Need Help with advice, anyone?

[Shadowless3]

Could anyone check out my new story. I'd like any feedback, it's my first time writing as an author. I would like some advice or feedback on my work. Anything would do my story doesn't even get much attention either even when I post daily . I feel

Beneath the Crown

Born of royal blood but raised in shadows, she lives among the streets. A bright, reckless spirit with a hidden past and a secret only her sister knows. Careless, curious, and untamed, she has no interest in kingdoms, crowns, or fate. A streetwise troublemaker with a secret past, she hides...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[CinnaSloth]

Quick question
Did you use Ai to write this? Be honest. I'm not accusing you, just genuinely want to know.

 

[Shadowless3]

Quick question
Did you use Ai to write this? Be honest. I'm not accusing you, just genuinely want to know.

Yes for surrounding describtion (which I first tried myself but was terrible) and fixing grammar proof reading.

 

[CinnaSloth]

Yes for surrounding describtion (which I first tried myself but was terrible) and fixing grammar proof reading.

I'm not going to say "Don't use it, Ai is stupid." because I'm sure you'll hear that a lot, but it's incredibly obvious that you are using it. If you really want to continue writing, it should read like someone wrote it. It currently has too many repeating words, and full of bad punctuation. It's not bad, the story isn't bad don't get me wrong. It just reads very bland, and that's mostly just the Ai. I felt like I was reading the same line over and over in a few sections. I had to stop and reread it to make sure I wasn't.

Using Ai to help you is fine, it's a tool, but don't post exactly what it says. Take it as inspiration, and write it for yourself. Like copying your friend's homework. You want the same answers, but don't write it the same exact way or you'll get busted for cheating.

If you want to get better at descriptions, read more books, and I'm not saying this to be rude, but start with kids books. The reason being, is because kids books are a more description style of writing... "this happened, then that happened, in this location, with such n' such event going on around them". etc. There isn't much dialogue like there would be with young adult books, or teen novels.

Practice descriptions with short paragraphs on your own time. Look out your window, or just around in your room, and just describe the scenery as if you wanted to tell someone what you see. Start with the 6 senses.

Sight - What you see
Smell - What you smell
Listen - What you hear
Touch - What you imagine things would feel like
Taste - What you can imagine tasting
Proprioception - How you carry yourself in that environment. Movement, Stance, balance, understanding the space or world around you. How you interact with it.

Imagine the floor is lava, create a character, and ask yourself how would you get them from one corner of the room to the door. Imagine it. Give all the details you can.
Or if you're looking outside: Is it a hill you can roll, or tumble down, or a cliff, that if not careful, could fall? Is it a normal backyard to play kickball? a forest to adventure in? A pool to swim? A beach? a mountain? A zen garden to meditate? I don't know what your backyard looks like. It could be a castle in some private island for all I know. describe that.

The big thing is, Ai doesn't understand grammar, or paragraph structure. You need to study those things on your own. Ai will insert random commas, or giant bars in random locations, which yes, sometimes it's a fair place to put them, but it'll do it so often, it'll just make the paragraph look like a mess. Learn to use punctuation, it doesn't need to be perfect, authors write in various different ways. In truth it's very easy. your main three are periods, commas, and semicolon. once you understand these three everything else is whatever..

The most important-important thing is finding your own writing style. Leaning heavily on Ai will look, and read different every time in every paragraph. Small things can pull a reader out of the immersion, and make them not want to continue.

Again, I'm not trying to convince you to stop using Ai, I'm just giving you my own thoughts which you can toss aside at your own accord, it doesn't bother me if you do. I do recommend using a tool for what it is, a tool to help you, not to rewrite, or do the homework for you.

Practice is hard, and learning new skills is difficult, but it also does make you a better person for it in the long run.
Your story is fine, it just needs a personal touch. Ai can't give that sense of feeling, or emotion.

 

[Eldoria]

Judging from engagement, your stats are pretty good. You've only released 19 chapters and already have dozens of loyal readers, 4 ratings, and you've even gotten one review. You know reviews are valuable - many fiction on SH have tens or even hundreds of chapters and don't have organic reviews, including mine.

You just need to be more patient. Most fiction will reach a turning point after tens chapters. Keep releasing chapters regularly. Readers will come if they're interested. And more importantly, enjoy the creative process of writing, instead of getting caught up in engagement. Trust me! Watching engagement will only stress you out; there's no point in comparing your achievements to others.

 

[empalgepuk]

To add to CinnaSloth's suggestion above, while you still need to describe the settings, you don't have to describe everything at once. It's kind of like choosing your pokemon: which ones should go for the first paragraph? Which one for the next? Etc.

Also, avoid using em-dashes (—) for things that could be done without.

Do you want to terminate a dialogue halfway? That's where you use em-dash, not other dashes. Do you want to add context inside a sentence with that? Avoid that. Terminate with a period and make a new sentence. Or use other punctuation marks like colon or semicolon. Heck, AI tend to misuse em-dashes as comma replacements sometimes. Watch out for that.

See your first sentence here as an example:

In the gleaming heart of the royal capital—where even the cobblestones were polished enough to reflect gossip before it was spoken—there came a shriek, a crash, and then a burst of what could only be described as floral-scented chaos.

Here's how I'd write that:

In the gleaming heart of the royal capital, there came a shriek, a crash, and then a burst of what could only be described as floral-scented chaos.

See, I removed the entire sub context provided by the em-dashes. Those are irrelevant. Redundant. Not yet useful. Because you want to limit the description by your first paragraph. In my version above, readers will instantly know that the floral-scented chaos happened in the gleaming royal capital. They don't have to process the extra info not yet relevant at that point. Describe the cut content later on when needed.

 

[Kalebbewk]

Hi guyssssss hope u doing welll.
Idk how to link my story however if u click on my account, the name is silent bloom. I would love some feedback. And yes i am working on a cover art https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2007380/silent-bloom/

 

[Shadowless3]

I'm not going to say "Don't use it, Ai is stupid." because I'm sure you'll hear that a lot, but it's incredibly obvious that you are using it. If you really want to continue writing, it should read like someone wrote it. It currently has too many repeating words, and full of bad punctuation. It's not bad, the story isn't bad don't get me wrong. It just reads very bland, and that's mostly just the Ai. I felt like I was reading the same line over and over in a few sections. I had to stop and reread it to make sure I wasn't.

Using Ai to help you is fine, it's a tool, but don't post exactly what it says. Take it as inspiration, and write it for yourself. Like copying your friend's homework. You want the same answers, but don't write it the same exact way or you'll get busted for cheating.

If you want to get better at descriptions, read more books, and I'm not saying this to be rude, but start with kids books. The reason being, is because kids books are a more description style of writing... "this happened, then that happened, in this location, with such n' such event going on around them". etc. There isn't much dialogue like there would be with young adult books, or teen novels.

Practice descriptions with short paragraphs on your own time. Look out your window, or just around in your room, and just describe the scenery as if you wanted to tell someone what you see. Start with the 6 senses.

Sight - What you see
Smell - What you smell
Listen - What you hear
Touch - What you imagine things would feel like
Taste - What you can imagine tasting
Proprioception - How you carry yourself in that environment. Movement, Stance, balance, understanding the space or world around you. How you interact with it.

Imagine the floor is lava, create a character, and ask yourself how would you get them from one corner of the room to the door. Imagine it. Give all the details you can.
Or if you're looking outside: Is it a hill you can roll, or tumble down, or a cliff, that if not careful, could fall? Is it a normal backyard to play kickball? a forest to adventure in? A pool to swim? A beach? a mountain? A zen garden to meditate? I don't know what your backyard looks like. It could be a castle in some private island for all I know. describe that.

The big thing is, Ai doesn't understand grammar, or paragraph structure. You need to study those things on your own. Ai will insert random commas, or giant bars in random locations, which yes, sometimes it's a fair place to put them, but it'll do it so often, it'll just make the paragraph look like a mess. Learn to use punctuation, it doesn't need to be perfect, authors write in various different ways. In truth it's very easy. your main three are periods, commas, and semicolon. once you understand these three everything else is whatever..

The most important-important thing is finding your own writing style. Leaning heavily on Ai will look, and read different every time in every paragraph. Small things can pull a reader out of the immersion, and make them not want to continue.

Again, I'm not trying to convince you to stop using Ai, I'm just giving you my own thoughts which you can toss aside at your own accord, it doesn't bother me if you do. I do recommend using a tool for what it is, a tool to help you, not to rewrite, or do the homework for you.

Practice is hard, and learning new skills is difficult, but it also does make you a better person for it in the long run.
Your story is fine, it just needs a personal touch. Ai can't give that sense of feeling, or emotion.

Okay that's helps a lot. Ur idea is nice I gotta learn writing description myself too.
U said ai doesn't understand grammar omg! I sure am convinced, after editing few details on a long paragraph I pasted it to grammarly to see if the grammar is right and it kept changing words here and there commas, full stops and whatever u mentioned. I used to use Pro writing aid too but because of some net issues it doesn't work anymore here. So I quit trying to fix the small errors if all r giving me different results I'll just stay with one and fix what I know.
I'll do what u said thanks a lot for the advice and ur time. ?‍

Judging from engagement, your stats are pretty good. You've only released 19 chapters and already have dozens of loyal readers, 4 ratings, and you've even gotten one review. You know reviews are valuable - many fiction on SH have tens or even hundreds of chapters and don't have organic reviews, including mine.

You just need to be more patient. Most fiction will reach a turning point after tens chapters. Keep releasing chapters regularly. Readers will come if they're interested. And more importantly, enjoy the creative process of writing, instead of getting caught up in engagement. Trust me! Watching engagement will only stress you out; there's no point in comparing your achievements to others.

Thank u so much for the encouragement. Ur words have motivated me. Some days I post chapters only for it to get 0 views. So heartbreaking
U said enjoy the process of writing, i surely do SO much, i love the seeing my imagination written down and shared.

To add to CinnaSloth's suggestion above, while you still need to describe the settings, you don't have to describe everything at once. It's kind of like choosing your pokemon: which ones should go for the first paragraph? Which one for the next? Etc.

Also, avoid using em-dashes (—) for things that could be done without.

Do you want to terminate a dialogue halfway? That's where you use em-dash, not other dashes. Do you want to add context inside a sentence with that? Avoid that. Terminate with a period and make a new sentence. Or use other punctuation marks like colon or semicolon. Heck, AI tend to misuse em-dashes as comma replacements sometimes. Watch out for that.

See your first sentence here as an example:


Here's how I'd write that:


See, I removed the entire sub context provided by the em-dashes. Those are irrelevant. Redundant. Not yet useful. Because you want to limit the description by your first paragraph. In my version above, readers will instantly know that the floral-scented chaos happened in the gleaming royal capital. They don't have to process the extra info not yet relevant at that point. Describe the cut content later on when needed.

Ooooh this is nice, but I didn't remove the extra info cause I wanted all the info given now in the beginning so I don't have to explain it later on again. Or is that wrong? And readers would be confused?

 

[Humanistheart]

I liked your synopsis. Pretty good. Although, as the other poster said the AI presence was strong. I've got nothing against that mind you, so long as it reads smooth, but there are those that won't read it due to that so you'll be putting yourself at a disadvantage off the bat. Buuuuut... I see you have 4 five star ratings after only 19 chapters. That's pretty good, so you must be doing something right ;)

Also, avoid using em-dashes (—) for things that could be done without.

Do you want to terminate a dialogue halfway? That's where you use em-dash, not other dashes. Do you want to add context inside a sentence with that? Avoid that. Terminate with a period and make a new sentence. Or use other punctuation marks like colon or semicolon. Heck, AI tend to misuse em-dashes as comma replacements sometimes. Watch out for that.

That's good advice.

 

[empalgepuk]

Ooooh this is nice, but I didn't remove the extra info cause I wanted all the info given now in the beginning so I don't have to explain it later on again. Or is that wrong? And readers would be confused?

That's the tricky part. If you give too much in your first paragraph of your first chapter, you'd fatigue them. If the very first sentence is too long (using parentheses like this or em-dash like you did still count as a part of that sentence), readers will get the impression that the rest of your story contains this too-long sentences, or worse, twenty lines long paragraphs.

You don't want that. Webnovel readers read from phones or tablets, not desktop PCs. That would mean anything you write will appear longer from mobile. These busy readers will drop your novel the moment they see blocks of wall of text too often.

That is why we distribute the info, not infodump.

Back to your first paragraph: The cobblestone road. It's the bread and butter for fantasy stories like what you're writing. Readers already assume that usually. However, we still need to describe it sooner or later, so where? It's when the scene actually interact with said cobblestones.

So I'd usually insert this somewhere below:

A pursuer lunged like a jumping wolf, but missed her. He landed hard on the polished cobblestones instead.

As an action beat, your readers will not miss it

TL;DR: Don't dump everything at once. Sprinkle the details bit by bit, save the rest for when your characters actually interact with said details.

 

[Shadowless3]

Oh yes I make sure my paragraphs aren't long to feel that way cause I myself hate it when I read other stories with such long endless paragraphs. Okay so I should lessen the description and slowly give it bit by bit. In the first chapter I wanted to make sure the reader understand that this capital where the story began is prosperous, well arranged and flourishing and a big kingdom that has everything. And in that lives a girl who cause chaos. Does it reach well?

I liked your synopsis. Pretty good. Although, as the other poster said the AI presence was strong. I've got nothing against that mind you, so long as it reads smooth, but there are those that won't read it due to that so you'll be putting yourself at a disadvantage off the bat. Buuuuut... I see you have 4 five star ratings after only 19 chapters. That's pretty good, so you must be doing something right ;)

That's good advice.

Thank u for noticing my efforts too

 

[Anonjohn20]

AI tend to misuse em-dashes as comma replacements sometimes.

That's not misusing it. It's proper English, but while em dashes were popular in medieval English, commas and parentheses are popular now. Still, they aren't being misused or used incorrectly.

 

[Shadowless3]

That's not misusing it. It's proper English, but while em dashes were popular in medieval English, commas and parentheses are popular now. Still, they aren't being misused or used incorrectly.

R u saying this generally or from my story?

 

[Anonjohn20]

R u saying this generally or from my story?

Generally, I haven't read your story. That being said, the example he chose from your story is proper English, even if it looks antiquated as hell.

 

[sage61]

The synopsis is kind of confusing. I had no idea what sort story you're writing about. Like what's the plotline here? I simply don't get it from the start. Also, she is supposedly "Careless, curious, and untamed, but also had no interest in kingdoms, crowns, or fate." So, what is she meant to be curious about? Fate is such a broad thing.

And then, her sister part here, was she suppose to be the protagonist ally or betrayal?

"Born of royal blood but raised in shadows, she lives among the streets — a bright, reckless spirit with a hidden past and a secret only her sister knows. Careless, curious, and untamed, she has no interest in kingdoms, crowns, or fate.

A streetwise troublemaker with a secret past, she hides behind a smile and a name that isn’t hers. Only her sister knows the truth — and they intend to keep it that way."

This part here on the sister seems broken. Like the flow just got blocked somehow.

I think, you might need to fix the weird synopsis first to get people to start reading.

 

[AliceMoonvale]

I'll just say that if you're going to use AI to help you write, be sure to treat it as a rough draft and make human edits to improve flow.
Never let AI programs 100% take the wheel.

 

[Shadowless3]

The synopsis is kind of confusing. I had no idea what sort story you're writing about. Like what's the plotline here? I simply don't get it from the start. Also, she is supposedly "Careless, curious, and untamed, but also had no interest in kingdoms, crowns, or fate." So, what is she meant to be curious about? Fate is such a broad thing.

And then, her sister part here, was she suppose to be the protagonist ally or betrayal?

"Born of royal blood but raised in shadows, she lives among the streets — a bright, reckless spirit with a hidden past and a secret only her sister knows. Careless, curious, and untamed, she has no interest in kingdoms, crowns, or fate.

A streetwise troublemaker with a secret past, she hides behind a smile and a name that isn’t hers. Only her sister knows the truth — and they intend to keep it that way."

This part here on the sister seems broken. Like the flow just got blocked somehow.

I think, you might need to fix the weird synopsis first to get people to start reading.

About the synopsis it's isn't confusing. Does it not make u want to know about the story Maybe even a little?
About her curiosity does children need something specific to be curious of? And yes she isn't a child but acts like one to disturb others and cause chaos.
about the sister part, it is not blocked I stopped there myself. Her sister isn't the main point here but the protagonist Suzan. I want the readers thinking what could she be? A bad sister? Good? Kind? Or is she same chaotic like Suzan? A twin maybe? Only she knows her secret, if so does she keeps it or later betray? Does all this not come to mind? And then no more, make u intrigued maybe to know more? And then readers go to check.

I'll just say that if you're going to use AI to help you write, be sure to treat it as a rough draft and make human edits to improve flow.
Never let AI programs 100% take the wheel.

I do know that, ai isn't 100% accurate and just ruins everything sometimes. I do use it to help me but that doesn't mean everything is it's doing. This is the problem when u r honest and admit u use it. No one sees ur real humanly efforts

 

[sage61]

About the synopsis it's isn't confusing. Does it not make u want to know about the story Maybe even a little?
About her curiosity does children need something specific to be curious of? And yes she isn't a child but acts like one to disturb others and cause chaos.
about the sister part, it is not blocked I stopped there myself. Her sister isn't the main point here but the protagonist Suzan. I want the readers thinking what could she be? A bad sister? Good? Kind? Or is she same chaotic like Suzan? A twin maybe? Only she knows her secret, if so does she keeps it or later betray? Does all this not come to mind? And then no more, make u intrigued maybe to know more? And then readers go to check.

I do know that, ai isn't 100% accurate and just ruins everything sometimes. I do use it to help me but that doesn't mean everything is it's doing. This is the problem when u r honest and admit u use it. No one sees ur real humanly efforts

If it's meant to be curiosity as a typical kid, then mentioned that in the sentence, eg, where despite other curious/royal kid, she the MC has no such interest in kingdoms, crowns because fate XXX to her something< plotline/highlights of the story to get people to read the novel to find out why.

All I get about the supposed MC is just a bunch of jumbled up vocabs that somehow also contradicts itself at the next moment.

Before it can make me intrigued, i'm already way too confused to be interested in reading further. Using AI to write is good, but AI do have strange grammar styles that sometimes just makes the story more disruptive to immerse myself into the story.

I honestly think the story has it's interesting bits and idea, but with the synopsis being weird like that, I felt like I'm reading a textbook for study purpose rather than for enjoyment.

 

[Shadowless3]

If it's meant to be curiosity as a typical kid, then mentioned that in the sentence, eg, where despite other curious/royal kid, she the MC has no such interest in kingdoms, crowns because fate XXX to her something< plotline/highlights of the story to get people to read the novel to find out why.

All I get about the supposed MC is just a bunch of jumbled up vocabs that somehow also contradicts itself at the next moment.

Before it can make me intrigued, i'm already way too confused to be interested in reading further. Using AI to write is good, but AI do have strange grammar styles that sometimes just makes the story more disruptive to immerse myself into the story.

I honestly think the story has it's interesting bits and idea, but with the synopsis being weird like that, I felt like I'm reading a textbook for study purpose rather than for enjoyment.

Okay thank u for ur honest opinion and I'll fix it.