Could you give me a review?

TheKillingAlice · Sunday at 9:01 AM

Rosica said:
It's all the fault of this one guy here.

Nah, I'll make it your fault.

whitesculptor · Sunday at 9:03 AM

I didn't read past chapter 1, however, it is easy to understand. I found some use of AI in the story, which is fine. You can do it that way and then edit it with your own style. If you don't have a style, return to it in the far fetched future.
As it is, no one will complain on grammar or clarity.
I hope that helped.

LastMinami · Sunday at 9:09 AM

whitesculptor said:
I didn't read past chapter 1, however, it is easy to understand. I found some use of AI in the story, which is fine. You can do it that way and then edit it with your own style. If you don't have a style, return to it in the far fetched future.
As it is, no one will complain on grammar or clarity.
I hope that helped.

I understand, and I appreciate it. Chapter 1 was the very first one I wrote, and it really wasn't originally conceived as a standalone novel—that only came into play around Chapters 2 and 3. Thank you for your time; it was merely a prologue to a vague idea

that was later revisited.

Nevafrost · Sunday at 9:15 AM

How tf did the convo go from a review to a feud over food?

RepresentingAnti-Representings · Sunday at 7:16 PM

Reading this post comments while drunk has been the weirdest mind-blowing experience ever.

LightCosmos · Tuesday at 8:29 PM

LastMinami said:
I think it's my lowest point... I really didn't give it as much priority back then as I am now, mainly because I used to write prologues but they tore me apart with criticism haha

As I said I am back with the feedback. (Little busy with my novel).
It seems you have changed it quite a bit since I last read, even after a casual read it's not confusing any more.
Over all a good start and good work.

FRWriter · Tuesday at 9:08 PM

Rosica said:
So many of those in chapter 1 alone. @FRWriter take a look at this. Tell us what you think.

In the meantime, @Eldoria and I will not be giving any feedbacks for the story.

Late to the party :)

Definitely what we're all thinking, though, even after the recent changes. 100% sure.

Some high(low)lights:

My scream disappeared into nothing. No echo. Just wind I couldn’t feel.

An icy gust slammed my face. Trees I couldn’t see thrashed wildly. Branches crashed like thunder.

Pain. Bones snapping. Organs pulping. The last thing I thought was his name, a silent scream:

A hand. Massive. Black. Fingers like canyons descending from the sky.

Rough sheet on my cheek. Bleach and damp smell. The familiar buzz of the broken neon sign outside.

Absolute clanker.

If this has already been reworked... the original must have been quite... special.

Could you give me a review?

TheKillingAlice

Schinken

whitesculptor

The princess whispers & the keyboard clacks.

LastMinami

Active member

Nevafrost

A stupid and foolish daughter

RepresentingAnti-Representings

Certificated Representative Exterminator

LightCosmos

New member

FRWriter

Well-known member