Feedback From A Delusional Witchpire [2/5]

[Kurayami]

I will give you completely biased feedback. I will say right now that this is a horrible decision, but I will do it anyways.


Rules:

1. You will post your story in the thread as a link and prepare to die receive feedback in an untimely manner.
2. I will read up to 10k words, unless I decide that it's too bad/boring and give up.
3. Do not submit AI written/assisted works.
4. Do not submit AI written/assisted works. (Listed twice because people can't read.)
5. I will give feedback of at least 5 works.
6. If you violate any of the rules, you forfeit the ability to receive feedback indefinitely. (I will write your name on a list.)
7. The list below is who is receiving feedback. A link will accompany the feedback when I am finished writing it. I will not go easy on any story, so don't try and butter me up. It will be blunt.

Feedback List:

1. @ElijahRyne (Finished: https://forum.scribblehub.com/threads/feedback-from-a-delusional-witchpire-1-5.27850/post-638137)
2. @JayMark (In progress...)
3. 
   
4. 
   

 

[ElijahRyne]

I will give you completely biased feedback. I will say right now that this is a horrible decision, but I will do it anyways.


Rules:

1. You will post your story in the thread as a link and prepare to die receive feedback in an untimely manner.
2. I will read up to 10k words, unless I decide that it's too bad/boring and give up.
3. Do not submit AI written/assisted works.
4. Do not submit AI written/assisted works. (Listed twice because people can't read.)
5. I will give feedback of at least 5 works.
6. If you violate any of the rules, you forfeit the ability to receive feedback indefinitely. (I will write your name on a list.)
7. The list below is who is receiving feedback. A link will accompany the feedback when I am finished writing it. I will not go easy on any story, so it don't try and butter me up. It will be blunt.

Feedback List:

1. 
   
2. 
   
3. 
   
4. 
   

Here you go: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2276316/the-meditations/

 

[AstreiaNyx]

You caved in. How about I offer an Allosaurus fossil to satiate your thirst instead of buttering you up with buttery words?

 

[Bimbanana]

*Came here excitedly

*Reads no. 4

*Turn around sighed with a bit of tear

 

[JayMark]

*Came here excitedly

*Reads no. 4

*Turn around sighed with a bit of tear

Orc, you know I have the same rule, right?

Great, now I have to submit something because you made me respond.

Help! Evil Wizards Turned Me Into A Girl!

On his way home from a tournament, Nathan is attacked by a wizard and the polarity is reversed on his gender. Now she must navigate the strange culture of a fantasy world while balancing saving the universe with the need to get her life back the way it was before...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Kurayami]

Here you go: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2276316/the-meditations/

All of my feedback is biased and to be taken as the opinions of an amateur author.

Rating: I would not read anymore. I would not even call it a story in the true sense.

The Good:

The grammar is good, and there were not many errors that caught my eyes in that department. Maybe a missed comma here or there, but overall, it was readable.

The Bad:

This is not a story in the traditional sense, and I don't find it entertaining. The prologue explains what it will be from the first words: The following story is the documentation of a case I am having difficulty fully understanding.

And after that, chapter 1 and 2 are explanations and descriptions rather than storytelling. It is a list of emails, ingredients, and symptoms. The whole thing embodies my least favorite aspect of reading a story. I like discovery and characters. This is none of that. This is more like a wacky science experiment taken to an alchemy lab and reads as a documentation. The only way this story would work is maybe background noise for a video game or as an information dump when the story is already underway.

This story reminds me of reading those notes you can find in horror games. You pick one up or you go to the computer to read emails, and I have to say, I am the type of player that never does that.

Thank you for submitting, but this doesn't receive a passing grade as a story.

 

[Bimbanana]

Orc, you know I have the same rule, right?

Great, now I have to submit something because you made me respond.

Help! Evil Wizards Turned Me Into A Girl!

On his way home from a tournament, Nathan is attacked by a wizard and the polarity is reversed on his gender. Now she must navigate the strange culture of a fantasy world while balancing saving the universe with the need to get her life back the way it was before...

www.scribblehub.com

No no, cow, your rule said no AI written, not AI assisted