Mildly Unreliable Story Feedback

great_sloth

a sloth that wants to be great
Joined
May 28, 2024
Messages
161
Points
78
Cause we're bored and decide to harass all the new people or sleeper agents that start activating and drawing attention to themselves.
You're welcome.

Also, thank you~
I pride myself in my insanity and transfer it to my writing. :blob_sir:
I'm not new though. I just hibernated for two years lol.
 

CinnaSloth

🆃🅷🅴🄳🄴🄼🄾🄽🆂🅸🅽🄾🄵🆃🅷🅾🆃💢🌶️
Joined
Nov 20, 2024
Messages
554
Points
108

There you go.
You really wouldn't like my other two. This is the only one I could offer. lol. Please and thank you!
 

Cookiez_N_Potionz

Rank: Moon Leo
Joined
Sep 27, 2024
Messages
433
Points
78
I am bored and kinda want to try this thing. So yeah, let me look at your goodies I'll poison test them and write my prescriptions or something—I'm unreliable though don't expect too much.


Oh yeah, no smut. My junior was already filing complaints, so cut me some slack. Also, no fan-fic cuz I can't relate to some of them. Thanks.

Guess I'm next! ☮️

 

ElijahRyne

A Hermit that’s NOT that Lazy, currentlycomplainen
Joined
Aug 12, 2021
Messages
1,870
Points
153
Same with the first review. I think you're a veteran already! But if I tried to nitpick something it was probably the long paragraphs in the part where he described his ritual. The mood you set in the prologue, the mystery and cultic vibes, were overshadowed by the scientificality of the ritual described. I like it, but it could be more random and bizzare like Amil had to jump 6.5 times or use blood that came from his toes. Next the good one.

The plot hooked me, not gonna lie. I think it is a book that is reliant on your created universe. You wrote a whole dam of books, I'm envious. The weird grape that grew on his wrist was also such a weird thing; I like it, I made a short story about someone with a glowing butt, so weird shits like that interest me.

Next I was surprised when I saw your pen name in the prologue. Mr. Alchemist, what is the secret to gold transmutation? I'm in dire need of gas money.

Next, I thought it was set in a normal world but after planars and whatnot was mentioned, I realized it was in a different world with it's own set of logic. I just don't know if its out in the open rules or something only few people know of.

Next is the characters, I'll mainly focus on Amil. I think he deserved whatever happened to him lol. Who says he had to conduct a ritual? Also did it with such a high improvisation. Does he have a balls of steel? Not only that he's lazy as shit in disposing the used tools, he didn't even used google on what steps to do. He only consulted the Alchemist after he he stubbed his toe. You're such a good tempered person, if I was you I would already blocked him.

Overall, I like your story. The mystery, the email format, and the rituals.

VERDICT: NOT POISON - GOOD FOR LORE-LOVING FOLKS
It takes place in a dimension of this plane. Magical and occult traditions have always existed along side humans. Of you want gold an easy way is to transmute question marks into gold coins. It is fairly simple: ?-> 🪙

The other stories are not needed, but can give a better outlook on what is happening. Especially the textbook on planar alchemy.
 
Top