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  1. AliceMoonvale

    Could I get your honest thoughts?

    Just a wee bit of advice btw. The narration should feel like the character. Y'know, voice, tone and phrasing? Things that would reflect Akuma. Narration and character are not the same, at least not really. It's more of a filter. In close third person, the narrator can summarize, compress...
  2. AliceMoonvale

    Could I get your honest thoughts?

    It’s not a dealbreaker, but it does weaken the opening because it asks the reader to process some big abstract lore before they’re grounded in the character or situation. The issue is that there's no real connection yet. If it were tied more directly to Akuma or introduced slightly later, it...
  3. AliceMoonvale

    Could I get your honest thoughts?

    Go for it. Also, if a plot is good, total immersion isn't fully necessary so don't worry about it so much. Some people just like to read something good, not pretend they've put on a VR headset into someone's story.
  4. AliceMoonvale

    Could I get your honest thoughts?

    Ignore Eldoria projecting her hurt feelings onto random strangers like yourself. And ignore Bim being a retard. Well, since someone has decided they like to only focus on how immersive something is, I'll focus on everything else so you can have two halves of a whole feedback. Whether you care...
  5. AliceMoonvale

    Hybrid Gargoyle and Gargoyle Hunter Romance How do you feel about it

    As a fan of the gargoyles tv show back when I was younger, I can see the appeal. Would I personally want to read it or stories inspired by it? Not really, cause I feel like it's something hard to full off without being compared to popular media. Though, it could do well for people who like...
  6. AliceMoonvale

    I mean, weird flex, but alright. :blob_hmm:

    I mean, weird flex, but alright. :blob_hmm:
  7. AliceMoonvale

    [IMG]

  8. AliceMoonvale

    Cat Supremacy Thread

  9. AliceMoonvale

    Bizarre Memes Thread

  10. AliceMoonvale

    ADHD feedback for your chapters

    Ah okay, makes more sense then I think, now that I know 1 and 2 were originally the same chapter as well. I don't get anime references that aren't pre 2013 since I weaned myself off anime in 2012, so not sure what konosuba is, I'll just assume it's profound in some way. And I can understand...
  11. AliceMoonvale

    ADHD feedback for your chapters

    PSA to everyone: Going forward, I'm going to start using colors like the true autist I am. Why? Cause fuck you, that's why. Anyway, back to you, Tycho- First impression: Holy em-dash batman. I mean, congratulations on your committed, long-term relationship. I'm happy for you. But god damn...
  12. AliceMoonvale

    I have concerns. [IMG]

    I have concerns.
  13. AliceMoonvale

    I always get the weirdest shit recommended to me. [IMG]

    I always get the weirdest shit recommended to me.
  14. AliceMoonvale

    [IMG]

  15. AliceMoonvale

    Yeah, it's strange to imagine some random dude pulling a schizo Barney on you out of nowhere...

    Yeah, it's strange to imagine some random dude pulling a schizo Barney on you out of nowhere. That's probably why it's strange even now.
  16. AliceMoonvale

    ADHD feedback for your chapters

    Anytime~ I like professionally memeing on people in a nice way as much as in a bad way. :blob_salute:
  17. AliceMoonvale

    Bizarre Memes Thread

  18. AliceMoonvale

    ADHD feedback for your chapters

    Be a real shame if people derailed my feedback thread. I can't imagine the outcome.
  19. AliceMoonvale

    ADHD feedback for your chapters

    Yeah, we don't really need to discuss it.
  20. AliceMoonvale

    You're not a true alcoholic unless your slavic enough to treat a hangover with more alcohol.

    You're not a true alcoholic unless your slavic enough to treat a hangover with more alcohol.
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