Need Constructive Criticism

[KoyukiMegumi]

Okay, so after many rewrites. I feel like my grammar/structuring has gotten much better, but I don't have anyone to ask for advice! So, how about a bunch of other authors! How may I improve on this chapter? If there is anything I can improve, I can take it to my other stories!

Thank you for your time! There is nothing NSFW in this chapter!

Spoiler: Gates Chapter 1

At first, I didn’t understand what I was meant to do. I wondered why I was alive. Why did I have to live after what happened? So many died... So why was I still here? Before my fateful encounter with him. My life was simple. Why did he have to teach me how to feel?


Why did he have to open my eyes to a world I didn’t want to see? Why did he have to do all that? It would have been much better if I’d never met him... But... if I never met him... I wouldn’t have ever learned how life was meant to be lived. Thanks to him... I got to see beauty in this forsaken world.


Fourteen years earlier. A month before the fall...


While staking out the shop, it wasn’t long until the boy who caught my attention was in my sights again. The first time I saw him was weeks before, during an errand for the coven.


What caught my eye?


A Lycan boy who smiled radiantly, visiting a game shop with his friends. They were all of his kin and from the same clan.


How can he smile like that? That was the first thought that ran through my mind.


The boy who intrigued me had silver hair and fair skin that matched perfectly with his amber eyes—a feature shared by all Lycans. It was one way to identify them if they were hiding their ears and tail with clothing.


However, spotting them would be more difficult if they wore contacts to hide their color. However, if untrained, their temper and pride sold them out rather quickly. Their hair color reflected their coats while in their beast form, which was one of a wolf.


Their humanoid form was also different from normal humans. They had wolf ears instead of the ones most normal humans had. Most of the time, their clothes also had a hole for their long, fluffy tails. It seemed uncomfortable for them to be with it inside for long periods.


Part of me wanted to touch it whenever I saw their features. When the boy’s radiant smile caught my attention, I followed him before I could even notice what I was doing. I wondered about the same questions many times over.


How can you smile like that, even though our world is so cold?


It seemed so freeing that I wanted to reach for it. Every time I could get away from the sisters or was doing an errand for them, I would hide. Trying to stay out of sight, I watched the wolves play in front of a gaming store.


Most of the time, they would buy cards and try them out at the tables outside the store. If not, they would bring their devices to play there until sunset. Other times, they would come to buy and head out towards the beach to play with balls.


Or anything else that seemed fun to do for the day. Sticking to the shadows, I saw them laugh and smile at each other. It made me want to do the same, even if I did not know how to. I envied their freedom to do whatever they wished.


Their ability to smile and laugh without a care in the world was something I never knew how to do. The fated day started like any other, and I would study them from afar. I was satisfied with that alone.


However, everything changed when one of the wolf boys, a brown-haired one, grabbed the silver-haired boy by his arm. It was customary for them to play rough, but he whispered something to him before entering the shop this time.


At first, it didn’t seem significant until someone grabbed me by my shoulder a few moments later, startling me to my core. A yelp left my lips before I turned to face them.


When they spoke, it made my heart drop.


“Hey, what are you doing?” a young boy’s voice began.


My hands trembled in response. Turning to face him, I quickly saw it was the wolf boy I had been admiring from afar for the past weeks. He seemed alarmed to have found me peeking at them.


Part of me panicked, peering around, only to see we were alone in the alley I was hiding in. Noticing my resistance to say anything, he sighed before continuing.


“You’ve been watching us every day for the past three days. Who are you?” the boy questioned, leaving me speechless.


They knew I was here?!


They had only noticed me for the past three days.


If they knew the truth, I would be...


Suddenly, swallowing was more complicated to do. Pure fear swelled within me, too. It slowly gripped me in ways I didn’t even know I could feel.


If the sisters found out Lycans saw me outside, I’ll...


Especially today when I wasn’t supposed to be out, let alone be noticed by someone. I had to get away before he reported me or brought me back to the sisters. However, the boy’s gaze made my mind go blank.


“I’m nobody!” I replied, bolting away with little success.


The boy caught up to me effortlessly, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards him. It caused us both to tumble onto the ground. I didn’t even know what I was thinking when I ran. Lycans could run faster than most races.


They were only matched slightly by vampires. I, a human, wouldn’t have been a match for him. Even if he was a kid, he also had the strength to snap my arm in half. But the way he held onto it even when we tumbled was so gentle.


The only force he used was to tug me onto him when we fell onto some crates. It was almost as if I was making sure I wouldn’t injure myself.


“Ouch!” the boy complained, still holding me.


I shifted my eyes towards him, only to see blood flowing down his forehead. It came from a gash from one of the crate’s sharp edges. Trying to get away from him, I profusely apologized. He held me tightly, preventing me from running away.


Once again, I fell onto him. However, this time, he held onto me tighter than ever before. This wasn’t good at all. I felt like a butterfly caught in a bug net. I couldn’t get away from his firm yet gentle grip.


He was relentless. A wolf that wouldn’t let go of his prey.


“Fenris!” his brown-haired friend called from behind us, startling me further.


They caught up with us after hearing the rucks I caused. Ignoring his friends, Fenris grabbed onto my other arm, preventing me from trying to escape again.


“I gotcha, you aren’t going anywhere.” Fenris beamed.


It astonished me. Even though he was injured, he could still smile like that.


How’s that even possible? Isn’t he angry with me? Didn’t he want to hurt me?


I couldn’t understand the meaning behind the smile that captivated me.


“Are you okay?” another yellow-haired friend asked.


The boys gathered around us. Before I knew it, I was surrounded by four wolf boys, with one being my captor. All of them had little intention of letting me go free after what I did to their friend.


“I’m fine. It was my fault anyway.” Fenris answered without letting go of my arms.


He took the blame for what had happened. He didn’t let me go because he knew I would bolt at any chance he gave me. Yet the motive behind taking responsibility for my mistake was a mystery.


The grey-haired boy noticed a familiar scent, becoming slightly alarmed by it.


“It smells like magic. She’s a mage?!?” the boy announced.


His words caused the brown-haired boy to slap his face in disappointment.


“No, dumb ass, she’s human. Mages are elves.” The boy corrected the grey-haired boy so he could gasp again.


“A witch?!?! Is she trying to curse us?!? Should we take her to Cerberus?” he added, escalating the entire event.


Hearing the organization’s name that once changed my life terrified me. The difference between mages and witches/warlocks was the source from which we got our magical power. Meanwhile, mages got theirs from the elements of nature.


We witches got it from sacrificial magic, otherwise known as death magic. It was worse than dark magic, one of the magical elements. And that was already frowned upon even though one sub-species of elves used it.


All the races viewed witchcraft as dangerous and unpredictable. My kin were responsible for recent plagues and chaos in our history. These alone made us stigmatized. We even tried to end the world on one occasion.


During those times, Cerberus was an organization founded by Lycans. Its sole duty was to oppose malevolence, stopping their plans before they became irreversible. Thus, it was an organization of peacekeepers of many races, led mainly by the wolves.


They called themselves the protectors of the gate to the netherworld, so they picked the name Cerberus. A three-headed dog was once said to be the gatekeeper to the underworld—a religion long lost to time.


However, it was always present in the emblems that every officer wore. It was also said that this was where the power of the witches came from—a myth, of course.


“Shut up, Ezra. If it’s a curse she’s trying to cast on us. She clearly failed. No spell takes three days to cast. Plus, she looks younger than us. Doubt she can even cast any magic yet.” Fenris snapped at the grey wolf, who quickly stopped in his tracks.


I trembled where I sat.


Are they going to report me to the authorities? If they take me to the authorities... The sisters...


In this society, witches were the lowest of the food chain. They looked down upon and suppressed us, while Lycans were on top and protectors of all races. They resisted most magical spells, making them the races’ apex.


Their only rivals in power were vampires, but they had a weakness in the sun. They wouldn’t burn while in it, but their power would drain drastically. Most of them used umbrellas while out during the daylight.


Others avoided it altogether, making them night owls.


Fenris asked again before I could think of a way out of this mess. “Why were you watching us?”


The question left me shaken, desperately looking for a way out. But there was none. I was trapped in a wolf den.

 

[LilRora]

Overall it's pretty good. There's two things I noticed. Also, obligatory reminder I won't be going over good points much because I always struggle to point them out. Everything below is just what I noticed that I would improve; it doesn't mean all of is so bad I didn't find good points - it's actually better than most of the writing I took up criticizing.

First, the descriptions you give sometimes create unnatural pauses in the dialogue. If it was me writing it, I would reduce how many of them there are, try to put some of that information into dialogue, and move some of it to a different scene where there's not much action or dialogue that allows for some longer narrative descriptions.

Purposefully omitting some information can engage the readers and enhance immersion, as there's less interruptions to the story you're telling and many things can feel properly mysterious and ominous. This is a technique primarily used in horrors, thrillers, and mysteries, but it's definitely not limited to them.

The second thing, some of the main character's thoughts feel a bit too direct, too generalizing, for example this:

Hearing the organization’s name that once changed my life terrified me.

or this:

The question left me shaken, desperately looking for a way out. But there was none.

This is related to the "show, not tell" you've probably heard a thousand times already, but generally, instead of writing something terrifed her, you can say her fingers turned cold, or she shuddered, or something else that shows she's actually terrified - you don't even need to tell why; leaving it for later can be a great bit of mystery for the readers to wonder about.

I don't think you should change all of those cases so you don't have a single instance where you tell something (from what I noticed, you already have few), but some of them, especially that example, feel very obvious and can break immersion.

Similarly, writing there was no way out feels kind of like you're forcing the situation. It's arguably far better to show how she's looking around, considering possibilities, perhaps trying one of two that feel the most realistic, and finally giving up when she realizes there's no feasible way to escape within her capabilities. Or, alternatively, you only show the attempt without the thought process that led her to trying, which would make it feel abrupt and desperate. Or, hell, you don't even have to write anything - it may be inferred from context she's unable to escape.

That alternative is important because describing too much of her thought process might also stretch out the scene unnecessarily, while it's supposed to feel tense, dangerous. Lowering the word count when appropriate can often achieve much more than improving on the writing itself.

I have no complaints in regards to the plot and action, what little there was.

Grammar's also good. You could try to make longer, more complex sentences when there's supposed to be little tension, but it's not an issue, more a matter of style.

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

Overall it's pretty good. There's two things I noticed. Also, obligatory reminder I won't be going over good points much because I always struggle to point them out. Everything below is just what I noticed that I would improve; it doesn't mean all of is so bad I didn't find good points - it's actually better than most of the writing I took up criticizing.

First, the descriptions you give sometimes create unnatural pauses in the dialogue. If it was me writing it, I would reduce how many of them there are, try to put some of that information into dialogue, and move some of it to a different scene where there's not much action or dialogue that allows for some longer narrative descriptions.

Purposefully omitting some information can engage the readers and enhance immersion, as there's less interruptions to the story you're telling and many things can feel properly mysterious and ominous. This is a technique primarily used in horrors, thrillers, and mysteries, but it's definitely not limited to them.

The second thing, some of the main character's thoughts feel a bit too direct, too generalizing, for example this:

or this:


This is related to the "show, not tell" you've probably heard a thousand times already, but generally, instead of writing something terrifed her, you can say her fingers turned cold, or she shuddered, or something else that shows she's actually terrified - you don't even need to tell why; leaving it for later can be a great bit of mystery for the readers to wonder about.

I don't think you should change all of those cases so you don't have a single instance where you tell something (from what I noticed, you already have few), but some of them, especially that example, feel very obvious and can break immersion.

Similarly, writing there was no way out feels kind of like you're forcing the situation. It's arguably far better to show how she's looking around, considering possibilities, perhaps trying one of two that feel the most realistic, and finally giving up when she realizes there's no feasible way to escape within her capabilities. Or, alternatively, you only show the attempt without the thought process that led her to trying, which would make it feel abrupt and desperate. Or, hell, you don't even have to write anything - it may be inferred from context she's unable to escape.

That alternative is important because describing too much of her thought process might also stretch out the scene unnecessarily, while it's supposed to feel tense, dangerous. Lowering the word count when appropriate can often achieve much more than improving on the writing itself.

I have no complaints in regards to the plot and action, what little there was.

Grammar's also good. You could try to make longer, more complex sentences when there's supposed to be little tension, but it's not an issue, more a matter of style.

Thank you! I will keep all of this in mind! Always looking for ways to improve!

 

[RepresentingWrath]

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

At least give me some icy words, Yeti!

 

[RepresentingWrath]

At least give me some icy words, Yeti!

I refuse.

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

I refuse.

Good enough, Yeti. Good enough!

 

[RepresentingWrath]

Good enough, Yeti. Good enough!

If I don't forget about it, I will do a small feedback. However, keep in mind, it won't be constructive criticism.

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

If I don't forget about it, I will do a small feedback. However, keep in mind, it won't be constructive criticism.

Better not forget, Yeti! Or I'll cast a hex for a ghost to haunt your dreams in those freezing mountains you live in!

Spoiler: Boo! You're Hexed!

Joking aside, I look forward to it, Yeti!

 

[MasFaqih]

Don't mind me,I just want to learn here,for the sake of my hooman.

 

[RepresentingWrath]

Tell me you are writing shoujo without telling me you are writing shoujo. Jokes aside, the way I do my feedback is by mentioning stuff I find good\bad, I do it as a reader. You won't find a lot of technical terms, and things I say can be outright wrong or detrimental, so take it with a pinch of salt.

However, spotting them would be more difficult if they wore contacts to hide their color. However,

I noticed a repetition. And overall I would say you should use thesaurus and spice things up a little bit. Not telling to use ultra rare words, but the text feel somewhat repetitive and dull.

Second, sometimes you write weird phrases\transitions. I won't go over all of them, and will mention a couple.

The difference between mages and witches/warlocks was the source from which we got our magical power. Meanwhile, mages got theirs from the elements of nature

The word "meanwhile" is used differently. You either write something before it, Witches got it from sacrificial magic, meanwhile mages got theirs from the elements of nature.

Or you use "while". While we, withces, got it from sacrificial magic, mages got theirs from the elements of nature

Thus, it was an organization of peacekeepers of many races, led mainly by the wolves. Of of. A repetition and, in my opinoin, weirdly phrased sentence.

Third thing I noticed is talking head syndrome. This is self-explanatory I think. There is not enough descriptions of surrounding, at least not enough to paint a proper picture. And you neglect action tags. Overall, you focus on emotions and inner monologue too much, neglecting everything else.

The last thing I want to mention is completely subjective. If this is a first chapter it is rather weak, it is not interesting. You spend a lot of wordcount(relatively) on worldbuilding, and descriptions of appeareance. I would've liked it more if you included more dialogues\action. By action I don't mean fighting.

Good part is grammar, I guess? At least for me, non-native speaker, it's okay.

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

Thank you, Yeti for your cold words of wisdom!

However, spotting them would be more difficult if they wore contacts to hide their color. However,

This is a consequence of tools making me feel that different words other than however, are bad to use. Fml. Keeping in mind.

The difference between mages and witches/warlocks was the source from which we got our magical power. Meanwhile, mages got theirs from the elements of nature

The word "meanwhile" is used differently. You either write something before it, Witches got it from sacrificial magic, meanwhile mages got theirs from the elements of nature.

I see! All of my grammar is self-taught, so I'll also keep that in mind!

Thus, it was an organization of peacekeepers of many races, led mainly by the wolves. Of of. A repetition and, in my opinoin, weirdly phrased sentence.

Hmm, I see. Not sure what you mean by repetition in this case but I'll try to see it!

Third thing I noticed is talking head syndrome. This is self-explanatory I think. There is not enough descriptions of surrounding, at least not enough to paint a proper picture. And you neglect action tags. Overall, you focus on emotions and inner monologue too much, neglecting everything else.

The last thing I want to mention is completely subjective. If this is a first chapter it is rather weak, it is not interesting. You spend a lot of wordcount(relatively) on worldbuilding, and descriptions of appeareance. I would've liked it more if you included more dialogues\action. By action I don't mean fighting.

I tend to write more character-driven stories, and description is my weakest area. Yet, I'm getting better as I go! It's also a style called an unreliable narrator. You see everything as they see. Nothing else. In this case, Lily is so focused on Fenris and the others that she basically ignores everything else.

But I need to get better at that, too. Note to self: Explain that there is a floor, walls, and sky! Or else they think it's a void! Though, I honestly thought that everyone, or at least most people, knew how a game store looks. It referenced modern times, but maybe I can add that, too. Hm...

The last thing I want to mention is completely subjective. If this is a first chapter it is rather weak, it is not interesting. You spend a lot of wordcount(relatively) on worldbuilding, and descriptions of appeareance. I would've liked it more if you included more dialogues\action. By action I don't mean fighting.

The chapter is so weak because I used to do 10k chapters, so this was just 1/4 of a chapter. So, this is part of chapter 1.

Divide it into smaller chapters, they say! I'm trying here!



Anyways! I'll keep your feedback in mind! Thank you Yeti, from the snowy mountains!

 

[Nevafrost]

That's a creative way of asking for reviews. Gotta try this one

 

[RepresentingWrath]

Hmm, I see. Not sure what you mean by repetition in this case but I'll try to see it!

of peacekeepers of many

I tend to write more character-driven stories, and description is my weakest area. Yet, I'm getting better as I go! It's also a style called an unreliable narrator. You see everything as they see. Nothing else. In this case, Lily is so focused on Fenris and the others that she basically ignores everything else.

But I need to get better at that, too. Note to self: Explain that there is a floor, walls, and sky! Or else they think it's a void! Though, I honestly thought that everyone, or at least most people, knew how a game store looks. It referenced modern times, but maybe I can add that, too. Hm...

I think there should be a balance. Now that you mentioned unreliable narrator I understand whay you wanted to achieve, but I think there is a better way to do it. Again, all of it is only my personal opinon, and I can be wrong. I think, the best way to show an unreliable narrator is through the eyes of different characters. As for being unreliable in terms of not describing where they are or what they did will only confuse readers. Well, obviously there are exceptions, but I hope you get what I mean.

Also, since it's a first person POV, it is more than appropriate to focus on and describe things that interest MC. But you have to balance it. There should be a balance of showing your MC's personality and not confusing readers in the middle of it. That is if you want more readers. If you don't care, you can do whatever you want.

The chapter is so weak because I used to do 10k chapters, so this was just 1/4 of a chapter. So, this is part of chapter 1.

Divide it into smaller chapters, they say! I'm trying here!

No offecne here, but I would've dropped the story without even finishing first chapter if it were 10k long.

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

of peacekeepers of many

I see it now! New unlock achieved!

I think there should be a balance. Now that you mentioned unreliable narrator I understand whay you wanted to achieve, but I think there is a better way to do it. Again, all of it is only my personal opinon, and I can be wrong. I think, the best way to show an unreliable narrator is through the eyes of different characters. As for being unreliable in terms of not describing where they are or what they did will only confuse readers. Well, obviously there are exceptions, but I hope you get what I mean.

I see what you mean! I just had others tell me not to describe too much, or it becomes a slug. But I'll try to balance it out! I know what you mean, Snowy Yeti!

I think, the best way to show an unreliable narrator is through the eyes of different characters.

The omniscient gaze allows readers to know everything. I wanted them to experience the story through Lily's eyes alone. I do shift views for one chapter to show another character's side, but it's still character-based more than anything else. Thus, the first-person view is the only way I write. It's what comes naturally.

I know how to write in a third-person view, but I don't like it. :c and I feel an omniscient view of the world lacks mystery. I want the reader to learn as Lily does! But that's just me.

Also, since it's a first person POV, it is more than appropriate to focus on and describe things that interest MC. But you have to balance it. There should be a balance of showing your MC's personality and not confusing readers in the middle of it. That is if you want more readers. If you don't care, you can do whatever you want.

I see what you mean. I thought the chapter showed how skittish Lilith is. Hmm, maybe I'm wrong. Then again, there are chapters where the prolog shows 0 character characteristics just a block of lore.

No offecne here, but I would've dropped the story without even finishing first chapter if it were 10k long.

No offense taken. That is why I cut it up in the best places I could. It still doesn't change the fact that it's part of something bigger. But I did better in my second novel, which I haven't released since I cut up the chapters from the start.

The Gate series will always have a place in my heart because I love my stories so much! I enjoy rereading them, which is something I see some authors say they can't do.

I wasn't writing for others to read back then, just myself. That hasn't changed, but I did make them shorter for people who have less time on their hands.

They won't be perfect, but I can try to be better! So, thank you for helping me out on that journey! Yeti of the snowy mountains!

 

[RepresentingWrath]

The omniscient gaze allows readers to know everything. I wanted them to experience the story through Lily's eyes alone. I do shift views for one chapter to show another character's side, but it's still character-based more than anything else. Thus, the first-person view is the only way I write. It's what comes naturally.

I know how to write in a third-person view, but I don't like it. :c and I feel an omniscient view of the world lacks mystery. I want the reader to learn as Lily does! But that's just me.

I will give you an example. You write a scene with multiple characters. MC, and at least one more. MC thinks or says one thing, but everyone else tell different thing.

Example 1 with MC and two side characters.

"I think this person was killed by an axe."

"No-no, what are you talking about, MC? The wound was clearly dealt by a blunt weapon."

"Yes, I agree with side character 1. MC, this person was killed by a hammer."

You don't have to shift POVs to show the narrator is unreliable.

Another example. We can say that tsundere character is an unreliable narrator, but what if MC is tsundere? Again, you use MC's POV, and simply add reactions of other characters.

"I don't like you, side character 1."

"How come? I can see you are blushing, MC."

"No, you are seeing things, go away."

"C'mon, you are blushing! Look at your cheeks, they are burning!"

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

I will give you an example. You write a scene with multiple characters. MC, and at least one more. MC thinks or says one thing, but everyone else tell different thing.

Example 1 with MC and two side characters.

"I think this person was killed by an axe."

"No-no, what are you talking about, MC? The wound was clearly dealt by a blunt weapon."

"Yes, I agree with side character 1. MC, this person was killed by a hammer."

You don't have to shift POVs to show the narrator is unreliable.

Another example. We can say that tsundere character is an unreliable narrator, but what if MC is tsundere? Again, you use MC's POV, and simply add reactions of other characters.

"I don't like you, side character 1."

"How come? I can see you are blushing, MC."

"No, you are seeing things, go away."

"C'mon, you are blushing! Look at your cheeks, they are burning!"

Oh! You mean more dialogue to express what other characters see. Hm... I do that also, but my dialogue isn't hanging alone if you get what I mean. People don't just sit down or don't do stuff while talking. I like to show what they do while they are talking. Are they picking up a bottle or pressing their lips before they speak?

I like to show those human interactions. c: I understand where you're coming from. I have a tsundere character in book 3, and you can tell this by how she speaks and how others see her. In this chapter, it was more of an introduction to everything, I guess.

 

[RepresentingWrath]

Oh! You mean more dialogue to express what other characters see. Hm... I do that also, but my dialogue isn't hanging alone if you get what I mean. People don't just sit down or don't do stuff while talking. I like to show what they do while they are talking. Are they picking up a bottle or pressing their lips before they speak?

I like to show those human interactions. c: I understand where you're coming from. I have a tsundere character in book 3, and you can tell this by how she speaks and how others see her. In this chapter, it was more of an introduction to everything, I guess.

Not necesserily dialogue. MC can listen to other people talking, but think of a different thing. My example didn't use dialogues or action tags, it was purely to illustrate how you can make an unreliable MC.

Two side characters can have a chat, and mention MC's quirks or something. Like, they sit around camprfire, or in a cafe, or in a bus, a boat, anywhere. Let's say MC always twirls her hair, and everyone(side characters) obviously caught onto that. But unlike MC, who in her inner monologues mentions she twirls her hair only when she is sad, everyone else comment how she do it when excited, or sad, or angry. And there are many more stuff you can do with it. Not only small movements, but speech pattern, voice volume, expression MC makes in this or that situation, and so on.

You can show it through action, again, not necessarily fighting. This example is to purely illustrate how to do it. Your MC and a couple side characters encounter a grave, or a temple. And while she has an inner monologues, saying how this or that is vile, side characters silently show reverence.

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

Not necesserily dialogue. MC can listen to other people talking, but think of a different thing. My example didn't use dialogues or action tags, it was purely to illustrate how you can make an unreliable MC.

Two side characters can have a chat, and mention MC's quirks or something. Like, they sit around camprfire, or in a cafe, or in a bus, a boat, anywhere. Let's say MC always twirls her hair, and everyone(side characters) obviously caught onto that. But unlike MC, who in her inner monologues mentions she twirls her hair only when she is sad, everyone else comment how she do it when excited, or sad, or angry. And there are many more stuff you can do with it. Not only small movements, but speech pattern, voice volume, expression MC makes in this or that situation, and so on.

You can show it through action, again, not necessarily fighting. This example is to purely illustrate how to do it. Your MC and a couple side characters encounter a grave, or a temple. And while she has an inner monologues, saying how this or that is vile, side characters silently show reverence.

Oh, I see! I think I got it now!

 

[RepresentingWrath]

Oh, I see! I think I got it now!