Okay real talk, I don't know honestly.
I have never attempted suicide or inflicted self-harm. Nor have I been diagnosed with depression or any mental illness. Nor do I consider myself a nihilist, I would like to believe everyone can show compassion.
I just feel tired all the time, and sometimes wish I didn't have to get up anymore. I get up and just feel numb or unfazed at life decides to through at me today. Guy stealing my sisters bike? Beat his ass and take it back. Forgot to turn in one of tens of assignments last night, and find out it is all deleted? Work until 5:00am to get it all back. Paranoid of who or what might be outside your feeble ghetto ass window at the moment? Pace throughout the house until morning as every growing fear swallows you. Death threats issued several years ago to a certain area that you would have been at if not for an event? Ignore the fact the people that got locked up for the threats are out of house arrest this year and not on parole or probation.
I don't have a problem interacting with others, but I prefer not, because I am just not really caring on what goes on around me anymore, everything sometimes feels like a routine harm or ego, because love to complain on how bad they got it or how they got it the worst out of everyone or how they love to explain on how they took advantage of another person for the most petty of shit. The way these people talk make me feel hollow and bitter, and make me ask, "What is the point?"
But on the brighter side I do find hope. Writing, reading, or just doing something productive makes me feel proud. I am not sure on how you feel about religion, but every time I worship or say grace in silence I feel strangely at peace. When I communicate with other fans and nerds alike I can always find a smile or laugh ready to erupt.
Sorry about the rant I just had to get that off my chest.