I would like feedback on my first series (plus 2 chapters)

[Parade]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2249744/urban-valor/

This is the link to my series that I am writing. I have currently published chapters 1 and 2.
The front cover is being drawn, and I have hired an artist.
I am looking for feedback from you, the authors, on any major mistakes I may be making.
This is also the first series I've ever written, so it may be rough. Please excuse my inexperience, and I would love constructive criticism.

 

[Eldoria]

I would love constructive criticism.

Dude.. I've read 2 chapters. I want to ask what kind of POV you're using?
Is limited third POV?
Or is objective third POV?
Or is omniscient third POV?

 

[Parade]

Dude.. I've read 2 chapters. I want to ask what kind of POV you're using?
Is limited third POV?
Or is objective third POV?
Or is omniscient third POV?

for the first 3 chapters its omniscient 3rd POV but will switch to limited 3rd afterwards

 

[Eldoria]

Well, I'll highlight one strength and one weakness of the narrative.

Strengths: The atmosphere feels alive in chapter 1; the city feels claustrophobic, dense, and suddenly tense. This is great for drawing the reader's imagination into the story world.

The Marquis stood tall on the screens, dressed in a tailored suit that looked both refined and menacing. His jacket was deep black with sharp lapels edged in crimson silk, catching the light as he moved. Underneath, a blood-red waistcoat added a bold splash of color, its buttons shining like dark rubies. His crisp white shirt was perfectly pressed, standing out against the dark suit.

A black silk cravat was tied at his neck, held in place by a small, ornate red gem. His polished top hat, with a crimson band, sat at a perfect angle. Black gloves covered his hands as he gripped a sleek cane tipped with a red crystal.

The Marquis’s mask was smooth, porcelain-like, and expressionless, with thin red lines tracing its edges to highlight his hidden gaze. Every detail of his outfit was designed to command respect, show power, and unsettle people.

Weaknesses: Static character descriptions. In chapter 1, you narrate the main character's visualization for three large paragraphs. This is not good because the pacing slows down. Readers are forced to imagine quite complex visualizations with static descriptions.

Instead of describing character visualizations statically, you can narrate dynamically by inserting character descriptions into dialogue, action, and atmosphere. This will make the pacing smoother.

Back at Hero Headquarters, the monitors captured every second of the supernatural display. A beat of stunned silence passed over the room — then the specialists snapped into motion.

Addition: The transitions between scenes still feel rough and abrupt. You can create smoother narrative transitions through symbolism or a summary of events. For example, using a flying leaf to transition the scene to another location.

Note: The cover is cool.

 

[Eldoria]

Hello, how are you doing i would be open to give feedback for you.

what's your word count?

I often see this comment in the comment section of new fiction chapters.

 

[Parade]

Hello, how are you doing i would be open to give feedback for you.

what's your word count?

I’m currently getting around 40k word I currently have half or 10 chapters published it’s called Urban Valor so help you

Well, I'll highlight one strength and one weakness of the narrative.

Strengths: The atmosphere feels alive in chapter 1; the city feels claustrophobic, dense, and suddenly tense. This is great for drawing the reader's imagination into the story world.


Weaknesses: Static character descriptions. In chapter 1, you narrate the main character's visualization for three large paragraphs. This is not good because the pacing slows down. Readers are forced to imagine quite complex visualizations with static descriptions.

Instead of describing character visualizations statically, you can narrate dynamically by inserting character descriptions into dialogue, action, and atmosphere. This will make the pacing smoother.


Addition: The transitions between scenes still feel rough and abrupt. You can create smoother narrative transitions through symbolism or a summary of events. For example, using a flying leaf to transition the scene to another location.

Note: The cover is cool.

Thank you for the comments and for the cover look. It is currently a temp, and I have an artist with an official cover on the way. For the weaknesses, I completely understand that, and I have improved that in the future chapters, and my grammar and my structure for the chapters are getting better, and will only continue to do so!

 

[Bimbanana]

Hello, how are you doing i would be open to give feedback for you.

what's your word count?

KYAA!! Amogus scammer hunting for his translations!

 

[Parade]

KYAA!! Amogus scammer hunting for his translations!

WAAA! Dont let him be a loot goblin! Protect the ancient words of glory!