Say, how much novels have you read in the past 3 years?
Just to see how deep you are in terms of this author stuff.
Also, I have only skim the beginning of the first chapter, and I already see things you gotta work on. Not just can, but SHOULD be work on. The synopsis isn't really nice to see at all. Informative, telling me what's the story is about? Yes. Is it intriguing? No. Redundancy is a b*tch. If you can't think of any other words to describe someone's expression or something, I suggest reading more novels, especially those within the same genre as your novel.
I'll be genuine with giving an advice, sorry in advance if I somehow caused some anger in you.
When telling stories, don't tell the stories like you're literally and textually telling the stories from a reviewer standpoint. Using "we" is like describing, instead of giving the audience a tale to listen or read. Like those narrators from documentary videos.
"
In the wildlife of the Amazon forest, we see various floras and faunas."
"His father gave a death stare at his son, Parker, one akin to how a predator would stare at its prey. No one in the room saw that, but Joelle."
You see the difference between the two lines above? That's the difference between telling and showing.
Regarding the 'show don't tell' rule, it's something you should study and, more importantly, apply in the real world. It's not just good, but AMAZING to have, almost anything that requires communication between one person to another can be affected just by applying this rule. Be it the result of a presentation, a casual conversation, or even bigger, a high-tier international conference. You could really persuade people to believe your lies even.
In literacy, 'show don't tell' applies differently from the movies' and games' 'show don't tell'. When in movies and games, 'tell' means you're giving context of the story of said movies or games through a character or texts, outright telling you the context of what is happening in the story. For example: Cortana from the Halo game series. She is an example of how 'tell' is usually used. You can find her scenes in the game series on Youtube, and I advise you to do so because I want you to imagine this. Imagine you're playing the game, trying to understand the world around you and its events. But then, instead of learning it yourself through experience, someone just blurts out an essay-worth of paragraphs about basically the entire events and the reasons of said events even happening. Does that looks fun to you? In my opinion, it's not. This breaks immersion, and immediately you don't want to play the game anymore since even if you play the game to the end, what will you get anyways, money? Of course not, it's a game with story! And the story is supposed to be interesting to learn!
'Show' on the other side is a technique of story-telling that has been used by many successful works. Any great movies, games, novels, or comics have used this technique since the age of when literacy was born, and that's a lot of century ago. In movies and games, you learning about the world through its environments, the setting, minor interactions between characters that seems to be just banters but actually serves context of how the world operates, etc etc, is what 'show' is. For example: In the game Half-Life, instead of telling what your objective is as a researcher with a hazardous environment suit from the get go, the game lets you figure out what is happening through visual and audio. Like when you first encounter a Headcrab, a crab-like alien creature that will lunge at you when you enter their lunge radius. The game revolves around story and combat, yes you will have guns to use, and yet, the first time you met a hostile that can hurt you, the game didn't tell you that you can just ignore the enemies and move on to continue advancing through, no. Instead, it lets you meet the least dangerous enemy without a weapon inside a room/chamber with a door to the next room. What will you do in that situation when you don't have a weapon and is a little scared of what the creature can do? Avoid it and run? Correct! Because after doing so, you'll learn that you don't need to engage a fight with every enemies in the game to get through places. This will not just saves a lot of bullet and keep your health on good numbers, but also saves a lot of time and deaths that would otherwise frustrates you because of needing to retry over and over.
Alright, enough of my ramblings.
Your weakness overall is in the technical side of things. That is your grammar, your writing style, etc etc. Not gonna talk about plot or characters because you are definitely lacking in the technical side of writing. Like what the others have suggested, read more novels. And my suggestion personally, read and understand how people write their story. And maybe watch in-depth analysis of movies, games, or novels from each respective medias. Here's one that explains about Half-Life.
Click on your profile and go to signature. That's where you can put texts and/or links and photos. The chain logo is where you can insert links of your stories. Just copy the link of the story (not the chapters of it) and it will appear below your messages like mine.
