Could you give me a review?

[LastMinami]

Honestly, I've been really stressed, haha... If it's not too much trouble, could you read my novel and give me a review? Nothing too deep or serious, just let me know if you liked it or found it interesting or boring. I've noticed I'm growing, but nobody comments, and I don't know if they understand the heart of my story. I just want to tell something similar, even if it's based on what I saw in anime from the early 2000s and 2010s.

This is not my true self

Dani Zeyer hit rock bottom: broke, living in a cheap motel after running away from home. On a rainy night, a cosmic entity reincarnated him as Sienna von Rosengarde, the beautiful and spoiled heiress of a multimillionaire family. The big problem: his “Excalibur” survived intact. Now she’s...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Rosica]

The rain didn’t let up. It wasn’t some light shower—it was a heavy, endless downpour that turned the streets into cracked neon mirrors and drowned the hotel room in damp, bone-chilling twilight.

It wasn’t a sudden snap awake. Reality just… dissolved slowly. The musty motel smell shifted into something else: wet dirt, rotting leaves, something old and wild. The rain on the window warped—first a whisper, then a hiss, until it was wind moving through invisible branches.

The cold hit hard. Not city dampness—this was ancient, smelling of earth and decay. I was sitting on the ground. Dirt. Dead leaves and mud stuck to my pants.

Then the voice came. Not from one direction—from everywhere. From the black sky, the unseen trees, the dirt under me. Deep. Ancient. Shaking my bones.

No real waking. Just falling back.

So many of those in chapter 1 alone. @FRWriter take a look at this. Tell us what you think.

In the meantime, @Eldoria and I will not be giving any feedbacks for the story.

 

[Eldoria]

Since Zinless is busy, I'll ask him @Tempokai to move your thread to the feedback section. Sorry to bother you, dude.

 

[Rosica]

Since Zinless is busy, I'll ask him @Tempokai to move your thread to the feedback section. Sorry to bother you, dude.

Might as well ask @Tempokai to roast them.

 

[LastMinami]

Muchos de ellos sólo en el capítulo 1. [USUARIO=178194]@FRWriter[/USUARIO] echa un vistazo a esto. Cuéntanos lo que piensas.

Mientras tanto, @Eldoria y yo no daremos ningún comentario sobre la historia.

I don't understand, please explain.

 

[LightCosmos]

Honestly, I've been really stressed, haha... If it's not too much trouble, could you read my novel and give me a review? Nothing too deep or serious, just let me know if you liked it or found it interesting or boring. I've noticed I'm growing, but nobody comments, and I don't know if they understand the heart of my story. I just want to tell something similar, even if it's based on what I saw in anime from the early 2000s and 2010s.

This is not my true self

Dani Zeyer hit rock bottom: broke, living in a cheap motel after running away from home. On a rainy night, a cosmic entity reincarnated him as Sienna von Rosengarde, the beautiful and spoiled heiress of a multimillionaire family. The big problem: his “Excalibur” survived intact. Now she’s...

www.scribblehub.com

I gave chapter 1 a read! ...
I’m a bit confused at the moment, so I want to read it again to make sure I didn't miss anything.
I'll edit this soon with more feedback!

 

[LastMinami]

I gave chapter 1 a read! ...
I’m a bit confused at the moment, so I want to read it again to make sure I didn't miss anything.
I'll edit this soon with more feedback!

I think it's my lowest point... I really didn't give it as much priority back then as I am now, mainly because I used to write prologues but they tore me apart with criticism haha

 

[Rosica]

I don't understand, please explain.

Que, quesadilla.

 

[LastMinami]

Que, quesadilla.

Quesadilla? With cheese or without cheese?

 

[Rosica]

Quesadilla? With cheese or without cheese?

The one you order from Dos Amigos in Kyiv and Taco Taco in Lviv. Then you tell your friends in Tel Aviv that you made that.

 

[LastMinami]

The one you order from Dos Amigos in Kyiv and Taco Taco in Lviv. Then you tell your friends in Tel Aviv that you made that.

The analogy itself is flawed. Why use a Russian and an Arab in a quesadilla analogy? It absolutely has to be a Mexican, maybe someone from Mexico City and someone from Chihuahua. But I get it, and yes, even though it might not seem like it, I did it.

 

[Rosica]

The analogy itself is flawed. Why use a Russian and an Arab in a quesadilla analogy? It absolutely has to be a Mexican, maybe someone from Mexico City and someone from Chihuahua. But I get it, and yes, even though it might not seem like it, I did it.

I don't know the names of restaurants that sell quesadillas outside Ukraine. Also, did you just say Ukraine belong to the Russian and Israel belong to the Arab? It's okay, I won't try to change what you think. End of discussion. Just don't expect a feedback from me or @FRWriter will skin me again.

 

[LastMinami]

ÑNo sé los nombres de los restaurantes que venden quesadillas fuera de Ucrania. Además, ¿acabas de decir que Ucrania pertenece a Rusia e Israel pertenece a los árabes? Está bien, no intentaré cambiar lo que piensas. Fin de la discusión. Simplemente no esperes comentarios míos o @FRWriter me despellejará nuevamente.

That wasn't what I meant. I was just highlighting how absurd the original analogy seemed to me. I suppose I went a bit overboard and it may have sounded controversial; I apologize for that.
Regarding the "restaurants": it's not entirely accurate. Yes, they can be prepared in a restaurant, but quesadillas are most commonly sold at street stalls (both fixed locations and by people who travel from city to city). It's not something you only eat in formal restaurants.
Anyway, I didn't intend to offend anyone. I just wanted to point out how ridiculous the comparison seemed to me. End of discussion on my end.

 

[NotProudofmySmut]

So many of those in chapter 1 alone. @FRWriter take a look at this. Tell us what you think.

In the meantime, @Eldoria and I will not be giving any feedbacks for the story.

Wasnt there someone in an earlier thread who pointed this put as being a classic chatgpt thing?

 

[TheKillingAlice]

I don't understand, please explain.

Why is that quote Spanish?

 

[Alski]

Why is that quote Spanish?

They probably have what ever browser they are using set to have the site auto translated, which is a problem in itself when they are on an english writing site.

 

[TheKillingAlice]

They probably have what ever browser they are using set to have the site auto translated, which is a problem in itself when they are on an english writing site.

Ah, right, makes sense. Thought I had lost too much blood last night and was tripping balls.

 

[Rosica]

Ah, right, makes sense. Thought I had lost too much blood last night and was tripping balls.

I can make you lost more blood until you're tripping balls.

 

[TheKillingAlice]

I can make you lost more blood until you're tripping balls.

But I'm still losing blood, though. Is that your fault?
Can I just make it your fault?

 

[Rosica]

אָבער איך בלײַב נאָך אַלץ בלידנדיק. איז דאָס דײַן שולד?
קען איך סתם מאַכן אַז דאָס איז דײַן שולד?

It's all the fault of this one guy here.