Offering feedback on your first chapter

[TooThunder7]

It's not my kind of thing. Super strength and overpowered protagonists aren't interesting to me.
Do you want like some things to think about in terms of plot, or story structure, or character arcs? As in, what things you could include to make your story compelling or give your characters depth?

I just wanted to know what people thought of the idea overall nothing specific. Like if was cool or interesting.

 

[Peagreene]

I just wanted to know what people thought of the idea overall nothing specific. Like if was cool or interesting.

Personally speaking, it sounds uninteresting. There's no tension or reason to read the story if it's just about some guy effortlessly beating people up over and over again.

 

[Nevafrost]

I haven’t posted it yet. But I would love to hear your thoughts on my unpublished first draft.

Spoiler: Chapter:1

Fire. Screams.

'You shall perish in the deepest of hells!'

'These rat-bloods!'

'Disgrace to the magical society!'

Black mist. Everything went blank for some time.

'What's happening?'

Iris woke up with a start, sweating. The skin around where her pendant was touching burned. Another weird dream, she thought to herself. But soon she shook it off and went to wash up. It was a long day ahead.

Iris went to the dining hall in her regular corset to find everyone except for Harlin, who was obviously busy doing her makeup. Iris sat down beside Elina and nudged her with her elbow. 'I will ask Mother and Father now, okay?' Eli nodded. Aylin looked at Iris from the other side of the dining table in a meaningful way and nodded.

'Mother, Father, are you aware that we are going on an expedition tomorrow?' Iris said. Queen Eleeza slightly frowned her eyebrows.

'I think not. Where are you going?'

'We are visiting Raczil to look at what the war has left behind.'

'I see you are interested in war, my dear,' King Franks said, his reddish eyes sparkling, 'I'm so proud of you.' Iris nodded and smiled. Harlin had entered the dining hall by then. She looked frantically at the others and bowed deeply, 'I apologize for delaying my arrival.' Elina mocked her, 'No need to be so polite, Late Queen. We know your makeup takes more time than your breakfast.'

'That's normal though.' They kept bickering.

After breakfast,

All four of them were walking down the hall towards their classroom.

'Don't you think they will find out?' asked Harlin, slightly frowning.

'Well, we gotta risk it, girl. We just have to act well enough for them not to find out,' said Elina, slowing down to match her pace.

'It's not just acting though. If Mr. Rupert tells Mrs. Eleejah, we are doomed. We have to make sure our plan works out,' Aylin said, looking kind of worried.
'Iris?' Aylin said as she pulled Iris by her arm, 'Is there anything on your mind?'
'Yes, you have been really silent,' Elina mocked her.
'Actually, yes. I had this weird dream this morning and I can't just forget what happened.'
'Haven’t you been having way too many nightmares lately?' Aylin looked worried.
'Did I tell you it was a nightmare?'
'I can tell. Now, tell us what you dreamt about.'
'It felt as if I had seen that dream before. Or, more like, I was there myself. It felt very realistic.'
'Was it the same thing you saw last time?'
'Nope. Last time, I couldn’t exactly remember what I saw; it was vague. But it was really clear this time. I saw that some people were being burnt in the city plaza. The crowd was chanting insults at them. And everything was covered in black mist. I felt as if I were present in that dream.'
'That's spooky. Maybe you should consult the psychologist,' Harlin suggested.
'Hey, I'm not going insane. I don’t need a psychologist.'
They arrived at their classroom. They walked into the classroom. Wind blew in through the floor to ceiling windows and the chirping of birds filled the air with a nice vibe.
There were not many students as usual. Well, it was normal because, of course, the princesses of four of the most powerful kingdoms wouldn’t sit in the same classroom as others. They attend special magic classes meant only for them. They learn how to hone their basic magic skills; for example, they learn to talk to birds, how to fly, and how to teleport. But all of them have a long way to go before they can become experts like their parents.

'Hey, Irees. Have you read that book yet?' asked Alison walking up to them.
'Yes, I have. It was so good. I loved the details about the war. It's interesting.'
'I knew you would love it,' Alison warmly smiled at her.
Eleena rolled her eyes, 'There he goes again with his sweet tongue.' Harleen smirked, 'Or are you jealous that he doesn’t use that sweet tongue while speaking to you?' Elina cursed at her, 'I would rather have a dog lick me in the face than be jealous of him. Ew,' she crinkled her nose, 'I guess you should work a little harder on your makeup though.' Harlin grinned as she sat at her desk, 'Even though I wouldn’t mind if he admires me, personally my standard is way too high.' Elina rolled her eyes. Irees continued her chatter with Alison as Ayleen sat between Elina and Harlin.

'Will you two stop your dogfighting?' Aylin said, brushing a strand of hair from her face.
'Oh, mother! Please forgive us for such rudeness. We shall never disappoint you again.' Elina said, mockingly pleading to Aylin. Aylin pursed her lips.
'I'm not your mother.'
'But you sure don't let me feel the absence of my mother.' Harlin burst out laughing. But just then Mr. Rupert entered the classroom.
'Okay, everyone, sit down. Mr. Alison, why are you standing at Ms. Iris's desk?'
Alison hurried away.
'So, today we are going to learn about the history of the fall of the wizard kingdom.'