How can i write believable relationships.

[c37]

How can i write more believable friendships, relationships, toxic-relationships? What micro actions or traits help? What do i need to show to make it believable?

 

[MajorKerina]

Believable friendships have a history they're not perfect they differ by gender and personality outgoing friendships versus introverted friendships toxic relationships might look completely normal on the surface but they have something out of whack. Consider the characters fully and what reasons they have for the relationships. That's what makes them believable.

 

[L1aei]

How can i write more believable friendships, relationships, toxic-relationships? What micro actions or traits help? What do i need to show to make it believable?

Cheat.

Go and think about real relationships you've had in life. You had a friend? What did you both do that is memorable. How about those love-lives? Good, bad, ugly? And those toxic ones? Remember how much that burns? Put those down on paper. Whenever you encounter a scene that feels like it could use a mention of a relationship, think about those real experiences and what you were doing, what they were doing, and translate that into your characters.

It's a cheat, but it also works.

 

[c37]

Believable friendships have a history they're not perfect they differ by gender and personality outgoing friendships versus introverted friendships toxic relationships might look completely normal on the surface but they have something out of whack. Consider the characters fully and what reasons they have for the relationships. That's what makes them believable.

How can i show that history without info dumping? one way i see is through shared hobbies, habits and interests.

Cheat.

Go and think about real relationships you've had in life. You had a friend? What did you both do that is memorable. How about those love-lives? Good, bad, ugly? And those toxic ones? Remember how much that burns? Put those down on paper. Whenever you encounter a scene that feels like it could use a mention of a relationship, think about those real experiences and what you were doing, what they were doing, and translate that into your characters.

It's a cheat, but it also works.

So what can i do in case of fantasy worlds? should i try to mirror the action with a context set in the world?

 

[L1aei]

So what can i do in the case fantasy worlds? should i try to mirror the action with a context set in the world?

I believe so? Wanna give me some context here? I mean, whether it is a pair of humans, goblins, or elves, they typically will have a relationship you can project through them to immerse readers into relating with them because, those experiences you had, those were real, they once happened to you, and now that reality is presented through those characters.

 

[c37]

I believe so? Wanna give me some context here? I mean, whether it is a pair of humans, goblins, or elves, they typically will have a relationship you can project through them to immerse readers into relating with them because, those experiences you had, those were real, they once happened to you, and now that reality is presented through those characters.

How about fiends(kind of like creation of devil? Or hell spawn? For reference you can search Raphael, Mizzora from Baldur's gate 3)? I have two fiends, one cambion(regardless of species they share many common traits but different social status.) Who are poor and into battle arena (which ig you know since you read my book) but all three of them have different personalities. Mc is an impulsive gambler, fmc is a coward, and supporting mc is in between them. One archetype i see is good angel, bad angel, and a person but it would drive attention away from the Mc for now at least.

 

[L1aei]

How about fiends(kind of like creation of devil? Or hell spawn? For reference you can search Raphael, Mizzora from Baldur's gate 3)? I have two fiends, one cambion(regardless of species they share many common traits but different social status.) Who are poor and into battle arena (which ig you know since you read my book) but all three of them have different personalities. Mc is an impulsive gambler, fmc is a coward, and supporting mc is in between them. One archetype i see is good angel, bad angel, and a person but it would drive attention away from the Mc for now at least.

Look, you don't have to reinvent the wheel. What I mean by that is you can take the same human experiences you've lived through, you know, that risk-taking, cowardice, loyalty, envy and whatever else to just translate the core behaviors into those fiends. That impulsive gambling? That can look exactly the same whatever character, and I don't mean specifically for your Bastard novel, but any future writing projects you got. Take the cowardice as an example: show how she affects interactions. If you want, for whatever more you have cooking in your head, those future characters could freeze up when friends become confrontational, maybe they feel like or genuinely go off to make excuses to hide, or maybe they'll grow a pair and nag.

Supporting characters. Now those are what balances your extremes. Like who touches whom, who takes risks, who gives warnings, who laughs at the wrong time. Those little beats are what gives writing its rhythm; the heart. It feels alive. Even fiends with horns and tails between their legs... uh, legitimate ones that behave in ways we can relate to, such as basing it off of an animal... I hope? There are real examples you can reference for bestial traits. Anyways, yeah, if you anchor them in recognizable reactions, your readers will visualize it because they may have shared experiences like you did.

 

[Jerynboe]

As a clear example, if I were to write a married couple and the guy got his hands on a soft drink you’d better believe the woman in the couple would want a sip despite ordering water for herself. Possibly half the drink. This is a behavior from my own life that is amusing and relatable to many. It doesn’t matter if it’s at a formal gala run by the elf queen. The servant is handing that man a fizzy beverage and half of it will be going into his wife’s mouth.

This is a single hyper specific example that is absolutely not worth writing an entire chapter about, but can be woven into a scene pretty easily when an opportunity arises. It tells you something about their relationship, and if their relationship isn’t intended to mirror that aspect of my own relationship with my wife I wouldn’t include it. Having even a handful of these quirks spread across the story can add texture that implies more depth than you’ve actually had word count dedicated to illustrating.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Friends who've been together for a long time will tease each other, make playful comments about past events, and just have relaxed chatter.
Those past events do not need to be explained UNLESS they impact the story (or are told in another story, then there should be a footnote about it). Just keep the interactions light and playful unless something really serious is going on - and even sometimes then.

For lovers or toxic relationships, if you don't have life experiences to draw from, then find authors who, in your eye at least, do them well and read a lot of their stuff for inspiration.

Edit: By your replies to other comments, you have a relationship between supernatural characters - a good source for that would be the relationship between the two leads in the Good Omens novels (the first was a joint effort from Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, the second written with some notes from Pratchett who passed while it was being written) or Amazon Prime TV series. One is a literal angel, the other an actual devil and they are best friends.

 

[L1aei]

Edit: By your replies to other comments, you have a relationship between supernatural characters - a good source for that would be the relationship between the two leads in the Good Omens novels (the first was a joint effort from Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, the second written with some notes from Pratchett who passed while it was being written) or Amazon Prime TV series. One is a literal angel, the other an actual devil and they are best friends.

 

[expentio]

I usually try to maintain a degree of casualness in conversations. Of course, it depends on the situation, but discussions are never merely about information exchange. Don't just infodump the topic, but show their personal stance towards the situation. Include personal comments, patterns of speech, maybe even slang.

As a very general tip, look at the discussion and ask yourself: Do human beings really talk like this?
Would they have added something else in this part? Would they keep on topic likethis? Would they go about a long-winded explanation here?

 

[rainchip]

Reading your dialogue aloud and even acting out the motions you’re describing can go a long way toward making your characters/relationships feel believable. As for the “how to write a believable relationship” part that’s honestly hard to pin down. At least for me. There are so many ways to approach it and different styles of dialogue can like completely change the feel of a story. Some writers lean into an exaggerated dramatic style that doesn’t resemble real conversation at all. Others go for a quieter, more naturalistic feel. Or even boring, realistic conversation like Home Movies. Some characters speak in long rants, others speak in quick exchanges. I think a lot of what you're wanting will come down to consistency. Having characters show up regularly and behave in ways that feel true to who they are does much of the heavy lifting for a relationship. I’m not the kind of writer whose character introductions always land the way I want them to but over time as the story unfolds, the relationships naturally get their moments to shine and feel real. Sorry if this still sounds a bit rambly I’m on mobile lololol.

 

[TinaMigarlo]

How can i write more believable friendships, relationships, toxic-relationships? What micro actions or traits help? What do i need to show to make it believable?

watch me compare two BDSM romances...

1) 50 shades
tall dark handsome worldly multi-billionaire bad boy
a cute girl next door who wears pigtails and says "holy cow"
the sex- practically non existent. they *talk* about it, they hardly ever do it.
plot is literally Cinderella cut with (choose any) Harlequin Romance
action? Last 20 minutes of the movie is cartoon damsel in distress time
dudley do-right has to run and save the cute girl from the clutches of snidely whiplash
2) (title redacted)
tall dark handsome--- has fair skin. he's at a big university, barely, on his GI bill and part time jobs
the cute girl next door--- Grew up on a ranch. She's not an ugly athlete, but she's six foot tall and has thick bones.
she plays soccer for the university girls soccer team.
the sex--- clinically explicit, lengthy, voluminous
plot--- dark, heavy, gritty crime noir. hardboil and erotica.
action--- suicide and cold blooded premeditated murders. and these are the good guys.
this ain't no cartoon. more like a believable realistic "Sin City".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the characters in #1 --- 50 shades has always been analyzed as the female author's self insert as the cute widdle girl tames the billionaire handsome jacked and cut bad boy. Its *literally* a Cinderella romance. Women are so hard to please these days, the glass slipper has to be cut out of the hope diamond itself. Millionaire husbands, are for losers.

the characters in #2 --- I just happen to know the author. The plot aside, here's how I do characters. I have a little movie in my head. What person in real life, can I see playing that actor's part in that movie. It could be anyone I know well, or can observe a lot over time. A friend. A coworker. The waitress at my favorite truck stop. Here though, I have two college degrees. There were university athletes running around. I knew some of them, quite well. One of them, is the "character model" for the girl.

I describe her, to a T. her real life boyfriend, they used to wear each other's work boots, cowboy boots, jogging shoes. Guy wore size 12 men's shoes, do the math. I've been to her family's ranch on break, and seen her do things I thought only men could do. Her brother and dad, look like shaved mountain gorillas. She hangs out with her brothers friends, and talks shit on "girly girls" that read women's magazines. She's the size of most of the farm boys the brother hangs around with. I got to hang out with her peer group all winter break at her family ranch. The guys growing up, played tackle football and baseball. Rode dirt bikes. I watched her do all these things. She's like one of the country boys, with hair and t!t$.

I use her personality. mannerisms. appearance. Her flaws and shortcomings.
I thought she was a freak of nature, but no.

I've been to county farm shows with her. There's girls just like her, all over. She did barrel racing, but I've seen other girls ride those bucking broncos with the guys at that county fair. One of those girls? Rode the goddamn bulls with the men. On her university sports team, I swear she looks like a female linebacker mowing down what you think of as "big girls". When some bulldyke on the opposing team hurt a couple of her team's stars in a big game, I about shit myself. They moved her up on the front line, and she started knocking this giant bulldyke around. Yeah, they got into it. They both got red carded (thrown out of the game) but she didn't fight like a girl. Pushing and pulling hair and slapping. She hit that big girl like a *man* would, then body slammed her and got on top of her and beat her to a bloody pulp. They had trouble separating those two, and one of the ref's was pulling her hair to get her off the other girl. She came after him, and he ran around scared. He was only about 5'6" and she just put a bigger "goon squad" girl into an ambulance ride.

she's only scary like that, on the field. off trhe field, she gets good grades and really she's a gentle giant. I asked her about the fighting. She grew up with all boys. doing whatever they did. That included her getting a black eye and giving a boy a golf ball on his lip. Her "shaved mountain gorilla" brother does the boxing thing, and a few of his friends do too. She wraps and tapes her hands like they do, and hits this big heavy bag when they do it.

this is what I call a "character model". The book character seems real now. She's no fantasy warrior babe, she's a real life person. So she comes across like one in the book. I wanted a tall strong girl for the book, but I wanted her to be believable.

Every girls sports team at my university, seemed to have "one of her" on it. Big university coaches, recruit girls like her that play sports in the mid west.

The guy in the story, was based on a real MP that could barely afford the big university to get his degree on his GI bill. he was close friends with her real life boyfriend at college. hearing him talk with his service buddies, led to some of the stuff in the plot. Once again, I use a real life "character model".
------------------------------------------------------
the moral of this (sorry its so long) story, is simply this:

you want real seeming characters.
start with *real* people! Its that simple.
Its a real life character model.

I find it impossible, or at least too long and complicated a process. To do "character diagrams" and all this stuff I see in the various "formulas" to create better characters. You want a real character. One that reads real. Talks real. comes to life on the printed page. So? Start with one. How they look. The way they rub their nose as a tic. the way they kick things gentle, when they're standing there talking. They have a habit of twirling a pencil around all the time. Maybe they say "I know, right." all the time. Describe their laugh, their sense of humor. All the wrird stuff they have about them, you include that too. The flaws, the shortcomings.

Now. when I read, I get that little movie in my head. When I write, its the reverse process. I have a plot. I have a real life character model, so I can just "see" that person in my daydream in my head. If you don;t have a little kid's imagination? I don't know how to help you. I imagine the next chapter, and think about it all day while doing other stuff. SO when I sit down to write that chapter, its as simple as describing the little movie in my head. The rest of the chapter. What logically came before my movie clip, to get me there. What logically comes after it, to finish that chapter out.

My process.
make a list of sentence fragments, numbering each one as you go. this is my "outline" each one is the goal or idea for that chapter.
I only use real life character models. sometimes, one person is the physical model, and another is the personality model.
daydream the next chapter, until you have a scene you like. Then? Pot of coffee and just write it.

to me, this is a simple process, to rough draft
The hard part, was learning plot devices. Learning to control mechanical writing issues. Learning how to edit.

but if you want real characters? Use real character models. You want friendship with toxic stuff going on? Find it in real life. Talk to someone who experienced it. Read about it, use online chat rooms, whatever. "They" say, write what you know about. If you know a subject, use that. If you dont? Well, you got a new hobby then, don't you.

If your character has a motif of hunting deer. You either do it yourself, or you find a buddy that does. You have to go out with him. every time, and wait. Watch him through binoculars, every day. Until he shoots a deer. He calls you. You arrive. You watch him track the blood drops. Find it. Gut it. watch how he does this, he'll describe it. help him drag it out the woods. Watch him hang it. skin it. quarter the animal, and butcher it into ground meat and steaks and roasts. Talk to all his beer drinking hunting buddies. Watch them and offer to help track, drag, hang-skin-butcher, and finally package the meat.

go to the range with them. watch how they shoot. watch them reloading to make accurate ammunition. Go where they shoot clay birds. You'll be able to describe it all and it will live on the page. Yoiu make thjis stuff up? it won;t "live". It will be cardboard cutouts.

the things I find (typically) that are so fake in so many books, that it turns me off:
1) relationships
2) sex
3) gunplay
4) hand to hand combat
5) how "bad guys" and "good guys" act.

when a co-worker is the male MC in your novel? the character model I mean. You can just close your eyes, and imagine what he'd say in a situation. If you didn't live it, you better have seen it. or at least talked at great length with someone who did.

I APOLOGIZE for the doctoral dissertation.
but to me, this is where "reality" on the printed page comes from.
and OP... you did ask, "how".
This? Is how.

one way, anyways.

your mileage may vary. product sold by weight not volume. some settling of contents may have occured during shipping and handling. please allow six to eight weeks for order processing and delivery. spokes-model from the advertisement, not included in package delivery.

 

[c37]

@L1aei @rainchip @CharlesEBrown @Jerynboe @expentio Thank you all for replying and giving your advices. I've read all of them and i will try to implement them from now on.

 

[TinaMigarlo]

Reading your dialogue aloud and even acting out the motions you’re describing can go a long way toward making your characters/relationships feel believable.

hey.
thanks for the tip.
my cat is going to look at me strange at 3 in the morning, doing this.

 

[c37]

watch me compare two BDSM romances...

1) 50 shades
tall dark handsome worldly multi-billionaire bad boy
a cute girl next door who wears pigtails and says "holy cow"
the sex- practically non existent. they *talk* about it, they hardly ever do it.
plot is literally Cinderella cut with (choose any) Harlequin Romance
action? Last 20 minutes of the movie is cartoon damsel in distress time
dudley do-right has to run and save the cute girl from the clutches of snidely whiplash
2) (title redacted)
tall dark handsome--- has fair skin. he's at a big university, barely, on his GI bill and part time jobs
the cute girl next door--- Grew up on a ranch. She's not an ugly athlete, but she's six foot tall and has thick bones.
she plays soccer for the university girls soccer team.
the sex--- clinically explicit, lengthy, voluminous
plot--- dark, heavy, gritty crime noir. hardboil and erotica.
action--- suicide and cold blooded premeditated murders. and these are the good guys.
this ain't no cartoon. more like a believable realistic "Sin City".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the characters in #1 --- 50 shades has always been analyzed as the female author's self insert as the cute widdle girl tames the billionaire handsome jacked and cut bad boy. Its *literally* a Cinderella romance. Women are so hard to please these days, the glass slipper has to be cut out of the hope diamond itself. Millionaire husbands, are for losers.

the characters in #2 --- I just happen to know the author. The plot aside, here's how I do characters. I have a little movie in my head. What person in real life, can I see playing that actor's part in that movie. It could be anyone I know well, or can observe a lot over time. A friend. A coworker. The waitress at my favorite truck stop. Here though, I have two college degrees. There were university athletes running around. I knew some of them, quite well. One of them, is the "character model" for the girl.

I describe her, to a T. her real life boyfriend, they used to wear each other's work boots, cowboy boots, jogging shoes. Guy wore size 12 men's shoes, do the math. I've been to her family's ranch on break, and seen her do things I thought only men could do. Her brother and dad, look like shaved mountain gorillas. She hangs out with her brothers friends, and talks shit on "girly girls" that read women's magazines. She's the size of most of the farm boys the brother hangs around with. I got to hang out with her peer group all winter break at her family ranch. The guys growing up, played tackle football and baseball. Rode dirt bikes. I watched her do all these things. She's like one of the country boys, with hair and t!t$.

I use her personality. mannerisms. appearance. Her flaws and shortcomings.
I thought she was a freak of nature, but no.

I've been to county farm shows with her. There's girls just like her, all over. She did barrel racing, but I've seen other girls ride those bucking broncos with the guys at that county fair. One of those girls? Rode the goddamn bulls with the men. On her university sports team, I swear she looks like a female linebacker mowing down what you think of as "big girls". When some bulldyke on the opposing team hurt a couple of her team's stars in a big game, I about shit myself. They moved her up on the front line, and she started knocking this giant bulldyke around. Yeah, they got into it. They both got red carded (thrown out of the game) but she didn't fight like a girl. Pushing and pulling hair and slapping. She hit that big girl like a *man* would, then body slammed her and got on top of her and beat her to a bloody pulp. They had trouble separating those two, and one of the ref's was pulling her hair to get her off the other girl. She came after him, and he ran around scared. He was only about 5'6" and she just put a bigger "goon squad" girl into an ambulance ride.

she's only scary like that, on the field. off trhe field, she gets good grades and really she's a gentle giant. I asked her about the fighting. She grew up with all boys. doing whatever they did. That included her getting a black eye and giving a boy a golf ball on his lip. Her "shaved mountain gorilla" brother does the boxing thing, and a few of his friends do too. She wraps and tapes her hands like they do, and hits this big heavy bag when they do it.

this is what I call a "character model". The book character seems real now. She's no fantasy warrior babe, she's a real life person. So she comes across like one in the book. I wanted a tall strong girl for the book, but I wanted her to be believable.

Every girls sports team at my university, seemed to have "one of her" on it. Big university coaches, recruit girls like her that play sports in the mid west.

The guy in the story, was based on a real MP that could barely afford the big university to get his degree on his GI bill. he was close friends with her real life boyfriend at college. hearing him talk with his service buddies, led to some of the stuff in the plot. Once again, I use a real life "character model".
------------------------------------------------------
the moral of this (sorry its so long) story, is simply this:

you want real seeming characters.
start with *real* people! Its that simple.
Its a real life character model.

I find it impossible, or at least too long and complicated a process. To do "character diagrams" and all this stuff I see in the various "formulas" to create better characters. You want a real character. One that reads real. Talks real. comes to life on the printed page. So? Start with one. How they look. The way they rub their nose as a tic. the way they kick things gentle, when they're standing there talking. They have a habit of twirling a pencil around all the time. Maybe they say "I know, right." all the time. Describe their laugh, their sense of humor. All the wrird stuff they have about them, you include that too. The flaws, the shortcomings.

Now. when I read, I get that little movie in my head. When I write, its the reverse process. I have a plot. I have a real life character model, so I can just "see" that person in my daydream in my head. If you don;t have a little kid's imagination? I don't know how to help you. I imagine the next chapter, and think about it all day while doing other stuff. SO when I sit down to write that chapter, its as simple as describing the little movie in my head. The rest of the chapter. What logically came before my movie clip, to get me there. What logically comes after it, to finish that chapter out.

My process.
make a list of sentence fragments, numbering each one as you go. this is my "outline" each one is the goal or idea for that chapter.
I only use real life character models. sometimes, one person is the physical model, and another is the personality model.
daydream the next chapter, until you have a scene you like. Then? Pot of coffee and just write it.

to me, this is a simple process, to rough draft
The hard part, was learning plot devices. Learning to control mechanical writing issues. Learning how to edit.

but if you want real characters? Use real character models. You want friendship with toxic stuff going on? Find it in real life. Talk to someone who experienced it. Read about it, use online chat rooms, whatever. "They" say, write what you know about. If you know a subject, use that. If you dont? Well, you got a new hobby then, don't you.

If your character has a motif of hunting deer. You either do it yourself, or you find a buddy that does. You have to go out with him. every time, and wait. Watch him through binoculars, every day. Until he shoots a deer. He calls you. You arrive. You watch him track the blood drops. Find it. Gut it. watch how he does this, he'll describe it. help him drag it out the woods. Watch him hang it. skin it. quarter the animal, and butcher it into ground meat and steaks and roasts. Talk to all his beer drinking hunting buddies. Watch them and offer to help track, drag, hang-skin-butcher, and finally package the meat.

go to the range with them. watch how they shoot. watch them reloading to make accurate ammunition. Go where they shoot clay birds. You'll be able to describe it all and it will live on the page. Yoiu make thjis stuff up? it won;t "live". It will be cardboard cutouts.

the things I find (typically) that are so fake in so many books, that it turns me off:
1) relationships
2) sex
3) gunplay
4) hand to hand combat
5) how "bad guys" and "good guys" act.

when a co-worker is the male MC in your novel? the character model I mean. You can just close your eyes, and imagine what he'd say in a situation. If you didn't live it, you better have seen it. or at least talked at great length with someone who did.

I APOLOGIZE for the doctoral dissertation.
but to me, this is where "reality" on the printed page comes from.
and OP... you did ask, "how".
This? Is how.

one way, anyways.

your mileage may vary. product sold by weight not volume. some settling of contents may have occured during shipping and handling. please allow six to eight weeks for order processing and delivery. spokes-model from the advertisement, not included in package delivery.

This is gold. All though it may be hard to meet someone that is based on my characters' traits, I can still follow videos and documentaries.

 

[JordanIda]

Fantasy? Magic? Those are not crutches. They don't give you license to invent.

Believable relationships begin with experience. Why? Because readers can only relate through experience. (Or not.)

 

[BigBadBoi]

Cheat.

Go and think about real relationships you've had in life. You had a friend? What did you both do that is memorable. How about those love-lives? Good, bad, ugly? And those toxic ones? Remember how much that burns? Put those down on paper. Whenever you encounter a scene that feels like it could use a mention of a relationship, think about those real experiences and what you were doing, what they were doing, and translate that into your characters.

It's a cheat, but it also works.

People are asking because they're friendless losers bro

 

[L1aei]

People are asking because they're friendless losers bro

Even if there exists a writer who is a friendless loser, they can still tap into their experiences interacting with others, like here. I can imagine if someone did do a call out like that, they'd feel something. That becomes a resource and it can be projected into writing for some character.

 

[c37]

People are asking because they're friendless losers bro

Lol. I am not really introverted or something but most of my interests don't align with my friends.