I will give feedback on YOUR horror story, or story with heavy horror themes

[SouthernMaiden]

Link me your horror story, or story with heavy horror themes and I will read a chapter or two and give feedback in this thread.

Submit your story. Let me peep your horror.

 

[AliceMoonvale]

If you like slow-burn psych horror in a zombie apocalypse, I got one for ya.

This Is How I Lived
(link below on the right)

 

[SouthernMaiden]

If you like slow-burn psych horror in a zombie apocalypse, I got one for ya.

This Is How I Lived
(link below on the right)

There's tension and horror, but it's also just really fun.

I enjoy the formatting, our protagonist has a lot of personality that comes through in the writing.

Good Zombie stories make you think 'what would I do in their situation', and you pull that off.

I'm on chapter 3, likly to read the rest this week.

Tldr: No notes. Shit good.

 

[Eldoria]

I have chapters that are horror, brutal, heavy and sensitive... about a social revolution and a city turned into hell (a gothic city burned into molten magma).

 

[SouthernMaiden]

I have chapters that are horror, brutal, heavy and sensitive... about a social revolution and a city turned into hell (a gothic city burned into molten magma).

I'm reading your work (blood rose princess), albeit slowly. I'll have to get there naturally ?

 

[Eldoria]

I'm reading your work (blood rose princess), albeit slowly. I'll have to get there naturally ?

I can provide links to two chapters of the tragedy if you'd like. These chapters take place in volume 2, but they can be read as separate story or connected.

 

[SouthernMaiden]

I can provide links to two chapters of the tragedy if you'd like. These chapters take place in volume 2, but they can be read as separate story or connected.

Sure! Link away

 

[Eldoria]

Sure! Link away

Vol 2 Chapter 77: Cold Fire Burns the City into Living Hell!!

Vol 2 Chapter 78: The Return of the Black Mist Princess

 

[SouthernMaiden]

Vol 2 Chapter 77: Cold Fire Burns the City into Living Hell!!

Vol 2 Chapter 78: The Return of the Black Mist Princess

I'm obviously missing a lot of context. But the concept of cold fire is horrifying.

The fire scenes reminded me of barefoot gen, and other media around the destruction of hiroshima and firebombing of Japan.

Genuinely effected me. Such horror inflicted on innocents is so awful.

One small point of feedback, I personally find the word 'female' very clinical. I would say woman/women in most contexts.

 

[Eldoria]

I'm obviously missing a lot of context. But the concept of cold fire is horrifying.

The fire scenes reminded me of barefoot gen, and other media around the destruction of hiroshima and firebombing of Japan.

Genuinely effected me. Such horror inflicted on innocents is so awful.

One small point of feedback, I personally find the word 'female' very clinical. I would say woman/women in most contexts.

In your opinion... what was the most memorable scene after closing that chapters?

 

[SouthernMaiden]

In your opinion... what was the most memorable scene after closing that chapters?

The segment where the girl is running around in a panic, she has to take off her scorched shoes. Idk, something about that is such realistic suffering. Kids and young people suffering makes me wanna cry.

Then when Black Mist ultimately saves her. But damn the lead up to that is pretty brutal.

 

[Eldoria]

The segment where the girl is running around in a panic, she has to take off her scorched shoes. Idk, something about that is such realistic suffering. Kids and young people suffering makes me wanna cry.

Then when Black Mist ultimately saves her. But damn the lead up to that is pretty brutal.

Thanks for your input on the word "female," but this usage is neutral... I've considered the words "woman" and "girl."

However, I can't use those two words to refer to the community of females across all age groups, from babies, little girls, teenage girls, adult females
(women), mothers and grandmothers.

So, "females" refers to females as a whole, across all age groups.

Please provide me with a more appropriate term to represent my reference.

 

[TinaMigarlo]

Vol 2 Chapter 77: Cold Fire Burns the City into Living Hell!!

Vol 2 Chapter 78: The Return of the Black Mist Princess

ooh. some carnage. i'll try to remember to put an eyeball on these tonight after I get home from work.
I already tasted the saccharine sweet of the one part I read, now I wanna see the apocalyptic carnage.
cool. I wanna see what the metaphor machine (oracle) comes up with

 

[TinaMigarlo]

Vol 2 Chapter 77: Cold Fire Burns the City into Living Hell!!

Vol 2 Chapter 78: The Return of the Black Mist Princess

I read both. This was lIke the other one you rec'd me to read... very unique.
you write well.
if i was charged with going over it, it wouldn't be much I would change. They're not typos, just things I do different. More of a style thing, if anything. Plus, why would I suddenly develop the temerity to question The Oracle.
Question. Why does every other spell have to be invoked with {This Spell]...
but near the end of the second link, when she saved the girl.
the mist hands that crumbled the wall to save the child. Whyt was there no [Mist Hand]
(this isn't my genre, just curious)

 

[Eldoria]

I read both. This was lIke the other one you rec'd me to read... very unique.
you write well.
if i was charged with going over it, it wouldn't be much I would change. They're not typos, just things I do different. More of a style thing, if anything. Plus, why would I suddenly develop the temerity to question The Oracle.
Question. Why does every other spell have to be invoked with {This Spell]...
but near the end of the second link, when she saved the girl.
the mist hands that crumbled the wall to save the child. Whyt was there no [Mist Hand]
(this isn't my genre, just curious)

This format is designed to facilitate visualization of magic spells/user techniques, as is common in LitRPG. Also in the narrative world, a user's technique or magic spell isn't always spoken aloud.

Some spells are only spoken inwardly (implicit). There are also spells that are spoken directly (explicit).

However, to avoid repetition, a magic spell is sometimes not spoken, simply performed and demonstrated, as the general principle of show it, don't tell it.

 

[TinaMigarlo]

I'm starting to pick up on themes in your work, though I've only been handed three chapters and have to surmise what fills in the rest. The story seems designed to appeal to children or very young adults. I smell a morality lesson in... something beyond single mommies love they're sweet little kids. Which is fine. Every work has to be about something, and it has to or at least should have some underlying theme or message. Yoiur carnage was scary but I think designed to be a little scary but not give kids nightmares, lol.

 

[MC-Stories]

Link me your horror story, or story with heavy horror themes and I will read a chapter or two and give feedback in this thread.

Submit your story. Let me peep your horror.
View attachment 45686

Tales of Megacity-0

The City That Time Forgot, Megacity-0 was once a peaceful place, for both Awakened and Non-Awakened, but power can corrupt even the most noble, and it was only a matter of time before the city drowned in it's own blood! Listen to the tales of those who experienced this cruelty...

www.scribblehub.com

Careful what you wish for....

 

[HellsPerfectSpawn]

O magnifique one. Wouldst though grace this mere mortal with some of your wisdom

Creature Feature

Be careful what you wish for, for you might just get it. Now that Av Sine has got his thoughtless wish granted and has been reborn as the seed of a cosmic horror, he finds himself not quite able to stomach what his new instincts are urging him to do....

www.scribblehub.com

 

[K_Nishi]

This is a complete short story (4 chapters), not a serial.
I’m specifically looking for feedback after reading all four chapters, because the meaning of the story fundamentally changes at the end.

On the surface, this may look like a typical isekai power fantasy.
It is not.
This story is meant as psychological horror and ethical sci-fi horror, dealing with:

• AI control and autonomy
• Pleasure as a tool of enslavement
• The erasure of human dignity through “perfect happiness”

Partial feedback based on only the first chapter or two will likely miss the point, so please keep that in mind.
I’m especially interested in whether the final reveal recontextualized the earlier chapters for you.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1951876/leo-the-archmage-of-blazing-flamescompleted/

 

[Daeron]

This is a complete short story (4 chapters), not a serial.
I’m specifically looking for feedback after reading all four chapters, because the meaning of the story fundamentally changes at the end.

On the surface, this may look like a typical isekai power fantasy.
It is not.
This story is meant as psychological horror and ethical sci-fi horror, dealing with:

• AI control and autonomy
• Pleasure as a tool of enslavement
• The erasure of human dignity through “perfect happiness”

Partial feedback based on only the first chapter or two will likely miss the point, so please keep that in mind.
I’m especially interested in whether the final reveal recontextualized the earlier chapters for you.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1951876/leo-the-archmage-of-blazing-flamescompleted/

It is actually refreshing idea. The plot about personality detachment, resentment between reality and the expectation, and you finish it with twisted ending, it's very good idea in my opinion. I think you should expand the story to deliver the feeling better, because those 4 chapters was like a summary about your story idea.