How does Envy attribute dialogue?

[Deleted member 84247]

This is not going to be a thread that proves how you should or shouldn't attribute dialogue. I will simply show how I attribute dialogue with both action tags or a direct attribution, but I will also say, this is my preference for when I read as well.


"Wow, everyone really became representing lately," Envy said.

Corty frowned at the vampire. "And whose fault do you think that is?"

"Well," Wrath said, "she convinced me. Maybe she will even convince you?"

Envy grinned and gave Wrath a thumbs up. "See? Even the once stubborn Sailus did it, and you will, too!"

"What's gotten into all of you people?" Anon asked. The question mark looked at Corty in desperation. "Don't let these delusional people strip you of your dignity."

"I won't listen to a delusional question mark who pretends to be human!" Corty shouted. "I will become RepresentingCompletion, since I am the only novelist here who actually finishes his stories!"

Dialogue tag (1st example), action beat (2nd example), dialogue tag (3rd example), action beat (4th example), dialogue tag w/ action beat (5th example), and dialogue tag (6th example).

All of this is basically an oversimplified version of how I write, but attribution is like this. People always know who's talking, and for tags outside of action tags, I always use said, asked, shouted, or whispered, for the most part. If you don't like these words you can replace them in your own writing.

If you think it's wrong, I don't care, and you're wrong. Because I am the vampire queen, bish.

 

[ElijahRyne]

This is not going to be a thread that proves how you should or shouldn't attribute dialogue. I will simply show how I attribute dialogue with both action tags or a direct attribution, but I will also say, this is my preference for when I read as well.


"Wow, everyone really became representing lately," Envy said.

Corty frowned at the vampire. "And whose fault do you think that is?"

"Well," Wrath said, "she convinced me. Maybe she will even convince you?"

Envy grinned and gave Wrath a thumbs up. "See? Even the once stubborn Sailus did it, and you will, too!"

"What's gotten into all of you people?" Anon asked. The question mark looked at Corty in desperation. "Don't let these delusional people strip you of your dignity."

"I won't listen to a delusional question mark who pretends to be human!" Corty shouted. "I will become RepresentingCompletion, since I am the only novelist here who actually finishes his stories!"



All of this is basically an oversimplified version of how I write, but attribution is like this. People always know who's talking, and for tags outside of action tags, I always use said, asked, shouted, or whispered, for the most part. If you don't like these words you can replace them in your own writing.

If you think it's wrong, I don't care, and you're wrong. Because I am the vampire queen, bish.

Personally I believe that when it is established who the characters in the scene are, especially if there are only two characters, that you don’t need to add any dialogue tags.

Spoiler: example

I became a bit panicked when I heard faint footsteps behind me. “What are you cooking?” Phel asked, I mentally sighed in relief. “Pancakes, want some?” I asked.
“Sure”

A silence ensued, as I focused on cooking. The butter slowly melted into a shallow golden brown pool that coated the bottom of my pan. I grabbed a rubber spatula, the type used for mixing batter, and used it to portion out a pancake with batter on the pan. I smoothed it out with a metal spatula.

“It snowed while you were sleeping, you know. I think it started at around noon.” Phel said.

“How much, I don’t want to walk to work in a foot of snow.”

“I don’t know, let me go check.” Phel went over to the window as the pancake batter began to bubble, I grabbed the metal spatula and flipped it over. A slight sizzle filled the kitchen, and I went to grab a plate to put the pancake on when it finished.

“L—ks like a c—-le inches.” Phel said.

“What did you say? Sorry I was a bit distracted.”

“It looks like it snowed a couple of inches.”

“Sounds like a pain.” I said as I took the pancake off the pan and put it on the plate I had grabbed, before starting another one.

“Can I have this one?” Phel asked.

“Sure, if you only want one pancake that is.”

“Thank you!” Phel took the plate and grabbed a fork from the silverware drawer. She then went to the fridge and searched in there for a bit. The pancake I was working on began to bubble, so I flipped it before grabbing another plate.

“Do you know where the syrup is?”

“I don’t have any, that stuff is too sticky and gets everywhere.”

“Yet you decided to make pancakes? You can’t eat these without syrup.”

“Why not, the syrup just covers up the taste of the pancakes to me. Seriously there is no reason to have any.”

“That is just you, you know? It is not like you wouldn’t have any guests who prefer to have syrup on their pancakes.”

“Like who?”

“Don and me.” It was quiet for a second, I took the second pancake off the pan before portioning out a second one. I looked back at Phel, she was sitting on a chair staring at the ceiling. Well, I guess that was a bad point to stop our conversation.

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

Seems good enough to me.

 

[Deleted member 84247]

Personally I believe that when it is established who the characters in the scene are, especially if there are only two characters, that you don’t need to add any dialogue tags.

Spoiler: example

I became a bit panicked when I heard faint footsteps behind me. “What are you cooking?” Phel asked, I mentally sighed in relief. “Pancakes, want some?” I asked.
“Sure”

A silence ensued, as I focused on cooking. The butter slowly melted into a shallow golden brown pool that coated the bottom of my pan. I grabbed a rubber spatula, the type used for mixing batter, and used it to portion out a pancake with batter on the pan. I smoothed it out with a metal spatula.

“It snowed while you were sleeping, you know. I think it started at around noon.” Phel said.

“How much, I don’t want to walk to work in a foot of snow.”

“I don’t know, let me go check.” Phel went over to the window as the pancake batter began to bubble, I grabbed the metal spatula and flipped it over. A slight sizzle filled the kitchen, and I went to grab a plate to put the pancake on when it finished.

“L—ks like a c—-le inches.” Phel said.

“What did you say? Sorry I was a bit distracted.”

“It looks like it snowed a couple of inches.”

“Sounds like a pain.” I said as I took the pancake off the pan and put it on the plate I had grabbed, before starting another one.

“Can I have this one?” Phel asked.

“Sure, if you only want one pancake that is.”

“Thank you!” Phel took the plate and grabbed a fork from the silverware drawer. She then went to the fridge and searched in there for a bit. The pancake I was working on began to bubble, so I flipped it before grabbing another plate.

“Do you know where the syrup is?”

“I don’t have any, that stuff is too sticky and gets everywhere.”

“Yet you decided to make pancakes? You can’t eat these without syrup.”

“Why not, the syrup just covers up the taste of the pancakes to me. Seriously there is no reason to have any.”

“That is just you, you know? It is not like you wouldn’t have any guests who prefer to have syrup on their pancakes.”

“Like who?”

“Don and me.” It was quiet for a second, I took the second pancake off the pan before portioning out a second one. I looked back at Phel, she was sitting on a chair staring at the ceiling. Well, I guess that was a bad point to stop our conversation.

I understand. But I am giving a simple example. I wouldn't do it if it was well established and understood who is speaking, baka!

 

[Corty]

Added to the tutorial

 

[AnonUnlimited]

-_-

 

[LiteraryWho]

The second dialog tag tutorial I've seen on SH, but I think this one does a better job in spite of being a fraction the size.

 

[AnonUnlimited]

I am not a question mark.

 

[Deleted member 84247]

The second dialog tag tutorial I've seen on SH, but I think this one does a better job in spite of being a fraction the size.

Brevity is the soul of wit.

 

[Fakeminsk]

Why does Anon 'ask' when it's already been clarified by the question mark? Why have Corty 'shout' when the exclamation mark already indicates heightened emotion (and that's an awful lot to be shouting).

 

[RepresentingWrath]

You dare use my name but not tag me? Feel my wrath! Also, I do it the same way.

 

[Deleted member 84247]

Why does Anon 'ask' when it's already been clarified by the question mark? Why have Corty 'shout' when the exclamation mark already indicates heightened emotion (and that's an awful lot to be shouting).

Yes, it's all explained in this clause:

All of this is basically an oversimplified version of how I write, but attribution is like this.

 

[Phantonym]

You dare use my name but not tag me? Feel my wrath! Also, I do it the same way.

The injustice!

 

[Deleted member 84247]

Why does Anon 'ask' when it's already been clarified by the question mark? Why have Corty 'shout' when the exclamation mark already indicates heightened emotion (and that's an awful lot to be shouting).

I realized just now there might be people like you who don't understand a base point being made. Things like formatting dialogue and stuff of that nature. If you prefer, I can speak to you in a 1st grader level or a 3rd grader level. However, if you are at that grade level, it might be hard for you to understand. I might have to explain it slowly and make you see each point being made to placate yourself. Would you prefer that? If anyone else also doesn't understand that this thread is a point about how I format dialogue, then I am willing to explain to them.

It's not like you would intentionally not understand a point being made to make yourself look smart, right? I hope not because that would be very cringe, and it would make me not want to post these types of threads anymore.

 

[Clo]

Why does Anon 'ask' when it's already been clarified by the question mark? Why have Corty 'shout' when the exclamation mark already indicates heightened emotion (and that's an awful lot to be shouting).

The question mark + ask is just a rule of English

You don't say "Where is your car?"
You ask.

As for the exclamation point, you are correct. There is no need to use the shout/shouted dialogue tag. It's implied.

For two people shouting, it's best to let the dialogue carry the speaker AND emotion on its own.

You'd write simply:

"Testsuo!"
"Kaneda!"

No need for tags or speech attribution here.

 

[AnonUnlimited]

Anon stated the obvious to Envy, which was also Objectively true: “I am better than you.”

That is why Envy has an avatar sniffing copium.

 

[melchi]

Meanie

 

[Corty]

Why does Anon 'ask' when it's already been clarified by the question mark? Why have Corty 'shout' when the exclamation mark already indicates heightened emotion (and that's an awful lot to be shouting).

Because sighing also warrants an exclamation mark. And that is not shouting.

 

[Fakeminsk]

The question mark + ask is just a rule of English

You don't say "Where is your car?"
You ask.

Closest book I have on hand, The Power by Naomi Alderman:

A man arrives at the convent before seven o'clock the next morning. He drives up to the front gate and just waits there. Roxy knocks on Allie's door, drags her down the driveway in her dressing gown.

"What? What is it?" says Allie, but she's smiling.

"Come and see."

Nothing wrong with using 'asked' but it's not a rule of English.

I realized just now there might be people like you who don't understand a base point being made. Things like formatting dialogue and stuff of that nature. If you prefer, I can speak to you in a 1st grader level or a 3rd grader level. However, if you are at that grade level, it might be hard for you to understand. I might have to explain it slowly and make you see each point being made to placate yourself.

I'm curious, when you say "people like you," what kind of person do you think I am?

 

[Clo]

Closest book I have on hand, The Power by Naomi Alderman:

Right. There's a few reason why this works. It's stylistically better here.

Alderman uses present tense narration. In literary fiction, especially in close third-person or stylized narration, it’s common to use “says” to create immediacy and rhythm.

The idea here is that the dialogue punctuation and the attribution are rhythmically divorced.

The narrator isn't thinking back on the scene and realising "oh, it was a question, I should use asks"

You can even tell just from the sound how it wouldn't work as well the other way around:

"What? What is it?" asks Allie, but she's smiling.

That feels clunky, especially with the ", but she's smiling" part.

Something like:

"What?" asks Allie, smiling. "What is it?"

Feels a bit better, but even then.

I was thinking writing in 3rd person + past tense.

But I do believe the rule in English is generally:

You say things like "Blue is a pretty colour."
You ask things like "Do you like blue?"
You tell someone things like "I like blue."