Would love some honest eyes on my new dark fantasy project (OP MC, slow build)

[hbj0255]

Hey everyone,


I recently started posting a dark fantasy webnovel called The Last High Elf — it's atmospheric, slow-paced, and follows an overpowered protagonist who wakes up with no memories, but with something terrifying stirring inside him.


It's not LitRPG or gamified — more in the style of Overlord, Fate/Zero or Re:Zero in tone. Lots of focus on power, presence, emotion, and tension between characters rather than flashy level-ups.


I’d really appreciate it if anyone wanted to check it out and maybe share what they think — even if it's just “yo this flows well” or “this could be sharper here.” Feedback, thoughts, or just pure reactions are all welcome. :)


Here’s the synopsis if you're curious: link here: the last high elf | Scribble Hub

He woke with no name, no memories—only power.
In a forest lost to time, something ancient stirs. A lone figure emerges, untouched by man, unclaimed by fate. With one act of violence, the world shifts. Shadows recoil. Magic listens.
He does not speak. He does not explain. But the world knows:
He should not exist—yet he does. And now, nothing will ever be the same.

If you're into morally grey characters, ancient magic, powerful yet quiet MCs, and followers who join not out of fear but respect... maybe this will be your thing.


Would love to hear what you think. Thanks in advance ?

 

[StoneInky]

Ooh! I love elves, and I love edgy OP protagonists. As long as they're unique and fun instead of boring and cringe, that is. There is a fine line, lol.

Your novel is walking a tightrope on that line, so I'm unsure how I feel about the prose cuz of it. All the sentences are short and dramatic, hm. I'll suggest trimming down the novel, fixing some sentences, and tightening the pacing, but only a little. It'll help the story flow better. Less flowery metaphors and dramatics, more concrete description and action.

...Yep, the tightrope was very thin. Angela appeared monologing about how cool the MC is, and the novel started to get into boring territory. I've never seen such a draggy conversation before, and filled with so much fluff, too. We get it- MC is cool and mysterious. But reading the words 'Not xxxxx. Just xxxx.' Is so repetitive at this point, I'm skipping everything.

Also, why is the protgonist mad when he sees the town? Why did he call himself a 'ruler?' He's the main character, yet we do not know. We don't even know Angela or the other character's point of view; we're just stuck with boring nothingness. No telling, no showing subtle actions and descriptions that may let us theorize, we get only metaphors and fancy empty prose.

Welp. I tried, but the boring edgy has gotten to me. I cannot stand to read no longer. Peace out, and good luck.