Jay_Nyctbloom
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- Mar 3, 2026
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Hey everyone, I just wrote my first real sex scene for my first novel, and I don't really have any friends who will give me feedback on it. Can you guys let me know if this scene is done in a way that lets you imagine it and how well it flows from one beat to the next?
Opening the left door, I’m met with something similar to a bathhouse. A large open room with a large communal water source to bathe with. As I hesitantly enter, I don’t see anyone in here. Feeling a little more confident, I look around for a brush and soap, only to find one of them. In my hand, I hold a brush, but there’s no soap. Looking around the whole room, I don’t find any soap.
“How am I supposed to bathe without soap?” I say to myself, not expecting an answer, only to hear one anyway.
“Haha, soap? This isn’t the master’s bathhouse, and it isn’t the women’s either. What are you doin in her lil lady?”
Before I can even turn around, I’m surrounded by a group of three guys, all naked. As I look at them, something within me stirs. A feeling of attraction deeper than just physical or mental. When I notice, I look down at the floor, trying to keep them from my vision.
“Looks like someone can’t read the sign.”
“Maybe she walked in here on purpose, look at her, naked and asking for it.”
I didn’t notice before, but now that I look, I am naked. Where did my covering go? It was there before I entered the room, now it’s gone!
I need to get out of here.
As I move towards the door, I apologize.
“Sorry, I can’t read. This is the wrong bathroom. I’ll go to the other one.”
Before I can take another step, I’m stopped. One of the men is grabbing my arm. Turning around, I see a smirk on his face, and the urge grows stronger. I look away again, only to have the same face back in my sight. My face is now held by his other hand, forcing me to look at him.
“I think we all know you came in here on purpose, why don’t we have a bit of fun before returning to work huh?”
Behind the one holding me, I hear the other two make agreements.
“No, I’m really in the wrong bathroom, please, I-I can’t do this, something bad will happen.”
Surrounding me again, the one holding me speaks in a joking tone.
“Don’t worry, cutie; we’ll be sure to pull out. If you get pregnant, the master will have our heads anyway. We’ll be sure to make this enjoyable for you too, don’t worry.”
As he says that, he pulls me towards him, against himself. I try to push off, to shake his grip, but I can’t. He’s much too strong; it feels like I’m being held in a vice. As he holds me against himself, I feel my control start to wane, that same feeling as back in the cave creeping back up.
Using the wet floor, he sweeps his feet under mine and pulls me to the floor. The other two then begin pulling me towards the water. As I’m being pulled, I feel my mind react in kind. By the time I unwillingly reach the water, I’m once again in the backseat of my own mind, watching whatever’s about to happen unfold.
“See, we knew you wanted this, not even a scream or shout. You didn’t even try to leave; you gave up at the earliest moment.”
Wanting to deny what he said, I try to speak. What comes out is my own voice, but something is different, something about my voice sounds deeper, darker.
“You’re right, I wanted this. Now, let's see how long you guys can last.”
At the finish of the sentence, I feel my mana start to move. All I can do is watch as I cast a flame at the bottom of the bathing pool. Along with the flame, I can feel my mana change types to something non-elemental.
Skill acquired [Lust Magic LVL. 1]
Soon, I’m casting multiple [Lewd Fluid Extractions] on each of the men. As I do, I can see them visibly react, their faces flush, and they become much more energetic. Each one of the men has let go of me now; they seem to be entranced almost. Their eyes are hollow, filled with but one desire. With steam now filling the room, my body continues to cast the spell on the three men until my mana is nearly exhausted. Speaking again, I say something I don’t want to.
“Now, come to me.”
All at once, the three men pounce on top of me, my body accepting them with arms spread wide. Each one fights over me as I caress each of them and lead them. The once helpless girl stuck in the wrong bathhouse is now the one taking control of three men, having them do what she wants. As I watch from the back of my mind, I feel good. Being the one in control feels nice. Then something I never expected to happen does.
“Now you’re getting it. I’m glad you’re starting to realize there’s fun to be had here. You’re still too green though, Sophie. I’ll be finishing this on my own.”
My body, my skill, myself? Am I talking to myself? Confused about what just happened, I wait for my body to say something else, but nothing comes. While I wait for something, anything, my body keeps acting on its own.
With a shaft in both hands, and one between my feet, the men blow their load. It’s massive, covering my hands, feet, and body in semen. Soon after, I notice the semen start seeping into my skin, looking inside, I see [Lewd Fluid Conversion] is at work, turning it into experience. Something else catches my eye as I do, the conversion is much, much less than the hydra. If the hydra could supply me with a whole level, the same amount of human seed only amounts to about a twentieth of that.
Continuing to please the men, my body next moves to rotate the men's positions and accompany them in a new spot. This time, two shafts thrust back and forth between my armpits, while one lies between my thighs as I move back and forth. Only a few seconds later, the men ejaculate all over me again. Once again, it’s all absorbed through my skin and converted. Looking at the men, they seem to beg for more, raring for another round, totally unaware of their physical condition. They look dehydrated, as if they’ve been walking in the desert for hours.
Without care for themselves, they move to new positions, ready to go again. Next, my body orders them in a line. Soon, I order all three as I stand, looking down on them.
“Sit there and masturbate. Don’t cum without me telling you, if you do, I will punish you~!”
All three follow the command, sitting in place and stroking themselves, their hollow eyes staring at me. Watching over them, I move from my position to behind them. One at a time, I give each man a whisper, an ear nibble, a gentle touch. Each one sends them over the edge, sending their third load into the pool.
“Bad boys get punished, stand up and bend over.”
Following my command, each of the men does as they’re told. Picking up the brush I had dropped, I wind my arm back, and smack each of their asses with the wood end of the brush. As I do, each of them falls over, looking defeated.
“Back in position.” I say.
Repeating the same order as before, they once again sit and stroke. Once again, I do something that pushes them over the edge, hit them with the brush, and they resume the same position, looking worse for wear. I don’t think they can handle much more.
“Hey, me? I don’t think they can keep this up, just look at them.”
Once again, I’m ignored and receive no answer as the scene plays out in front of me.
“What a shame, it doesn’t look like these three can follow orders very well. Well, I’ll finish this with an easy one. Sit here, on your knees, until someone comes in.”
Saying that, I walk towards the door of the bathhouse. Exiting, I notice my “underwear” comes back. Making my way back to the front of the room where the shelves start, I take a seat on a bench, waiting for Urses. Soon, I hear a knock on the door before Urses enters.
“How was your bath Sophia?”
“Best bath I’ve had in a long time. Although I did hear some screaming through the wall on the other side, you might want to send someone to check out what that was.”
Urses, looking toward the direction of the men’s bathhouse, replies,
“Okay, don’t worry about it. I’ll have someone look into it. Are you ready to be fitted?”
Nodding at him, I feel my mind once again come to the forefront as I finish my answer.
“I am.”
“How am I supposed to bathe without soap?” I say to myself, not expecting an answer, only to hear one anyway.
“Haha, soap? This isn’t the master’s bathhouse, and it isn’t the women’s either. What are you doin in her lil lady?”
Before I can even turn around, I’m surrounded by a group of three guys, all naked. As I look at them, something within me stirs. A feeling of attraction deeper than just physical or mental. When I notice, I look down at the floor, trying to keep them from my vision.
“Looks like someone can’t read the sign.”
“Maybe she walked in here on purpose, look at her, naked and asking for it.”
I didn’t notice before, but now that I look, I am naked. Where did my covering go? It was there before I entered the room, now it’s gone!
I need to get out of here.
As I move towards the door, I apologize.
“Sorry, I can’t read. This is the wrong bathroom. I’ll go to the other one.”
Before I can take another step, I’m stopped. One of the men is grabbing my arm. Turning around, I see a smirk on his face, and the urge grows stronger. I look away again, only to have the same face back in my sight. My face is now held by his other hand, forcing me to look at him.
“I think we all know you came in here on purpose, why don’t we have a bit of fun before returning to work huh?”
Behind the one holding me, I hear the other two make agreements.
“No, I’m really in the wrong bathroom, please, I-I can’t do this, something bad will happen.”
Surrounding me again, the one holding me speaks in a joking tone.
“Don’t worry, cutie; we’ll be sure to pull out. If you get pregnant, the master will have our heads anyway. We’ll be sure to make this enjoyable for you too, don’t worry.”
As he says that, he pulls me towards him, against himself. I try to push off, to shake his grip, but I can’t. He’s much too strong; it feels like I’m being held in a vice. As he holds me against himself, I feel my control start to wane, that same feeling as back in the cave creeping back up.
Using the wet floor, he sweeps his feet under mine and pulls me to the floor. The other two then begin pulling me towards the water. As I’m being pulled, I feel my mind react in kind. By the time I unwillingly reach the water, I’m once again in the backseat of my own mind, watching whatever’s about to happen unfold.
“See, we knew you wanted this, not even a scream or shout. You didn’t even try to leave; you gave up at the earliest moment.”
Wanting to deny what he said, I try to speak. What comes out is my own voice, but something is different, something about my voice sounds deeper, darker.
“You’re right, I wanted this. Now, let's see how long you guys can last.”
At the finish of the sentence, I feel my mana start to move. All I can do is watch as I cast a flame at the bottom of the bathing pool. Along with the flame, I can feel my mana change types to something non-elemental.
Skill acquired [Lust Magic LVL. 1]
Soon, I’m casting multiple [Lewd Fluid Extractions] on each of the men. As I do, I can see them visibly react, their faces flush, and they become much more energetic. Each one of the men has let go of me now; they seem to be entranced almost. Their eyes are hollow, filled with but one desire. With steam now filling the room, my body continues to cast the spell on the three men until my mana is nearly exhausted. Speaking again, I say something I don’t want to.
“Now, come to me.”
All at once, the three men pounce on top of me, my body accepting them with arms spread wide. Each one fights over me as I caress each of them and lead them. The once helpless girl stuck in the wrong bathhouse is now the one taking control of three men, having them do what she wants. As I watch from the back of my mind, I feel good. Being the one in control feels nice. Then something I never expected to happen does.
“Now you’re getting it. I’m glad you’re starting to realize there’s fun to be had here. You’re still too green though, Sophie. I’ll be finishing this on my own.”
My body, my skill, myself? Am I talking to myself? Confused about what just happened, I wait for my body to say something else, but nothing comes. While I wait for something, anything, my body keeps acting on its own.
With a shaft in both hands, and one between my feet, the men blow their load. It’s massive, covering my hands, feet, and body in semen. Soon after, I notice the semen start seeping into my skin, looking inside, I see [Lewd Fluid Conversion] is at work, turning it into experience. Something else catches my eye as I do, the conversion is much, much less than the hydra. If the hydra could supply me with a whole level, the same amount of human seed only amounts to about a twentieth of that.
Continuing to please the men, my body next moves to rotate the men's positions and accompany them in a new spot. This time, two shafts thrust back and forth between my armpits, while one lies between my thighs as I move back and forth. Only a few seconds later, the men ejaculate all over me again. Once again, it’s all absorbed through my skin and converted. Looking at the men, they seem to beg for more, raring for another round, totally unaware of their physical condition. They look dehydrated, as if they’ve been walking in the desert for hours.
Without care for themselves, they move to new positions, ready to go again. Next, my body orders them in a line. Soon, I order all three as I stand, looking down on them.
“Sit there and masturbate. Don’t cum without me telling you, if you do, I will punish you~!”
All three follow the command, sitting in place and stroking themselves, their hollow eyes staring at me. Watching over them, I move from my position to behind them. One at a time, I give each man a whisper, an ear nibble, a gentle touch. Each one sends them over the edge, sending their third load into the pool.
“Bad boys get punished, stand up and bend over.”
Following my command, each of the men does as they’re told. Picking up the brush I had dropped, I wind my arm back, and smack each of their asses with the wood end of the brush. As I do, each of them falls over, looking defeated.
“Back in position.” I say.
Repeating the same order as before, they once again sit and stroke. Once again, I do something that pushes them over the edge, hit them with the brush, and they resume the same position, looking worse for wear. I don’t think they can handle much more.
“Hey, me? I don’t think they can keep this up, just look at them.”
Once again, I’m ignored and receive no answer as the scene plays out in front of me.
“What a shame, it doesn’t look like these three can follow orders very well. Well, I’ll finish this with an easy one. Sit here, on your knees, until someone comes in.”
Saying that, I walk towards the door of the bathhouse. Exiting, I notice my “underwear” comes back. Making my way back to the front of the room where the shelves start, I take a seat on a bench, waiting for Urses. Soon, I hear a knock on the door before Urses enters.
“How was your bath Sophia?”
“Best bath I’ve had in a long time. Although I did hear some screaming through the wall on the other side, you might want to send someone to check out what that was.”
Urses, looking toward the direction of the men’s bathhouse, replies,
“Okay, don’t worry about it. I’ll have someone look into it. Are you ready to be fitted?”
Nodding at him, I feel my mind once again come to the forefront as I finish my answer.
“I am.”
