Writing about the opposite gender.

[Sergeandgreen]

Hello, fellow Authors,

So, I've jumped into the wild world of writing from a woman's perspective (I'm a dude, by the way). But here's the problem: I keep wondering, "Am I doing it right? Is this how women really think, or am I just fumbling in the dark?" Especially when it comes to diving into the character's inner thoughts.

Are you facing the same head-scratching dilemma? Do you think its a breeze, and I'm just an idiot? Or are you just keeping up with the never-ending grind without giving it a second thought?

The perspective of female authors who write about male characters is naturally just as appreciated.

 

[DemonOppai]

Dude it’s 2023. It’s easy to become a woman. Surely you can make the transition for your story. Don’t be a wuss and do it.

 

[Sergeandgreen]

Dude it’s 2023. It’s easy to become a woman. Surely you can make the transition for your story. Don’t be a wuss and do it.

But my other story has a male mc. Is genderfluidity an option or does the hospital for transitions have something like a flatrate?

 

[Mortrexo]

The sincere advice is to read female protagonist novels written by female authors. Instead of just reading, try to see what they focus on, what thoughts are more predominant, and what kind of reasoning is usually used. Then, do a bit of research on common topics, and if there is smut in your story, try to research pages where they discuss things like that.

To further understand, do a bit of research on "typical" "girl things" like make-up, clothes, routines, etc. While people might scorn labeling things in the "female" or "male" spectrum, looking up traditional female activities is also a way of understanding and creating a female character.

TLDR: Research what girls do, like, and speak about. If possible, read a romance novel by a female writer with female protagonist.

 

[Seaspecter]

Women are people my dude, they have the same wants, needs, and insecurities as men. You'll only run into a problem writing women if you forget that and turn your character into some stereotype of what you think a woman is.

Oh and if you have any questions about women's specific biology or socialization just ask a woman.

 

[RepresentingWrath]

 

[DemonOppai]

But my other story has a male mc. Is genderfluidity an option or does the hospital for transitions have something like a flatrate?

If you can reverse a vasectomy. I’m sure they can reverse your transition. Trust me.

 

[SternenklarenRitter]

For the most part, the differences between dudes and ladies are very subtle. Thought processes especially are really not different at all. If you are questioning "how do ladies think?" then you are overthinking things. If you are neurotypical, then if you put your own words and thoughts in a female character, everyone will just somehow think she is acting feminine. That being said, it may be helpful to imagine yourself being shorter or less muscular than everyone else at like an office holiday party or something.

 

[SPS4]

I'm in the same boat. I try to steer away from using female POVs because I have a hard time putting myself in character. It doesn't help that I'm a male harem smut writer so that change in perspective is especially drastic.

What I've done for the times I did it was try to focus on what they are doing and not anything gender specific. Believe it or not, women are in fact people and experience the world in the same broad strokes. Just imagine whatever emotion someone who exists in a world with no gender would feel then put it in the context of the opposite sex.

For example, infatuation is still infatuation. Think about how you would feel falling in love, focus on "the thing", in this case the emotion, and then apply that emotion. I might love someone's hair, their eyes, the way they smile, etc. I then transpose those feelings over onto a female character and make any necessary adjustments.

 

[DaScoot]

To some extent this is probably a lot easier if you're writing in a fantasy setting. What's the traditional daily life like for a woman in a fantasy world vaguely based on 13th century Europe? Hell man, what's life like for anybody in the fantasy world, nobody's gonna be around to factcheck you, at least not on a site like this. I have no experience going through periods, but my MC is a dungeon core with a fake body so she doesn't need to worry about them either.

For the most part I tend just to not write about characters who involve themselves in things I don't know about. I don't drink, so I can't write a night out at the bar with any more detail than 'they go to the bar and drink things and get drunk'. Likewise I don't write characters who get deep into makeup and hair styling. But not all women do get into those things, or do them often if they do. Probably the only thing I'd really keep in mind is that, if they don't have magic fantasy powers, women probably need to be a lot more self-conscious about personal safety than men do.

 

[Sergeandgreen]

@Seaspecter I never questioned that women are people. But I would argue that due to their different socialization, they do not necessarily have the same values, priorities, or interests as men do. Most differences are quite subtle, but I want to know if you have the same problems as me when catching these subtle parts.
For example, what would a girl talk with other girls about, to what extent would she describe certain events, what would she like about a guy, how would she react and think when her crush talks to her, what would she think if she received a compliment, about what would she talk with her parents, how important would outward appearance be, or how important is social status to her?
I know that most of these things are different from woman to woman, but from my experience, it is different from what men would do in these situations.

Not to mention the biological aspects like feeling horny or climaxing etc. That is definitely different.

For the most part, the differences between dudes and ladies are very subtle. Thought processes especially are really not different at all. If you are questioning "how do ladies think?" then you are overthinking things. If you are neurotypical, then if you put your own words and thoughts in a female character, everyone will just somehow think she is acting feminine. That being said, it may be helpful to imagine yourself being shorter or less muscular than everyone else at like an office holiday party or something.

I think socialising plays a larger role than you make it out to be, but I agree on the point that if you see a female do something, you automatically think it is feminine behaviour.

To some extent this is probably a lot easier if you're writing in a fantasy setting. What's the traditional daily life like for a woman in a fantasy world vaguely based on 13th century Europe? Hell man, what's life like for anybody in the fantasy world, nobody's gonna be around to factcheck you, at least not on a site like this. I have no experience going through periods, but my MC is a dungeon core with a fake body so she doesn't need to worry about them either.

For the most part I tend just to not write about characters who involve themselves in things I don't know about. I don't drink, so I can't write a night out at the bar with any more detail than 'they go to the bar and drink things and get drunk'. Likewise I don't write characters who get deep into makeup and hair styling. But not all women do get into those things, or do them often if they do. Probably the only thing I'd really keep in mind is that, if they don't have magic fantasy powers, women probably need to be a lot more self-conscious about personal safety than men do.

You are absolutely right that it is not really necessary, but I think it might make the story more immersive if I get the subtle parts right, and so far I am not sure I get it right. And as much as I would like to use your strategy of avoiding it, I want to use this experience to increase my ability to write realistic characters, which means confronting my inability to write about make-up, hair styling, etc.

Personal safety is also an interesting topic. I mean, you probably also know videos where women behave like absolute toxic bitches because they know or expect that no one will hit them. It's probably different in a fantasy setting, but it just reminded me of these videos, and these videos are part of what I mean. On the other hand, I would probably have fewer issues with walking alone in a dark alley than most women have.

 

[Shrimp_eater]

My advice for any "i'm writing X but i'm not X" will always be: look at the circumstances and enviroment the character is inserted in, then build their inner thoughts and subsequent actions from there.

You're writing a woman, but a woman from mid-upper class in LA vs a woman from a peasant family on medieval europe would have completely different thought processes and priorities.

Any personal quirk or individual differences born out of your creativeness or life experiences won't matter as long as they fit the setting they're inserted into. Then it becomes less a matter of how well you understand the thought process of women, men or whatever else, and more a matter of how well you understand your setting and the cultural aspects within.

EDIT: or in the case of an isekai or something of the likes, the clash of values between both the original and the new world.

 

[Sergeandgreen]

The sincere advice is to read female protagonist novels written by female authors. Instead of just reading, try to see what they focus on, what thoughts are more predominant, and what kind of reasoning is usually used. Then, do a bit of research on common topics, and if there is smut in your story, try to research pages where they discuss things like that.

To further understand, do a bit of research on "typical" "girl things" like make-up, clothes, routines, etc. While people might scorn labeling things in the "female" or "male" spectrum, looking up traditional female activities is also a way of understanding and creating a female character.

TLDR: Research what girls do, like, and speak about. If possible, read a romance novel by a female writer with female protagonist.

Thank you; that is a good advice. Do you have a good recommendation where "typical" girl things are part of or a good romance novel by a female author?

 

[Seaspecter]

@Seaspecter I never questioned that women are people. But I would argue that due to their different socialization, they do not necessarily have the same values, priorities, or interests as men do. Most differences are quite subtle but i want to know if you have the same problems as me when catching these subtle parts.
For example what would a girl talk with other girls about, to what extend would she describe certain events, what would she like about a guy, how would she react and think when her crush talks to her, what would she think if she recieves a compliment, about what would she talk with her parents, how important would outward appearance be, or how important is social status to her.
I know that most of these things are different from woman to woman but from my experience it is different from what men would do in these situations.

Not to mention the biological aspects like feeling horny or climaxing etc. That is definitely different.

I just didn't say you did I just posted that as a reminder because I've noticed a lot of men tend to treat women like they are some kind of exotic creature instead of their fellow people.

Now while I'm not a woman I have been married to one for the last 17 years. Me and my wife talk about everything more so than she ever would with another person no matter the situation so we have a good idea of what the other one thinks. Also, she has 2 sisters and I have 5 sisters so I can tell you that I've been a party to many conversations that would be otherwise women only and I can tell you that the vast majority of the time they talk about the same things that men do. As far as what women talk about with their parents, that really depends on their relationship with their parents just like men. As far as appearance some women won't leave their rooms without getting dolled up, others are utter slobs just like men. The same goes for social status etc.

Now as far as the feelings and sensation of intimate relations you can either ask a woman or read some smut written by a woman from a woman's perspective.

 

[CarburetorThompson]

Ask your self how Andrew Tate would write a female character, and then just do the opposite of that

 

[georgelee5786]

I just don't write women, I'll never understand them. I'd sooner understand how atoms work

 

[AnonUnlimited]

The problem here is you’re not going to the individual level. Women are different from each other, so writing a woman is uniquely up to the author.

 

[LilRora]

This whole thing is a slightly more specific question in a category "can you write well about something you haven't experienced yourself?". My answer is, you don't have to experience something to write about it, and to do it well. The problems start when you delve into details, because if you haven't experienced something, it's extremely easy to miss something that's either obvious or obscure but important from the other side, but not so much from yours.

I think, if you want to commit to writing something of the sort seriously, just read up on as much as you can around those topics (it can be either fiction with a female mc by a female author or something more, like, from this side, preferably both), but don't try to describe too much details until you're sure you have them right. It's not that hard to follow a good story to get an idea how it should look, and actually writing one yourself, if you use the good one as a sort of guide, shouldn't end up badly. If you try to deviate from it though, it's easy to step on a landmine.

The issue is, deviating from it is kind of inevitable. You'll always have that part of your story where you're not certain the way you wrote is the best you could do. And well, you can just roll with it and learn as you write, or you can study up and make sure you're not making mistakes. That's your call. Both options have pros and cons.

If you want to write a story like that, nothing's stopping you, and struggling with it is entirely normal; I've experienced a lot of it myself, although it was less related to gender and more to profession. A lot of times it's a great learning opportunity in itself.

 

[Roseofblades]

OK... Where to start?
Strap in, this is gonna be a lot.

Edit: this was typed on my phone... Please excuse any major typos!

what would a girl talk with other girls about, to what extend would she describe certain events, what would she like about a guy, how would she react and think when her crush talks to her, what would she think if she recieves a compliment, about what would she talk with her parents, how important would outward appearance be, or how important is social status to her.

In order to start answering these questions you need to determine what type of character your MC is.
Is she shy, outgoing, flirtatious, overbearing, easygoing, sarcastic, etc?
We tend to be ruled by our emotions, doubly so in writing, so determining what type of character she is will really help narrow down how she will act. For the above questions, I'm going to use myself as an example.
I actually get along better in social situations with men more so than other woman. Straight women anyways. Woman tend to over analyze the shit out of everything, so we often have to monitor what we say to our girl friends. When describing events, focus less on the what and more on how she felt about it.
Writing how she feels about a guy will be more difficult for me to describe, since I'm SUPER gay... But I can go with generalities. The first and most obvious thing is height difference. Unless your MC likes shorter men or same height men, she will definitely notice his height. We inherently want to be protected and having someone to wrap us up in their arms is a huge draw for many women. She will notice his bodily appearance, is he stocky, muscular, how he fills out his shirt. Eyes and smile. I'm gay, but I'm a sucker for a sexy smile regardless of gender. More so from men with a nice jawline. The timbre of his voice will be something she will listen closely to. How her name sounds when he says it.
If he's talking to her? I'm super sarcastic and slightly flirtatious with everyone, but I get easily flustered by compliments and praise. I tend to ramble and overshare when I'm talking, and often not think fully before I speak, which can very quickly lead to some awkwardness if I say something odd or heavy with accidental entendre. When this happens I try to deflect with humor or something quick-witted, otherwise I'll just blush a lot and just sort of get quiet.

Parents depend entirely on her relationship with them and how her parents view her. Is she a daddy's girl, does she get talk about girly stuff with mom, how much of her personal life is she open with them about?
Outward appearance. Oof. This one is difficult. Context. If I'm just hanging out with friends and not attempting to impress anyone, I don't give two fucks about any of it, even if my crush is involved (jeans/shorts, tank top, sports bra, hoodie) I'm a person, and I don't want to feel pressured to always look and be 110%. But if I'm attempting to impress them, I will start with thing that are still in that realm but draw more attention to what I find attractive about myself. For me, that's my boobs. I have 42 G cups. My ladies are bountiful, and despite the back issues I like how they look on me. 80% of my shirts show a lot of cleavage (it's hard not to unless the shirts are oversized). Your MC will do the same. She will wear things that inherently draw attention towards the part of her she finds attractive.
In social settings, I like to be the center of attention. I'm usually the DM with my group of friends, I usually pick what activity we're going to do or what topic we're talking about. Now, if I don't know the people I'm around or the environment I'm in, I'm the exact opposite. I watch to see how people are, how they respond to one another, what level of quirkiness the group has. Once I'm comfortable I morph back into the social butterfly.

OK. I've written a novel. If there's something I didn't cover or something you want more info about, feel to message me.

 

[John_Owl]

as others have said, there are two major things you need to be concerned about: 1, don't make her some stereotypical "female" whose whole personality is "I'm a girl. I have periods. I'm overly emotional." women are humans. they're largely the same as men. the differences come down to subtly. as a man, you're more concerned with things striking between your legs, due to the dangling bits there (not saying it doesn't hurt for women, but it's a different matter). broad strokes, periods are cramps and bloating. men can experience these as well (though in a different form. women's cramps come from the uterus. men, obviously, don't have a uterus. but for purposes of story descriptions, it should remain semi-viable).

further, a lot of how people think and act is based on the society they're born into. there's a reason Japan and America have such vastly different cultures. the culture produces the people who then change the culture. this difference would be even more striking when comparing a fantasy world to the IRL world. just consider causes and effects.

what is different about the culture in your story versus IRL? How would that shape the thoughts and emotions of people in that new world?