The Art of Creative Insults: A Thread

Two wrongs don't make a right, but by gosh, you sure as hell tried to prove them wrong.

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

Cap it off with "Anyway...goodbye,"

‘Percy, far from being a fit consort for a Prince of the Realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot. You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly and the part of you that can’t be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the court, wouldn’t be worth mentioning even if it could be. If you put on a floppy hat and a funny codpiece, you might just get by as a fool, but since you wouldn’t know a joke if it got up and gave you a haircut, I doubt it.’

***


Blackadder: ‘Baldrick, I would like to say how much I will miss your honest, friendly companionship.’

Baldrick: ‘Thank you, Mr B.’

Blackadder: ‘But, as we both know, it would be an utter lie. I will therefore confine myself to saying simply, “Sod off and if I ever meet you again, it will be twenty billion years too soon.”‘

"Take you me for a sponge?" - Hamlet

Edmund Rostand did a brilliant scene of these in the play Cyrano de Bergerac (which I was surprised to learn was based on a real guy - the big nose was only slightly exaggerated, and some mythical traits were added to him - but he also was a creator of something approaching science fiction before it's real genesis in the 1800s), where a noble TRIES to insult Cyrano, and does it so badly, Cyrano rattles off a list of more effective ways the man COULD have insulted him... that winds up with the man challenging him to a duel, which Cyrano manages to compose a ballad while fighting, with a few more insults inserted.

CharlesEBrown said:

Edmund Rostand did a brilliant scene of these in the play Cyrano de Bergerac (which I was surprised to learn was based on a real guy - the big nose was only slightly exaggerated, and some mythical traits were added to him - but he also was a creator of something approaching science fiction before it's real genesis in the 1800s), where a noble TRIES to insult Cyrano, and does it so badly, Cyrano rattles off a list of more effective ways the man COULD have insulted him... that winds up with the man challenging him to a duel, which Cyrano manages to compose a ballad while fighting, with a few more insults inserted.

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That's cool, but this thread is for posting creative insults.

AliceMoonvale said:

That's cool, but this thread is for posting creative insults.

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There are too many in that scene to copy and too many good ones to pick and choose.

A personal favorite:
"Your visage is so hideous, the last time you had a portrait made it needed neither hammer nor nail, as it hung itself."

Give me your worst insult here

"You're ugly when you lie."

- I'm not lying.

"Then why are you so ugly?"

~ felt like quoting Invader Zim


"You would be out of your depth in a parking lot puddle"

AliceMoonvale said:

There will be no legit attacking people here~

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. . . But what if I volunteer for it?
Please show me what you have.

Some minor insults from me:

I would call some people here fucked in the head, except there was never anything there.
I would insult you, but nature has beaten me to it.
Do I think you ae attractive? Well, you seem to be able generate your own gravity well.
When I read some of the insults here, I ask myself if little children made them, then I realize kids can be more viscous and imaginative!
Please give me a nice hard challenge. That is only thing that's hard some of you can give anyone.

'They've reached rock bottom and shown signs of starting to dig"

For the sake of your future prosperity, please sleep with the fishes instead.

ElijahRyne said:

For the sake of your future prosperity, please sleep with the fishes instead.

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But the fishes have restraining orders against him for sexual harassment!

"Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma?"