I reallyyyyy want to give it a go. Are you still available? I only need the first two chapters.
https://www.scribblehub.com/read/21...leads-to-a-god-of-a-new-world/chapter/211238/
Ever since the incident when he was eight years old, Lucifer Nightwalker von Nightmare lost his ability to control the energy at his core and was forcibly sealed with an incomplete 'Twenty Seals'. Because it was incomplete, the backlash robbed him of his talents and abilities. One of the backlash...
www.scribblehub.com
Content: Am I enjoying what I'm reading?
I want to make this clear to everyone about first-person narratives.
I LOVE them.
I love reading them and I love writing them, and you know why?
Because you can break so many rules. Dialogue, grammar, sentence structure, etc. The story is being told to us, so we’re only getting the narrator’s perspective and imagery and personality.
That said, it’s still essential that the narrator focuses on some elements of the story that won’t keep us in the dark too much, giving us just a bit without telling too much, and describing enough without showing too much.
On the whole, yes, I liked the rather mysterious Prologue, beginning with a puzzling plotline about “fake” people aboard an airplane heading into a hurricane, that culminates into a wild high-octane life-and-death struggle, and the inevitable crash into the Bermuda Triangle. Then the first chapter, a day earlier, we see a quaint family home and peaceful atmosphere – it’s like a shock of cold water to pull you away from the action before, towards a “cooloff”, and the contrast is powerful.
Overall, very well-written.
The way you’re telling the story also, in single sentences and avoiding long paragraphs, gives off a distinctive “noir” flair, which is another plus. It reads like a Spillane novel, in your face and coming out swinging.
Are the characters standing out?
We have two ways to look at this. In the prologue, we're introduced to Lucifer's father, who is narrating his story first. Immediately, I really was taken with the "cloak and dagger" feel, the mysterious dialogue hinting at something sinister, and then surviving a fight inside the plane, We don't have a lot of time to find out more before we head to Chapter One, and meet Lucifer, his sister Restia, and his magical pet, Ruby. I’m rather floored by Ruby, a most unusual character, and want to know everything about the origins and Ruby’s contributions to the story. So cute in those pajamas! Eeeee!
Does the chapter ending make me want to click "Next"?
Certainly has me curious. We know that the father had to have been called away and somehow ended up on a plane heading towards South America before the accident. So, it’s got me curious how the father ended up there – and how the siblings will respond to this tragic loss later. And of course, I want to see what’s up with Ruby. It senses something wrong and it might be the key to why their father had to meet his possible demise in the depths of the Bermuda Triangle. So…yes! *^^*
How is the pacing?
There’s not a LOT happening in the first chapter, certainly not as much action as the prologue had, but I can tell that the first chapter was meant to be less than the prologue because of the setting and characters. We’re going from 100 mph back down to 35, but it works. It’s how you elicit different emotions from your readers. I think it’s very well done. I appreciate the introduction of some of the main characters from the start too. Rising and falling action throughout your book is a must. *^^*
How is the world-building and do you have a grasp on what you're trying to create?
Here's another drawback with narratives: you’re stuck with the world-building they give you, so if they’re not describing people, places, or things, it can become a bit bland and your mind might wander. I’m the exact opposite; if I’m doing a narration, I try really hard to infuse enough descriptions and details so people get the picture in their heads. You don’t HAVE to do that; again, since it’s a narrative. While I was looking at this, I noticed there were spots where description was touch and go, you said just enough to leave me guessing, and not too much to ruin my imagination. I especially was happy with Ruby’s description. It just sounds too cute for words.
Grammar/Spelling:
Some glaring tense-shifts but nothing really else came to mind. Again, narratives can break every grammar rule in the book. *^^* And it's quite common to shift tenses accidentally in first-person.
Strengths:
High-action beginning with mystery; dialogue was wonderful; unusual sentence structure that really works. Characters are immediately interesting and you want to know more about them.
Weaknesses:
Apart from a few shifts in tense from present to past and back, not really too much else. It’s good writing on the whole.
Overall, a solid A- *^^*
