XNPC: FANTASY PROGRESSION/LITRPG (NOW LIVE!)

[CountVanBadger]

Helloooooo, internet! After nearly a year of talking about it, my litrpg, XNPC, has finally gone live! Chapter One is up now, and more chapters will be released every hour up to Chapter Eight. Click the cover below to check it out. Hope to see you all there. This is going to be epic!

Thirteen years ago, the world was remade. Earth ceased to exist, and Nyr rose in its place. Most of the planet's population has been reduced to NPCs, mindless husks whose lives are plotted out by the scripts in their brains. Those who kept their minds are known as Heroes. Granted access to the mysterious System, unimaginable power is theirs to claim if they're willing to fight for it. But without a steady supply of XP, their Systems will go offline, and they'll join the rest of the world as NPCs.

This is the world Jeremy finds himself in. One minute, he was fifteen years old and enjoying his summer vacation, and the next he was in a dungeon, surrounded by monsters and a woman who looked suspiciously like his high school girlfriend. Miranda has risked life and limb more times than she can count for the chance to bring back the only person she ever cared about. When Jeremy's System activates at the worst possible time, she must guide him through hostile territory, facing monsters and rival Heroes every step of the way, while also teaching him how to survive everything Nyr has to throw at him. But can there really be a place for meek, mechanically-minded Jeremy in this terrifying, exhilarating new world? Or is he doomed to fade back into nonexistence?​

 

[CountVanBadger]

We're now up to chapter eleven on XNPC, and I'd love to get some feedback on it!

 

[Eldoria]

What kind of feedback do you want?

Constructive feedback can seem harsh and not everyone can handle it.

There are two types of feedback: engagement feedback, which focuses on improving your engagement stats, and content feedback, which focuses on improving the quality of your content.

Content feedback covers the following aspects (please read this thread):

What kind of fiction quality do you want to achieve as an author?

The Narrative Map for Writing Quality Fiction The following is a narrative map that we can learn to write quality fiction content. Each Author can have different goals related to the standard of its fiction content. We can consider the following narrative aspects: Originality: the content has...

forum.scribblehub.com

 

[CountVanBadger]

What kind of feedback do you want?

Constructive feedback can seem harsh and not everyone can handle it.

There are two types of feedback: engagement feedback, which focuses on improving your engagement stats, and content feedback, which focuses on improving the quality of your content.

Content feedback covers the following aspects (please read this thread):

What kind of fiction quality do you want to achieve as an author?

The Narrative Map for Writing Quality Fiction The following is a narrative map that we can learn to write quality fiction content. Each Author can have different goals related to the standard of its fiction content. We can consider the following narrative aspects: Originality: the content has...

forum.scribblehub.com

As the author, obviously I'd like positive feedback. But as the author, I'm the last person who should be able to dictate what kind of feedback my story gets, as long as it's honest.

 

[Eldoria]

Well, that's great if you have an artistic vision.

Not everyone can accept feedback; here, it refers to the receiver's defensive attempts to attack the giver without understanding the context.

Obviously, the author knows best where the story is going, regardless of whether the feedback is helpful or not.

However, respecting one another is a social etiquette. We know many feedback givers may be traumatized after being attacked.

So, my previous comment was just a precautionary measure to prevent that from happening.

Well, I don't want to just give you a moral lecture. I've read your chapter and have my own opinion regarding your title and synopsis.

However, back to my previous comment... I might be hesitant to provide feedback for the reasons I've explained.

So, I respect you as the author.

Edit: Feedback isn't just recorded on this site... it can also be recorded by search engines.

So, even constructive feedback may affect a fiction's reputation.

 

[Anonjohn20]

Helloooooo, internet! After nearly a year of talking about it, my litrpg, XNPC, has finally gone live! Chapter One is up now, and more chapters will be released every hour up to Chapter Eight. Click the cover below to check it out. Hope to see you all there. This is going to be epic!

View attachment 45676

Thirteen years ago, the world was remade. Earth ceased to exist, and Nyr rose in its place. Most of the planet's population has been reduced to NPCs, mindless husks whose lives are plotted out by the scripts in their brains. Those who kept their minds are known as Heroes. Granted access to the mysterious System, unimaginable power is theirs to claim if they're willing to fight for it. But without a steady supply of XP, their Systems will go offline, and they'll join the rest of the world as NPCs.

This is the world Jeremy finds himself in. One minute, he was fifteen years old and enjoying his summer vacation, and the next he was in a dungeon, surrounded by monsters and a woman who looked suspiciously like his high school girlfriend. Miranda has risked life and limb more times than she can count for the chance to bring back the only person she ever cared about. When Jeremy's System activates at the worst possible time, she must guide him through hostile territory, facing monsters and rival Heroes every step of the way, while also teaching him how to survive everything Nyr has to throw at him. But can there really be a place for meek, mechanically-minded Jeremy in this terrifying, exhilarating new world? Or is he doomed to fade back into nonexistence?​

I came here to write my tired joke of "needs more smut for SmutHub," but then I realized your MC is fifteen, so he gets a pass; no smut needed.

 

[CountVanBadger]

your MC is fifteen

Welll.......

needs more smut

Do two twenty eight year olds PG-13'ing each other count as smut?

 

[Anonjohn20]

Do two twenty eight year old PG-13'ing each other count as smut?

No.

 

[CountVanBadger]

No.

:'(

 

[K_Nishi]

The opening makes Jeremy look mentally ill rather than system-controlled.
Without an early, non-psychological sign of abnormality, readers will misread the premise and disengage.

 

[CountVanBadger]

The opening makes Jeremy look mentally ill rather than system-controlled.

I'm gonna need an explanation for that one. All Jeremy does in the first chapter is walk across town and recite pre-recorded lines like a video game NPC, which is exactly what he is. I legitimately can't see anything about his behavior that says "mental illness," especially given that this is a litrpg, so parallels to video games are literally the first thing people are going to draw.

 

[FRWriter]

I'll give it a read during the weekend and give detailed feedback, as I really love LITRPGs.
Is it a clanker though? I speedread the first chapter, which starts somewhat promising from a plot point of view, but I noticed so many weird... let's call them "word choices," that I immediately felt a little annoyed. After spotting like 10 different parts that seem odd, I put it into the usual engine and got a GPT score in the high fifties. If this is just AI edited, I can deal with it, but if this is generated, I'm not really interested.

 

[CountVanBadger]

I'll give it a read during the weekend and give detailed feedback, as I really love LITRPGs.
Is it a clanker though? I speedread the first chapter, which starts somewhat promising from a plot point of view, but I noticed so many weird... let's call them "word choices," that I immediately felt a little annoyed. After spotting like 10 different parts that seem odd, I put it into the usual engine and got a GPT score in the high fifties. If this is just AI edited, I can deal with it, but if this is generated, I'm not really interested.

No, it's not written or edited by AI.

 

[Time4T]

I'm gonna need an explanation for that one. All Jeremy does in the first chapter is walk across town and recite pre-recorded lines like a video game NPC, which is exactly what he is. I legitimately can't see anything about his behavior that says "mental illness," especially given that this is a litrpg, so parallels to video games are literally the first thing people are going to draw.

FYI... for me, Jeremy's behavior in chapter 1 is plainly that of an NPC as you intended. I got no mental illness vibe at all. Also I find the idea of attempting re-awakening him from his NPC "coma" interesting. Can't really give much feedback after only a few chapters other than it has me interested enough to continue.

 

[CountVanBadger]

FYI... for me, Jeremy's behavior in chapter 1 is plainly that of an NPC as you intended. I got no mental illness vibe at all. Also I find the idea of attempting re-awakening him from his NPC "coma" interesting. Can't really give much feedback after only a few chapters other than it has me interested enough to continue.