Free Reviews: Since I want some tick of inspiration.

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Deleted member 33913

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I would appreciate feedback on my entire story, but it's 200k words, and that's a pretty big ask. It's a challenging and esoteric story, so I never expected it to become incredibly popular, and I'm more than satisfied with how many readers/views it has.

But, then there are about 4 chapters that have ridiculously low view counts wherever I post them. One of the chapters is the Xnoy chapter, which was intentionally written to be off-putting so I'm not concerned about it, but then there's this chapter featuring Sir Phobos.

For some reason, people just seem to avoid Sir Phobos like the plague, and I'd kind of like to know why. I would normally say that it's because he's an off-putting edgy Gary-Stu, but, the main character, Oryps, has characters literally drooling over him and stroking his ego for the entire story, yet by the end, he's endeared himself enough to readers to get them to go back to the 'Oryps' chapter to spend more time with him. That doesn't happen with Sir Phobos.

Like, where did I go wrong with him? Why is it that people end up liking similar characters like Oryps and King Priapism, but end up hating Sir Phobos?
 
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Deleted member 29448

Guest
Thank you for offering free reviews! Hope you check out my novel when you have some time. It’s interactive, but I hope you find it enjoyable/worthwhile. If you don’t, that’s fine, too! Please let me know why. :blob_melt:
 

CNSMLFCS

New member
Joined
Aug 21, 2020
Messages
3
Points
3
The title of the thread says it all. I am willing to give your novels a try. Just post the link of your novel and I'll get to it eventually during my relaxation time. Oh, no worries I'm not someone that's going to make you bleed. I'll do my best to tell you where you can improve.

You can also specify which part of your novels should I focus on. Plot? Grammar? Sentence flow? Characters? Style?
Well, the truth is? I'm bored. Mehehehe. :blob_evil::blob_evil::blob_evil:

  • Schwarz is my destiny - Assurbanipal - Review - I almost forgot, currently in line.
  • Conversion: atgongumerki - flow & style
  • I Own a Brothel in Another World: Saileri - any feedback
  • The Lone Macaw: LostLibrarian - (+)bzzt(-)
  • Kaiba :K5rakitan - Your one star is ready
  • War of the Gods: A Divine Comedy: samsarawithwords - Review
  • the god of terror wants to go to school: Bbeel2103 - What's missing
  • The Tyrant Duchess: sushirollw - Review
  • Lord of the Ancient: KyoruS - - Flow, plot, style
  • Reverse Reincarnation: Tejoka - Plot, Grammar, Style, Characters
  • They Who rule: Sii - Review - Plot, Characters, and Style - Chap comment.
  • Discount Blade: S-H-A-D-E - Plot, Characters, and Style
  • Nanashi - Solstice - Constructive criticism
  • Masquerade of Souls: Draculus-del-Viafat - review
  • The Terran Traveller - ConTroll - plot, flow, character, ( +, -)
  • Black Wing - Tofu_moon - Review
    Reaching Zenith -Senpai_Chan - Review

I'm a beginner writer, as in, this is my very first written story ever. Please check my story. Thanks!

 

clover2218

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 18, 2019
Messages
75
Points
73
So you're that bored huh. Well, if you don't mind checking mine out, I'd like a review about the overall impression. like it, hate it, just lay it out, I don't mind(it might break my heart inside, but I won't complain, I promise I won't)...
 

BenJepheneT

Syro - Aphex Twin
Joined
Jul 14, 2019
Messages
5,347
Points
233
The title of the thread says it all. I am willing to give your novels a try. Just post the link of your novel and I'll get to it eventually during my relaxation time. Oh, no worries I'm not someone that's going to make you bleed. I'll do my best to tell you where you can improve.

You can also specify which part of your novels should I focus on. Plot? Grammar? Sentence flow? Characters? Style?
Well, the truth is? I'm bored. Mehehehe. :blob_evil::blob_evil::blob_evil:

  • Schwarz is my destiny - Assurbanipal - Review - I almost forgot, currently in line.
  • Conversion: atgongumerki - flow & style
  • I Own a Brothel in Another World: Saileri - any feedback
  • The Lone Macaw: LostLibrarian - (+)bzzt(-)
  • Kaiba :K5rakitan - Your one star is ready
  • War of the Gods: A Divine Comedy: samsarawithwords - Review
  • the god of terror wants to go to school: Bbeel2103 - What's missing
  • The Tyrant Duchess: sushirollw - Review
  • Lord of the Ancient: KyoruS - - Flow, plot, style
  • Reverse Reincarnation: Tejoka - Plot, Grammar, Style, Characters
  • They Who rule: Sii - Review - Plot, Characters, and Style - Chap comment.
  • Discount Blade: S-H-A-D-E - Plot, Characters, and Style
  • Nanashi - Solstice - Constructive criticism
  • Masquerade of Souls: Draculus-del-Viafat - review
  • The Terran Traveller - ConTroll - plot, flow, character, ( +, -)
  • Black Wing - Tofu_moon - Review
    Reaching Zenith -Senpai_Chan - Review
Just a general review of what's gud and what's stinky is fine. Plus, it's on hiatus until next year, so no better time to catch up than now.

(Jesus Christ you're really asking for it on this one)
 
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Deleted member 29316

Guest
If you can check mine, it's much appreciated! Just review anything that you read; the link to my story 'The Human Saint is Bored' is on my signature. Thank you!
 

MoMoKushBear

Active member
Joined
Aug 27, 2020
Messages
12
Points
43
If you are still doing reviews. Here's my novel. It's an action/adventure novel.


The year is 2028 it's been 9 years since the Great War that saw most of the world nuked. A world government has now been set up to prevent anymore wars. After a tragic event Stan is seeking revenge, but against who? Find out more about this crazy world with Stan and his two homies, Dariűse, and Quiet. Who have their own beefs with this crazy world they live in.
 

LazyPanda

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 25, 2019
Messages
78
Points
73
Please give mine a review.
 

HMiruko

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
20
Points
18
It's still on the early phases, but i'd appreciate it if you can give mine a look.

 

placeintime

Yeeting myself out
Joined
Apr 13, 2020
Messages
130
Points
103
This is what I wrote in the menus contest, it still new so please check it out:

 

Seerier

Active member
Joined
May 27, 2020
Messages
9
Points
43
Just starting, but here's mine. Any review would be greatly appreciated!

 

DekuKurohi

What would a combination of ZUN and Nasu be like?
Joined
Dec 5, 2019
Messages
260
Points
103
Link in my signature already, please don’t worry about the grammar and try to enjoy the character’s perspective.
(There’s more story I wrote but they’re not all that important)
 

Starsign

Active member
Joined
Aug 26, 2020
Messages
13
Points
43
Can please get a review as am not sure where to improve, and oh ya can you please tell what I should do when I finsh writing a chapter and I read a it and then I feel like I can do better?

I got reincarnated as a Zerg
 

Starsign

Active member
Joined
Aug 26, 2020
Messages
13
Points
43
Please review my book

 

Ankur_93

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 10, 2020
Messages
40
Points
58
Can you please review A World of Monsters? As for focus, storyline and world-building are the main two. Thanks!
 

TheHelpfulFawn

A small animal that helps you with your groceries
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
98
Points
58

read it or don't. Not my time to be spent.
 
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