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Excessive description cause overdose for the reader. :blob_dizzy: :blob_melt:

I'll be honest with you, dude. I'm a tolerant reader, and I won't complain about occasional diction and grammar errors. I'm more concerned with the visualization and immersion of the scene based on my reading experience. After reading your two chapters, I'm pretty sure... your narrative...

Dude/ sis... I hope you're still breathing and enjoying a cup of tea this weekend. You know... opening a feedback thread means leaving your door open to the public. :blob_melt:

@Louhi is a good girl :blob_aww:

This narrative structure is poor, not because of the use of passive voice, but because of the use of exposition to explain the situation. Saying, *it (the room) was empty; the dungeon wasn't dangerous* is telling. It's the narrator's voice to summarize the scene. It's fine if the author writes...

Suspicious message! :blob_hmm_two: Causal readers usually prefer to express their appreciation more quietly by leaving a like or a short comment like "thanks for the chapter" (tftc). It's rare for readers to praise.:blob_melt:

What if each chapter could be considered a short story because it could be understood as a standalone discourse?

I'll stop here. I don't want to hijack this thread. Sorry, sis @Emotica

Red Alert 2 :blob_melt:

No... don't do it. I'm just a lost magical girl looking for mommy. :blob_aww:

I know... people need a shoulder to cry on. But there's a place for that. Discussions should address issues. :blob_melt:

For some reason, the answers are turning to venting. Maybe we should move the conversation to the general section. :blob_hmm: :blob_melt:

How many bots? :blob_hmm:

Is an author here who has completed a series (prequel), then made a sequel series with the author as a transmigrator (MC) in the prequel series? :blob_melt:

It's absolutely crazy! You two are giving lengthy constructive feedback as if you're exchanging love letters. Great job. :blob_melt: :blob_salute: Edit: Just a quick feedback. In the prologue, the narrative uses the first POV which is supposed to be subjective, but the narrative feels clinical...

Thank you for your feedback. :blob_melt:

Thank you for your feedback. :blob_salute: :blob_melt:

My brief comment is that your synopsis uses overly technical language. It might be suitable for computer science students... but the average casual reader might find it confusing. Furthermore, the synopsis focuses too much on world-building... which could potentially create cold distance for...

I don't know... where that conclusion comes from. Complimenting each other, regardless of gender, is polite and diplomatic. You might be more surprised... Arab men kiss each other on the cheek to maintain brotherhood. :blob_melt: