I just want to vent

[Deleted member 45782]

I desire at least to try to keep out spoilers. I want to see real reactions of how things go.

I see well gl.

 

[Jemini]

You mean using the light novel titles? I appreciate the suggestion, but it personally isn't my cup of tea.

Interesting, it is a very well made cover, and pretty concise synopsis.

I doubt that I could get my synopsis down to that few of words, but perhaps I can take something from how you mentioned that what's being presented seem to understand the audience.

Do you think that perhaps, considering someone said that most merfolk novels on here are BL, that maybe I should imply that this isn't a BL? Obviously that is going to turn away those readers, but it may keep those that don't like BL... but of course, I have a merman on the cover... augh, this is difficult to puzzle out.

Well, directly stating "this story has no BL" is probably going to be too disruptive for your synopsis. It can actually turn off more than just the BL lovers. The existence of disclaimers in the first place is something that actually tends to turn everyone off across the board. However, being aware of your audience is still important.

This is actually an area where the scale-farmer = mermaid torturer/butcher angle can pull double duty. If you present that up front, as well as emphasizing the fact that Irian really doesn't see a problem with doing this, it will send a pretty strong message that this story is definitely not interested in going that particular angle at all in a manner that is not disruptive to the flow of your synopsis. It could even attract the attention of the people not so into BL who are sick of seeing that association.

The trick is definitely going to be the cover though. I think the scale farmer angle can get you pretty well covered on the synopsis, but you are going to have to get people to click on your story in the first place before they can see the synopsis.

(Also, don't worry, there is no freaking way I can get my synopsis anywhere near as short as that sample I showed you either. However, it is inspirational and there is a lot to be learned from it. That's why I offered it.)

 

[WasatchWind]

Well, directly stating "this story has no BL" is probably going to be too disruptive for your synopsis. It can actually turn off more than just the BL lovers. The existence of disclaimers in the first place is something that actually tends to turn everyone off across the board. However, being aware of your audience is still important.

This is actually an area where the scale-farmer = mermaid torturer/butcher angle can pull double duty. If you present that up front, as well as emphasizing the fact that Irian really doesn't see a problem with doing this, it will send a pretty strong message that this story is definitely not interested in going that particular angle at all in a manner that is not disruptive to the flow of your synopsis. It could even attract the attention of the people not so into BL who are sick of seeing that association.

The trick is definitely going to be the cover though. I think the scale farmer angle can get you pretty well covered on the synopsis, but you are going to have to get people to click on your story in the first place before they can see the synopsis.

(Also, don't worry, there is no freaking way I can get my synopsis anywhere near as short as that sample I showed you either. However, it is inspirational and there is a lot to be learned from it. That's why I offered it.)

Well the thing I was thinking more of was mentioning that Irian is enjoying the girls in the community around him - that will strongly imply that this is not a BL story.

Something though that I am trying to overcome though with new readers - the scaling that he's doing isn't like super gory or anything - they pass a knife under the scales and it comes off, rarely drawing blood. My story definitely goes to dark places, but it isn't that dark. It is obviously still very painful for the merfolk, but not gory.

 

[Agentt]

Well the thing I was thinking more of was mentioning that Irian is enjoying the girls in the community around him - that will strongly imply that this is not a BL story.

Something though that I am trying to overcome though with new readers - the scaling that he's doing isn't like super gory or anything - they pass a knife under the scales and it comes off, rarely drawing blood. My story definitely goes to dark places, but it isn't that dark. It is obviously still very painful for the merfolk, but not gory.

Still, it would be hard to sympathise with merpeople if you don't describe the process. Just clipping it with a knife sounds like a haircut to me. While not blood, you can show some sort of hospital? Or maybe a merman who is suffering from an infection die to his scales being clipped off.

 

[Yairy]

Why is it so hard to get people to look at my original fantasy novel? Yeah, they'll look at my fanfiction, but my actually good fantasy novel they will not. At this point, maybe it's just time to sell my soul and write an isekai because my story clearly isn't interesting enough as is.

It's good to vent.

But there might be reasons why people aren't looking at your story. Run a test....

Firstly, this only works if it's currently not on new releases...

Go to scribblehub.com and access the first page. Now without inserting the name of your novel, find it by just looking around. Maybe use the search and check the fantasy tag. (Like most will do looking for a fantasy novel.)

I think if you did it without the bias of knowing all your novel tags you'll find it difficult to actually find your novel. It's not most popular (by views) on the website so it won't show up at the top.

Your story is buried. Plan and simple. Nobody knows it exists so it doesn't exist meaning no views, no likes, no attention.

First, I don't even know the name of your novel. You're not advertising it in your signature.

Try uploading frequently so you're on the front page more. I'm sure someone is looking for just the story you're writing but hasn't found it yet.

EDIT: It is in your signature BUT I had to look for it closely. Not a good sign.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Agree with your points.

First, I don't even know the name of your novel. You're not advertising it in your signature.

Actually the story is in @WasatchWind 's signature. However, its at the end of the sentence so it doesn't stand out as much and easy for some to miss.

 

[LinMeili]

Please don't take this the wrong way, but just looking at your cover and synopsis...

Is your story grimdark? Because I believe horror and dark stories have a much smaller audience. In which case, you might have to lower your expectations.

He removes the colorful scales from imprisoned merfolk, and then the farm sells them to become jewelry

coupled with

human - merfolk war

...Spells out "my protagonist is a war criminal who tortures people."

Having said that, it absolutely is a great hook. I'm talking, instead of denying the while "my protagonist is a douchebag" thing, you can embrace it instead. I would like to introduce you to one of the greatest fantasy books ever written: The Shadow of the Torturer (The Book of the New Sun #1) by Gene Wolfe. You've probably already heard of it. :)

Blurb:

It is the tale of young Severian, an apprentice in the Guild of Torturers on the world called Urth, exiled for committing the ultimate sin of his profession - showing mercy toward his victim - and follows his subsequent journey out of his home city of Nessus.

Just roll with it, IMO. From what I can tell, you have a very alpha type of protagonist which is exactly the type some readers do want to read. People are sick of weak, wishy washy beta Japanese MCs.

In your case, change the title (sorry, it just doesn't work), and make the blurb 100% true to your story.

Don't think of setting. Think of what your character is and write the blurb to show that off. frankly, no one cares if your setting is WTFamazing unless your main character is good. Character > Plot > Setting

Ahem, sorry if this is too harsh and blunt, but the scale farming thing simply doesn't work since we, the readers, have no freaking idea what it is. It doesn't matter anyway. What matters is what your character is like so...

My suggestions:

• change the title - something like cooler like "Monster" or "Monstrous." Like I said, a writer should try to attract the readers who actually want to read realistic/grim fantasy. Or something more neutral but still connotes a real struggle like "Counterinsurgent" or "Lawbreaker." I guarantee that more people would like the title "Lawbreaker" over your current title.
• blurb your character, not the setting - Example: A desperately poor man who needs money to save his dying little sister, Irian has no energy left to worry about ethics, not when the best job around involves profiting off mer folk war prisoners. They aren't even human! If only his younger coworker had the same attitude, they wouldn't be in this mess. Now they're on the run from the authorities for freeing a dozen mer. (I don't know what happens after that but you should insert a concluding sentence here about what the reader can expect next. Example: Irian's journey to find out the truth of the human-mer folk war has just begun.)

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Is your story grimdark? Because I believe horror and dark stories have a much smaller audience. In which case, you might have to lower your expectations.

Interesting. Thought one would catch a bigger audience here if the stories were grim and dark...

 

[LinMeili]

Interesting. Thought one would catch a bigger audience here if the stories were grim and dark...

Hey, just thought of another title suggestion;

Reluctant Lawbreaker

I just read your five chapters, btw. Good job. I believe you can easily attract readers. Just fix your title and synopsis and you're golden.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Hey, just thought of another title suggestion;

Reluctant Lawbreaker

I just read your five chapters, btw. Good job. I believe you can easily attract readers. Just fix your title and synopsis and you're golden.

Wait do you mean @WasatchWind 's?

 

[KiraMinoru]

Title suggestion: 2 Guys 1 Fish

Pros:
Exists
Parody on other well known outrageous titles.

 

[LinMeili]

Wait do you mean @WasatchWind 's?

Oh, my bad. Yes, I meant OP.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Oh, my bad. Yes, I meant OP.

I don't think Reluctant Lawbreaker really resonates with his merfolk story...
I think Reluctant Lawbreaker sounds something like others would use...

It doesn't ring something that fantasy-like or kinda hints at his theme of merfolk...

Churning Tides would be interesting...

 

[LinMeili]

I don't think Reluctant Lawbreaker really resonates with his merfolk story...
I think Reluctant Lawbreaker sounds something like others would use...

His main character is a reluctant protagonist. I was just trying to suggest something.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

His main character is a reluctant protagonist. I was just trying to suggest something.

Ik you're trying to suggest something and its nice that you're being helpful, but Reluctant Lawbreaker could just be any person also isekaied into a world and reluctantly breaks the law due to some unseen force/action/etc. I feel this is more of a title I might see in stories of certain tropes where they try to make it sound different than all the rest of the other stories in that trope but...its...yeah.

 

[WasatchWind]

Still, it would be hard to sympathise with merpeople if you don't describe the process. Just clipping it with a knife sounds like a haircut to me. While not blood, you can show some sort of hospital? Or maybe a merman who is suffering from an infection die to his scales being clipped off.

They're also kept in a pool where the water is less oxygenated, so they're somewhat sedated all the time. They eat what barely amounts to porridge - the scale farmers beat them with sticks if they go out of line... not fun at all.

Oh, and yeah, there's heavy risk of disease among scaled mers.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but just looking at your cover and synopsis...

Is your story grimdark? Because I believe horror and dark stories have a much smaller audience. In which case, you might have to lower your expectations.


coupled with


...Spells out "my protagonist is a war criminal who tortures people."

Having said that, it absolutely is a great hook. I'm talking, instead of denying the while "my protagonist is a douchebag" thing, you can embrace it instead. I would like to introduce you to one of the greatest fantasy books ever written: The Shadow of the Torturer (The Book of the New Sun #1) by Gene Wolfe. You've probably already heard of it. :)

Blurb:



Just roll with it, IMO. From what I can tell, you have a very alpha type of protagonist which is exactly the type some readers do want to read. People are sick of weak, wishy washy beta Japanese MCs.

In your case, change the title (sorry, it just doesn't work), and make the blurb 100% true to your story.

Don't think of setting. Think of what your character is and write the blurb to show that off. frankly, no one cares if your setting is WTFamazing unless your main character is good. Character > Plot > Setting

Ahem, sorry if this is too harsh and blunt, but the scale farming thing simply doesn't work since we, the readers, have no freaking idea what it is. It doesn't matter anyway. What matters is what your character is like so...

My suggestions:

• change the title - something like cooler like "Monster" or "Monstrous." Like I said, a writer should try to attract the readers who actually want to read realistic/grim fantasy. Or something more neutral but still connotes a real struggle like "Counterinsurgent" or "Lawbreaker." I guarantee that more people would like the title "Lawbreaker" over your current title.
• blurb your character, not the setting - Example: A desperately poor man who needs money to save his dying little sister, Irian has no energy left to worry about ethics, not when the best job around involves profiting off mer folk war prisoners. They aren't even human! If only his younger coworker had the same attitude, they wouldn't be in this mess. Now they're on the run from the authorities for freeing a dozen mer. (I don't know what happens after that but you should insert a concluding sentence here about what the reader can expect next. Example: Irian's journey to find out the truth of the human-mer folk war has just begun.)

SIIIGGGHH

The struggle with the cover never ends. No, this is not grimdark. It is standard Epic fantasy, not overly dark but not overly happy.

I guess I just can't win.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but just looking at your cover and synopsis...

Is your story grimdark? Because I believe horror and dark stories have a much smaller audience. In which case, you might have to lower your expectations.


coupled with


...Spells out "my protagonist is a war criminal who tortures people."

Having said that, it absolutely is a great hook. I'm talking, instead of denying the while "my protagonist is a douchebag" thing, you can embrace it instead. I would like to introduce you to one of the greatest fantasy books ever written: The Shadow of the Torturer (The Book of the New Sun #1) by Gene Wolfe. You've probably already heard of it. :)

Blurb:



Just roll with it, IMO. From what I can tell, you have a very alpha type of protagonist which is exactly the type some readers do want to read. People are sick of weak, wishy washy beta Japanese MCs.

In your case, change the title (sorry, it just doesn't work), and make the blurb 100% true to your story.

Don't think of setting. Think of what your character is and write the blurb to show that off. frankly, no one cares if your setting is WTFamazing unless your main character is good. Character > Plot > Setting

Ahem, sorry if this is too harsh and blunt, but the scale farming thing simply doesn't work since we, the readers, have no freaking idea what it is. It doesn't matter anyway. What matters is what your character is like so...

My suggestions:

• change the title - something like cooler like "Monster" or "Monstrous." Like I said, a writer should try to attract the readers who actually want to read realistic/grim fantasy. Or something more neutral but still connotes a real struggle like "Counterinsurgent" or "Lawbreaker." I guarantee that more people would like the title "Lawbreaker" over your current title.
• blurb your character, not the setting - Example: A desperately poor man who needs money to save his dying little sister, Irian has no energy left to worry about ethics, not when the best job around involves profiting off mer folk war prisoners. They aren't even human! If only his younger coworker had the same attitude, they wouldn't be in this mess. Now they're on the run from the authorities for freeing a dozen mer. (I don't know what happens after that but you should insert a concluding sentence here about what the reader can expect next. Example: Irian's journey to find out the truth of the human-mer folk war has just begun.)

SIIIGGGHH

The struggle with the cover never ends. No, this is not grimdark. It is standard Epic fantasy, not overly dark but not overly happy.

I guess I just can't win.

I don't think Reluctant Lawbreaker really resonates with his merfolk story...
I think Reluctant Lawbreaker sounds something like others would use...

It doesn't ring something that fantasy-like or kinda hints at his theme of merfolk...

Churning Tides would be interesting...

My title is just something I'm having a real hard time with. Churning Tides sounds interesting, but it sounds kind of like a second entry in a trilogy title. Maybe I'll just have to keep writing...

 

[Deleted member 45782]

They're also kept in a pool where the water is less oxygenated, so they're somewhat sedated all the time. They eat what barely amounts to porridge - the scale farmers beat them with sticks if they go out of line... not fun at all.

Oh, and yeah, there's heavy risk of disease among scaled mers.

SIIIGGGHH

The struggle with the cover never ends. No, this is not grimdark. It is standard Epic fantasy, not overly dark but not overly happy.

I guess I just can't win.

I think you're fine. It just how you described the story to them.

 

[Agentt]

They're also kept in a pool where the water is less oxygenated, so they're somewhat sedated all the time. They eat what barely amounts to porridge - the scale farmers beat them with sticks if they go out of line... not fun at all.

Oh, and yeah, there's heavy risk of disease among scaled mers.

SIIIGGGHH

The struggle with the cover never ends. No, this is not grimdark. It is standard Epic fantasy, not overly dark but not overly happy.

I guess I just can't win.

SIIIGGGHH

The struggle with the cover never ends. No, this is not grimdark. It is standard Epic fantasy, not overly dark but not overly happy.

I guess I just can't win.

My title is just something I'm having a real hard time with. Churning Tides sounds interesting, but it sounds kind of like a second entry in a trilogy title. Maybe I'll just have to keep writing...

Oh, don't chew your head any longer. You are a writer, do whatever you want. I do know having a good view count acts as a motivation, but burdening yourself with this is no way to go.

 

[WasatchWind]

Oh, don't chew your head any longer. You are a writer, do whatever you want. I do know having a good view count acts as a motivation, but burdening yourself with this is no way to go.

True.

 

[LinMeili]

Ik you're trying to suggest something and its nice that you're being helpful, but Reluctant Lawbreaker could just be any person also isekaied into a world and reluctantly breaks the law due to some unseen force/action/etc. I feel this is more of a title I might see in stories of certain tropes where they try to make it sound different than all the rest of the other stories in that trope but...its...yeah.

It doesn't matter. What matters is getting people hooked. Just like scale farming won't do a thing, neither will strict accuracy unless it's interesting. It doesn't matter if it's Reluctant Lawbreaker or whatever. The point is that Rip Tide does absolutely nothing and turns people off.

And have you actually read the story? The MC is a reluctant lawbreaker. So it's accurate.

Besides, it's not about which sounds better; it's about which title will get more readers. Churning Tides sounds nice to you, but is it something that will hook people? Lawbreaker might not be unique, but I feel it's more interesting than something no on knows that it means and doesn't sound cool or kickass. ? OP has an interesting character, he should emphasize the strong point of his story (an actual reluctant protagonist who has reasons), not the merfolk setting.

It seems that you and the author are leaning more into the setting bit with tides... but is that what people will read?

• It's an interesting mermen setting with scale farming!
• It's an interesting, three dimensional realistically ruthless main character!

I hope this doesn't come across as rude, but more people would be hooked by the second one.