Writing Something Special Is Difficult

[Arch9CivilReactor]

I was trying to write a mature story as the first in a trilogy but my motivation keeps on fluctuating because I keep losing respect for my own story. The biases instilled in me makes me unable to respect my own characters and gradually makes me sick of writing about them.

I know that doesn’t really make sense but I can’t explain my personal perspective any better than that.

Since the indecision was killing me. Well… I asked myself a binary question and gave myself a choice. Do I want to continue writing that novel or not? The answer was ‘No’, even though I know scrapping ideas too often gradually makes a person unable to stop doing that.

I decided to stop trying to chase clout and actually find a type of story I personally enjoy instead. Originally, Academy novels fit both the trend and my enjoyment once upon a time… but I realised after being unable to catch up on the Manwha “The Extra’s Academy Survival Guide” that my tastes have changed while I was busy working.

Ironically that story shares a lot of my previous interests. Novel Extra + Villain + Chivalry of a Failed Knight type protagonist. The problem I found while trying to write it was that I found I’m bad at writing harem romance. Especially if it’s makeshift. Personally, I find it hard to relate to the desire for the interest of several females.

I’m not a high schooler anymore, so it’s harder to even think about writing cushy “will they, won’t they” love triangles between over-reactive teens in a fantasy academy. Even as a subplot. It’s not even fun to read anymore. Maybe I got burnout from seeing several of the same copy-paste progressions which come from dense MCs.

“Oh, I’m saying something suggestive and she is blushing while acting jealous of other girls around me. Of course I won’t notice.” Seems to be the norm right now with The Extra’s Academy Survival Guide and I Killed The Academy’s Player.

At least the latter plays it off for comedy and fan-service in the most absurd of ways. You see a kind of progression as a war is being fought behind the MCs back as his harem members are starting to understand one another.

The former? We don’t get any of that stuff and though I like the plot elements themselves, I found myself realising that I never liked the way that story was structured anyway. Why was I trying so hard to emulate someone else’s work?

It must have been a lack of confidence I wasn’t willing to admit. Thinking: “Of course I couldn’t possibly compare my story with something already successful”. Maybe it was a way to escape any criticism (since I could tell myself that it wasn’t my fault, but a problem of the original I’m trying too hard to take inspiration from). Acting like the choice wasn’t my own.

I’ve realised that I gotta change my mindset if I want a healthy writing experience. No more telling myself “I can’t possibly write a better version of that”. Especially when I remembered what originally got me into writing was criticising works and saying to myself: “I can totally write a story better than that!” and “I can write something special!”.

I’ll be going back to the drawing board with a fresh mindset from today on (is what I’m telling myself).

Hopefully, I won’t fall back on bad habits.

 

[Santaisblue]

It's always important to take a breather when burnout strikes. You gotta find a balance between "I need to get this done or I'll never finish" and "I should enjoy the process as much as I want the readers to enjoy the story".

 

[Arch9CivilReactor]

It's always important to take a breather when burnout strikes. You gotta find a balance between "I need to get this done or I'll never finish" and "I should enjoy the process as much as I want the readers to enjoy the story".

definitely.

 

[SPS4]

Those who pursue the literary arts, or artistic endeavors in general, usually have some level of self loathing. In me, like you, it sometimes manifests in some level of derision for my own work.

I think when you are feeling that way it's important to recognize that at the end of the day, this is a creative pursuit that is meant to bring some form of entertainment. What form that entertainment takes and whether it's for the author, the audience, or both is up to you.

I write because I enjoy the creative outlet. It's a relief valve for my ideas that I want to manifest in some manner but can not bring to reality through other means. It doesn't have to be great, or even good, it just has to exist.

It's taken me some time to come to that conclusion, and with it a realization that both quality and consistent releases aren't that important to me. I will write when I feel like it, it will be to a level of quality that I am capable of at that time, and I will be content.

This probably won't be the same conclusion you come to but the point is that it might help to identify a cause and not a goal. Why do you feel compelled to write something better than others? Why does it have to be special? What even does special mean? Once you figure it out, go from there.

 

[Eldoria]

I was trying to write a mature story as the first in a trilogy but my motivation keeps on fluctuating because I keep losing respect for my own story. The biases instilled in me makes me unable to respect my own characters and gradually makes me sick of writing about them.

I know that doesn’t really make sense but I can’t explain my personal perspective any better than that.

Since the indecision was killing me. Well… I asked myself a binary question and gave myself a choice. Do I want to continue writing that novel or not? The answer was ‘No’, even though I know scrapping ideas too often gradually makes a person unable to stop doing that.

I decided to stop trying to chase clout and actually find a type of story I personally enjoy instead. Originally, Academy novels fit both the trend and my enjoyment once upon a time… but I realised after being unable to catch up on the Manwha “The Extra’s Academy Survival Guide” that my tastes have changed while I was busy working.

Ironically that story shares a lot of my previous interests. Novel Extra + Villain + Chivalry of a Failed Knight type protagonist. The problem I found while trying to write it was that I found I’m bad at writing harem romance. Especially if it’s makeshift. Personally, I find it hard to relate to the desire for the interest of several females.

I’m not a high schooler anymore, so it’s harder to even think about writing cushy “will they, won’t they” love triangles between over-reactive teens in a fantasy academy. Even as a subplot. It’s not even fun to read anymore. Maybe I got burnout from seeing several of the same copy-paste progressions which come from dense MCs.

“Oh, I’m saying something suggestive and she is blushing while acting jealous of other girls around me. Of course I won’t notice.” Seems to be the norm right now with The Extra’s Academy Survival Guide and I Killed The Academy’s Player.

At least the latter plays it off for comedy and fan-service in the most absurd of ways. You see a kind of progression as a war is being fought behind the MCs back as his harem members are starting to understand one another.

The former? We don’t get any of that stuff and though I like the plot elements themselves, I found myself realising that I never liked the way that story was structured anyway. Why was I trying so hard to emulate someone else’s work?

It must have been a lack of confidence I wasn’t willing to admit. Thinking: “Of course I couldn’t possibly compare my story with something already successful”. Maybe it was a way to escape any criticism (since I could tell myself that it wasn’t my fault, but a problem of the original I’m trying too hard to take inspiration from). Acting like the choice wasn’t my own.

I’ve realised that I gotta change my mindset if I want a healthy writing experience. No more telling myself “I can’t possibly write a better version of that”. Especially when I remembered what originally got me into writing was criticising works and saying to myself: “I can totally write a story better than that!” and “I can write something special!”.

I’ll be going back to the drawing board with a fresh mindset from today on (is what I’m telling myself).

Hopefully, I won’t fall back on bad habits.

Well, what you're experiencing might be existential fatigue. Existential fatigue (also known as existential exhaustion) is a type of mental, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion that arises not from physical exertion or strenuous work, but from deep questions about the meaning of life, self-identity, purpose, and the reality of suffering. When you experience it, you start questioning your life, wondering why you're doing this, wondering why I'm writing this story, and what's the point in it for me? I've experienced this myself: I've read hundreds of novels, from isekai power fantasy to soft shoujo novels. But once I realized how far away they were from reality, I began to doubt myself. What was the point of reading these novels? What was the point in my life? Finally, I was fed up with it all, put down my daily reading and started writing a story about the meaning of life I wanted. Instead of writing an all-powerful MC with a harem of thousands of beauties, I wrote the reality closest to my own: a mother who just wanted her little daughter to live happily despite the dark and brutal world. Maybe my novel will not satisfy fans' fantasies, but I'm just tired of all that reading, I wrote this novel to make sense of my life, not to escape reality but to answer my life problems in the real world.