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Oh yeah, I do this. :blob_facepalm: I'll try to finish tackling everything added either Saturday or Sunday.

I'd say it all depends on what the protagonist's actual story is. If there is a huge battle that is going on at the same time while the protagonist resolves their own specific story/small part of this, it's fine. It sounds like a case of Little Hero, Big War, where they're just a small part of...

Watch SAO Abridged instead. It's a comedic take on it that's actually a well-written story beyond it being a comedy.

I wouldn't feel bad for taking offense, it does come off as inherently antagonistic. If I didn't already know about him doing this as a joke, I'd view it as an insult. It's difficult to view it as anything else without context. I just knew ahead of time, nothing more.

Why did you start to write in the first place? Why do you write?

Oh, I already knew, I've seen it elsewhere. :LOL: I just figured I needed to give some kind of response. I was between that or a Saitama "okay."

Do you need a snickers?

Been releasing 2 chapters weekly for a little over a month now and since the first act is up in full, figured I'd finally drop some stuff here. If you're interested in a crime story along the lines of things like Lupin, Leverage, Ocean's Eleven, The Italian Job, and Now You See Me, I'd recommend...

You visited my thread, so I thought it be fun to pay a visit in return and do my first formal "I'd like to hear your feedback" for my caper/mystery novel, The Confessions of Cassidy Cain.

Definitely wish you the best of luck at it and you're welcome to bring it back! Also hope any of the stuff I put in here towards others can be of use to you! Some are more detailed than others, though it's more just because I'm focused purely on the opening chapter as opposed to the entire...

Why did I say existential crisis? Eh, juggling multiple things at once can do that. Anyway, @E.M.Kaustinen I doubt the story would be better in present, but I'd see the link I provided earlier on it. I'd argue the awkwardness and drawbacks of it aren't worth it, but that's just me.

Alright, doing my advance skim through first now and going to think about the content since I dislike the prose already. Such as not using quotation marks properly at times. Or, with the prose, we have stuff like this: And this: Or this: Your prose is so raw and inexperienced and filled...

Okay, after a stressful weekend where I got little done thanks to trying to build a PC for the first time, it's about time to do stuff I meant to but was too pissed off to do! So, the fact I favorited and added to my reading list should speak volumes enough from my perspective. Well, the blurb...

YES! This works as an opening IMO! It scratches the genre itch, sets the tone for this, it starts out with a character to take an interest in and wonder where stuff is going, I like how it plays off of the others who recognize this character as cheesy but he does make clear a threat, it create...

I think that could work for their introductions. As said, I'd likely pick one to serve as the "focal" point and introduce the others through, but that's just me. Also, I do recommend a villain opening scene still.The first reason is because of The Rule of 10 I mention on the first page. I'd...

Didn't really care for it with what I did read, but I'm not the target audience.

You should do some proofreading, there are things like missing periods.

I can think of two ways to start, depending. One is to open with a villain intro, with the comparison I'd make to a film like Mulan. The original one, not that terrible live-action remake. It can help create a ticking clock and establish why the villain is to be worried about. As for the girls...

Sure! I don't recommend it often for reasons I mentioned on the first page (I think?) with how the dialogue being strong conveys the emotion more often than not, but I know how to use tags regardless and I've no issue telling others.

I'd recommend organizing everything using mind mapping. Google it for some software. If you have a google account, can use mindmup. It's what I do.