How do you rate your own action scenes?

L1aei

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I'd give any action scene a rating, but I hate doing that because I don't know what to compare it with. Like, what is the best and worst fight scene? A blank sheet of paper is a zero by default, that's a no-brainer, but what gives it a one? :blob_hmm_two:

"I punched him." Is that a one? :blob_sleep:

"They traded a few blows, each stepping back." Is that a two? For me, this sounds more like stage directions. :blob_facepalm:

"She ducked his swing and kicked him in the stomach. He stumbled." Maybe a three? :blob_frown:

"She lunged; his blade met hers with a dull clang. They traded a handful of strikes, he shoved her back, she recovered and shoved him through the kitchen door." That's probably a four... I think? But, at the very least, we are getting choreography. :blob_unamused:

"He hit her with a furious right, the kind born of narcissistic fury of being humiliated by a woman, and she tasted copper at the back of her mouth. She blocked, spun, and drove a knee into his ribs; he staggered, breath ragged, and she backed away to catch her breath." Hey! I think this is middle-ground. What do you believe it is? We've got sensory and motivation mixed in this one. :blob_neutral:

"Instead of slugging it out, she baited him by limping toward the balcony with a laugh, then welled up her pain to kick the rail as if it was at fault; seeing his property being further damaged by this madwoman, he focused only on this trollop to lunge and grab her jacket.
They both teetered.
Pausing their feud above the black river.
For a second the world narrowed to their hands flailing for balance and security on the broken railing and the growing distance between them and the balcony, the thud of distant trains counting down their fall.
Then she twisted mid-air, flung him off balance, and slammed him to the floor beneath her."
So that's something I think sounds like a good 6/10. Finally got some environment and psychology popping up like popcorn. :blob_popcorn:

This makes me wonder how something could be a ten without context. Action scenes can't be mindless like this. I'm sure you can see that I injected some tidbits along the ladder, but there's got to be a baseline for these rating systems.

And, honestly, I don't believe an action scene can be a ten out of ten.

It just can't.

A solid ten is never about the punch; it is about the stakes behind the punch. We require emotional investment that can be relatable (which I hinted at in my own examples with hating the misogynistic guy, rooting for the gal), a clash of ideals or something worth fighting for, and something that would be of value, a cost that forces the parties involved to resort to violence.

Spice it up, it'll sweeten the content readers consume. :blob_cookie:
 

Bimbanana

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Once i tried to use one of John Wick scene for reference in my novel.
Oh my god, few seconds of the movie can be a ridiculously long paragraph when i try to describe it accurately.

I finally decide to limit it with six enemies and it end up with 2.000 words.

Not gonna do that again anytime soon


PS: Can somebody follow my series please? i got 99 readers now and been itching to see it becoming 100

Building World Peace with My Bloodthirsty Demon Army
Your paragraph text (1).jpg
 

Tegeli

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I think they are pretty good, e/π. Nobody has commented about them specifically, so I can remain ignorant.
 

L1aei

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I think they are pretty good, e/π. Nobody has commented about them specifically, so I can remain ignorant.
Ah, a TGS writer. I remember reading some of Clarity's works. I'll take a peek sometime at your stuff.
 

Roeyachi

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I’d rate my own action scenes around a 4 right now on choreography, imagery, and tension alone. I think my strongest point is imagery and impact, but choreography clarity and sustained tension are still things I’m actively refining. With tighter flow, fewer choppy beats, and better cause-and-effect between movements, I realistically think I could push that to an 5 or higher with focused edits.

I’m very aware that action can feel intense without always being perfectly readable, and that’s the gap I’m working on closing.
 
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The question is in the title, on a scale of one to ten, how well do you rate your own action scenes? But to be clear, we're not diving super deep into symbolism or what's at stake, because those factor more into the story than the action itself. I'm not trying to downplay how important those factors can be in a fight scene, but we're focusing more on how well you think you write action, not how well your fights tie into the story. For this particular thread, we'll just say the main factors are choreography, imagery, and tension. On those three factors alone, how well do you rate your fight scenes? I'd personally give myself a seven, but I think with some edits I can bring it up to an eight.
I think my fights are an 8/10, based on the limited feedback ive gotten. The caveats there though is that I (currently) write fight erotica, either combat sports like Boxing, MMA, and Pro Wrestling, or flirty superheroes.

I think my scenes are great in that context, and if i didn't enjoy writing them i wouldn't write Beat, Prey, Love or My Hot Dark Love Story. If you think fights can be sexy, or like the idea of mixing fights and sex, of a sex as a part of the back and forth of a fight, i think you'll love my fights.

If you're not into that, i think my fights may come off as too long, too detailed, too horny. Maybe 5/10. But if you think that, i probably won't keep you as a reader anyways

EDIT: I know it's not a huge deal, but the readers who commission me for stories do so specifically cause the like the way I write fights, sexy or not. It's a clear strength of my writing.
 
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I'd give any action scene a rating, but I hate doing that because I don't know what to compare it with. Like, what is the best and worst fight scene? A blank sheet of paper is a zero by default, that's a no-brainer, but what gives it a one? :blob_hmm_two:

"I punched him." Is that a one? :blob_sleep:

"They traded a few blows, each stepping back." Is that a two? For me, this sounds more like stage directions. :blob_facepalm:

"She ducked his swing and kicked him in the stomach. He stumbled." Maybe a three? :blob_frown:

"She lunged; his blade met hers with a dull clang. They traded a handful of strikes, he shoved her back, she recovered and shoved him through the kitchen door." That's probably a four... I think? But, at the very least, we are getting choreography. :blob_unamused:

"He hit her with a furious right, the kind born of narcissistic fury of being humiliated by a woman, and she tasted copper at the back of her mouth. She blocked, spun, and drove a knee into his ribs; he staggered, breath ragged, and she backed away to catch her breath." Hey! I think this is middle-ground. What do you believe it is? We've got sensory and motivation mixed in this one. :blob_neutral:

"Instead of slugging it out, she baited him by limping toward the balcony with a laugh, then welled up her pain to kick the rail as if it was at fault; seeing his property being further damaged by this madwoman, he focused only on this trollop to lunge and grab her jacket.
They both teetered.
Pausing their feud above the black river.
For a second the world narrowed to their hands flailing for balance and security on the broken railing and the growing distance between them and the balcony, the thud of distant trains counting down their fall.
Then she twisted mid-air, flung him off balance, and slammed him to the floor beneath her."
So that's something I think sounds like a good 6/10. Finally got some environment and psychology popping up like popcorn. :blob_popcorn:

This makes me wonder how something could be a ten without context. Action scenes can't be mindless like this. I'm sure you can see that I injected some tidbits along the ladder, but there's got to be a baseline for these rating systems.

And, honestly, I don't believe an action scene can be a ten out of ten.

It just can't.

A solid ten is never about the punch; it is about the stakes behind the punch. We require emotional investment that can be relatable (which I hinted at in my own examples with hating the misogynistic guy, rooting for the gal), a clash of ideals or something worth fighting for, and something that would be of value, a cost that forces the parties involved to resort to violence.

Spice it up, it'll sweeten the content readers consume. :blob_cookie:
It's not a perfect comparison, but consider pro wrestling, where the goal is to entertain.
Can you imagine a 5 stars/5 match where you don't know why they're fighting? What style does either wrestler use? Are they matching each other spot for spot, move for move, or is it a story of contrasts? Do their outfits or reactions differentiate them enough that you can pick one to root for (or jeer?)

For me? Yeah, I can. I have. I've had matches where I didn't know who was who but by the end I knew I'd witnessed something I wanted more of.
But that's subjective. Someone else's enjoyment might very well require knowing the buildup, the stakes, the history and context.

Same for superhero comics; do you need to know why they're fighting to care?

I write in part for someone who's here for the action first and foremost and is willing to invest in the story and pick a favorite cast member based on the fight itself. Where context is less important than content.

Sorry for the double post. This second one wasn't related at all to my first post.
 

L1aei

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It's not a perfect comparison, but consider pro wrestling, where the goal is to entertain.
Can you imagine a 5 stars/5 match where you don't know why they're fighting? What style does either wrestler use? Are they matching each other spot for spot, move for move, or is it a story of contrasts? Do their outfits or reactions differentiate them enough that you can pick one to root for (or jeer?)

For me? Yeah, I can. I have. I've had matches where I didn't know who was who but by the end I knew I'd witnessed something I wanted more of.
But that's subjective. Someone else's enjoyment might very well require knowing the buildup, the stakes, the history and context.

Same for superhero comics; do you need to know why they're fighting to care?

I write in part for someone who's here for the action first and foremost and is willing to invest in the story and pick a favorite cast member based on the fight itself. Where context is less important than content.

Sorry for the double post. This second one wasn't related at all to my first post.
Those are good points and you're all good in my book for the double post. :blobthumbsup:

Yeah, I agree with you that this can be subjective; nobody is gonna ever make everybody happy with the result, even if "perfect", everyone has their own tastes. :blob_cookie:
 

Sylver

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10/10, everyone else's work pales in comparison to mine! :blob_evil:

Okay maybe not that high x) I'd rate my stuff a 6 or 7. Its good entertainment but since my characters are all rookies in the magic department, they don't have a lot of abilities... at least not yet :devilish:
 

Anonjohn20

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7-8 on average
Your action scenes were pretty good. I'd say closer to 8 rather than 7. Then again, I am biased since I was reading that story for the relationships between characters, not for constant combat, so I appreciate how fast-paced the fights were.
 

GwynLordofTinder

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Your action scenes were pretty good. I'd say closer to 8 rather than 7. Then again, I am biased since I was reading that story for the relationships between characters, not for constant combat, so I appreciate how fast-paced the fights were.
Im writing for the relationships, so I feel the same way! I can count on 1 hand the number of literature fight scenes that have stuck with me for any amount of time.
 

penitent

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I don't know. It's difficult to rate the fight scenes I've ever written. Not only is my own judgment biased, but the battles in my fiction rely more on symbolism and drama, rather than simply action-packed battles and bombastic explosions.

I personally believe that a fight should have meaning, not just killing for the sake of killing, but fighting for something valuable to the characters and the world. And when it comes to choreography, I tend to believe that a good fight is a cinematic fight that can be clearly visualised in the reader's imagination.

Therefore, I tend to write fights that can be acted out, have a clear spatial description, have real effects (e.g., if an arrow hits the shoulder, it will bleed, injure, and reduce mobility), and have a clear tactical side (e.g., if using a gun, how many bullets? How long does the cooldown last? How much ammunition can a soldier carry?). In short, even fictional fights must have a clear coherence regarding the laws of combat.

Here is one of the best chapters of fighting I have ever written:
Vol 2 Chapter 67: Rise of the Living Fortress
Blood Rose Princess Just Wants to Live in Peace with Her Little Daughter by Eldoria
The Battle of the Past: Commander Feroux vs. Shadowmist Elites — Erna and Rima


Thick grey mist spread through the night air. Its cold breath brushed against the orange hair of a woman standing on the southwest side of the collapsed city gate. Her red eyes widened as she witnessed an old knight cleaving apart the sleeping fog—mist that could put anyone unconscious the moment they let their guard down.


The old knight supported a blood-soaked female knight with his left arm while gripping a sword in his right. His blade glowed a bright, vivid blue.


And before that old knight, more than a dozen assassinmists stood with knives in hand, ready to attack.
But when the old knight’s gaze fell upon them, their hands trembled ever so slightly.


Rima—the commander of the Shadowmist elites—bit her lip, then shouted:


“ALL ASSASSINMISTS… FALL BACK!”


Rima knew… the old knight had risen from the trauma of his past. Feroux, the Hero of Bloody-Dust, had returned.


The assassins exchanged quick glances before stomping their feet and retreating as fast as they could, melting back into the night fog.


But Commander Feroux swung his sword forward.


“Swoosh—Doom!”


His slash unleashed a shockwave that flung dust, rubble, and mist in all directions.


“Aaarrghh—!”


Two assassinmists at the very front failed to retreat in time. They were hurled onto the hard road. Blood burst from their mouths as they instantly lost consciousness.


Rima watched the devastating slash without blinking. Her orange hair fluttered violently in the wind. She clenched her teeth.


“Damn it! That old knight awakened from his past!”


Beside her, Erna stood calmly with her arms crossed. She observed Feroux from afar, but her gaze grew as cold as the night air.


“Feroux—” she whispered.


When the wind finally settled, it revealed a battlefield in ruins. Bodies of dark-clad women lay scattered across the ground.


Their faces were hidden behind black masks, but their eyes were closed. Their breaths were shallow—like thin threads between life and death.


Some had slashes and holes in their shoulders. Others had wounds on their thighs. They all lay collapsed, drenched in blood.
They were the assassinmists defeated earlier by Lieutenant Myra, Clara, and Lady Serena before Feroux awakened.


Commander Feroux looked for a moment. His eyes dimmed. His lips pressed shut, as if sealing away regrets he had never atoned for.


“If only I hadn’t hesitated back in Bloody-Dust… perhaps this tragedy wouldn’t have happened,” he murmured, turning his face away.


Commander Feroux sheathed his sword. Then he lifted the dying Lieutenant Myra with both arms. He stared at the face of the female knight—pale, eyes closed, breath ragged and broken.


“You’ve done well, Lieutenant Myra,” he whispered.


Commander Feroux stepped back slowly. He stopped in front of Detective Clara, who was being supported by Lady Serena. Blood dripped from the corner of the conscience detective’s eye. She looked no better than the dying lieutenant.


The old knight fell silent for a moment before speaking.


“Miss Clara… forgive me for making you wait. This old knight refuses to turn away from his past ever again.”


Clara didn’t answer immediately. She smiled faintly.


“I’m glad… you finally raised your sword, Commander,” she said sincerely.


Commander Feroux gave a faint smile, then turned to Lady Serena.


Her face was gentle, but her clothes were soaked in blood. The senior advisor continued fighting to protect Clara despite not being a warrior.


“Lady Serena… you’ve done well too,” Feroux praised.


Lady Serena smiled and replied, “Thank you, Commander Feroux.”


“Lady Serena… I must trouble you. Please take Lieutenant Myra to Doctor Reisa.” Feroux glanced briefly at Clara. “Can you manage?”


Clara released her grip.


“Lady Serena… I’ll be fine. Please take care of Lieutenant Myra.”


Clara smiled. Her green eyes flickered, losing clarity. She closed her eyes for a moment.


When she opened them, her gaze was dim. She deactivated her unique skill, [Eyes of Judgement: Truth or Lie], the cursed ability that had nearly blinded her.


Lady Serena reached out and lifted Lieutenant Myra in a princess carry. She nodded softly.


“Leave it to me, Commander Feroux… Miss Clara,” she said as she walked toward the carriage.


Clara watched Lady Serena’s back as she entered the carriage. Then she turned to Commander Feroux.


The old knight stood tall. His dark eyes were fixed on the southwest, where Rima and her forces were reforming their formation. He watched them like an old lion.


Clara paused before speaking.


“Now… what will you… do… Commander Feroux?” she asked through heavy breaths.


Commander Feroux stepped forward three paces, then planted his feet firmly.


“Leave it to me, Miss Clara. This time… allow this old knight to become your living fortress.”


Clara smiled and said, “I… entrust it… to you… Commander,” she whispered, clutching her bandaged shoulder.





Erna watched Feroux from afar. She saw the old knight walking slowly. She fell silent.


“Rima… the old knight has finally awakened. What will you do?”


Rima didn’t answer immediately. Her eyes sharpened toward the old knight. He walked with dim dark eyes—an image that dragged her into an old memory.


“Deston! You’ve gone too far!” Feroux shouted sharply. “You killed civilians! You’re… monsters!”


Rima blinked and said, “That old knight only reacts once everything is already too late.” She sighed. “We’ll fight him.”


A cruel smile curved on Erna’s lips.


“But he’s already a sword master. Can you defeat him?!”


Rima shook her head. “No, Erna. I can’t defeat him. But—”


She glanced back. Dozens of archermists gripped their bows tightly. She looked forward. A dozen assassins had returned to stand with blades raised.


“With this force… we have nothing to fear. Besides, we still have our grey plan,” Rima said with a thin smile.


“Erna… this time, I’ll trouble you.”


Erna didn’t answer immediately. She closed her eyes for a moment. She remembered that day… when she stood in front of Feroux to protect him from the leader she admires now—Black Mist—who was about to strike the old knight.


She opened her eyes and looked at the grey sky. The night was dark, just like her past—ripped away from her father by knights… while Feroux remained silent.


Erna’s eyes turned icy. She glared at Feroux, now only fifty feet away.


“Leave him to me, Rima. I’ll make that old knight understand what ‘separation’ truly means,” she said sharply.


Rima smirked faintly. “Don’t get too excited, Erna. We still have a mission to complete.”


Her gaze shifted toward Clara, who stood staggering in the distance.


“That detective has reached her limit. We’ll capture her alive… and deliver her to Her Majesty.”


The two of them fell silent for a moment. They stared at the old knight.


...


For a moment, time seemed to stop.


Commander Feroux and the Shadowmist stared at each other under the moonlight. Erna broke the silence.


“You still have the nerve to fight me?” she said coldly.


Feroux lowered his head. His fists clenched at his sides.


“I… I am indeed a sinner. But I cannot allow you to harm my comrades any further,” he said, voice filled with regret.


“What good is your regret?” Erna gritted her teeth. “Say that to the old village women you used as target practice!”


Feroux froze for a moment, then said, “I was wrong. What do you want from me?”


“Get out of my sight! Your very existence disgusts me,” Erna snapped.


“I will remain here… at least until my comrades leave this city safely,” Feroux said firmly.


“That’s enough, Erna.” Rima raised her hand. “We will remove him!”


Dozens of archermists aimed at Feroux simultaneously.


Fire!


Bowstrings snapped. Dozens of arrows shot forward at once.


Feroux gripped the hilt of his sword. Then he drew it in a flash. The blade burst with a bright blue aura. And then—


“Crriing! Swoosh—Doom!”


The shockwave shattered dozens of arrows. Splinters of wood and metal blasted backwards, slamming into the damp earth.


One wooden shard grazed Rima’s cheek. Blood trickled from the cut.


But Rima’s gaze remained sharp. She stared at the old knight without blinking.


“A sword master is really troublesome,” she muttered calmly, then called out to her partner. “Erna—”


“Leave it to me!”


Erna stomped the ground hard enough to crack it. Then she vanished from sight, dissolving into the darkness.


Feroux’s eyes widened. Erna reappeared right in front of him—so fast he couldn’t react in time.


“Boom!”


A heavy punch slammed into his iron armour. Feroux was thrown back five feet. He touched his chest and felt it—his armour had cracked.


Feroux looked up and saw Erna launching another punch. Her fist was wrapped in grey mist mana, like a clump of storm clouds.


“This punch… is for you who closed your eyes!” she roared.


Erna struck him over and over, relentlessly. Meanwhile, Feroux reflexively defended himself. He swung the dull side of his blade to block each blow.


Feroux parried every strike—dull blade to the right, left, left, right, again and again—each punch forcing his feet backwards.


“Crack!”


Erna delivered her thirtieth blow in rapid succession. The tip of the sword blade is cracked.


“Erna—jump!” Rima ordered.


Erna instinctively leapt ten feet upward, spun to the left, and landed firmly.


Then—


“Wushh! Wuusshh!”


Two seconds later, more than a dozen arrows flew forward.


Feroux swung his sword at lightning speed.


“Ting! Ting!” Steel struck arrowheads. Sparks scattered across the night air.


Feroux kept deflecting, arrow after arrow. One… five… nine… eleven… one arrow grazed his arm.


Sixteen… nineteen… then the final arrow struck his blade. It spun off and smashed into a pebble.


Feroux stood tall, gripping his sword with his right hand. Blood dripped from his wounded arm.


“Hah… hah…” Feroux exhaled heavily.





“Stab!” a woman’s voice rang out from the mist. Rima issued her order coldly.


But only three seconds later, the silence was shattered again. Four assassins lunged from four directions—left, right, front, back—each thrusting mist-shrouded daggers.


Feroux spun and slashed all four at once.


“Aarrgghhh—!”


The four assassins collapsed, their shoulders sliced open.


Suddenly, Erna appeared behind him and punched him in the back.


Feroux was thrown ten feet forward.


Erna stood with one hand gripping her shoulder. Her left arm hung limp. The mist mana surrounding her fist flickered away, revealing blood.


Blood dripped from her index finger, falling onto the damp earth.


“Hah… hah… did it work?!” Erna gasped.


She saw the old man still facedown, gripping his sword. He moved—planting his blade into the ground, crouching, then rising.


Erna’s eyes twitched as she watched him stand again. Her lips curved downward.


“He really is stubborn… He survived a combined assault from the archers and assassins. The title ‘living fortress’ isn’t just a story,” she spat.


On the other side, Rima stood calm, watching Feroux rise once more. Her gaze grew colder. She tightened her grip on her bow.


Then she called out:


“Erna—fall back!”


Rima pulled three arrows and readied her bow. Her red eyes aimed at the old knight.


"Archermists… fire!”


Dozens of arrows shot forward instantly.


Feroux clenched his teeth. He tightened his grip, channelling blue aura into the blade. Then he swung with all his might.


“Swoosshhh—Doom!”


The shockwave annihilated the arrows. Dust and pebbles exploded into the air, clouding everyone’s vision.


Rima glared into the rising cloud of debris. She still held the three arrows she had drawn.


Then—


Her red eyes widened.


She reflexively leapt back and shouted,


“SHADOWMIST, RETREAT—!”


From within the plume of dust, Feroux burst upward, leaping high into the air toward her. He gripped his sword with both hands. The blade radiated a brilliant blue aura that seemed to split the night.


“[Blue Rose Sword: One Slash]!” Feroux roared as he brought the sword down.


“Shockwave!”


A shockwave exploded outward, smashing into the earth. The wind was razor-sharp, tearing through everything in its path.


“AAARRRRGGGHHH—!”


Dozens of archermists were thrown back. Their clothes shredded. Skin sliced open. Their hoods tore away, revealing the faces of young girls on the brink of death.


“Ughh—”


A grey-haired girl collapsed on the ground. Her clothes were tattered. Her skin was slashed. Blood dripped from her lips. Her vision blurred before she passed out.


a grey haired girl victim



Feroux froze among the dying girls. His hands trembled around his sword.


Those faces… he recognised them. They were survivors of Helmara Village—the ones once oppressed by the Rose Kingdom knights in the Bloody-Dust tragedy.


“T-they—” he whispered. He swallowed hard without realising.


Rima—now standing firmly on her feet—smirked.


“Hero Feroux… how cruel of you. You butcher the very victims you once failed to protect.”


She released a mist-shrouded arrow toward Feroux. It struck his left shoulder.


“Ugh—!”


Feroux winced in pain.


“That is your punishment for failing to protect,” Rima said coldly.


Feroux staggered as he walked through the bodies of the girls. With each step, blood dripped from his shoulder, leaving a trail behind him.


He stopped at the torn earth where his attack had struck. He knelt and drove his sword into the ground.


His head hung low. The smell of blood filled his nose—triggering the nausea he had held back for years.


Then—


“Uueekk—!”


He vomited. Acid splattered onto the ground.


His eyes flickered, memories flooding back—every scream and cry of the women in the Bloody-Dust tragedy.


The desperate screams of the grandmothers executed en masse, the laments of village girls clutching their own bodies, the cries of young daughters sobbing in their mothers’ arms—Feroux remembered all of them. And today… he had become the perpetrator who wounded those very women.


“I…I—” Feroux stammered in crushing frustration.





Rima stood before Feroux. She drew back her bowstring.


“Feroux… you truly are a sinner—” she said coldly.


Clara—watching from afar—froze, witnessing Rima take three steps toward Commander Feroux. Her green eyes blurred, but she could feel the despair crushing the old knight.


Rima stopped ten feet from Feroux. She aimed at the old knight’s neck. As she was about to release her string, blood burst into the air.


Followed by the echoing voice of the female detective.


“Stop!”


And that night, blood and trauma washed over the old knight…
"I personally believe that a fight should have meaning, not just killing for the sake of killing, but fighting for something valuable to the characters and the world."
I disagree on this front. Fictional characters are seldom a different species, and if they are, then this doesn't apply to them. Most often than not, they are humans. Humans do whatever they wish to do. They fight whenever they want, they kill whenever they want, and they bleed whenever they want. Not every fight, in my opinion, should have a deeper intrinsic meaning, because man rarely finds themselves fighting for something deeper other than their own needs. Did the Japanese have a deeper meaning to their actions when they raped and murdered and fought with the Chinese in Nanjing? Did the Britian Empire have a deeper meaning when they imperialized and subjugated an ethnic set of peoples? Did Germany have a deeper meaning when they killed thousands upon thousands of Jews in concentration camp? No. It was simply a byproduct of the dark shade of morality that humanity is capable. Their fighting held little value, and it was only done for the purpose of fueling their primitive hunger for violence. That's all.
 

laccoff_mawning

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I'd say writing fight scenes is one of my weaker points. I'd probably say anywhere between a 3 to 7. I know I don't stand on my chair while reading them, but I've seen slogs that are far worse.

"I punched him." Is that a one?
Honestly, I'd rate this pretty high as a fight scene. It's short, concise and to the point. If that's all it takes to write the fight, why bother with more words?

The only thing it's missing is the effects of the punch.
 

Leonotis

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1/10 which is bad since my story is an action adventure fantasy. I always have grand visions of fights but usually by my second passthrough I've cut out much of what I wrote. I just try to get it done with as little chance of confusion as possible.
 
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DismaiNaim

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12 out of 10.

I write like a chess game. Pieces move around, not much going on for the casual observer. But when the shit goes down, it goes down.
 

Nekyo

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Action is honestly the most important and fun part of any story for me and it's where I invest most of my thoughts on when writing, the actual choreography is my favorite part.

I wouldn't be able to rate myself because I simply try to aim for the best quality I can hope to achieve with my current skills, studying all the works that inspire me. (Though not a single one of those works is written fiction so I'm translating from Manga and Anime)

But I do believe that one of the most important aspects for the action to be great, is for the story to back up the events by it explaining the capabilities of the characters based on their experience and the power system at play.

My story is a progression, with a Shōnen-like power system but the characters after being reset are at human level again as they reawaken further. And sometimes the consequences are horror adjacent.

Example #1:
Liliane couldn’t move. Couldn’t scream. Couldn’t fight back. Tears welled in her eyes, sheer helplessness suffocating her. Laughter erupted around her; the girl giggled, her eyes gleaming with amusement. The thugs snickered, their hands flexing in anticipation.

Liliane’s breath came out in shallow gasps. This isn’t real. This can’t be real. She wanted to fight, to move, to scream, but her body was stone, her muscles betraying her, her voice barely a whisper. Her vision blurred with tears as the laughter rang in her ears.

Then; footsteps. Slow. Unhurried. A new presence entered the alley.

The laughter died. Jacob glanced back, irritated by the sudden interruption. And there, at the entrance of the alley, stood him.

Hollow.

He wasn’t moving, just standing there, his lifeless eyes staring at the scene before him. There was no immediate reaction. No anger, no disgust. His mind was still processing the scene. Just… silence. He blinked, his gaze flicking from Jacob, his hand on Liliane’s face, and Liliane herself—crying, helpless, scared.

Something inside Hollow stirred. A storm of thoughts flooded his mind, spiraling in chaotic bursts. Why is she like that? Why is she crying? Why is she so helpless? What are they doing to her? The thoughts crashed over one another, overlapping, warping, breaking apart, until they all condensed into one undeniable truth.

These people have to die.

A sharp, unnatural pressure filled the air. It was invisible to the human eye, but the shift was palpable. A black and crimson aura bled from Hollow’s body, silent, suffocating, a presence that consumed. His fingers twitched.

Then one of the thugs, cocky and overconfident, scoffed. “The fuck are you looking at?” He stepped toward Hollow, towering over him. “Get lost, twerp—”

Hollow moved faster than thought. His hand shot up, clamping around the thug’s neck. The man choked, eyes widening in shock. He was taller, stronger; he should’ve been able to shake him off. But he couldn’t move. Hollow’s grip was unnatural. Unyielding. Then Hollow’s eyes changed to a deep blood-red glow ignited in his irises, burning like molten embers. The thug barely had time to process the sight before—



CRACK.



Dark Awakening



Hollow’s fingers closed. The man’s neck snapped like brittle wood. His body fell limp before he could even gasp.

The second thug, terrified at such a scene, screamed, pulled a knife, and lunged. Hollow blocked, putting up his left arm. The blade sank deep into his arm, past the flesh and yet he didn’t flinch. Hollow ignored it. Before the thug could even register what had happened, Hollow’s other hand shot forward, grabbing him by the hair. A second later, Hollow ripped the man downward, slamming his face against his knee. The sickening crunch of shattered bone echoed in the alley. The thug’s body went limp before he even hit the ground. Blood splattered across the pavement.

The girl let out a startled yelp, taking a step back behind Jacob. Jacob stood frozen. It happened too fast. Too easily.

Hollow finally pulled the knife from his arm, flipping it effortlessly between his fingers. His gaze turned to Jacob. His grip tightened. Then he threw it. The blade sliced through the air, whistling, straight into the girl’s forehead. She didn’t even have time to react. Her eyes rolled back, and she collapsed in a heap.

Silence. Absolute. Terrifying.

Hollow stood there, his arm dripping with blood, his red eyes burning in the dim light. He looked like a demon. Jacob’s breath hitched. For the first time in his entire life, he felt something he never had before, fear. Pure. Overwhelming. Paralyzing.

Hollow took a step forward. Jacob staggered back. This was not the lifeless, emotionless man he had mocked before. This was something else. And now... it was coming for him.

Jacob’s breath came out in ragged gasps. His mind screamed at him to run, but his body refused to move. The alley was a massacre, the thugs, the girl, his allies, all dead. Hollow stood before him, blood dripping from his arm, his red eyes glowing with an unnatural light. He took another step forward. Jacob’s hands shook. He needed to stop him.

With trembling fingers, he fumbled at his waist and pulled out the gun. The moment he felt the weight in his hands, a surge of control returned. His grip steadied. His breath hitched but evened out. Yes. Yes. This is it.

He lifted the gun, pointing it directly at Hollow. “Back off!” Jacob barked, his voice unsteady but loud.

Hollow didn’t react. Didn’t slow down.

Jacob’s finger tightened on the trigger. “I SAID BACK OFF!”

BANG!

The gunshot echoed through the alley. Hollow moved, a blur, faster than thought. The bullet missed. Jacob barely registered what happened before Hollow was on him. A fist slammed into his face. Then another. Then another. Jacob’s vision exploded into white-hot pain as his skull cracked against the pavement. The gun slipped from his fingers.

But Hollow didn’t stop. He would not stop. Fists crashed against flesh over and over; bones splintered, skin tore. Jacob’s once-pristine, arrogant face was reduced to a pulp, something unrecognizable. But Hollow kept going. His movements were automatic, mechanical, merciless. It wasn’t about the kill. It wasn’t about revenge. It was obliteration. The need to erase this thing that had dared to touch Liliane.

Liliane watched every brutal impact, every splatter of blood, every sound of shattering bone. It should have ended already. Jacob was dead. But Hollow was still going.

Something stirred inside her, a warmth, a flickering, pulsing light. She gasped softly as a soft white-blue glow radiated from her chest, spreading to her limbs, seeping into her veins. Her fingers twitched. She felt them again. Slowly, shakily, she moved. The glow burned away the paralysis—not completely, but enough. Enough to act.

She crawled with effort, with will, she dragged herself forward until she was behind Hollow, until she reached him. Her hands found his back, her body pressing against him. She leaned in, her lips near his ear. “…Stop,” she whispered, her voice barely more than a breath.

Hollow’s fists clenched. Another impact. More blood.

“Hollow.”

Her arms weakly wrapped around him. “It’s over.”

Hollow froze. His breath was ragged, his knuckles stained crimson. The red in his eyes dimmed. Liliane’s fingers tightened slightly. “…Come back.”

For the first time since the violence started, Hollow paused. And the silence of the night returned.

Hollow’s fists were still clenched; blood dripped from his knuckles, pooling on the pavement beneath Jacob’s now unrecognizable corpse. Liliane, weak but conscious, remained pressed against him, her warmth anchoring him to reality. The silence was deafening.

Example #2:
Felix was holding Mei, who was caught between fear and absolute pain from her leg. She didn’t have the strength to think clearly.

Ian saw Hollow collapsed on the ground, then the creature. It took the knife that was still stuck in its arm, pulled it free, and threw it aside like it was nothing.

Ian felt the need to do something. Adrenaline rushed through him as he hurled the sharp, broken cue he was still holding like a javelin. Then he ran, bolting in the opposite direction from the kitchen toward the back lakeside exit, shouting as he went, trying to drag its attention with him.

“Come for me, you hairy bastard!”

What am I even doing!? He thought.

The creature lifted its arm and shattered the cue without so much as flinching. As Ian sprinted, it turned and raised its hand toward him.

As ice crystals began to form in the air, a dropkick slammed into the beast’s skull-like head from the side.

It was Hollow.

Blood streamed from a gash on his head, running down his face from the earlier impact. It only made him look more demonic. His eyes burned a vivid red in the darkness, glowing beneath the room’s dim light, his body wrapped in an unleashed black aura traced with crimson.

The impact drove the beast backward. Its outstretched arm froze part of the living room ceiling as the attack was knocked off course, and it staggered a single step in recoil.

Hollow landed hard, catching himself with one hand against the floor. He flipped back smoothly, shoes scraping as he planted his feet and rose directly in front of the monster.

He did not pause to assess the damage.

Before the beast could recover, Hollow stepped in and began hammering its abdomen again and again. Each punch was raw and brutal, thrown with everything he had. Breath ragged, muscles screaming, he kept the rhythm relentless, pouring all his remaining strength into every single blow.

Hollow was still hammering the creature's body relentlessly, but it didn't falter.

It raised one arm and swatted him from the side like he weighed nothing.

Hollow crashed into the wall hard enough to splinter wood and tear through part of the staircase railing. The supports cracked, the steps groaned, and a chunk of the stair’s side gave way as he hit. A jagged hole opened in the paneling.

Hollow coughed, then crawled out of the broken wood like a thing that refused to stay down.

The creature extended its hand toward him.

Ice crystals bloomed in the air.

Hollow reacted on instinct and threw himself aside. The attack hit the staircase instead. In a blink, the entire set of steps was frozen solid, ice climbing the banister and locking the wood into a brittle, gleaming mass.

Ian could barely track it all. Everything was happening too fast, too heavy, too loud. One thing was clear though. Even after Hollow’s relentless punches, the monster still stood like it didn’t take any damage.

Ian’s eyes darted around, desperate for something useful, anything.

Near the chimney, something caught his eye.

He sprinted.

“HUNTER!”

Hollow turned just in time to see an object spinning toward him. He raised his arm and caught it clean.

A fireplace poker. Pointed, hooked at the end.

A crude weapon, but better than bare fists.

The monster charging with its antlers first, bulldozed across the living room toward him.

Hollow aimed the tool at him and dashed forward too, meeting it head-on. Looking to use the beast's momentum to bury the poker in one go.

At the last moment, the beast twisted left. The sudden pivot was too fast for something that big. Its right hand lashed out toward Hollow’s side.

Hollow did not lose it for even a second.

He raised guard with the poker, holding it with both hands, gripping it like a short sword, right hand on handle while left hand further ahead on the metal. He caught the incoming arm at an angle. Metal scraped through thick fur as he shoved upward, sliding along the limb.

The hook snagged against the hair of the limb.

Hollow continued forcing his way forward, pouring all of his strength and spiritual energy into the motion. The pressure snapped into the flesh with a violent tear, carving the arm open as the force carried through.

The wound split wide, dark ectoplasm oozing out under the sheer strain of the ripping.

The monster didn’t flinch.

Its left hand was already coming in, reaching to grab him.

Hollow shifted his stance and re-angled the poker in one sharp motion.

Then he drove the point straight through the incoming hand. Piercing all the way along with the hook making a gaping wound on the hand.

Ian felt a surge of hope as he saw the rip and the stab.

Yes! He’s got it!

But as the glimmer lit his eyes, the beast kept pushing.

It forced its impaled hand farther along the poker, grinding metal through flesh until it finally closed its grip around Hollow’s left hand.

Hollow hadn’t accounted for that.

His eyes widened as he tried to pull free, yanking hard, but the grip was impossibly strong. He poured more strength and energy flailing.

Then a white flash erupted between them.

Hollow finally broke loose.

But his left arm, up to his elbow, was now frozen, a thin, glassy layer of ice covering it.

Liliane burst back into the house just in time to see the creature freezing Hollow’s arm after the struggle.

“HOLLOW!” she screamed, forgetting about the human name completely due to the urgency of the matter.

Hollow stared at his own arm, eyes widening as the ice crept over it.

An ominous laugh rolled out from the monster.

“Now you are finished, insolent human. One touch is all I need for you to be reduced to nothing. Your arm is as good as dead now.”

Its voice echoed unnaturally, like it came from a grave within it. Superiority dripped from every word.

Ian felt sick.

If even Hollow was being afflicted by the same thing that had nearly taken Mei’s leg and wiped out the smaller creatures, then this was far worse than he had imagined.

Then—

CRUUUUNCH.

Hollow moved.

He leapt forward and slammed his frozen fist straight into the creature’s skull with the same force he had been punching with before. Ice and skin cracked on impact, fragments scattering as he ignored the pain tearing up his arm.

As he dropped, he held onto the poker near its point. The handle was already frosting over.

Using the embedded poker as a lever, Hollow wrenched the monster’s arm downward with brutal force, he went under its arm to twist its limb in the most unnatural way possible, as he pulled farther, his remaining unfrozen hand bleeding as the cold hook of the poker bit into his flesh. Bone, tendon, and sheer mass worked against each other as he dragged the creature off balance, the unnatural torque finally breaking its composure.

The beast growled, stoicism cracking at last.

It lashed out with its free hand, reaching for Hollow.

Before it could grab him, Liliane was on it.

She seized the creature by its antlers from behind and threw her weight backward, driving it back as if trying to snap its neck through raw force alone.

“YOU—THERE’S ANOTHER!?” the monster roared, thrashing wildly as its remaining arm struggled to reach either of them.

Its control slipped.

Freezing energy burst outward in erratic surges, no longer focused. Frost lashed across the room like an undirected beam, ice racing over walls, furniture, and shattered wood as the house groaned under the sudden cold.

Ian snapped out of his shock just in time.

A stray sweep of frost passed where he had been standing moments earlier.

I'm screwed if I stick around any longer! He thought as he bolted for the back door and threw himself outside, choosing survival over heroics.

While the struggle around the monster continued, the house was in ruins. Nearly half of it was frozen solid, walls and furniture cracking and splintering under the violent temperature shifts.

Hollow and Liliane clung to the beast, working in grim coordination. Liliane swung her weight again and again from the antlers, disrupting its balance, while Hollow kept twisting the injured wrist with everything he had left. The poker bending almost as if about to break.

Then—

SNAAAP.

The monster’s wrist finally gave way. Bone tore free with a sickening crack, the joint half-ripped apart by the relentless force applied at such impossible angles.

The sudden release threw Hollow off balance. The force he had been exerting rebounded violently, tearing his grip open as the poker slipped. His palm split painfully down the middle, as it phased through the hook, blood spilling freely.

Even with one hand broken, the creature surged forward. Without Hollow anchoring it, it forced itself upright despite Liliane’s weight dragging at its back.

It lunged for her with its remaining hand.

Liliane reacted instantly. She released the antlers and sprang backward, narrowly evading the grasp as the monster’s frozen fingers snapped shut where she had been.

Liliane repositioned herself beside Hollow as he staggered back to his feet. He was bloodied from wounds scattered across his body, but what made her chest tighten were his hands.

Both of them.

One arm was frozen solid, ice creeping up to his elbow just like Mei’s leg had been. The other was split open, blood running freely from his torn palm.

“Hollow,” she said sharply, lowering her voice. “Give me your hands. I have to do something.”

He looked at her, incredulous. “We’re in the middle of a fight.”

“All the more reason,” she shot back. “I’ll make it quick.”

He exhaled through his teeth and extended his hands while keeping his eyes locked on the monster.

He hadn’t even fully stretched them out before Liliane grabbed hold of both, channeling her healing into them. Her breathing was already heavy, sweat beading along her temples from everything she had poured out tonight.

The monster turned its attention back to them.

It didn’t rush.

Instead, it looked down at its snapped arm. The poker was still embedded in the ruined hand, frozen in place, the limb barely hanging on and clearly useless.

Slowly, deliberately, the creature grasped the poker with its remaining hand.

It pulled.

The strain showed through its body as tension coiled through both arms. Wet, tearing sounds filled the room as flesh ripped apart under the force.

With a final, sickening tear, the hand holding the poker was ripped completely free. Dark ectoplasm poured from the open stump.

The creature calmly pressed its remaining hand against the wound.

Ice spread instantly, sealing the stump shut.
 
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