let characters ascend the ranks?" and "What must they do within the system's rules and laws, in order to attain the next rank?"

At the fundamental level, the two progression systems are basically the same. The only real differences that I can see are in the narrative structure, what the different milestones are called, and how they are attained.

What it honestly feels like you're trying to do here is blend cosmological and mortal elements into a singular structure where mortals can attain cosmological influence, and the absurd powers that come with it, without any clear sense of struggle, or consistent cost to those achievements.

The ultimate question for this though, is "How will this be executed in the narrative?". Does it serve as the backbone / support structure for the narrative, or is the narrative built to serve the system?

It can be done, but it also requires a great deal of work to do it well. The execution will be what determines whether this was a good idea, or a bad one.

From the LitRPG systemic standpoint and structural analysis, I'd have to say it really doesn't work because it is lacking in both context, and systemic growth features (such as how one can move up, or down, between the different tiers to reflect on the character growth that the system is intended to present), but it IS still a solid foundational structure to build upon.

Overall, the biggest flaw that I can see is that your systemic structure (as written there) is setting itself up to fall into the quiet trap of Power Creep, where you need to use increasingly more powerful antagonists to create the same sense of danger and narrative tension in order to challenge the protagonist(s).

That trap plagues just about every progression-fantasy style story, and is what (in my opinion) will inevitably kill any interest that the narrative might be able to generate.

You really might want to consider how you plan to address this issue within your narrative, or otherwise make some adjustments to the system itself in order to address the problem before it can really become one.

This has been the biggest trap and failing (in my opinion) of the shounen genre and just about every narrative structure that follows the same or a similar structure.

If you can figure out a way to address that problem, I'd say you have the foundation of something that could be truly exceptional.

 

[MakBow]

Usually, these stories always have unique things. I know one that is focused on Fishing and every Cultivator is actually a fisherman with a unique soul fish.

It can be anything... also, cores are usually the name of an early/middle stage. You starting out with cores is a little too simplistic.

Good cultivation novels also have different varieties/outcomes for each stage that set each other apart.

Yours is rather simplistic, merely a "level up".

If you really want to go for a 2k chapter story, I'd advise you to read at least 3 to 4 2k chapter Cultivation stories from start to finish before even attempting to create one yourself.

Cultivation enthusiasts are VERY strict, especially about the mechanics.

As for something unique. Pets are commonly used (soul pets or something like that). Bloodlines as well.

Why don't you go for a cultivation organ that you need to infuse with the bloodline of hunted beasts, or a spirit gem that you need to supply with magical gemstones, along with Spirit Stones?

Or go for a Soul plant that everyone gets that slowly needs to grow to reach the next stage.

Also, if your main motivation is money, cultivation is the WRONG genre. Especially for English language readers.

There are way more profitable genres. I think LITRPGs are the uncontested No. 1.

Yeah, I'm currently reading renegade immortal to get an idea and I'm currently modifying it to add more diversity

I'll give you this much; it feels reasonably well thought-out, but isn't effectually clear in its intended purpose or scope (to me anyway).
That said; this also, from what I can guess, isn't intended as a LitRPG system, which in-and-of itself makes it less compatible with my interests, and expertise. So take everything that I'm saying here with a grain of salt, as I'm coming from a LitRPG-based systemic expertise built upon approximately 15 years of experience designing RPG systemic elements and system features to be used in my TTRPG campaigns and campaign setting.

So I'll keep my questions here general and narratively aligned.
Does it fit within the narrative, or does the narrative exist to support the system?
How does this relate to the main conflict in narrative?
What purpose does it serve for the narrative?
How or Why would characters seek to improve or grow in rank or ability?
What are the costs of doing so at each distinct level or tier?
How, exactly, do characters attain each new rank/tier/level/etc?

Personally, I get the distinct impression that this structure was built to justify, or enable, an OP protagonist and their pursuit of greater power and abilities (which really isn't how a system like this should function within the genre that I write in, but may very well be the standard of your chosen genre) and it really doesn't fit with my personal experiences or preferences either. That aside, I'm sure there are folks out there who would absolutely love this kind of thing, so don't let me discourage you here. If this is the norm for your genre, by all means do it, but don't be afraid to break the mold and do something new.

Systemically speaking, one of the major things that appears like it's lacking to me is the progression structure. Specifically what is needed to ascend from one rank or level to the next. This kind of thing is a veritable necessity for the LitRPG genre, so I can't help but look for it.
Additionally, the costs involved and functional limits or systemic features of what must be pursued or attained by a character (within reason) in order to attain any given rank are exceedingly vague and spread out thinly, so you may want to consider fleshing out those details in your own way, and in a way most appropriate for your chosen genre.

The simplest explanation and equivalency (from the LitRPG perspective) is the level-up process.
A character requires "X" experience points / XP in order to gain a level.
When they gain the requisite XP, they gain a level.
When they gain or reach the appropriate level, they get new perks and abilities.

So if we equate the levels in a LitRPG system to the Ranks in your proposed system here;
The questions for you become "How does your system function to let characters ascend the ranks?" and "What must they do within the system's rules and laws, in order to attain the next rank?"

At the fundamental level, the two progression systems are basically the same. The only real differences that I can see are in the narrative structure, what the different milestones are called, and how they are attained.

What it honestly feels like you're trying to do here is blend cosmological and mortal elements into a singular structure where mortals can attain cosmological influence, and the absurd powers that come with it, without any clear sense of struggle, or consistent cost to those achievements.

The ultimate question for this though, is "How will this be executed in the narrative?". Does it serve as the backbone / support structure for the narrative, or is the narrative built to serve the system?

It can be done, but it also requires a great deal of work to do it well. The execution will be what determines whether this was a good idea, or a bad one.

From the LitRPG systemic standpoint and structural analysis, I'd have to say it really doesn't work because it is lacking in both context, and systemic growth features (such as how one can move up, or down, between the different tiers to reflect on the character growth that the system is intended to present), but it IS still a solid foundational structure to build upon.

Overall, the biggest flaw that I can see is that your systemic structure (as written there) is setting itself up to fall into the quiet trap of Power Creep, where you need to use increasingly more powerful antagonists to create the same sense of danger and narrative tension in order to challenge the protagonist(s).

That trap plagues just about every progression-fantasy style story, and is what (in my opinion) will inevitably kill any interest that the narrative might be able to generate.

You really might want to consider how you plan to address this issue within your narrative, or otherwise make some adjustments to the system itself in order to address the problem before it can really become one.

This has been the biggest trap and failing (in my opinion) of the shounen genre and just about every narrative structure that follows the same or a similar structure.

If you can figure out a way to address that problem, I'd say you have the foundation of something that could be truly exceptional.

Don't worry, I'm changing up the power system to be as unfair as possible because that's kind of what I want to do. In a world where talent means everything when it comes to strength, the MC has himself a golden finger which isn't really rare or anything, just a golden finger.

Also, the power system would really just be an instrument for the MC and other character's development. The real story would be about how the MC struggles to deal with his own emotional instability and how that instability gets worse as he gets stronger

 

[TinaMigarlo]

This system will most likely not ruin your story or drag you down, but maybe you can add something truly unique to it? I mean just one twist that's truly unique. Not a special MC ability, but something unique about the system.

mana is stored in the booba. Ergo, the bigger the booba's, the more powerful the character. MC has gigantic thingies. Hence, she is OP MC. Cool elf tiddies about fifteen times bigger then her head, for the AI cover. When she does Yuri with other possessors of big mana repositories, their powers both grow. Which, makes the booba's even bigger, so they can hold more mana.

now. when she uses her powers, the booba shrink. SO she has to do more Yuri, to top power up, and the cycle continues. she eventually ends up with a harem of giant elf tiddy girls because she needs the power to defeat the big baddie. They all go together to defeat the big baddie.

really, you about can't screw this execution up.

 

[FRWriter]

mana is stored in the booba. Ergo, the bigger the booba's, the more powerful the character. MC has gigantic thingies. Hence, she is OP MC. Cool elf tiddies about fifteen times bigger then her head, for the AI cover. When she does Yuri with other possessors of big mana repositories, their powers both grow. Which, makes the booba's even bigger, so they can hold more mana.

now. when she uses her powers, the booba shrink. SO she has to do more Yuri, to top power up, and the cycle continues. she eventually ends up with a harem of giant elf tiddy girls because she needs the power to defeat the big baddie. They all go together to defeat the big baddie.

really, you about can't screw this execution up.

It would actually work... as a comedic story. ;)

Why not create a one-shot? Boobas eventually reach the size of mountains, kingdoms founded on boobas, eventually realizing the world they are living in is just one booba of a mighty goddess, realizing they must go to war against the neighboring booba world to claim it all for themselves.

 

[L1aei]

Hmm... asymmetrical warfare by targeting the soul via possession... let me see, I could sabotage the heart demon trial too. I'll have to learn more about a fadic if I wanna see if there is a means to, oh, I don't know. Maybe rewrite the rules? Either way, I believe this is good in a straight up challenge, but anyone who knows how to blindside someone will not last long.

 

[MakBow]

I'll give you this much; it feels reasonably well thought-out, but isn't effectually clear in its intended purpose or scope (to me anyway).
That said; this also, from what I can guess, isn't intended as a LitRPG system, which in-and-of itself makes it less compatible with my interests, and expertise. So take everything that I'm saying here with a grain of salt, as I'm coming from a LitRPG-based systemic expertise built upon approximately 15 years of experience designing RPG systemic elements and system features to be used in my TTRPG campaigns and campaign setting.

So I'll keep my questions here general and narratively aligned.
Does it fit within the narrative, or does the narrative exist to support the system?
How does this relate to the main conflict in narrative?
What purpose does it serve for the narrative?
How or Why would characters seek to improve or grow in rank or ability?
What are the costs of doing so at each distinct level or tier?
How, exactly, do characters attain each new rank/tier/level/etc?

Personally, I get the distinct impression that this structure was built to justify, or enable, an OP protagonist and their pursuit of greater power and abilities (which really isn't how a system like this should function within the genre that I write in, but may very well be the standard of your chosen genre) and it really doesn't fit with my personal experiences or preferences either. That aside, I'm sure there are folks out there who would absolutely love this kind of thing, so don't let me discourage you here. If this is the norm for your genre, by all means do it, but don't be afraid to break the mold and do something new.

Systemically speaking, one of the major things that appears like it's lacking to me is the progression structure. Specifically what is needed to ascend from one rank or level to the next. This kind of thing is a veritable necessity for the LitRPG genre, so I can't help but look for it.
Additionally, the costs involved and functional limits or systemic features of what must be pursued or attained by a character (within reason) in order to attain any given rank are exceedingly vague and spread out thinly, so you may want to consider fleshing out those details in your own way, and in a way most appropriate for your chosen genre.

The simplest explanation and equivalency (from the LitRPG perspective) is the level-up process.
A character requires "X" experience points / XP in order to gain a level.
When they gain the requisite XP, they gain a level.
When they gain or reach the appropriate level, they get new perks and abilities.

So if we equate the levels in a LitRPG system to the Ranks in your proposed system here;
The questions for you become "How does your system function to let characters ascend the ranks?" and "What must they do within the system's rules and laws, in order to attain the next rank?"

At the fundamental level, the two progression systems are basically the same. The only real differences that I can see are in the narrative structure, what the different milestones are called, and how they are attained.

What it honestly feels like you're trying to do here is blend cosmological and mortal elements into a singular structure where mortals can attain cosmological influence, and the absurd powers that come with it, without any clear sense of struggle, or consistent cost to those achievements.

The ultimate question for this though, is "How will this be executed in the narrative?". Does it serve as the backbone / support structure for the narrative, or is the narrative built to serve the system?

It can be done, but it also requires a great deal of work to do it well. The execution will be what determines whether this was a good idea, or a bad one.

From the LitRPG systemic standpoint and structural analysis, I'd have to say it really doesn't work because it is lacking in both context, and systemic growth features (such as how one can move up, or down, between the different tiers to reflect on the character growth that the system is intended to present), but it IS still a solid foundational structure to build upon.

Overall, the biggest flaw that I can see is that your systemic structure (as written there) is setting itself up to fall into the quiet trap of Power Creep, where you need to use increasingly more powerful antagonists to create the same sense of danger and narrative tension in order to challenge the protagonist(s).

That trap plagues just about every progression-fantasy style story, and is what (in my opinion) will inevitably kill any interest that the narrative might be able to generate.

You really might want to consider how you plan to address this issue within your narrative, or otherwise make some adjustments to the system itself in order to address the problem before it can really become one.

This has been the biggest trap and failing (in my opinion) of the shounen genre and just about every narrative structure that follows the same or a similar structure.

If you can figure out a way to address that problem, I'd say you have the foundation of something that could be truly exceptional.

Here's the who new system I made, tell me what you think?

[Power System: Cultivation]
Within the bodies of all living things exists Meridians, which are used to circulate the mana from space into a cultivator’s body, allowing one to become an Ascended mortal, the first stage of cultivation
[Mana Sphere]
A mysterious and enigmatic spherical space located inside the body around the stomach's area. Due to it being ethereal it does not occupy physical space such as an internal organ would. The mana sphere is endlessly huge, yet at the same time infinitely small
Methods of Training

• Mana Channels / Meridians: Pathways in the body where Mana flows. Cultivators open and strengthen these to circulate Mana efficiently
• Mana Absorption: Mana can be absorbed from nature, space, food, meditation, or combat. Some layers increase a person’s capacity to hold Mana
• Mana Refinement: Turning raw Mana into usable energy for attacks, defense, or improving physical/mental abilities

Dual Cultivation
Mystical or martial arts practice where two individuals cultivate spiritual, magical, or life energy together, often increasing their power, longevity, or magical ability faster than they could alone

• At its heart, it’s about energy exchange and harmony—balancing yin and yang, or complementary forces. Typically:
  • One partner embodies yin (feminine, receptive, moon/earth energy).
  • The other embodies yang (masculine, active, sun/fire energy).

Mechanisms of Dual Cultivation

1. Energy Exchange

• The two partners share or trade life-force, spiritual energy, or magical essence
• Done via physical proximity, touch, meditation, or ritual

1. Ritualistic / Magical Tools

• Some worlds include artifacts, talismans, or spiritual formulas that guide or enhance energy fusion
• This makes the process safer and can introduce plot elements like forbidden spells or secret manuals

[Mana Cores]
Mana Cores are the essence of the universe itself, stars from space that have crashed onto Earth, their forms varying as they can be anything or anyone, whether an animal, humans, dragon, or an object
Traits
They will never be malicious, for they do not have such feelings, being extremely neutral as they often roam without destination and when they meet something, they will offer a Vow, which is a contract between the mana core and something else, and when they happens, they offer an infinite amount of something, either being laws, daos, and other things, followed is a connection to your mana sphere but this will weaken the core as it gives its entire being to you
Refinement
Such things can be refined by feeding it, which can make them even stronger, but it all depends on what they desire, so they may want mana or artifacts, or herbs, etc.
(Note: What they request may not match what you are given, so you may need to pay very little for someone so beneficial, or pay too much, for something not so useful all the time)
Downsides
If you cannot fulfill their conditions, depending on what it was, it will take your lifespan as compensation or other things like your techniques, traits, physiques and if they request you give them something a specific way, you must do it that way or else they will take interested, taking more than the vow requested
Mana Core Master Ranks
Rank 1 Master — Everyone starts at this level when they do not have a mana core in a vow, having their Mana Sphere opened
Rank 2 Master — You have made a vow with a Mana Core, and it has been weakened, its entire being inside your Mana Sphere, as such, you must now refine it, or it may kill you
Rank 3 Master — You have reached a stage where the relationship goes beyond mere mutual benefits, able to have their mana core attack and defend
Rank 4 Master — Those who reach this rank have helped the mana core regain have of their power through continuous refinement
Rank 5 Master — Masters in this rank have nearly helped them Mana Core reach their peak once again, but they stay at a bottleneck until they break through along with their Mana Core, requiring Dual Cultivation
Rank Immortal Master — To become an immortal, four things are required: Dual Cultivation, the alignment of a trait, physique, mana circuit, style, & technique, the complete destruction of your mana sphere, merging yourself with reality and existence, and last, the passing of a Reality Tribulation
[Mana Circuits]
Mana circuits are the pseudo-bloodlines of the soul, a hereditary power carried in someone’s circuits, usually tied to ancient beasts or gods, legendary clans, and/or heavenly or demonic origins
Mana Circuits Awakening & Evolution
Mana circuits aren’t always static. They can:

• Awaken under stress or near death
• Evolve after absorbing essence, blood, or relics
• Purify over generations or via special spells

Downsides
Mana circuits aren’t pure blessings:

• Strong Mana circuits attract enemies
• Eldritch beings may suppress or curse you
• Mana circuits purity can degrade Clan politics get nasty
• Restricts your spell capability and magic, not allowing diversity depending on the bloodline

[Traits]
Traits are innate characteristics of the soul, mind, or body that shape how someone cultivates
Affect

• Learning speed
• Mental stability
• Combat instincts
• Compatibility with techniques
• Dao comprehension
• Resistance to corruption, madness, or tribulations

Types
Physical Traits — Physical capabilities changed
Mental Traits — Mental capabilities changed
Soul Traits —- Spiritual capabilities changed
Dao Traits — Connection to concepts changed
Evolution

• Sharpen under pressure
• Merge into higher traits
• Mutate due to dao enlightenment
• Be partially copied or imprinted (rare)

Downsides

• Obsessive traits lead to madness
• Emotional suppression can damage relationships
• Extreme adaptability may erode identity
• Some traits block other daos

[Physiques]
A physique is a fundamental bodily framework designed to interact with mana, laws, or the world in a specific way
Affect

• Mana absorption efficiency
• Endurance against heavenly tribulations
• Compatibility with realms and techniques
• Physical dominance vs spiritual dominance
• Survivability when things go wrong (which they always do)

Types
Elemental Physiques
Supreme Physiques
Dao Physiques
God Physiques
Sealed Physiques
Awakening

• Awakened via extreme environments
• Refined through body-tempering realms
• Stabilized with rare treasures
• Evolved by merging energies or laws

Downsides

• Body may reject mana without constant tempering
• Physique can overpower the soul
• Higher tribulations than normal
• Attracts harvesting, kidnapping, experimentation

[Styles]
Styles are the ways that one uses a weapon, their body, their mind, or anything, flexible or not and able to be changed freely, and these styles can overcome various talents, physiques, traits if used right or if made right
Types
Physical Styles
Spiritual Styles
Elemental Styles
Magical Styles
Spirit Beast Styles
Monster Styles
Demonic Styles
Space Styles
Dao Styles
[Techniques/Spells]
A technique is how the power is used instead of the mana itself, which can be very versatile
Types
Cultivation Techniques — How qi is circulated, how attacks are formed, how laws are invoked, efficiency vs waste, whether you fight smart or loud
Combat Techniques/Spells — Spell techniques (fire, lightning, formations) & domain techniques (area control)
Secret Techniques/Spells — Burn lifespan, damage soul or meridians, & require sacrifices
Dao Techniques/Spells — Techniques that control a law instead of usual mana
Auxiliary Techniques/Spells — Non-combatant techniques, meant for survival rather than combat like movement techniques, concealment arts, & soul defense methods
Grades

• Mortal
• Earth
• Heaven
• Emperor
• Dao / Immortal

[Other Laws]
Sovereign Edict — A form of undeniable truth and authority that is birthed from the combination of Laws, Daos, and concepts. A Sovereign Edict cannot be circumvented or stopped by anything, with the only possibility of deniability lying with another Edict. Along with this, any Sovereign Edict grants its user a smoother pathway towards Reality, granting them an increase in the speed of their Realm Progression
Transcendent Halos — It is a powerful artifact forged by the complete comprehension of Doa, the universe, and the realms of creation, granting the title of Reality Overseer, unique with the harmonious connection of all daos, constantly stimulates the refinement of the True Blood

 

[MFontana]

Here's the who new system I made, tell me what you think?

[Power System: Cultivation]
Within the bodies of all living things exists Meridians, which are used to circulate the mana from space into a cultivator’s body, allowing one to become an Ascended mortal, the first stage of cultivation
[Mana Sphere]
A mysterious and enigmatic spherical space located inside the body around the stomach's area. Due to it being ethereal it does not occupy physical space such as an internal organ would. The mana sphere is endlessly huge, yet at the same time infinitely small
Methods of Training

• Mana Channels / Meridians: Pathways in the body where Mana flows. Cultivators open and strengthen these to circulate Mana efficiently
• Mana Absorption: Mana can be absorbed from nature, space, food, meditation, or combat. Some layers increase a person’s capacity to hold Mana
• Mana Refinement: Turning raw Mana into usable energy for attacks, defense, or improving physical/mental abilities

Dual Cultivation
Mystical or martial arts practice where two individuals cultivate spiritual, magical, or life energy together, often increasing their power, longevity, or magical ability faster than they could alone

• At its heart, it’s about energy exchange and harmony—balancing yin and yang, or complementary forces. Typically:
  • One partner embodies yin (feminine, receptive, moon/earth energy).
  • The other embodies yang (masculine, active, sun/fire energy).

Mechanisms of Dual Cultivation

1. Energy Exchange

• The two partners share or trade life-force, spiritual energy, or magical essence
• Done via physical proximity, touch, meditation, or ritual

1. Ritualistic / Magical Tools

• Some worlds include artifacts, talismans, or spiritual formulas that guide or enhance energy fusion
• This makes the process safer and can introduce plot elements like forbidden spells or secret manuals

[Mana Cores]
Mana Cores are the essence of the universe itself, stars from space that have crashed onto Earth, their forms varying as they can be anything or anyone, whether an animal, humans, dragon, or an object
Traits
They will never be malicious, for they do not have such feelings, being extremely neutral as they often roam without destination and when they meet something, they will offer a Vow, which is a contract between the mana core and something else, and when they happens, they offer an infinite amount of something, either being laws, daos, and other things, followed is a connection to your mana sphere but this will weaken the core as it gives its entire being to you
Refinement
Such things can be refined by feeding it, which can make them even stronger, but it all depends on what they desire, so they may want mana or artifacts, or herbs, etc.
(Note: What they request may not match what you are given, so you may need to pay very little for someone so beneficial, or pay too much, for something not so useful all the time)
Downsides
If you cannot fulfill their conditions, depending on what it was, it will take your lifespan as compensation or other things like your techniques, traits, physiques and if they request you give them something a specific way, you must do it that way or else they will take interested, taking more than the vow requested
Mana Core Master Ranks
Rank 1 Master — Everyone starts at this level when they do not have a mana core in a vow, having their Mana Sphere opened
Rank 2 Master — You have made a vow with a Mana Core, and it has been weakened, its entire being inside your Mana Sphere, as such, you must now refine it, or it may kill you
Rank 3 Master — You have reached a stage where the relationship goes beyond mere mutual benefits, able to have their mana core attack and defend
Rank 4 Master — Those who reach this rank have helped the mana core regain have of their power through continuous refinement
Rank 5 Master — Masters in this rank have nearly helped them Mana Core reach their peak once again, but they stay at a bottleneck until they break through along with their Mana Core, requiring Dual Cultivation
Rank Immortal Master — To become an immortal, four things are required: Dual Cultivation, the alignment of a trait, physique, mana circuit, style, & technique, the complete destruction of your mana sphere, merging yourself with reality and existence, and last, the passing of a Reality Tribulation
[Mana Circuits]
Mana circuits are the pseudo-bloodlines of the soul, a hereditary power carried in someone’s circuits, usually tied to ancient beasts or gods, legendary clans, and/or heavenly or demonic origins
Mana Circuits Awakening & Evolution
Mana circuits aren’t always static. They can:

• Awaken under stress or near death
• Evolve after absorbing essence, blood, or relics
• Purify over generations or via special spells

Downsides
Mana circuits aren’t pure blessings:

• Strong Mana circuits attract enemies
• Eldritch beings may suppress or curse you
• Mana circuits purity can degrade Clan politics get nasty
• Restricts your spell capability and magic, not allowing diversity depending on the bloodline

[Traits]
Traits are innate characteristics of the soul, mind, or body that shape how someone cultivates
Affect

• Learning speed
• Mental stability
• Combat instincts
• Compatibility with techniques
• Dao comprehension
• Resistance to corruption, madness, or tribulations

Types
Physical Traits — Physical capabilities changed
Mental Traits — Mental capabilities changed
Soul Traits —- Spiritual capabilities changed
Dao Traits — Connection to concepts changed
Evolution

• Sharpen under pressure
• Merge into higher traits
• Mutate due to dao enlightenment
• Be partially copied or imprinted (rare)

Downsides

• Obsessive traits lead to madness
• Emotional suppression can damage relationships
• Extreme adaptability may erode identity
• Some traits block other daos

[Physiques]
A physique is a fundamental bodily framework designed to interact with mana, laws, or the world in a specific way
Affect

• Mana absorption efficiency
• Endurance against heavenly tribulations
• Compatibility with realms and techniques
• Physical dominance vs spiritual dominance
• Survivability when things go wrong (which they always do)

Types
Elemental Physiques
Supreme Physiques
Dao Physiques
God Physiques
Sealed Physiques
Awakening

• Awakened via extreme environments
• Refined through body-tempering realms
• Stabilized with rare treasures
• Evolved by merging energies or laws

Downsides

• Body may reject mana without constant tempering
• Physique can overpower the soul
• Higher tribulations than normal
• Attracts harvesting, kidnapping, experimentation

[Styles]
Styles are the ways that one uses a weapon, their body, their mind, or anything, flexible or not and able to be changed freely, and these styles can overcome various talents, physiques, traits if used right or if made right
Types
Physical Styles
Spiritual Styles
Elemental Styles
Magical Styles
Spirit Beast Styles
Monster Styles
Demonic Styles
Space Styles
Dao Styles
[Techniques/Spells]
A technique is how the power is used instead of the mana itself, which can be very versatile
Types
Cultivation Techniques — How qi is circulated, how attacks are formed, how laws are invoked, efficiency vs waste, whether you fight smart or loud
Combat Techniques/Spells — Spell techniques (fire, lightning, formations) & domain techniques (area control)
Secret Techniques/Spells — Burn lifespan, damage soul or meridians, & require sacrifices
Dao Techniques/Spells — Techniques that control a law instead of usual mana
Auxiliary Techniques/Spells — Non-combatant techniques, meant for survival rather than combat like movement techniques, concealment arts, & soul defense methods
Grades

• Mortal
• Earth
• Heaven
• Emperor
• Dao / Immortal

[Other Laws]
Sovereign Edict — A form of undeniable truth and authority that is birthed from the combination of Laws, Daos, and concepts. A Sovereign Edict cannot be circumvented or stopped by anything, with the only possibility of deniability lying with another Edict. Along with this, any Sovereign Edict grants its user a smoother pathway towards Reality, granting them an increase in the speed of their Realm Progression
Transcendent Halos — It is a powerful artifact forged by the complete comprehension of Doa, the universe, and the realms of creation, granting the title of Reality Overseer, unique with the harmonious connection of all daos, constantly stimulates the refinement of the True Blood

This is much clearer, in terms of the structure, and shows clear intent and purpose now.
There are still several elements that I don't fully understand; but that is clearly the result of genre mismatch, and not related to what you've presented there.

All that really remains is implementation and purpose; which are foundational elements of basically every form of progression-fantasy.

How do you plan to implement your system, narratively speaking? Does it (the system) serve your narrative and world-building, or does the narrative exist to give meaning and weight to your system?

How do the characters fit into the system?
Are they motivated to try to ascend, despite the dangers? If so, why?

How much qi must they cultivate between stages of advancement? What is the process by which they advance?

Does the inherent nature of the qi influence this amount? (IE: Do different sources offer higher 'quality' and faster progression?)

How does your system blend and mesh with your setting's cosmology?

When it comes to actually shaping these things I'll be the first to tell you I'm ill-equipped to assist with that since you'd really need to tailor the rest to the specific genre you're trying to write in, and I'm not familiar with it, or its expectations or finer details.

There really is nothing more that I can see that needs to be elaborated on or considered for further revision.

 

[FRWriter]

I like the new one, but requiring "Dual cultivation" to become an immortal is just silly.

Usually, it's the opposite. Every path is unique, and there shouldn't just 1 path to immortality but many. It should be based on each individual.

Apart from that, I have to say it's so much clearer and easier to understand. You also toned down the different stages, giving each stage more meaning.

In fact, it might be toned down a little too much now. Have you considered adding sub-stages?

 

[MakBow]

I like the new one, but requiring "Dual cultivation" to become an immortal is just silly.

Usually, it's the opposite. Every path is unique, and there shouldn't just 1 path to immortality but many. It should be based on each individual.

Apart from that, I have to say it's so much clearer and easier to understand. You also toned down the different stages, giving each stage more meaning.

In fact, it might be toned down a little too much now. Have you considered adding sub-stages?

Well the dual cultivation is different for everyone, some may do it with a female mana core, some may bond with the pet, some may dance with it, others may tend to it. And when you become an immortal, depending on the trait, physique, mana circuit, style, & technique, you may become a fire immortal, a thunder immortal, a rock immortal, a mana immortal, etc. become tied to a concept.

In short, the dual cultivation simple means, you are required to do it with the mana core which has its own conscious and may reject it if desires, being rank 5 simply means the mana core is far more likely to accept trying rather than flat-out rejecting, especially since in the end, you NEED to be lucky to actually become an immortal.

But there's more in the fact that a mana core can be anything, so it also ties to what you may become, so if you have a mana core that grants infinite wealth, and you have everything that align with thunder, you may gain a dao technique around wealth ultizing thunder.

And yeah, I'll try adding substages

(Mind you, Mana cores are heavily inspired by Gu Cultivation from Reverend Insanity

 

[FRWriter]

Well the dual cultivation is different for everyone, some may do it with a female mana core, some may bond with the pet, some may dance with it, others may tend to it. And when you become an immortal, depending on the trait, physique, mana circuit, style, & technique, you may become a fire immortal, a thunder immortal, a rock immortal, a mana immortal, etc. become tied to a concept.

In short, the dual cultivation simple means, you are required to do it with the mana core which has its own conscious and may reject it if desires, being rank 5 simply means the mana core is far more likely to accept trying rather than flat-out rejecting, especially since in the end, you NEED to be lucky to actually become an immortal.

But there's more in the fact that a mana core can be anything, so it also ties to what you may become, so if you have a mana core that grants infinite wealth, and you have everything that align with thunder, you may gain a dao technique around wealth ultizing thunder.

And yeah, I'll try adding substages

(Mind you, Mana cores are heavily inspired by Gu Cultivation from Reverend Insanity

I think if you are serious about a serious and really long story, you are doing the right thing in designing the system with care. Nobody likes retcons and overhauls in the middle of the story. So it's best to spend a few days or even a week to carefully design it and think it over before committing.

A common trick I've noticed in stories is that these mechanics do not get revealed from the start. Most MCs start in a bottom-level environment, and they simply know the basics and the early stages. That way, you don't have to commit too early.

 

[MakBow]

I think if you are serious about a serious and really long story, you are doing the right thing in designing the system with care. Nobody likes retcons and overhauls in the middle of the story. So it's best to spend a few days or even a week to carefully design it and think it over before committing.

A common trick I've noticed in stories is that these mechanics do not get revealed from the start. Most MCs start in a bottom-level environment, and they simply know the basics and the early stages. That way, you don't have to commit too early.

Well, yeah that's another thing is how diverse the fights can be because all these other systems like traits and physiques can come into play, like for example, someone with powerful fire techniques is weak against someone with the Fire God Physique, making them immune to all fire.

And my MC is going to be going around and collecting traits and physiques, and all the other stuff, but he has to eat them, so he can't just get them willy Milly and will actually need to put in the effort to kill whatever it is he wants to stuff from.

And yeah, the MC knows everything already, but he doesn't just say all of this because realistically, he wouldn't explain everything he already knows, so instead, it will be gradually revealed as the story unravels, with me cutting in to give a small info dump on what it is they are talking about, so if my MC says a mana core, he won't explain it in the story because he already knows what it is, so that's when I cut in, and give a mall info dump before going back to the story, unless the MC himself doesn't know something.

At least that's how I write and don't worry, I could never retcon, for I always go back to my system when doing something, making sure nothing contradicts what I wrote, so I'm always checking to make sure.

 

[FRWriter]

Well, yeah that's another thing is how diverse the fights can be because all these other systems like traits and physiques can come into play, like for example, someone with powerful fire techniques is weak against someone with the Fire God Physique, making them immune to all fire.

And my MC is going to be going around and collecting traits and physiques, and all the other stuff, but he has to eat them, so he can't just get them willy Milly and will actually need to put in the effort to kill whatever it is he wants to stuff from.

And yeah, the MC knows everything already, but he doesn't just say all of this because realistically, he wouldn't explain everything he already knows, so instead, it will be gradually revealed as the story unravels, with me cutting in to give a small info dump on what it is they are talking about, so if my MC says a mana core, he won't explain it in the story because he already knows what it is, so that's when I cut in, and give a mall info dump before going back to the story, unless the MC himself doesn't know something.

At least that's how I write and don't worry, I could never retcon, for I always go back to my system when doing something, making sure nothing contradicts what I wrote, so I'm always checking to make sure.

Sounds great. Guess I'll shut up now since you've been bombarded with enough advice. The next thing is to see the actual story. Maybe one last piece of advice. It makes sense to start writing a couple chapters before releasing them, especially if you release your story on RR to line up shoutouts.

Also, if you write 20 chapters, you can always edit the earliest one if you notice mistakes.

Anyway, good luck with the story. Let us know how you're doing.