Crappy Superpower Thread

[Tyranomaster]

The practical superpower thread by @HelloHound reminded me of an old game I'd play with college friends while we'd sit down. The S***** Superpowers game, where we just sat around and came up with less and less useful superpowers, while still having them be superhuman. Then, of course, MHA came out, and now the premise is already set. Its just crappy Quarks (Edit: Quirks oops) .

Anyway, here are some we came up with, although we came up with hundreds:

-The ability to spot all spare change on the ground within 50 feet of you, but only while traveling at over 40 miles per hour.

-The ability to make fruits taste like different fruits.

-Whenever someone would die a "preventable death" within a half-mile of you, you automatically rewind in time to the point in time necessary for you to save them. (You're left with a choice to just avoid wherever you just were, or actually try to save the person, if you even know who died or where. Someone could have died of a heart attack due to diabetes in an apartment four floors above where you're walking, and you just rewind 30 years randomly without any idea as to why.)

What other S***** Superpowers can you guys come up with? Some of these themselves are pretty interesting characters for a comedy story...

 

[Deleted member 84247]

The practical superpower thread by @HelloHound reminded me of an old game I'd play with college friends while we'd sit down. The S***** Superpowers game, where we just sat around and came up with less and less useful superpowers, while still having them be superhuman. Then, of course, MHA came out, and now the premise is already set. Its just crappy Quarks.

Anyway, here are some we came up with, although we came up with hundreds:

-The ability to spot all spare change on the ground within 50 feet of you, but only while traveling at over 40 miles per hour.

-The ability to make fruits taste like different fruits.

-Whenever someone would die a "preventable death" within a half-mile of you, you automatically rewind in time to the point in time necessary for you to save them. (You're left with a choice to just avoid wherever you just were, or actually try to save the person, if you even know who died or where. Someone could have died of a heart attack due to diabetes in an apartment four floors above where you're walking, and you just rewind 30 years randomly without any idea as to why.)

What other S***** Superpowers can you guys come up with? Some of these themselves are pretty interesting characters for a comedy story...

-The ability to make fruits taste like different fruits.
This is actually useful. Picture you want the tastiness of a mango, but you don't want the mess.

 

[LunaSoltaer]

Then, of course, MHA came out, and now the premise is already set. Its just crappy Quarks.

You get a Quark. it does nothing. You misspoke before the Power Granting System, so screw you.

 

[Tyranomaster]

-The ability to make fruits taste like different fruits.
This is actually useful. Picture you want the tastiness of a mango, but you don't want the mess.

The villain in me said, "you could make fruit pastes, and kill people who have fruit allergies by telling them it ISN'T kiwi."

You get a Quark. it does nothing. You misspoke before the Power Granting System, so screw you.

Oops lol. Will fix.

 

[ArrogantYoungMaster]

You can 100% face-slap anyone to receive mild benefits, but anyone you face-slap will inevitably have a Heavenly Fortuitous Encounter and will come back for revenge
The power to disguise smells but only if you shit your pants

You get a Quark. it does nothing. You misspoke before the Power Granting System, so screw you.

Strange quark

 

[AlexandraReis]

If you know of avatar the last Airbender, then this will be funny for you. It's an off shoot of Airbending, Fart bending. The ability to control farts.

 

[ArrogantYoungMaster]

If you know of avatar the last Airbender, then this will be funny for you. It's an off shoot of Airbending, Fart bending. The ability to control farts.

Crap-related but not crappy. A well-timed fartbend can forcibly shit a constipated enemy during battle.

 

[melchi]

The practical superpower thread by @HelloHound reminded me of an old game I'd play with college friends while we'd sit down. The S***** Superpowers game, where we just sat around and came up with less and less useful superpowers, while still having them be superhuman. Then, of course, MHA came out, and now the premise is already set. Its just crappy Quarks (Edit: Quirks oops) .

Anyway, here are some we came up with, although we came up with hundreds:

-The ability to spot all spare change on the ground within 50 feet of you, but only while traveling at over 40 miles per hour.

-The ability to make fruits taste like different fruits.

-Whenever someone would die a "preventable death" within a half-mile of you, you automatically rewind in time to the point in time necessary for you to save them. (You're left with a choice to just avoid wherever you just were, or actually try to save the person, if you even know who died or where. Someone could have died of a heart attack due to diabetes in an apartment four floors above where you're walking, and you just rewind 30 years randomly without any idea as to why.)

What other S***** Superpowers can you guys come up with? Some of these themselves are pretty interesting characters for a comedy story...

I know a girl who wrote a song along these lines.

 

[Deleted member 113259]

How is the fruit one bad? Not only could you make your own cooking better without overspending on luxury ingredients you could also get rich by selling crappy fruit or cheap fruit to people that'll pay a higher price.

 

[AlexandraReis]

I know a girl who wrote a song along these lines.

There's a lizard that does that. (Shooting blood out of its eyes.)

 

[Syringe]

The super power to prevent items from forming knots.
Or
The super power to undo any knots.

 

[Tyranomaster]

How is the fruit one bad? Not only could you make your own cooking better without overspending on luxury ingredients you could also get rich by selling crappy fruit or cheap fruit to people that'll pay a higher price.

Sounds like factory work. I wouldn't exactly call that glamorous.

The super power to undo any knots.

If it's like MHA or Railgun, then powering up this power to full power is terrifying. Imagine undoing protein knots in someone's body, so suddenly their body can't function and they rapidly become deceased.

 

[Deleted member 76176]

The superpower to predict the first letter of every third word someone speaks.

 

[HelloHound]

know when the last time your parents got off

 

[Tyranomaster]

A friend had a pretty good one: If someone is going to kill you, you die before they arrive (causality break) by the murder weapon they would use, which is in their hand, and the police arrive seconds after they do.

 

[vzymmer]

The ability to display a title above your head but you can't control any of its aspects.(If you get labeled pedo and got arrested because you just thought a kid was cute then blame the ability)

 

[Rhaps]

The super power to undo any knots.

For me who owns a lot of things that needed to be tie up, this is super useful. I could save so many seconds of frustration!

 

[georgelee5786]

Everything you throw acts like a boomerang

 

[Succubiome]

Chairs that people with superpowers(not including you) last sat in before you are preternaturally uncomfortable... and you have this superpower in a world where all superpowers are terrible.

 

[RepresentingCaution]

Your urine helps plants grow, but you live in a world where urinating in public is punishable by death.