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  1. Peagreene

    Witch vs Knightess: Which do you prefer?

    Witch. But also... Ser Voyne from The Starving Saints.
  2. Peagreene

    Offering feedback on your first chapter

    I like the detail specifying that the office is posh, but I'm less a fan of the all-glass detail. At this point it's just description, but doesn't reveal much else, so it could be more potent/pithy. It's kind of weird to have visual descriptors like this accompany "I hear" -- it's not like his...
  3. Peagreene

    Books with the worst morals/messages?

    I was reminded of this just now because I'm watching a video essay about misery memoirs and the presenter makes a good point about how individualism played a huge part in the boom of misery lit because it frames suffering (especially in the context of child abuse) as something that the...
  4. Peagreene

    Books with the worst morals/messages?

    What a sizzling hot take that Mein Kampf is problematic.
  5. Peagreene

    Books with the worst morals/messages?

    Yeah why not.
  6. Peagreene

    Books with the worst morals/messages?

    Yikes, that's a fucked-up message. Hyper-individualism is toxic.
  7. Peagreene

    Books with the worst morals/messages?

    Ready Player One. No one cares that you can recite War Games.
  8. Peagreene

    Feedback From A Delusional Witchpire [5/5] (Slots currently filled: Closed until further notice)

    Hey, Pandora's Box had good shit at the bottom.
  9. Peagreene

    Feedback From A Delusional Witchpire [5/5] (Slots currently filled: Closed until further notice)

    Throwing this into the ring: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2176067/a-womans-desire/
  10. Peagreene

    Offering feedback on your first chapter

    Flesh it out, add some emotional motivation, write it, edit it, post it.
  11. Peagreene

    Writing Toy Story: Tension and Shock

    I've been thinking about Toy Story a lot lately, especially about how it manages to create tension during the scene moment in Pizza Planet when Buzz and Woody get caught in the crane machine. Something that's hard to do when you're adding mystery or creating tension in storytelling is walking...
  12. Peagreene

    Offering feedback on your first chapter

    I skimmed the rest of your chapters, and I think my main takeaway here is that lack of tension I mentioned earlier. Good storytelling uses tension to keep the reader engaged, but there're many ways to create tension. One easy way is to make your character want something, and then working the...
  13. Peagreene

    Offering feedback on your first chapter

    Need a link dude.
  14. Peagreene

    Offering feedback on your first chapter

    Darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time, and I wandered far on roads that I will not tell. Also I was sleepy.
  15. Peagreene

    A werewolf who reviews takeout and their channel is called I'm Lycan It.

    A werewolf who reviews takeout and their channel is called I'm Lycan It.
  16. Peagreene

    Offering feedback on your first chapter

    Okay, so many thoughts about this. Starting with "a man" rather than a named character isn't great because your opening should attempt to intrigue and interest us in the character's fate, and "a man" immediately places distance between us and the character. Being tired isn't that interesting or...
  17. Peagreene

    Scammer Board of Shame

    Recently joined user, and they've posted variations of this comment on a bunch of other works including the dreaded "lets continue this elsewhere".
  18. Peagreene

    High Views, but Low Engagement? Seeking Advice from Fellow Authors

    Jesus Christ, this makes me want to reach for a rape whistle.
  19. Peagreene

    Writing, kindness, and new chapters that surprised me

    Hi Leslie, welcome. Nice to meet a fellow English on here - I'm on the southeast coast, though, so nowhere near Yorkshire. It's very refreshing to see your kind of story on here, and one that clearly has a lot of heart behind it.
  20. Peagreene

    How to be funny and still be a good writer?

    Comedy has to make sense, otherwise you're just recycling the "omg so random xD" trend from the Before Time. I want to know why these people have been chosen, what beautiful tensions will arise through a clash of personalities, what is the emotional heart of the story that comes from disparate...
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