Would you sacrifice your career to be with a loved one?

[minacia]

This is essentially the story of my parents.

The timeline looks like this:

1. My parents started dating in China.
2. Year 1-2: My dad moved to Georgia (US) for graduate school (PhD program); my mom was still living in China
3. Year 3: My mom moved to Alabama (US) for graduate school (PhD program)
4. Year 4: My parents got married but continued living apart
5. Year 5: My dad moved to Oklahoma because his supervisor's research lab moved; my mom was still in school Alabama
6. Year 6: My mom left her program in Alabama and transferred schools to Oklahoma
7. Year 7; My mom got pregnant and I was born; my dad graduated with his PhD and continued with his supervisor as a post-doctorate researcher
8. Year 8: My dad suddenly got a real job offer in Maryland; my mom was still in her PhD program

I'm just curious what you would do if you were my parents?

Other various circumstances:

• My mom is 4 years younger than my dad.
• My mom basically needed to restart most of her PhD thesis work since she changed schools, so it would be 2-3 years until she can complete her degree.
• If my mom completes her PhD, her earning potential would be equivalent to my dad.
• My mom believes she is better at science then my dad.
• The job offer in Maryland does not pay very well. However, it would be a good stepping stone in my dad's career.
• The job market in Oklahoma is not good for my dad's industry.
• It's not easy to get an industry job and it's quite competitive. If my dad remains a post-doctorate researcher for too long, it will be harder for him to find a real job in industry (it's considered a "red flag").
• My parents are poor; if my mom moves to Maryland and quits school she would have to find a low-paying job to pay the bills.
• Both of my parents had scholarships to go to school. They did not have to pay tuition.
• For some reason, my mom didn't get into any PhD programs in Maryland and can't transfer / restart her PhD again.
• Being a single mom / student in Oklahoma is really hard.
• My grandparents would be willing to raise the baby (me) as long as necessary, but they live in China.
• I was an accident/unintended baby. Originally, my mom did not want to to keep me, but she changed her mind during pregnancy.
• EDIT: US immigration law means that neither my mom nor my dad can be unemployed. They both need employers who are willing to sponsor their visas.

 

[Empress_Omnii]

Is there a reason why there is no parents live apart, father raises child until mother finishes school? To me that seems to be the best option.

 

[Hans.Trondheim]

I don't want to destroy another life (you) because I'm running after my own happiness. I mean, as your circumstances dictate, it is our decision to have you. And I won't look at your existence as a 'mistake/unintended/accident' coz I believe children are blessings. I better man up and take responsibility as your parent.

So yeah, Id rather pick love (parental, espouse). I can search for another work opportunity anyway.

 

[minacia]

Is there a reason why there is no parents live apart, father raises child until mother finishes school? To me that seems to be the best option.

My dad would be working, so I don't think my parents considered it seriously. My grandparents were retired and offered to help.

EDIT: I added it as an option just because

 

[Empress_Omnii]

My dad would be working, so I don't think my parents considered it seriously. My grandparents were retired and offered to help.

Your mother would be in school. I think her school requires more commitment than the job.

I think my suggestion also works better because it allows your mother to visit more readily than having to go to China to see her child.

 

[Rezcore]

I'm literally jumping through the Bureaucratic bullshit of 2 nations to live with my fiance in her homeland.

 

[minacia]

I'm literally jumping through the Bureaucratic bullshit of 2 nations to live with my fiance in her homeland.

Were you saying earlier that you were moving to Korea? Is this why?

 

[Rezcore]

Were you saying earlier that you were moving to Korea? Is this why?

Yep. To both

 

[Macha]

I wouldn't be getting the scholarship because I am retarded and stay poor without getting any PhD (Pizza Hut Delivery)

My husband would be better at science than me and I would just make easy money working at scam centers.

If there is anything I am good at, it's lying and stealing. But if I move to the USA there would be nothing special about my talents. Everyone else is just better.

 

[Gray_Mann]

Nope. I wouldn't bother. Never known a woman that would give up her career for any man except her father. Not even a brother. Never. I've lived in multiple countries, and while I've known numerous men with that pitifully naive sense of romance, I've never known a woman to reciprocate it.

Seen numerous men discover that to their own detriment and heartache. It's especially the case when the woman is educated and she has her own money....They tossed their partner right under the bus.

Only seen this change in a woman if they meet a man that makes noticeably more money than them coincidentally enough lol...Can't imagine why that is XD

 

[ElijahRyne]

This is essentially the story of my parents.

The timeline looks like this:

1. My parents started dating in China.
2. Year 1-2: My dad moved to Georgia (US) for graduate school (PhD program); my mom was still living in China
3. Year 3: My mom moved to Alabama (US) for graduate school (PhD program)
4. Year 4: My parents got married but continued living apart
5. Year 5: My dad moved to Oklahoma because his supervisor's research lab moved; my mom was still in school Alabama
6. Year 6: My mom left her program in Alabama and transferred schools to Oklahoma
7. Year 7; My mom got pregnant and I was born; my dad graduated with his PhD and continued with his supervisor as a post-doctorate researcher
8. Year 8: My dad suddenly got a real job offer in Maryland; my mom was still in her PhD program

I'm just curious what you would do if you were my parents?

Other various circumstances:

• My mom is 4 years younger than my dad.
• My mom basically needed to restart most of her PhD thesis work since she changed schools, so it would be 2-3 years until she can complete her degree.
• If my mom completes her PhD, her earning potential would be equivalent to my dad.
• My mom believes she is better at science then my dad.
• The job offer in Maryland does not pay very well. However, it would be a good stepping stone in my dad's career.
• The job market in Oklahoma is not good for my dad's industry.
• It's not easy to get an industry job and it's quite competitive. If my dad remains a post-doctorate researcher for too long, it will be harder for him to find a real job in industry (it's considered a "red flag").
• My parents are poor; if my mom moves to Maryland and quits school she would have to find a low-paying job to pay the bills.
• Both of my parents had scholarships to go to school. They did not have to pay tuition.
• For some reason, my mom didn't get into any PhD programs in Maryland and can't transfer / restart her PhD again.
• Being a single mom / student in Oklahoma is really hard.
• My grandparents would be willing to raise the baby (me) as long as necessary, but they live in China.
• I was an accident/unintended baby. Originally, my mom did not want to to keep me, but she changed her mind during pregnancy.
• EDIT: US immigration law means that neither my mom nor my dad can be unemployed. They both need employers who are willing to sponsor their visas.

Quite difficult. The compromise would be to make sure you are a US citizen, before sending you to live with your grandparents for awhile. To be honest, any choice would be quite difficult for everyone one involved, if I was the father I probably would reject the offer and search for a more local job even if it, temporarily, isn’t in the field of research, however I don’t know if that would be enough to support a family for 2 years. The responsible answer still seems to have the kid temporarily live with the grandparents…….

 

[minacia]

Quite difficult. The compromise would be to make sure you are a US citizen, before sending you to live with your grandparents for awhile. To be honest, any choice would be quite difficult for everyone one involved, if I was the father I probably would reject the offer and search for a more local job even if it, temporarily, isn’t in the field of research, however I don’t know if that would be enough to support a family for 2 years. The responsible answer still seems to have the kid temporarily live with the grandparents…….

The actual thing that happened in reality was a mixture of (3) and (4). Also, I was born in the US so the citizenship was already settled.

My mom quit her graduate school program and moved to Maryland with my dad. However, she needed a work visa since she wasn't a student anymore and could only find full-time jobs that were not flexible. My dad's work situation was similar. Shortly thereafter, I ended up living with my grandparents in China for approximately one year until their work situations somehow got better(?).

Apparently, it was really hard on my mom at the time but I really don't remember anything about it. This was just what was explained to me.