rate my world building

[MALEVOLENCE69]

hello everyone,
I would like to hear your feedback on my world building. so please do let me know your criticism of this world building.
thank you

THE LORD OF MALEVOLENCE - chapter-4: The working of the world | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

 

[RepresentingWrath]

0

 

[MALEVOLENCE69]

0

a bit high dont you think ?

 

[RepresentingWrath]

a bit high dont you think ?

?‍

 

[Jun_Sakazuki]

hello everyone,
I would like to hear your feedback on my world building. so please do let me know your criticism of this world building.
thank you

THE LORD OF MALEVOLENCE - chapter-4: The working of the world | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

Ummm just a suggestion. I havent read your novel, so don’t take this too seriously—but you might want to reconsider including an infodump in early chapters. It would be better to do it later, perhaps after 20 or more chapters. As long as you keep the readers engaged in your story, you can introduce the infodump later. If you do it too early, it might be overwhelming for the readers.

 

[MALEVOLENCE69]

Ummm just a suggestion. I havent read your novel, so don’t take this too seriously—but you might want to reconsider including an infodump in early chapters. It would be better to do it later, perhaps after 20 or more chapters. As long as you keep the readers engaged in your story, you can introduce the infodump later. If you do it too early, it might be overwhelming for the readers.

that was my first thought, but i thought if i could explain the world the story takes place in early chapters and i be bound to the world i created. and not create some bs plot armor to protect my characters. its thrilling for me in end as readers know how the world works and how my characters are bound to in this world. only advantage i have here is that i have not gone in depth of the world explanation and not given lore spoilers which saves my ass. so i have some accountability in end and people can call me on my bs writing if i bring some plot armor powerups. (gives me a challenge to write my story in end )

 

[Valmond]

- 6

To clarify, a shovel scored a + 17.

 

[AncestorDuck]

If you need to info dump for your viewer to understand your novel, let it be. Take your time, and overwork everything. Reveal infos as the mc progresses. Let us dive into the world one after another.

 

[Racosharko]

It's not for me.
Not a big fan of massive info dumps
It just doesn't stay in my brain coz i cant see it associated to the narrative.

 

[unlaumy]

Too many rules for beings that seem to be in an almost abstract/overpowered scale. You would've fared better if you just say 'fuck it we ball' for the magic system.

What kills it the most is the bloated bureaucracies. How to duel, how to ascend, the organization (tribunal and all), etc. I don't think people can remember all these.

Also, the order of the explanations are too random. I find three main subjects: magic system, the nature (world and its beings), and the bureaucracies. And you juggle these randomly in your points.

On another topic, this might or might not be related, but do you play TTRPGs, OP?

 

[NotaNuffian]

hello everyone,
I would like to hear your feedback on my world building. so please do let me know your criticism of this world building.
thank you

THE LORD OF MALEVOLENCE - chapter-4: The working of the world | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

FYI, I quitted after the whole "actor" thing. First paragraph I think.

It is just a big wall of text.

And I skipped work just to read your thesis that ended up feeling like a chore as well.

Please don't tell me that you are going to dump this on your readers?

Keep it in your own private folder or you know, make a wikia and post it there.

SH has a glossary page, put it there then.

Either way, it is very very VERY dry.

 

[TheBestofSome]

Just from a glance, I'd say that that chapter belongs in the Glossary, not your story. Most people will only care about the world insofar as it affects the characters, so only bringing up world elements as they become relevant to the characters would be the wisest course of action in my opinion. For those interested, you could direct them to the Glossary in an author's note.

 

[MALEVOLENCE69]

- 6

To clarify, a shovel scored a + 17.

a shovel is useful :D

If you need to info dump for your viewer to understand your novel, let it be. Take your time, and overwork everything. Reveal infos as the mc progresses. Let us dive into the world one after another.

i will be doing it also. i just wanted to let people know what to expect early on . if they are confused in future chapters then they can read back on this . thanks for the feedback will keep it in mind

It's not for me.
Not a big fan of massive info dumps
It just doesn't stay in my brain coz i cant see it associated to the narrative.

i get you :p

FYI, I quitted after the whole "actor" thing. First paragraph I think.

It is just a big wall of text.

And I skipped work just to read your thesis that ended up feeling like a chore as well.

Please don't tell me that you are going to dump this on your readers?

Keep it in your own private folder or you know, make a wikia and post it there.

SH has a glossary page, put it there then.

Either way, it is very very VERY dry.

thanks will put it in glossary. will sort it out later. if you dont mind me asking what ways did it feel dry ? would like to improve myself in future so if you could please let me know

Too many rules for beings that seem to be in an almost abstract/overpowered scale. You would've fared better if you just say 'fuck it we ball' for the magic system.

What kills it the most is the bloated bureaucracies. How to duel, how to ascend, the organization (tribunal and all), etc. I don't think people can remember all these.

Also, the order of the explanations are too random. I find three main subjects: magic system, the nature (world and its beings), and the bureaucracies. And you juggle these randomly in your points.

On another topic, this might or might not be related, but do you play TTRPGs, OP?

i wanted to keep the characters accountable in a way ( like there is a price for everything kind of world) . yes i agree that i have to many rules for the overpowered beings but i believe i have compensated them enough with the power they have being on top of the chain.
ya i did go over board with info dumping so would put it in the glossary
the randomness was due to me trying to balance stuff when i wanted to balance out the world. messed up there ?
ttrpgs are best. i dont play them as have no one to enjoy it with here , but do love watching and reading the stuff some gms make

Just from a glance, I'd say that that chapter belongs in the Glossary, not your story. Most people will only care about the world insofar as it affects the characters, so only bringing up world elements as they become relevant to the characters would be the wisest course of action in my opinion. For those interested, you could direct them to the Glossary in an author's note.

will add it to glossary thank you

 

[unlaumy]

i wanted to keep the characters accountable in a way ( like there is a price for everything kind of world) . yes i agree that i have to many rules for the overpowered beings but i believe i have compensated them enough with the power they have being on top of the chain.
ya i did go over board with info dumping so would put it in the glossary
the randomness was due to me trying to balance stuff when i wanted to balance out the world. messed up there ?
ttrpgs are best. i dont play them as have no one to enjoy it with here , but do love watching and reading the stuff some gms make

To be fair, this shows how much you've been planning for the story, so kudo to you. You just need to spread them all out nicely and you might have a good story to show.

And considering you do like ttrpgs, maybe I'll add this. For an rpg campaign to start, the dm/gm AND players usually have to understand the rules of the game, thus, when a ttrpg enjoyer turns their interest at writing, sometimes they consider readers = players. Here they're compelled to show their thoughtful worldbuilding (infodumps) to readers because they believe it would make the reading experience 'uncomplicated and seamless'.

[The above paragraph can still happen to a writer who has never heard of ttrpgs in their whole life obviously]

In a dnd campaign, a player might know all the intricaries of the map, but their barely-survived stranded character shouldn't. In a vampire game, a player also knows the hidden history of all vampire clans and the politics, but their one-week-embraced vampire character shouldn't.

That is to say, your readers need to follow the story strictly from the narrator. They aren't players. They also don't deserve to know the history, rules, or anything unless you find them otherwise in a certain future chapter.

 

[MALEVOLENCE69]

To be fair, this shows how much you've been planning for the story, so kudo to you. You just need to spread them all out nicely and you might have a good story to show.

And considering you do like ttrpgs, maybe I'll add this. For an rpg campaign to start, the dm/gm AND players usually have to understand the rules of the game, thus, when a ttrpg enjoyer turns their interest at writing, sometimes they consider readers = players. Here they're compelled to show their thoughtful worldbuilding (infodumps) to readers because they believe it would make the reading experience 'uncomplicated and seamless'.

[The above paragraph can still happen to a writer who has never heard of ttrpgs in their whole life obviously]

In a dnd campaign, a player might know all the intricaries of the map, but their barely-survived stranded character shouldn't. In a vampire game, a player also knows the hidden history of all vampire clans and the politics, but their one-week-embraced vampire character shouldn't.

That is to say, your readers need to follow the story strictly from the narrator. They aren't players. They also don't deserve to know the history, rules, or anything unless you find them otherwise in a certain future chapter.

its not that the readers have to follow the story strictly as my narrative. my work is subjective thats the thing i want people to know . i feel like the readers knowing the working of world would be more immersed than being confused . but info dumping this hard was a bit of a mistake on my end and will keep it on my mind when introducing them via a chapter

 

[Anonjohn20]

hello everyone,
I would like to hear your feedback on my world building. so please do let me know your criticism of this world building.
thank you

THE LORD OF MALEVOLENCE - chapter-4: The working of the world | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

The world you built has no smut, 0/10. lol just kidding.

 

[MALEVOLENCE69]

The world you built has no smut, 0/10. lol just kidding.

haha, have no experience writting smut

 

[MasterY001]

(Have a late critique at 3 AM)

I think that you've built a pretty immersive world through your great word choice alone. While I'm not a big fan of info-dumps, an early outline is preferable over choosing to build it as you go along. Because the second usually ends with the universe inexplicably working out in an MCs favor.

On another note, I wish there was a little more insight on how the victims felt. While seeing your world through the eyes of a god helps with immersion, it isn't as good for plot or conflict reasons.

 

[MALEVOLENCE69]

(Have a late critique at 3 AM)

I think that you've built a pretty immersive world through your great word choice alone. While I'm not a big fan of info-dumps, an early outline is preferable over choosing to build it as you go along. Because the second usually ends with the universe inexplicably working out in an MCs favor.

On another note, I wish there was a little more insight on how the victims felt. While seeing your world through the eyes of a god helps with immersion, it isn't as good for plot or conflict reasons.

thank you for your feedback . i had given a thought on how i would want to end the novel and i have a idea on it, but one thing i don't like the most is making the protagonists op without any setbacks. so i had some rules and world building done that the mc has to follow . the protagonist is op but is rule bound here .
i have in my first arc have given a insight on how victim has felt i believe due to the actions of my protagonist, but i will make it a depth into collective victims in my future arcs on it. thanks for the idea