Another Feedback Thread

[_StrayCat_]

Hi! I'd love to get your feedback on the first 3-5 chapters of my story: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1927716/under-quiet-skies/

It's titled Under Quiet Skies - it's meant to be a slow-burn dark fantasy BL.

I've tried my best to avoid lengthy exposition and wanted to try and tell a dialogue-focused story that brings out the atmosphere and lore. If you have a chance to read, let me know what you think and thank you!

 

[VKnives]

Thank you for any time you have to review my work!

This is written as a 95k word romantasy novel, I have no experience with web formatting, and there are no chapter ends, just scene breaks. You can just stop reading as soon as you lose interest rather than counting scenes or anything. It would all be one chapter if I didn't hit the character limit. I hope that is alright if you know going into it.

I did my best to write an unpredictable dark romantasy story with a focus on psychological and tactical realism, in a medieval setting inspired by TTRPGs like Pathfinder 2e. The story has a unique mix of martial arts philosophy and erotica.

The Witch and The Rogue

Astra has always believed strength meant power, the kind she never had as an orphan witch. Clawing her way to magical prowess through self-study and sheer will, she dreams of becoming a heroic adventurer in the gritty city of Vallentis. But when she intervenes in a street fight to save...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[K_Nishi]

Please feel free to share your honest thoughts.
It’s a short story, so I think it will be easy to read.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1951876/leo-the-archmage-of-blazing-flamescompleted/

 

[Talon88.1]

Always looking for critique, its the only way I can improve after all.

Shadows in the Sand (Warhammer 40,000)

He came from the sand and the silence, carrying yesterday's ghosts. On Morrak II — a forgotten world choked by dust storms and old war-wounds — survival is a daily negotiation with hunger, rust, and the whims of machine-priests who no longer understand their own relics. Elissa Brandt has kept...

www.scribblehub.com

Just a heads up, the first five chapters are early establishments for characters, worldbuilding, etc as I like to write slower burn stories and let the action stand out.
Six is where the kickoff starts, so, take that as you will.

 

[SoleilBlume]

Do I have time for this? Not really! But here it is anyway.

Post a link to your story and I'll read the first 3-5 chapters and give you my feedback. I feel like a lot of feedback tends to focus on what a story isn't doing instead of what it is - which leads to situations where you judge The Lord of the Rings by how good it is at being Game of Thrones. Same genre, both very popular, but their appeal and how they go about doing what they're doing is vastly different.

So my feedback is going to follow a general formula:

- What my impression of your story is based solely on your blurb without looking at tags.
- How well your story delivers on what your synopsis suggests it is.
- My general feedback of what you've written, inclduing what I think your goals are and how well you're fulfilling them.
- Any media suggestions that are close to what I think your goals are for inspriation and study.

I'm pretty widely read, so I'm open to anything that isn't AI generated slop. I want to help you improve your writing, which means I need to see your writing.

If you want some other qualifications: I've been writing as long as I can remember, won national awards in middle and high school for writing, and have an MLitt in Creative Writing from the University of Glasgow so I like to think I know what I'm doing.

I do have college, a day job, and a side job, so updates are likely to be slow, but I've been thinking of opening a thread for a while so figured fuck it, why not?

Do I have time for this? Not really! But here it is anyway.

Post a link to your story and I'll read the first 3-5 chapters and give you my feedback. I feel like a lot of feedback tends to focus on what a story isn't doing instead of what it is - which leads to situations where you judge The Lord of the Rings by how good it is at being Game of Thrones. Same genre, both very popular, but their appeal and how they go about doing what they're doing is vastly different.

So my feedback is going to follow a general formula:

- What my impression of your story is based solely on your blurb without looking at tags.
- How well your story delivers on what your synopsis suggests it is.
- My general feedback of what you've written, inclduing what I think your goals are and how well you're fulfilling them.
- Any media suggestions that are close to what I think your goals are for inspriation and study.

I'm pretty widely read, so I'm open to anything that isn't AI generated slop. I want to help you improve your writing, which means I need to see your writing.

If you want some other qualifications: I've been writing as long as I can remember, won national awards in middle and high school for writing, and have an MLitt in Creative Writing from the University of Glasgow so I like to think I know what I'm doing.

I do have college, a day job, and a side job, so updates are likely to be slow, but I've been thinking of opening a thread for a while so figured fuck it, why not?

Thank you for this opportunity ?? Hope your days going well!

 

[harrydouthwaite]

Here is my submission for your thread. It is a sequel to another story that I'm submitting to agents for publication. I have five chapters posted so far.
Thank You.

Sixes and Sevens

A Trains On The Brain series story. When you're all at sixes and sevens, you feel overwhelmed and unable to cope. That's how twelve-year old Robin feels a lot of the time, but as he enters his preteen years in 2006 his world begins to change in many ways which leads...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[hanimegirl]

Do I have time for this? Not really! But here it is anyway.

Post a link to your story and I'll read the first 3-5 chapters and give you my feedback. I feel like a lot of feedback tends to focus on what a story isn't doing instead of what it is - which leads to situations where you judge The Lord of the Rings by how good it is at being Game of Thrones. Same genre, both very popular, but their appeal and how they go about doing what they're doing is vastly different.

So my feedback is going to follow a general formula:

- What my impression of your story is based solely on your blurb without looking at tags.
- How well your story delivers on what your synopsis suggests it is.
- My general feedback of what you've written, inclduing what I think your goals are and how well you're fulfilling them.
- Any media suggestions that are close to what I think your goals are for inspriation and study.

I'm pretty widely read, so I'm open to anything that isn't AI generated slop. I want to help you improve your writing, which means I need to see your writing.

If you want some other qualifications: I've been writing as long as I can remember, won national awards in middle and high school for writing, and have an MLitt in Creative Writing from the University of Glasgow so I like to think I know what I'm doing.

I do have college, a day job, and a side job, so updates are likely to be slow, but I've been thinking of opening a thread for a while so figured fuck it, why not?

ill love to have feedback for my story! Its a petty slow start.

 

[AimeEmile]

I'm down:

Their Cry Through The Barrel

Society is rarely built with equality in mind. After the first recorded instance of an awakening the 1st of April 1925, and the subsequent attacks of monsters, the world began adapting itself to try and conform to this new status quo. Saint, rank, lair, liberator... A whole new lexicon was...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[TheIcMan]

I promised in my own thread that I'd post the first ever story I wrote (I was 15) just for the hell of it. It's only one chapter and pretty much just noise and more telling than showing, so be warned.

Lifekiller

1. Ethereous Here was I, the "Thousand Eyes," analyzing the beautiful world of Ethereous. Lustrous forests teeming with life existed almost everywhere. Clear skies and perfect weather, it did indeed seem like a world like no other. Fairies in this realm live among each other as perfectly as they...

docs.google.com

That is such an ingenious yet terrifying idea LMAO. I'd be too coward to post shit I wrote when I was 13.

 

[BL_Palace]

Hi! I'd love to get your feedback on the first 3-5 chapters of my story: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1927716/under-quiet-skies/

It's titled Under Quiet Skies - it's meant to be a slow-burn dark fantasy BL.

I've tried my best to avoid lengthy exposition and wanted to try and tell a dialogue-focused story that brings out the atmosphere and lore. If you have a chance to read, let me know what you think and thank you!

Feel free to join the BL Palace discord if you seek to connect with BL readers and authors.^^

There are always one or two peeps around in the writing-room if you need help (and people very good at beta-reading)

 

[tiaf]

You can just stop reading as soon as you lose interest rather than counting scenes or anything. It would all be one chapter if I didn't hit the character limit.

Chapter length is also part of the experience. It's nice to just endlessly scroll when you binge read, but it's absolute horror once you've lost where you last read. I strongly advise you to cut chapters around 4-5k words per chapter.

 

[Boko]

I'd appreciate feedback! My Series

 

[AliceMoonvale]

Here's my tropey romance/fantasy slop.

One day I ran out of reading material for specific genres, so I'm writing my own garbage.
Sorry in advance, as my dialogue is written similar to how my brain works. Anime-coded and full of references.

And no, I will not change, no matter how many people yell at me!
I know I'm cringe and I will not apologize for it!

 

[pangmida]

Here's my tropey romance/fantasy slop.

One day I ran out of reading material for specific genres, so I'm writing my own garbage.
Sorry in advance, as my dialogue is written similar to how my brain works. Anime-coded and full of references.

And no, I will not change, no matter how many people yell at me!
I know I'm cringe and I will not apologize for it!

?? I love tropey romance~ I’m just a simple girl haha. I’ll definitely check it out!

 

[HotConsensualSalt]

If this is still open, can i submit Beat, Prey, Love for review and critique? Ive gotten some helpful review on three first chapter, but nothing past that.

The series is intended as sexy martial arts erotica. I want to deliver that well. The small audience ive built elsewhere really likes my detailed fight scenes, but I'm a concernrd they may be impenetrable for readers not already looking for this specific kink

 

[sbdrag]

To be clear, this is still open! Im just approaching my last two weeks in this college semester, so I'll be catching up once Im through, most likely!

 

[MarcusTabs0531]

Hi there! I hope I can make it despite your busy schedule, OP.
Here's my work:
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2000412/tale-of-gaias-the-mage/

Thanks in advance if you ever get to reach this far.

 

[Danielbanda]

Do I have time for this? Not really! But here it is anyway.

Post a link to your story and I'll read the first 3-5 chapters and give you my feedback. I feel like a lot of feedback tends to focus on what a story isn't doing instead of what it is - which leads to situations where you judge The Lord of the Rings by how good it is at being Game of Thrones. Same genre, both very popular, but their appeal and how they go about doing what they're doing is vastly different.

So my feedback is going to follow a general formula:

- What my impression of your story is based solely on your blurb without looking at tags.
- How well your story delivers on what your synopsis suggests it is.
- My general feedback of what you've written, inclduing what I think your goals are and how well you're fulfilling them.
- Any media suggestions that are close to what I think your goals are for inspriation and study.

I'm pretty widely read, so I'm open to anything that isn't AI generated slop. I want to help you improve your writing, which means I need to see your writing.

If you want some other qualifications: I've been writing as long as I can remember, won national awards in middle and high school for writing, and have an MLitt in Creative Writing from the University of Glasgow so I like to think I know what I'm doing.

I do have college, a day job, and a side job, so updates are likely to be slow, but I've been thinking of opening a thread for a while so figured fuck it, why not?

Sleepless for eternity | Scribble Hub https://share.google/d4rYBfWXHNPLUepQE

 

[Avarice_Of_The_Seven]

The Parallel Paradox

What is the correct way to live your life? Is it chasing your dreams until the end, or becoming satisfied with whatever life gives you? Everyone has their own opinion on the matter — they had theirs as well. A high school teacher who believes the world is nothing but competition,...

www.scribblehub.com

Questions I am looking answers for ;

How strong is the first chapter hook ?

which chapter was the least and most boring and why ?

how is the pacing ?

what kind of impression did the novel give off ?

my mistakes, if any

 

[_kagamineakira]

Please and thank you! Take the time to read it.

The Catharsis of Atheism

Aomori Prefecture, Hiranai, 2010. The village of Hiranai is dying, and with it, Tatsuda Manabu. Trapped in a limbo of pain, his sanity depends on a handful of pills that silence the echoes of his mother's murder and the screams of an abusive father. For Manabu, reality is a vague ghost...

www.scribblehub.com