I want to get honest reviews

[The_best]

Hello, I want to get honest reviews about my novel, so if you are interested in these topics, you can try reading my novel and give me your opinion about it. (Harem, Cultivation, Villain MC, Dominant MC)

Rise of The Demonic Emperor: Absolute Domination [Xianxia, Cultivation]

When Lin Fan awakens to find himself reincarnated as the protagonist of his favorite novel, he doesn’t see it as just another chance—he sees it as destiny. But this is not the journey of a righteous hero. This is the rise of a ruler who bends the world...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Tempokai]

Congratulations! I’ve read two chapters, and you’ve somehow managed to create a webnovel so impressively bad it transcends mere failure and enters the realm of intentional parody. Your first two chapters are a masterclass in how to DESTROY the art of storytelling—and somehow, you’ve done it with such confidence that it almost feels deliberate. So, let’s break this down, just for you, since clearly no one else in your life has been brave enough to tell you:

Lin Fan isn’t just unlikeable—he’s unbearable. You’ve given us an overpowered protagonist with all the charm of a wet sock and the complexity of a stale cracker. He doesn’t struggle, grow, or face consequences. He just is, like a virus spreading unchecked through the world. You’ve clearly mistaken "evil" for "interesting." Being cruel doesn’t make the MC compelling; it makes them flat, predictable, and boring. Lin Fan is less a protagonist and more a walking edgelord checklist: overpowered? Check. Zero emotional depth? Check. Treats everyone around him like props? Double check. He’s a caricature of “darkness” so exaggerated that he’d make a Saturday morning cartoon villain roll their eyes.

Ah, Xiao Mi. What a masterpiece of actual misogyny you’ve created. She’s not a character—she’s a suffering sponge whose sole purpose is to highlight Lin Fan’s dominance. She starts off as a damsel in distress, then becomes a victim of assault, and ends as an unwilling servant, completely stripped of agency, personality, or dignity. In two chapters. Man, that’s gotta be a speedrunning record. Her family? They’re just as bad—nodding along like NPCs programmed to grovel at Lin Fan’s feet. They’re not human beings. They’re props. Just like Xiao Mi.

If your goal was to create a world where every female character is an object and every male character is a spineless sycophant, then congratulations—you nailed it. But if you ever want readers to take you seriously, you might want to reconsider doing it. Haven’t you read similar stories with OP MCs who gain harems or dominate others the “evil” way? They at least have intent, survival stakes, and complexity. But you? You’re so busy flexing Lin Fan’s dominance, you’ve created a world as “rich” as instant ramen and as “dark” as a Halloween decoration aisle. Nothing in your world makes sense. The Xiao Clan grovels like cowards, the parasitic pill is over-explained nonsense, and “strength is everything” is the kind of middle-school philosophy that sounds edgy until you realize it’s just lazy writing.

Where’s the texture? The nuance? The logic? Why does everyone behave like brain-dead sheep around Lin Fan? Why do they roll over instead of scheming, resisting, or doing anything intelligent? You’ve created a world where Lin Fan can do whatever he wants without consequence, which means there’s no tension, no stakes, and no reason for readers to care.

Who needs buildup, tension, or drama when you can speedrun through everything, right? Lin Fan wakes up, gets his powers, crushes the opposition, humiliates a family, and takes over a clan in two chapters. It’s like watching someone play a game with cheat codes on: amusing for about five minutes, then unbearably dull. Your story’s pacing has all the grace of that Finnish soldier in WW2 who was full of cocaine. Every scene exists solely to remind us how OP Lin Fan is. No buildup, no good foreplay—just a constant barrage of INSTANT dominance flexes, as if the only way you know how to entertain readers is by shouting, “LOOK HOW COOL HE IS!” every five seconds.

Did you think readers would find Lin Fan intimidating when he licks his lips and mutters “Let’s begin…”? Because let me tell you, the only thing your prose is intimidating is grammar itself. Every line drips with overwrought melodrama. Every interaction is a hammer smashing the same nail over and over: Lin Fan is strong, Lin Fan is cruel, Lin Fan dominates everyone. We get it. He’s your self-insert power fantasy, but could you at least try to give him a shred of complexity? Right now, he’s a one-trick pony, and that trick got old halfway through Chapter 1. I don’t even want to fathom what’s in Chapter 3, because it feels like it’ll be exactly the same.

Your story is dark, but not in the way you think. It’s not “dark and mature”; it’s “dark and embarrassing.” Mature writing doesn’t mean making your protagonist a psychopath who kills for fun and assaults women. Mature writing explores the why behind those actions, the consequences, and the toll they take on everyone involved. Your story? It’s just cruelty for cruelty’s sake, with no moral weight or emotional resonance. Lin Fan isn’t deep, your world isn’t gritty, and your tone isn’t edgy—it’s cringe. Deep down, I think even you know that.

Do you think your readers don’t notice how hollow your world is? How forced and juvenile Lin Fan’s domination feels? Sure, some might be here for the power trip, but even those readers eventually want something to care about—an OP underdog to root for, a clever antagonist, or a twist they didn’t see coming. Instead, you serve up this bland sludge of mindless subjugation and call it a meal. It’s insulting. Your audience deserves better, and frankly, so do you.

You’ve built your story on a foundation of clichés, bad pacing, and one-dimensional characters, then coated it in a thick layer of edge and called it a day. If this is supposed to be satire, then congratulations—it’s almost brilliant. But if this is meant to be taken seriously, then we need to have a long talk about your approach to writing. I wanted to give advice, but honestly, even the badly written CN webnovels out there have better everything.

Right now, your story is an endless loop of “Lin Fan is great, everyone else sucks,” and it’s already exhausting. I can’t imagine reading another chapter without feeling like I’ve wandered into a bad joke with no punchline.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Moral: Be careful what you wish for... :D

 

[The_best]

Congratulations! I’ve read two chapters, and you’ve somehow managed to create a webnovel so impressively bad it transcends mere failure and enters the realm of intentional parody. Your first two chapters are a masterclass in how to DESTROY the art of storytelling—and somehow, you’ve done it with such confidence that it almost feels deliberate. So, let’s break this down, just for you, since clearly no one else in your life has been brave enough to tell you:

Lin Fan isn’t just unlikeable—he’s unbearable. You’ve given us an overpowered protagonist with all the charm of a wet sock and the complexity of a stale cracker. He doesn’t struggle, grow, or face consequences. He just is, like a virus spreading unchecked through the world. You’ve clearly mistaken "evil" for "interesting." Being cruel doesn’t make the MC compelling; it makes them flat, predictable, and boring. Lin Fan is less a protagonist and more a walking edgelord checklist: overpowered? Check. Zero emotional depth? Check. Treats everyone around him like props? Double check. He’s a caricature of “darkness” so exaggerated that he’d make a Saturday morning cartoon villain roll their eyes.

Ah, Xiao Mi. What a masterpiece of actual misogyny you’ve created. She’s not a character—she’s a suffering sponge whose sole purpose is to highlight Lin Fan’s dominance. She starts off as a damsel in distress, then becomes a victim of assault, and ends as an unwilling servant, completely stripped of agency, personality, or dignity. In two chapters. Man, that’s gotta be a speedrunning record. Her family? They’re just as bad—nodding along like NPCs programmed to grovel at Lin Fan’s feet. They’re not human beings. They’re props. Just like Xiao Mi.

If your goal was to create a world where every female character is an object and every male character is a spineless sycophant, then congratulations—you nailed it. But if you ever want readers to take you seriously, you might want to reconsider doing it. Haven’t you read similar stories with OP MCs who gain harems or dominate others the “evil” way? They at least have intent, survival stakes, and complexity. But you? You’re so busy flexing Lin Fan’s dominance, you’ve created a world as “rich” as instant ramen and as “dark” as a Halloween decoration aisle. Nothing in your world makes sense. The Xiao Clan grovels like cowards, the parasitic pill is over-explained nonsense, and “strength is everything” is the kind of middle-school philosophy that sounds edgy until you realize it’s just lazy writing.

Where’s the texture? The nuance? The logic? Why does everyone behave like brain-dead sheep around Lin Fan? Why do they roll over instead of scheming, resisting, or doing anything intelligent? You’ve created a world where Lin Fan can do whatever he wants without consequence, which means there’s no tension, no stakes, and no reason for readers to care.

Who needs buildup, tension, or drama when you can speedrun through everything, right? Lin Fan wakes up, gets his powers, crushes the opposition, humiliates a family, and takes over a clan in two chapters. It’s like watching someone play a game with cheat codes on: amusing for about five minutes, then unbearably dull. Your story’s pacing has all the grace of that Finnish soldier in WW2 who was full of cocaine. Every scene exists solely to remind us how OP Lin Fan is. No buildup, no good foreplay—just a constant barrage of INSTANT dominance flexes, as if the only way you know how to entertain readers is by shouting, “LOOK HOW COOL HE IS!” every five seconds.

Did you think readers would find Lin Fan intimidating when he licks his lips and mutters “Let’s begin…”? Because let me tell you, the only thing your prose is intimidating is grammar itself. Every line drips with overwrought melodrama. Every interaction is a hammer smashing the same nail over and over: Lin Fan is strong, Lin Fan is cruel, Lin Fan dominates everyone. We get it. He’s your self-insert power fantasy, but could you at least try to give him a shred of complexity? Right now, he’s a one-trick pony, and that trick got old halfway through Chapter 1. I don’t even want to fathom what’s in Chapter 3, because it feels like it’ll be exactly the same.

Your story is dark, but not in the way you think. It’s not “dark and mature”; it’s “dark and embarrassing.” Mature writing doesn’t mean making your protagonist a psychopath who kills for fun and assaults women. Mature writing explores the why behind those actions, the consequences, and the toll they take on everyone involved. Your story? It’s just cruelty for cruelty’s sake, with no moral weight or emotional resonance. Lin Fan isn’t deep, your world isn’t gritty, and your tone isn’t edgy—it’s cringe. Deep down, I think even you know that.

Do you think your readers don’t notice how hollow your world is? How forced and juvenile Lin Fan’s domination feels? Sure, some might be here for the power trip, but even those readers eventually want something to care about—an OP underdog to root for, a clever antagonist, or a twist they didn’t see coming. Instead, you serve up this bland sludge of mindless subjugation and call it a meal. It’s insulting. Your audience deserves better, and frankly, so do you.

You’ve built your story on a foundation of clichés, bad pacing, and one-dimensional characters, then coated it in a thick layer of edge and called it a day. If this is supposed to be satire, then congratulations—it’s almost brilliant. But if this is meant to be taken seriously, then we need to have a long talk about your approach to writing. I wanted to give advice, but honestly, even the badly written CN webnovels out there have better everything.

Right now, your story is an endless loop of “Lin Fan is great, everyone else sucks,” and it’s already exhausting. I can’t imagine reading another chapter without feeling like I’ve wandered into a bad joke with no punchline.

Congratulations on writing the longest reply I've ever seen in my life!!

I completely respect your opinion, and you know what? I really liked your response because it proved to me that I succeeded in creating the character I want — a crazy lunatic like no other. Regarding what you said about everything coming easily to him with no conflicts, you've only read two chapters, so you can't judge that yet. This is just the beginning. Of course, there will be those who try to resist Lin Fan and plot against him in secret. I just don't want to reveal everything from the start. This is a novel, not an information dump.

Therefore, if your perspective is shallow and you lack the intelligence and reasoning ability to consider this, then unfortunately, I can only say that you're stupid. And who said Lin Fan won't have any rivals and will be completely invincible? Again, this is just a superficial analysis without deep thought. If Lin Fan didn't have enemies, it would just be wish fulfillment. Of course, he will have enemies in the future, but initially, he will be absorbed in his nearly absolute power, making him drop his guard and remain unbearably arrogant.

But this is what will make him mature later and learn to be cautious and not reckless. Even though he will remain a lunatic, arrogant, and treat everyone like slaves, he will become more strategic and cautious, not just someone who follows his lower instincts like in the beginning.

So, as I said, I completely respect your opinion. However, the way you presented it isn’t appropriate — these are just direct insults. Therefore, if you lack basic manners, I won’t stoop to your level. Still, next time, use your brain a little and think before expressing such an opinion, because it only shows how foolish you are.

 

[Tempokai]

I really liked your response because it proved to me that I succeeded in creating the character I want — a crazy lunatic like no other.

No other? Lin Fan is as original as reheated leftovers. OP sociopaths who lick their lips, dominate everyone, and smirk coldly are a dime a dozen. Calling him “a crazy lunatic” doesn’t excuse lazy writing—it just highlights your inability to give him depth.

you've only read two chapters, so you can't judge that yet.

Sure, but your beginning is where readers decide if your story is worth their time. And guess what? You lost them. If your first two chapters are nothing but Lin Fan flexing his power, why should we trust you to suddenly deliver complexity later? It’s like serving trash and promising a gourmet meal afterward.

This is a novel, not an information dump.

Bold words from someone who stuffed Chapter 1 with lore about Dust of Destruction, parasitic pills, and cultivation ranks, all without grounding them in meaningful context. Your pacing is a sprint from bad exposition to worse domination, so spare me the “no info dump” defense.

But this is what will make him mature later and learn to be cautious and not reckless.

Wow, a villain who grows from reckless to slightly less reckless. Groundbreaking. You’re missing the point: no amount of future strategy will fix Lin Fan’s lack of charisma, emotional depth, or compelling motivation. He’s boring now, and adding “strategy” won’t change that.

Therefore, if your perspective is shallow and you lack the intelligence and reasoning ability to consider this

Ah yes, the classic “you’re too dumb to understand my genius” retort. Pro tip: insulting your critics doesn’t make you right. It makes you defensive. If anything, your inability to handle constructive critique speaks volumes about your maturity as a writer.

Your response is just like your novel—pretentious, empty, and convinced of its own brilliance. Instead of deflecting with insults, try improving your pacing, characters, and worldbuilding. Until then, enjoy your bubble of misplaced confidence. Whatever.

 

[The_best]

No other? Lin Fan is as original as reheated leftovers. OP sociopaths who lick their lips, dominate everyone, and smirk coldly are a dime a dozen. Calling him “a crazy lunatic” doesn’t excuse lazy writing—it just highlights your inability to give him depth.


Sure, but your beginning is where readers decide if your story is worth their time. And guess what? You lost them. If your first two chapters are nothing but Lin Fan flexing his power, why should we trust you to suddenly deliver complexity later? It’s like serving trash and promising a gourmet meal afterward.

Bold words from someone who stuffed Chapter 1 with lore about Dust of Destruction, parasitic pills, and cultivation ranks, all without grounding them in meaningful context. Your pacing is a sprint from bad exposition to worse domination, so spare me the “no info dump” defense.

Wow, a villain who grows from reckless to slightly less reckless. Groundbreaking. You’re missing the point: no amount of future strategy will fix Lin Fan’s lack of charisma, emotional depth, or compelling motivation. He’s boring now, and adding “strategy” won’t change that.

Ah yes, the classic “you’re too dumb to understand my genius” retort. Pro tip: insulting your critics doesn’t make you right. It makes you defensive. If anything, your inability to handle constructive critique speaks volumes about your maturity as a writer.

Your response is just like your novel—pretentious, empty, and convinced of its own brilliance. Instead of deflecting with insults, try improving your pacing, characters, and worldbuilding. Until then, enjoy your bubble of misplaced confidence. Whatever.

I somewhat agree with some of the points you made. I do need to improve certain aspects, especially making the other characters feel more realistic rather than just puppets submissive to Lin Fan, and this is something I am working on. However, what you said goes far beyond constructive criticism. I admit that your feedback contains many useful observations that point to areas where I can improve, but your aggressive tone and insults prevent those points from being effective.

As you can see, I am speaking to you respectfully, and I apologize for calling you stupid in my previous reply. I ask that you also speak to me respectfully. It’s not that I’m afraid of exchanging insults with you; I simply found your opinion interesting and potentially helpful.

 

[Tempokai]

I somewhat agree with some of the points you made. I do need to improve certain aspects, especially making the other characters feel more realistic rather than just puppets submissive to Lin Fan, and this is something I am working on. However, what you said goes far beyond constructive criticism. I admit that your feedback contains many useful observations that point to areas where I can improve, but your aggressive tone and insults prevent those points from being effective.

As you can see, I am speaking to you respectfully, and I apologize for calling you stupid in my previous reply. I ask that you also speak to me respectfully. It’s not that I’m afraid of exchanging insults with you; I simply found your opinion interesting and potentially helpful.

Fair enough. If you’re took my critique at face value, then that’s what matters. Writing isn’t about perfection—it’s walking the path of the Dao and learning from it. I’ll admit my tone was sharp, but if it made you reflect on your pacing, characterization, and worldbuilding, then it served its purpose. Take what’s useful, discard the rest, and let your writing evolve. Dao says, paraphrased, "A true master does not cling to what is perfect nor discard what is flawed, but sees both as tools to refine their art." At the end of the day, your goal isn’t to win an argument—it’s to tell a better story, and I'm just here to give a "honest" feedback to whatever comes to this forum.

 

[The_best]

Fair enough. If you’re took my critique at face value, then that’s what matters. Writing isn’t about perfection—it’s walking the path of the Dao and learning from it. I’ll admit my tone was sharp, but if it made you reflect on your pacing, characterization, and worldbuilding, then it served its purpose. Take what’s useful, discard the rest, and let your writing evolve. Dao says, paraphrased, "A true master does not cling to what is perfect nor discard what is flawed, but sees both as tools to refine their art." At the end of the day, your goal isn’t to win an argument—it’s to tell a better story, and I'm just here to give a "honest" feedback to whatever comes to this forum.

Yes, of course. Thank you for your feedback, and I will try to improve what you mentioned (except for Lin Fan’s character, as I honestly like his like that) ??

Fair enough. If you’re took my critique at face value, then that’s what matters. Writing isn’t about perfection—it’s walking the path of the Dao and learning from it. I’ll admit my tone was sharp, but if it made you reflect on your pacing, characterization, and worldbuilding, then it served its purpose. Take what’s useful, discard the rest, and let your writing evolve. Dao says, paraphrased, "A true master does not cling to what is perfect nor discard what is flawed, but sees both as tools to refine their art." At the end of the day, your goal isn’t to win an argument—it’s to tell a better story, and I'm just here to give a "honest" feedback to whatever comes to this forum.

Can you give me your name on Discord? I want to send you a friend request if this doesn't bother you

 

[cabbag3]

Kids in WN would probably like this story better. And I've been craving for some cool edgy feel-good shit for the past week, so I'm also enjoying this but I know my judgement is pretty biased lol.
But I also think that this was satire at first too until I continued reading the next chapters...
Anyway, it really depends on your target audience, and so far the plot isn't some convoluted mess tho it does feel a bit shallow, but I can't really say much since there's still few chapters.
So I hope you'll continue writing.

 

[The_best]

Kids in WN would probably like this story better. And I've been craving for some cool edgy feel-good shit for the past week, so I'm also enjoying this but I know my judgement is pretty biased lol.
But I also think that this was satire at first too until I continued reading the next chapters...
Anyway, it really depends on your target audience, and so far the plot isn't some convoluted mess tho it does feel a bit shallow, but I can't really say much since there's still few chapters.
So I hope you'll continue writing.

Thanks for your opinion

 

[Keene]

I wish I could write my fiction half as well as Tempokai wrote that review.

 

[RepresentingWrath]

Well, Tempokai did something else. He actually made me read it as well. I'm sorry, but I won't do the usual feedback, it takes too long. And Tempokai voiced a lot of good points that I agree with. Your novel is bad. It's not a 'this isn't my cup of tea' but a somewhat objective bad.

Reason for why I dare to utter the word objective is quite simple. It has bad grammar. We can argue that pacing is subjective, we can argue that characters are subjective, plot is subjective, etc. We can't argue about grammar. It's either good or bad. Yours is bad. Not terrible, but in combination with bad prose, your paragraphing, choice of words, sentence structure, usage of dialogue and action tags, and so on, it is even worse.

And if we dismiis the fact that story parts can't be objectively bad, I would once again agree with Tempokai and add that those parts are also bad. There is also a lot of small logical mistakes that all ties into the characters and plot.

I will do just one example.

"I trusted Lin Fan… I helped him steal the Dust of Destruction so we could escape together, but in the end, he left me here to face this fate."

Maybe I'm blind, but not once did she comment on the fact he has changed after that. She knew him, but when MC appeared she treated him as this weird mixture of already knowing the new Lin Fan, and not knowing the new Lin Fan. It honestly doesn't make any sense.

It doesn't make any sense that MC's past as a person from Earth doesn't play any role in the plot, and is only featured in the first few paragraphs. Might as well make him someone native to that world, like an old and evil cultivator who hijacks a young body for himself. Nothing would've changed. Well, I guess you couldn't have made him enjoy his 'newfound' power, but honestly, it won't make any difference in the grand scheme of things. It only changes a couple of words here and there. Like when he is surprised or whatever at how easy it is to take life, you just delete the surprised part, and nothing changes. It's still 'evil' guy.

Ahem, you can brush the point above, but here's what will really hurt you once you finish reading it. Crazy lunatic like no other... I'm sorry to say this to you, but your story is banal or generic, whatever word you prefer. It doesn't stand out among translations and original works. There is no unique spin, and I'm sorry to say this, but the grammar doesn't allow me to say it's better than others. Again, even if we close our eyes and pretend like plot, characters, pacing, world, and so on are all subjective, you still lose when compared to other works. Because your prose and grammar are worse. So your story isn't even a classic that has been done well.

And this leads me into a question that will hurt you. Why should a reader read your story? Let's pretend I am a reader who really likes this type of stories, reincarnated or transmigrated or whatever as the villain in a cultivation. Why should I read your story and not other ones? It's the same stuff, but worse. Honestly, the only answer I can think of is, I will read your story only when there is no more similar stories to read.

Another question that will hurt you. Why should a reader spend their money on your story? You might think I'm just dumping on you here or making fun, but this is a legit question I want you to ask yourself. Because I see nothing wrong with this desire to earn money through writing. I'd like to do it myself. But we should look at it objectively. Let's pretend once more that I'm one of those readers that like this type of stories. Why should I sub to your patreon, and not sub to DDL that translate I Am the Fated Villain? You might think, why not sub to both? The answer is, not only people have limited budget, there is also more than I Am the Fated Villain you are competing with.

Another person made a good point. You can and probably will do better at WN. Maybe you will even earn some money there if you sign the contract, which I don't recommend doing, but it's your decision ultimately. The problem with WN though is that it's a different type of competition there. You should produce your chapters at least daily. All year round. It's better if you do two chapters a day. Can you do it? I personally don't know, and don't need the answer. It was a rhetoric question.

The only good part I can point out is super subjective. There is no system. I hate system. They are the epitome, the creme of the crop of bad and lazy writing. So here I can say you did good. The bad part of this praise is, as I said a subjective nature of it. Because people on WN don't hate systems, so it's not even a realupside. ?‍

P.S. I read a bit past Tempokai.

 

[Dieter]

You've written a MC you can self-insert as, haven't you? A story can't just be about power-fantasy & wish-fulfillment, even if that's the main selling-point. A story where everything goes right for you is a boring story. I can't say much here other than that I know there are readers who like stories like these. I being not one of them cannot opine much, but so far it has felt generic (I feel like I've seen this scene play out before) and comicky, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. You should try your luck on webnovel.com if SH doesn't work out. If you're in this for the long haul, then I don't think you'll earn much more than pocket change from writing such stories, but even that might be a stretch. A WN contract might be your only option, in that case. People somehow make a living through WN contracts.

 

[The_best]

Well, Tempokai did something else. He actually made me read it as well. I'm sorry, but I won't do the usual feedback, it takes too long. And Tempokai voiced a lot of good points that I agree with. Your novel is bad. It's not a 'this isn't my cup of tea' but a somewhat objective bad.

Reason for why I dare to utter the word objective is quite simple. It has bad grammar. We can argue that pacing is subjective, we can argue that characters are subjective, plot is subjective, etc. We can't argue about grammar. It's either good or bad. Yours is bad. Not terrible, but in combination with bad prose, your paragraphing, choice of words, sentence structure, usage of dialogue and action tags, and so on, it is even worse.

And if we dismiis the fact that story parts can't be objectively bad, I would once again agree with Tempokai and add that those parts are also bad. There is also a lot of small logical mistakes that all ties into the characters and plot.

I will do just one example.

"I trusted Lin Fan… I helped him steal the Dust of Destruction so we could escape together, but in the end, he left me here to face this fate."

Maybe I'm blind, but not once did she comment on the fact he has changed after that. She knew him, but when MC appeared she treated him as this weird mixture of already knowing the new Lin Fan, and not knowing the new Lin Fan. It honestly doesn't make any sense.

It doesn't make any sense that MC's past as a person from Earth doesn't play any role in the plot, and is only featured in the first few paragraphs. Might as well make him someone native to that world, like an old and evil cultivator who hijacks a young body for himself. Nothing would've changed. Well, I guess you couldn't have made him enjoy his 'newfound' power, but honestly, it won't make any difference in the grand scheme of things. It only changes a couple of words here and there. Like when he is surprised or whatever at how easy it is to take life, you just delete the surprised part, and nothing changes. It's still 'evil' guy.

Ahem, you can brush the point above, but here's what will really hurt you once you finish reading it. Crazy lunatic like no other... I'm sorry to say this to you, but your story is banal or generic, whatever word you prefer. It doesn't stand out among translations and original works. There is no unique spin, and I'm sorry to say this, but the grammar doesn't allow me to say it's better than others. Again, even if we close our eyes and pretend like plot, characters, pacing, world, and so on are all subjective, you still lose when compared to other works. Because your prose and grammar are worse. So your story isn't even a classic that has been done well.

And this leads me into a question that will hurt you. Why should a reader read your story? Let's pretend I am a reader who really likes this type of stories, reincarnated or transmigrated or whatever as the villain in a cultivation. Why should I read your story and not other ones? It's the same stuff, but worse. Honestly, the only answer I can think of is, I will read your story only when there is no more similar stories to read.

Another question that will hurt you. Why should a reader spend their money on your story? You might think I'm just dumping on you here or making fun, but this is a legit question I want you to ask yourself. Because I see nothing wrong with this desire to earn money through writing. I'd like to do it myself. But we should look at it objectively. Let's pretend once more that I'm one of those readers that like this type of stories. Why should I sub to your patreon, and not sub to DDL that translate I Am the Fated Villain? You might think, why not sub to both? The answer is, not only people have limited budget, there is also more than I Am the Fated Villain you are competing with.

Another person made a good point. You can and probably will do better at WN. Maybe you will even earn some money there if you sign the contract, which I don't recommend doing, but it's your decision ultimately. The problem with WN though is that it's a different type of competition there. You should produce your chapters at least daily. All year round. It's better if you do two chapters a day. Can you do it? I personally don't know, and don't need the answer. It was a rhetoric question.

The only good part I can point out is super subjective. There is no system. I hate system. They are the epitome, the creme of the crop of bad and lazy writing. So here I can say you did good. The bad part of this praise is, as I said a subjective nature of it. Because people on WN don't hate systems, so it's not even a realupside. ?‍

P.S. I read a bit past Tempokai.

Thank you for your completely honest opinion. On the contrary, it doesn’t hurt me — it guides me, so thank you. I’m still a beginner, having started writing only about a month ago, so all your feedback matters to me and helps me improve. I only responded harshly to the first comment from Timbokai because I’m not used to such feedback. Honestly, on Webnovel, my story gained popularity quickly in its first week and ranked in the rankings. But that’s not the point here. I understand your perspective, and I’ll explain what I understood and what I will try to improve. Please reply and guide me further if possible.

First, when Lin Fan reincarnated, as an ordinary person who was reborn, even if he was evil to begin with, he should have more time to adapt to his current situation and memories. I should show that he was also influenced by the memories of the Demon Emperor, which allows him to fulfill his previous fantasies as an ordinary person coldly and without guilt.

Second, I need to show a more realistic reaction from Xiao Mi to Lin Fan’s drastic change compared to the Lin Fan she knew. She should resist, question his change, start yelling at him, and ask why he has changed so much, for example.

Third, I need to correct grammatical mistakes. However, this is difficult for me because I don’t write in English directly; I write in another language and then translate. But I will try.

Finally, I need to make the characters’ reactions and interactions more realistic and highlight different perspectives, not just Lin Fan’s point of view or a third-person perspective.

You've written a MC you can self-insert as, haven't you? A story can't just be about power-fantasy & wish-fulfillment, even if that's the main selling-point. A story where everything goes right for you is a boring story. I can't say much here other than that I know there are readers who like stories like these. I being not one of them cannot opine much, but so far it has felt generic (I feel like I've seen this scene play out before) and comicky, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. You should try your luck on webnovel.com if SH doesn't work out. If you're in this for the long haul, then I don't think you'll earn much more than pocket change from writing such stories, but even that might be a stretch. A WN contract might be your only option, in that case. People somehow make a living through WN contracts.

I’m already publishing it on Webnovel, and it has found success there. However, I want it to succeed on all platforms and be an enjoyable and well-loved novel for all fans of cultivation stories. That’s why I’m trying to gather feedback from different people and will improve it as much as possible by following this advice.

I have no issue with direct criticism or being told that my novel is bad. Just tell me what’s wrong with it, and I will try to improve it when I have the time. My ultimate goal is to become the best in this field. I love striving to be the best at anything I get involved in, so please don’t hold back on criticism. Criticism will show me the way to improve my novel, not flattery. It’s natural for me to make mistakes, as I’m new to writing and still learning. Therefore, I hope experts like you will guide me.

I’m sorry if I’ve repeated myself, but I want to emphasize that I genuinely welcome criticism. Thank you for your feedback, and I hope you and others will be open to reading my novel again and giving me your thoughts after I improve it — perhaps in a week or two.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

I have no issue with direct criticism or being told that my novel is bad. Just tell me what’s wrong with it, and I will try to improve it when I have the time. My ultimate goal is to become the best in this field. I love striving to be the best at anything I get involved in, so please don’t hold back on criticism. Criticism will show me the way to improve my novel, not flattery. It’s natural for me to make mistakes, as I’m new to writing and still learning. Therefore, I hope experts like you will guide me.

Yeah - though bad criticism will still sting, any feedback beyond "This is good" or "this is bad" is always helpful - even if you disagree with it.

 

[RepresentingWrath]

Thank you for your completely honest opinion. On the contrary, it doesn’t hurt me — it guides me, so thank you. I’m still a beginner, having started writing only about a month ago, so all your feedback matters to me and helps me improve. I only responded harshly to the first comment from Timbokai because I’m not used to such feedback. Honestly, on Webnovel, my story gained popularity quickly in its first week and ranked in the charts. But that’s not the point here. I understand your perspective, and I’ll explain what I understood and what I will try to improve. Please reply and guide me further if possible.

First, when Lin Fan reincarnated, as an ordinary person who was reborn, even if he was evil to begin with, he should have more time to adapt to his current situation and memories. I should show that he was also influenced by the memories of the Demon Emperor, which allows him to fulfill his previous fantasies as an ordinary person coldly and without guilt.

Second, I need to show a more realistic reaction from Xiao Mi to Lin Fan’s drastic change compared to the Lin Fan she knew. She should resist, question his change, start yelling at him, and ask why he has changed so much, for example.

Third, I need to correct grammatical mistakes. However, this is difficult for me because I don’t write in English directly; I write in another language and then translate. But I will try.

Finally, I need to make the characters’ reactions and interactions more realistic and highlight different perspectives, not just Lin Fan’s point of view or a third-person perspective.

I will give you two general pieces of advice. First, edit your work. If you already do it, use help of sites such as grammarly, prowritingaid, or similar. At least fix typos and the most obvious mistakes. Editing is important.

Second general advice, think about what you write. It's not an insult btw. It's important to keep in mind how this or that character will act, why this character didn't do this or that, and so on. Helps you with avoiding plotholes and in general makes story smoother and better. I think I can add to it, act out your scenes. Try to put yourself into your characters' shoes. It helps a lot with catching stuff like the one I pointed out about Xiao Mi. Try to imagine the scene, where it takes place, who is in the scene, and so on.

Those are super general advice. About more intricate stuff. Since it's all bad, you need to work on everything, and I won't be able to explain everything. Not because you are bad, but because I'm not good enough to teach anyone. It might sound as if I ditch the responsobility, but you really gotta do it yourself. If you want to improve, if you want to make money from writing, you have to study on your own.

There was an author here whom I treated roughly, didn't insult, but gave feedback without sugarcoating. It happened two years ago. Now this author writes better than I do and helps multiple other friends. This author studied on their own. Watching videos and reading articles all over the internet, and practicing. Maybe two years is a long time, but you don't really need to get super good either, and it's not like you have to stop writing while you study.

 

[The_best]

What do you think about this?

The text without modification: Lin Fan froze for a moment, his thoughts racing as he tried to make sense of the situation—something he had always thought impossible: transmigrating into a novel!

Text after modification: Lin Fan froze slightly in place as he reflected on what had happened to him—his name, the memories that weren't his, and the places within those memories. No way! It couldn't be true—the very thing he always believed to be impossible: being reincarnated into a novel!

I will give you two general pieces of advice. First, edit your work. If you already do it, use help of sites such as grammarly, prowritingaid, or similar. At least fix typos and the most obvious mistakes. Editing is important.

Second general advice, think about what you write. It's not an insult btw. It's important to keep in mind how this or that character will act, why this character didn't do this or that, and so on. Helps you with avoiding plotholes and in general makes story smoother and better. I think I can add to it, act out your scenes. Try to put yourself into your characters' shoes. It helps a lot with catching stuff like the one I pointed out about Xiao Mi. Try to imagine the scene, where it takes place, who is in the scene, and so on.

Those are super general advice. About more intricate stuff. Since it's all bad, you need to work on everything, and I won't be able to explain everything. Not because you are bad, but because I'm not good enough to teach anyone. It might sound as if I ditch the responsobility, but you really gotta do it yourself. If you want to improve, if you want to make money from writing, you have to study on your own.

There was an author here whom I treated roughly, didn't insult, but gave feedback without sugarcoating. It happened two years ago. Now this author writes better than I do and helps multiple other friends. This author studied on their own. Watching videos and reading articles all over the internet, and practicing. Maybe two years is a long time, but you don't really need to get super good either, and it's not like you have to stop writing while you study.

Thank you for your advice. I just started trying to edit the first chapter. I tried to edit a scene. Please give me your opinion on it. Did you highlight Lin Fan’s feelings in it more realistically?

 

[RepresentingWrath]

What do you think about this?

The text without modification: Lin Fan froze for a moment, his thoughts racing as he tried to make sense of the situation—something he had always thought impossible: transmigrating into a novel!

Text after modification: Lin Fan froze slightly in place as he reflected on what had happened to him—his name, the memories that weren't his, and the places within those memories. No way! It couldn't be true—the very thing he always believed to be impossible: being reincarnated into a novel!

Thank you for your advice. I just started trying to edit the first chapter. I tried to edit a scene. Please give me your opinion on it. Did you highlight Lin Fan’s feelings in it more realistically?

Honestly, there isn't much difference between the two. If @Tempokai has free time, he can run a small pice of your chapter through chatGPT or something similar to show how much it can be changed. I'm not sure if he still has access to it or has time. Also, chatGPT is not panacea. It can help with little stuff, same as aforementioned Grammarly and prowritingaid, but you shouldn't rely on it too much.

As much as I don't like there are TOO many mentions of this, one of the major problems you have is... Sigh... Show don't tell. Not only in this particular example, but overall. I won't rewrite your piece, I will steal the example from the latest thread.

Lisa is sad because her father died. (Tell)

The girl groans and trembles. A tear slips from her left eye, rolling down her reddened cheek before falling onto her dress—an azure maid’s uniform—leaving a wet stain on the fabric. Her pale hands shake as they clutch the silver-framed photo. In her glossy eyes, the reflection of the photo becomes visible: a bald man with a beard, whose features resemble the girl’s. Another tear wells up beneath her right eye. She sobs, then places the photo frame on the counter with a moan. She brings her hands to her eyes and, between sobs, rubs them, trying to wipe away the tears that keep streaming. One tear escapes her rubbing and slides down her reddened face before falling onto the golden badge pinned to her uniform, just above her heart. The droplet bounces off the metal, engraved with the name “Lisa.” (Bloated Show)

Lisa shuffled to her seat, head hanging low, and only shook her head in response. (Show) Works with context. Out of context you won't really get why or what happened, but in the middle of a chapter it's a perfectly fine way of showing.

You shouldn't show all the time, but you should do it. That's one of the tools to create pacing, showing and telling. If you show all the time it's slow as hell since barely anything happens. If you only tell it's fast, but we can't really hook onto something, there's nothing interesting and it looks like a rough outline.

 

[The_best]

Honestly, there isn't much difference between the two. If @Tempokai has free time, he can run a small pice of your chapter through chatGPT or something similar to show how much it can be changed. I'm not sure if he still has access to it or has time. Also, chatGPT is not panacea. It can help with little stuff, same as aforementioned Grammarly and prowritingaid, but you shouldn't rely on it too much.

As much as I don't like there are TOO many mentions of this, one of the major problems you have is... Sigh... Show don't tell. Not only in this particular example, but overall. I won't rewrite your piece, I will steal the example from the latest thread.

Lisa is sad because her father died. (Tell)

The girl groans and trembles. A tear slips from her left eye, rolling down her reddened cheek before falling onto her dress—an azure maid’s uniform—leaving a wet stain on the fabric. Her pale hands shake as they clutch the silver-framed photo. In her glossy eyes, the reflection of the photo becomes visible: a bald man with a beard, whose features resemble the girl’s. Another tear wells up beneath her right eye. She sobs, then places the photo frame on the counter with a moan. She brings her hands to her eyes and, between sobs, rubs them, trying to wipe away the tears that keep streaming. One tear escapes her rubbing and slides down her reddened face before falling onto the golden badge pinned to her uniform, just above her heart. The droplet bounces off the metal, engraved with the name “Lisa.” (Bloated Show)

Lisa shuffled to her seat, head hanging low, and only shook her head in response. (Show) Works with context. Out of context you won't really get why or what happened, but in the middle of a chapter it's a perfectly fine way of showing.

You shouldn't show all the time, but you should do it. That's one of the tools to create pacing, showing and telling. If you show all the time it's slow as hell since barely anything happens. If you only tell it's fast, but we can't really hook onto something, there's nothing interesting and it looks like a rough outline.

Well I will try to work this

 

[RepresentingWrath]

Well I will try to work this

Writing is the same as any other hobby and skill. You can't drastically improve overnight. Don't focus on asking our opinion on every small change. You should make a long term goals, and assess what changed every X months, or at least weeks. It's the same as those before and after shots of people who started exercising. If they look at themselves in the mirror every day, nothing really changes. But if they take a photo at the start and after a few months, they will notice a change.